what do you do
when neither life
nor death sound delicious?

i’ll swallow the void
and hope it eats me
from the inside out

we drank raspberry liquor
we ate strawberry ice cream
and we danced in closed down bars
the night that i left you
yet when we kissed, my darling
your lips were like vanilla
and all i could think, all i could wonder
was how to chase winter in the summer night air

you bar me from the gates of heaven and deny me paradise
your smoking threat burns in my lungs
and my eyes close slowly
as i cough up the last secrets of a soul laid bare
and you decide hell is my home

well, the devil welcomes me
because i am one of her daughters
a girl of horrifying beauty and unrestrained love
risen from the ash of a hate you said would protect me

you were meant to love them
instead you sewed fear
so when we reached out a hand, they fell into our arms
and for the first time
they found a home that was safe

i wandered in the forest, as so many hopeless do
despite the warnings of the wise
and found myself tracing the world
fingers ghosting over leaves and foxglove blossoms
as the woods grew dark around me
and the moon seemed to shy away from my path

when i stood still to search for it, what i found instead was her
standing tall enough to choke the light
and yet almost like a flame
bloodied flowers growing from her chest and covering her ribs
and antlers stretching from her amber hair

"i am", she spoke, "the patron of dreams just barely forgotten
the echo of a memory straying further away
the more you strive to keep it close"

a flutter between us in the silence
a moth
landing on her skin
and attempting to draw blood
where it sat, a new flower spread
swallowing it whole

my head felt heavy as i swayed
slick sickening warmth coating my teeth
i fell to my knees and as i did
my eyes met the leaves and dirt below
but where before there had been sticks and wood
i saw bones littering the earth

"it is a shame", she said
over the sound of the forest stirring
twisting with displeasure at my discovery
"you were as beautiful as you were lost"

I killed the light
so I could hear you talk
about death
within the life of journeys

How come, say,
that this is the most real I've felt in weeks?
As a ghost through the glass in the night
mute and almost blinded
by the light of the moon
Unseen, unacknowledged
and yet - and yet
It's as if you looked at me
for the first time
Met my gaze
and still decided to speak

I see the water flow idly through the city
And I don't want to go home just yet
I feel the sun burn the day into my back
And I want to rest a little longer
I want to see a little more, and feel like I belong on earth
What a rare sentiment

I see the frayed feathers of lightened crows
And I wish I was one of their own
I see the old railway leading into nowhere
And I want to follow where it may lead
I want to lose myself there, and feel like I have found a home
What a naive wish

So for now I will just stay, sit while the sun's heat burns my skin
And hope that maybe, one day, it can warm my heart as well

This night I got lost
In a field of lilies
Some white and broad
Some red and fine
Both are for death
One for mourning
One for killing
And as the moon's light slowly fades
As the morning sun rises
And red becomes pink
Becomes yellow
Becomes blue
I feel the last remaining moth land on my arm
There is a peace in knowing it wont last much longer
And neither will I