You’re like Shia Lebeouf
you make my dreams come true
I could buy the whole world if I had a small loan of a million dollars
every time I thought about you

Heart eyes *******
Who is she?
You’re all of my business
So what to do with all this tea?

Such romance much feels
You stole my heart when I put it up for grabs
wow
You make my head spin like Mr. Krabs

4/20 blaze it
It’s Easter you praise it
Cows they graze it
The world, you never cease to amaze it

You make me happier than women eating salads in stock photos
Like birdie sanders you make my heart feel the bern
The bread sticks will stay on the table
I don’t want to leave immediately with the way you make my heart yearn

you’re always   on my team, WHAT TEAM? WILDCATS!
Together we’re pretty lit
You say “I can fix that”
So please. Just do it.

I became aware of **** culture when I was in eighth grade
I heard it every day
As if **** was a word to describe attraction to someone
It became a joke as it fell from the lips of 13 year old girls
Like undigested food and lip gloss
They became accustomed to the saying
“It’s not **** if you yell surprise”

I was a freshman in high school
When a boy sent my friend a text message that read
“you’re so cute, I wanna **** you”
And she took it as a compliment
I was a sophomore when my health teacher said if you are ever about to be ***** yell fire
As if **** isn’t serious enough for people to care

We live in a world that punishes women before rapists
Because the first thing the police will ask is what you were wearing
Girls are taught to cover up every inch of flesh
To shame their bodies
Because showing too much skin could provoke someone to **** them
As if it is their fault For someone else’s lack of control

Because we teach girls how not to get *****
Instead of teaching boys not to ****
I’m afraid to even walk to my car alone
And I hear that word fall from the mouths of middle schoolers like a joke they’ve just heard
I cringe and look away
Because we aren’t laughing.

She is waiting for me
Leaned up against the bricks by my door
Mysterious
New
She is smoking a cigarette
A habit that I despise can become so nostalgic and alluring
It’s exciting

The grasp of her foreign hands lead me to the elevator
She presses the Close Door button three times
Her lips find their way to my mouth
Biting my lip
She pushes me against the cold wall hard
And teases me with a hand sliding up my skirt
We stumble onto my floor
I fumble with keys as she kisses my neck and shoulders

I am playing with the button of her jeans
I undress for her like a good girl
I want to touch her so badly
But I am pinned down to red sheets
Please
Every breath sets my lungs on fire
Barely able to make a sound
Please

She leans out of my bedroom window
Another cigarette lit hanging from her fingertips
It’s cold but she doesn’t cover up
I can see the goose bumps on her skin
It is odd that she is familiar

I did not anticipate this
But her in this light, in this way
Far too beautiful for a moment so fleeting
Artists’ lovers are never mortal
They are captured forever in ink and paint
You need not worry my dear
Your beauty will always last
For you will never expire

We are always trying to get away
The Winter is dark, and cold, and im terrified
because I might get bad again
I would move far away
Somewhere warm

When we grow up,
We grow out of hometown angst
you made me find the beauty in Winter
The beauty in such a familiar place
Memory
Family
The places where we were happy
Why are we always trying to get away

You came back and you said
“I forget how much I miss this place”
“I forget how much I miss you”
You bought a my Chemical Romance album on vinyl
It’s comforting to know you still have as much angst as I do

We climb to the top of the parking garage the last time that year
Alice is gone
Off-white paint replaces her face
I still lock arms with you like I use to
It’s cold
But its beautiful
You hold my face in your hands
I look away to see our entire world encased in ice and orange lights
You sometimes feel like coming home
Like my hometown

It’s early
I saw the footprints in the snow and remember years ago
seeing footprints in the sand and realizing the people who left them had their own thoughts and feeling
The fresh snow glistens and I suddenly found beautiful
The wind took my breath away
Not figuratively
literally
I can’t breathe
Why don’t I have a ******* scarf

We have unfinished business
At 3:35 in the morning you texted me
“I guess we could kiss again”
You’re like my hometown
When I look at you
I see cold nights in your car
Hands somehow finding each other in the dark when we aren’t looking
The pier
Cutting my foot at the lake, you kept telling me DON’T LOOK DOWN IT’S NOT BLEEDING THAT BAD
it was.
you bought me ice cream after

You’re like my hometown
you’re memory
Family
The one that made me happy
Why are we always trying to leave

You bought another My Chemical Romance album on vinyl
And you wrote a song about a girl with pink hair
and someone you called a “rambunctious ****”
You have so much angst
but so do i
I miss you.

