Almost
Definition: not quite, very nearly
I could fill an eternity with almosts
You remind me of someone I knew
I think it’s in the smile
A warm familiarity of what almost was
I wonder why it is frowned upon to stare at people
Because I want to study every detail of your face
Knowing every freckle
Mapping out how the corners of your mouth turn up when you smile
Wondering how a single being could posses so much beauty
You feel like summer
I can hear the birds
I close my eyes and imagine your hands on me like sunshine from my window
Your voice is like acoustic music
The first words that caught my attention
You said you were full of coffee and worms
Forgive me if I find it difficult to speak around you
Im just afraid of almost
Maybe one day you’ll tell me you could fill oceans with what you felt for me
And I’ll say I could fill galaxies
When writers fall in love it could either be beautiful
An eternity of together through flowing words and stanzas
Or too poetic
Where nothing just “is” anymore
Something always has to be something
But as for me. I hope it’s beautiful
Almost
Definition: not quite, very nearly, not enough time
You remind me of someone I knew
And the last thing I want is for you to become another almost

The existence of us lied purely on conditional probability
The probability that event A will happen with the knowledge that event B has already happened
And if you asked me why I kissed you
I would tell you I liked when our probability was me over you
With your hands laying tangent to my curves

I kissed you as much as I wanted and as much as I could
If you asked me why I kissed you goodbye
Even though you were not mine
It was because time is only ever ticking away
And if I run out of time
I can’t kiss you

The probability of you calling me beautiful was a 0.25 on the qualitative spectrum
Unlikely.
But you did and your voice sounded like honey
sticking to the heartstrings in my chest,
filling in the cracks,
it was sweet

Our probability quickly shifted from me over you to 1 over 6
very likely to unlikely
and the conditional probability of you leaving seemed to take over any set equation

I saw the curve in your lips decay faster day by day
The eyes that I tried so hard to catch mine
Don’t even make the effort to look in my direction
And the honey you left in my chest turned sickly
And it’s been there so long I think I’m attracting bees

I lay my hands flat on your chest
and I am touching you because I can’t help it
because time is only ever ticking away
And I’m crying
Why am I crying?

The memories are rushing back
Your hand on my thigh in that blue dress
Your arm around me in the parking lot
I remember it was warm and you were talking to my mother

You always had the charm to make me dance
and that night I felt you in my bones

50/50 I thought we were 50/50

Now I’ve always preferred chemistry
And we felt like a combustion formula
But we were just probability and statistics
And I’ve always hated math

Whenever we were cold,
You’d rest your legs on mine
And smile at me
You did this so much,
It was as if you claimed a permanent spot on my thighs
And when I relive that night under your strong frame,
The thought of your lips still make me shiver
And the vibrations make the cells underneath my skin shift like Tectonic plates
Causing an earthquake across my body

And now all I can think about is you leaving,
And how your arms are wrapping around her and not me,
That it is her lips you’d rather be kissing
And do you realize?
Do you understand?
You were the first man I ever let see my stomach
You picked me up like a broken record on the side of the road,
Taped me back together,
But threw me out again because I sk-sk-sk-skipped

I let you unwrap me like a present
You saw the weakest parts of me
Underneath the bruises and scars
You turned me into nothing more than a ***** secret,
A story you never told
I look into the mirror and all I can see is your hands caressing my naked body
You make me wanna smash my head through the glass
Make me wanna carve your lies into my legs
I wanna cut my lips open
Just so you can see the pain you caused me on my skin
You did her the favor of not leaving any evidence on my body that you were ever there
Just your fingerprints that only I could see

I feel like I am nothing,
A cheap **** that believed every word
“You’re my first choice. I do not want her.”
How could she love him after what he did?
We broke like a divorce,
Where our friends were like our children,
Split up from the silent custody battles
I only have weekends.
How am I suppose to forget when all I can see is her where I use to be

But yes, I do hope you are happy
I hope she will be faithful
I hope she will laugh at the weird noises you make when you drive
I hope she will not get mad at you for talking during a movie
I hope you will find what you’re looking for,
Even if it is not with me.
But I know where you’ve been,
Does she?

She touches my skin
With shaking hands and cold fingers
Her eyes gleam deviously
I know she’ll leave in the morning
She leads me sweetly to the stuffy off-white unfamiliar room at the end of the hall
Her breath tastes of smoke and cheap brandy
And her lips caress my body as we slide between the deep red sheets
Of a stranger’s bed
Her fingers tangle themselves in my hair
A smile spreads across her face
And moans escape from in-between her intoxicated lips
I was so sure she loved me again
So sure she was mine again
So sure this is how life would be now
Until we’re lying in that stranger’s bed
Only covered by that same red sheet
She is facing the wall
And it is silent
The empty space between us became unsettling
As the feeling still lingered in the air
I crawled closer
Crossing into the forbidden space
And rested my palm gently on her arm as she shrugged me off and sat up
Her legs dangled over the side of the bed
Her bare back arches
I can count out her ribs and every notch in her spine
Her dark hair drapes over her delicate face and shoulders
God, I loved her so
From every color in her eyes to every scar on her legs
I followed suit
Let the blood red sheets fall around me
As I crept up behind her and wrapped my arms around her petite torso
I rested my lips on her shoulder
But then, ever so softly, my love whispered
“Just friends, Okay?”
In that single moment, my heart shattered on the floor her feet rested upon
And no one was there to tell me,
This was gonna hurt.
And it did and it does
Days turned into weeks as she played her wretched game of “Loves me-Loves me not”
Like school children on red paint chipped swings
Back and forth
Back and forth
Like a metronome counting out its steady beat
Tick. Tick. Tick. Tick. Tick.