i want to tell a story about the colors in the trees.

i want to tell you about the quaking in my hands.

i want you to know where the rain falls,
how the crashing voices
sound like waves in the night time,
tugged tides tied to the moon
like a leash to a dog.

i want to give you something to regret.

i want you to recall how i, in all of my
innocence and passion
fell over you
(in concentrated lust
but also romance)
on that day in late may,
how you held
my bare body against yours
how in that moment
i remembered nothing but skin and skin
and
skin, nothing
but firsts,
but blessings
but

i want you to wonder how the holy swallow their love.
(i have confirmed, they do it like one would pomegranate seeds- with their eyes shut, but you wouldn't know)

i want you to believe you lost a good thing.
there's love grown in my belly the way
i was told watermelon patches would when
i was young and didn't
know any better.

i want to say that i didn't know you would destroy me.
that the rips under my skin were a shock
the ice-pick to my heart was unexpected.

i want to say something
but all that comes out is
i'm sorry
not knowing what i'm sorry for.

I spend my nights in empty bed sheets
swallowing the words words I want to say
because it seems easier than admitting my fear
that no one will ever suit me quite as well as you
I dwell in all of our might've been's
until I'm drunk on all of the things you'll never hear
and my cheeks are stained with faded memories of you

Oh, you were a book that I never have read
and ask anyone I have read them all.
I studied your cover and fell in love with your spine.
Oh, let me read you
let me explore your mind.

You were an album
and I loved all your songs.
I could sing them none stop all day long
and they would never get old,
not a single one.

You were my favorite flower
and I was a selfish kid
that wanted to pick you,
and keep you all to myself instead.

But you were a song
I had stuck in my head
I sang along until night when I crashed in bed.
We fit together just listen to our harmony.
Come on over
and keep me company.
You can bring your guitar and I'll bring mine
we'll be an unstoppable duet
just you & I

"where are you right now?",
she asked me looking straight into my eyes.
i felt like i could cry in this moment.
i didn't know where  i was.
although you were right in front of me,
you sounded far away.
"bring yourself back."
i felt myself slipped more and more away,
my existence and sense of reality melting from my fingertips while my mind stayed,
stayed here.