Fatema Aj

Fatema Aj Nov 2020

Lets squeeze out the juice in my head
Hope your stomach is empty
The cups are ready

When my eyes are awake
My body curls like a shrimp
And my heart is weary
My trust in you and everyone
Has turned to rust

Though, this loneliness
Echos in the vastness
Of this universe
Into another dimension
And this pain
Reverberates inside my flesh

And my brain has a gift
Of making me travel
Out side my body
Its one i am not fond of
Me
I am lost
At dawn
I am gone

#gone #lost #loneliness #mind #depersonalisation #depressed

Fatema Aj Nov 2020

Hush

I mustn’t speak
or the monsters will creep
I must’ve bled
they sent vultures to keep
I wish i could speak
about what my mind leaks
bury my eyes under my cheeks
they sneak a creak
i am too scared to peek
i wish i could speak
of all that i fear
but my voice i cant hear
and so i disappear
theres a knock at the door
my heart hits the floor
my back against the wall
i still feel someone behind
there is someone in my mind
this room'ss key i can't find
everyone lied,
i must hide
the flower that died
and the child abide
though her spine
spiked with sharp edges
and still!
she mustn’t speak.

#paranoid #voices #hallucination #numb #spine #speak #creep #death #depressed #anxiety

Fatema Aj Nov 2020

Mirror of Dissociation

I am not sure who i am
Feels like you know your program
I am here floating, *******!

I am here and there
And everywhere
And it’s hard to sleep
There and here
And where every where is

I am nothing
But even nothing is something
It’s exhausting
And quite daunting
Maybe even hunting
Am i rambling?

I apologise
I don’t open my mouth much
My tongue is on a crutch
I apologise
For my eyes
As they wonder off
They like to run around the roses

I am nothing
But even nothing is something
It’s exhausting
And quite daunting
Maybe even hunting
Am i rambling?

#dissociation #lost #reality #fantasy #euphoria #high #low #numb #dreaming

Fatema Aj Nov 2020

Tock tick

A tick on a clock,
And a fallen vail of another affair
My mind melted watching trying to unlock,
I hold my head as if it was to pop off
With every tick my stomach feels sick,
Eyes so weary,
Soul so dreary
This agony,
Caused my heart vessel to stretch, pump and rush to survive.
My mind is upside down,
My room is a ghost town
And i seem to be the clown,
laughter is their fairground
They pick a choose my every move,
And when i disapprove
My sanity they assured me will be removed

#scared #alone #paranoid #depressed #clock #heart #insanity

Fatema Aj Nov 2020

Untitled

Its as if we have become too lazy to even exist.

#lazy #meh #monotonous #bored #tired

Fatema Aj Nov 2020

One last time

Tell me..

tell me, what drove you to lay on another body?
tell me, was your mind foggy?

What do i do with all this love?
And this grieving,
This pain,
I feel sick

And i

I loved you,
I thought we grew
But you did seem blue
I never seemed to able to get through to you..

One last time..

Tell me, because i need to remember why you left me
How could’ve you loved me last week and toss me the next
I trusted you..
I never understood what it felt like to love,
And love i was deprived of

However, whats worse

Is when love breaks you twice..

#love #loss #hurt #broken

Fatema Aj Nov 2020

Untitled

The nights, the nights are the hardest part
I cant seem to rest my eyes
The nights, the nights are loneliest of times
Sleep is for the warmest of hearts

The light, i don’t let in
My eyes, too naked
My heart is in my head
My head is in the bin

I envy the night
For the comfort it found
In it's loneliness

#lonely #numb #insomnia #low #night #sleep #cold