Twenty. Three. Hours.
Sardines sleeping on ***** floors
not caring about the shoe marks
avoiding the possibility of getting drooled on
We sang songs from rent between the seats
ANDY YOU GOONIE

Are we there yet?
I am the snack queen my children
Are we there yet?
it’s so much warmer than back home
ARE WE THERE YET?

I woke to see my first palm tree
palm trees are ******* weird

I was a princess
I let her curl my hair
I can’t feel my fingers
I understand why kids are always crying at Disney world
Its sensory overload

We lay on the beach
Our feet touch the ocean for the very first time
Her sunburn didn’t go away for weeks
we wanted to be jedis
Why was it “12 and under”
THEY DON’T UNDERSTAND

We sang songs from beauty and the beast
bonjour bonjour
Marie the baguettes hurry up
We got stuck on small world
We died on pirates of the Caribbean
You promised there wasn’t going to be a drop
I WAS NOT PREPARED

We watch the fireworks
And the neon lights
before being packed like sardines once again
Listening to her say ANDY YOU GOONIE
But that’s okay
Because I just love you guys.

Because you’ll never see the northern lights
because you’ll never travel the world
Because you’ll never get a tattoo
Because you’ll never buy a house
Because you’ll never see your brother get married
Because you’ll never hold a baby
Because you won’t be able to blow out the candle that’s still burning in your room
Because you’ve never had *** with someone who didn’t leave bruises
Because you’ve never touched anyone that you felt oceans for
Because you’ll never get closure
Because I’ll never tell you how I feel
Because you’ll never get over your stage fright
Because your friends care about you
Because maybe you like me too
Because weekends when you are home is all your mother looks forward to
Because your dogs won’t understand why you don’t come home anymore
Because your parents shouldn’t have to bury their daughter
Because your roommate will find you and never forget how you look heaped on the floor
Because you’ll never get ******* tab dividers to organize your ******* binder
Because you can do this
Because there’s a universe inside of you
Because you’ll never finish telling your story
You’re ripping pages out before you’ve read them
Doesn’t it scare you that you’ve only left 23
Because you deserve more
Because it will get better
Because I love you

It is 2:11 on a Saturday morning
And when you don’t reply to my texts
I know it is because he is kissing you right now
And your whole body feels like it is on fire

2:13
I am staring at the flowers you gave me
And you’re probably staring at his face over you right now
No.
Do not think that was special
Just a “friendly” gesture
As if friends show up at each other’s houses at 10 o’clock at night with bouquets of flowers
for no reason
As if friends hold hands laying in the back of your car listening to love songs on the radio
As if friends held each other like we did
No.
Do not think it was special

2:17
He is making you smile
Kissing your neck
Leaving more evidence of the presence of his lips on your body
I will see them tomorrow
And I will try not to notice
Try to pretend like it isn’t killing me

2:19
I wonder if he’ll tell you you’re beautiful
Because there’s not a minute that goes by
When that thought doesn’t cross my mind

2:21
You are in his bed right now

2:22
Your clothes are on the floor

2:23
I wonder if you ever wish it was me

2:24
I will ask you about your night in the morning
And I will smile through it
Act like the words don’t wound me like knives falling from your perfect lips

2:25
They are sleeping in the same bed
I remember what it was like to fall asleep next to you

2:26
I wonder if he appreciates it as much as I did

2:27
Your hands gently rubbed up and down my back
And I could have sworn you were shaking

2:28
Be comforted by the thought that maybe he makes her happy
Do not think of the flowers
DO NOT THINK OF THE FLOWERS
Think of ceilings or box fans
Anything that will get the jealousy off your tongue

2:29
Go to bed
Do not think this was special