White walls
Empty beds
Silent nights
They scream loudly
They scream in terror
Lights flashing
Empty hallways
That echo into nothing
Praying to my faith
Praying not to die
Hell has found its new home
I don't want to die
All the voices echoing in my head
I'm not crazy
White walls
I don't want to be here

The Grey

Sitting here in the dark
Cigarette smoke fills my lungs
I am not gay
I am not straight
Am I living just to breathe
Or
Am I just breathing just to live
I am not a They
I am not an It
My heart is pulled into several directions
Like Nut needing her extra days
I am pained
I am lost
I am needing this mind to be silent
A mouth of a sailor
The mindset of the lost and broken
I have no idea what I am doing anymore
I am somewhere in between
This divide is strong
Jeg Er Grå

Lost, we were lost together
By strains of red
We were bonded forever
Lost
You lost your way
You, ran for the nearest cover
Into the devil's claw, you went
I fought with every trick in the book
To get you back, but I wasn't strong enough
I blame myself
You blame it on me
So set it all free
Nothing is holding you back now
Lost, we were lost together
By the strains of red
We are no longer bonded together
Brother, I love you
Brother, I miss you
Brother, come home
Blame it on me
Please set your guilt-free
I'll take your weight and make it mine
We were lost, lost together.

Haunted

Cold and alone
Silent like the dead
A last request
To escape

Chants get louder
Senses are drowned out.
Are we the dead?
Is this our hell?

Cast us away into the wind
He calls your name, you are denied
The Forest whispers our prayers
Cold and alone

Dawn is now arriving
Driven into the ground
6 ft below

Alone…
No words to say
No emotions
We walk alone

No haven
We spiral down
This grave is now our home.

There's a black church
On the darkest hillside

Will this make their thoughts divide?
Steal away flesh
Steal away bone

The rituals are our life
The rules are our own

Hear the groan from the devil we all know
Ashes from the flames dance gracefully

Like the fall from the 333
Bring it all back to us...

There's a black church
On the darkest hillside

Riding on his wings
We will never die.

I sit in silence
I'm not sure what's loudest
The silence

Or the voices
That are screaming
It's a terrible sense of dread

I lay in this bed heavy eyed
And like dust I want to rise
Erase the memories

Ashes blacken this heart
Erase the memories
I am tired of falling apart

I walked away from the sun
And walked into the gallows
Head held low
This world revolving around me goes by so slow..

Now I sit in silence of this night
Waiting for the end of this dream
Sorrow lives through this heart
I pray one day that it will depart
And like dust I want to rise

I do it

I get back up and do it again

I do it

So you don't cry

I do it

So I won't feel like a failure

I do it

Because I love you

I do it

Because I need to love myself

I get back up and do it again

I get back up and do it again

Sun rising on the horizon

I take a deep breath

All this will make sense

I smile and think of you

I smile and think of why I do this

I get back up and do it again

Because of you

Bleed it out
Cut out the tongue
These words are stronger
Like the pen and paper

Drag me out
Beat me down
This ritual of silence
Won't be the final death

You are the cancer
I am the nature to take back
The truth.
Hold me down
I'll guide your hand

In the end
You'll find your hell with me
This ritual of hatred
Will bathe you in the liea
You always wanted to believe

Bleed it out
Take away these words
Rites of the dead language
Will bring your empire crumbling
To the ground.

This ritual of truth
Will be the end of you

Pandemonium

Caught up in your words
Stuck in the back of my throat

Kiss me, like you loved me
F*ck me, like you hate me

I can feel you carving into me
Etched in my heart

Im still a slave to your words
Im still bound to these dreams

It was your, your words, your hatred that ended it all
It was my:
hurt,
devotion
To make sure i survived you.

Go ahead encourage your twisted little lies. Tell them all what a failure i am when you're the one lost in your heart.

Go ahead and do those bad things to me.
It was a new way to bleed and in the end..

I survived..

Hazy
Blurring
Between the lines
Fall into the cracks

Forget one self
Slip away into the unknown
Out of sight
Out of f*cking mind

Recklessness almost ended it all.
The world was the enemy
Frozen in fear

Death was the solution
Death was within grasp

One last kiss to end it all
One last kiss, all on black

Life became rebirth
Life became the Savior

Dancing With The Shadows

Dancing in the shadows
Watching the flames dance
You wanted to find your way
Burning brightly

You shone deeply like the darkest star
In the brightest of day
Your soul was the one I wanted to save

Now I'd give anything to have you here
Dancing with the shadows
In the blackest of night
Playing with the fire
Flirting with death was your greatest desire

Been through hell and back
I wish I could have eased your pain
There was nothing to gain

You were my brother
You were my best friend
Dancing with the shadows
How'd you lose your way?

Flying High

Flying high
On top of the world

I am invincible
A feeling like the gods of old

Here I am, do you hear me?
Mold me, I am forever yours

If I am you
And you are me

Then why do I feel alone??
These wings are cracking

Don't you try to catch me
I won't be coming down

But I'll be crashing
This once glorious feeling was legendary.

Salvation

I looked into myself
Did not like what I had seen
The eyes have gone dark

I've seen the dark (my oldest friend)
I've seen the light (my newest friends)

In this moment
I saw you appear

A demon in my view
Laughing at my pain from the rear

I let it go
I let him go

For the last time
No fleeting words

Just evanescent of a former life
In this moment

I was saved by His grace
and his healing might...

Be With Me

Be with me
I don't want to be alone
Be with me
Please hear me

In this darkness
We hold our lights to the sky

Deep down
These stars shine bright
Deep down
Our words hold true

Be with me
Show the way
Be with me
This fear will never take ahold

The power of hate is strong
The power of love is stronger
I will never be alone

Be with me
I know you hear it
Be with me
You are never alone.

You can choose hate
You can choose love

You chose to die a martyr
You die with the enemy

In this day
And in this time

You can beat me down
You’ll never lay me down

The voices that echo
They travel from the past and into the future
Sometimes love is not enough

Against all the gods
They will burn this world to ashes

We will be together again
This world will be at peace

You chose hate- You are the enemy
You chose love- You are the martyr

Against all these odds
The truth will set us free

Just breathe
Against all odds

This world has forgotten me
Once a hero now not even a memory
The forest whispers my name
The wolves howl in remembrance
In my rites I had the mark of courage
Is this my penance?
Seven years
I stood the test of time
No stories to tell
Of the one who ended his darkness
Once a hero
Now faded into dust
No memory except the ones in my head
No memory of the Savior
No memory of the Hero of Time

Drown

Drowning
Deep within Jupiter's waters
The red sun rising
We drown without inhaling
Weight of the world takes ahold

Drowning
The words fill up our bodies
We succumb to,
We succumb to
The pain that dwells within
The words are never forgotten
The feelings never truly fade
Time only helps put a bandaid over the scars

Drowning
Deep within Jupiters waters
The red sun falling
The weight of the world takes ahold.

Shadow People

Waves crashing
People sinking
I'm screaming
Soul searching

Trying to pick up the pieces
Pray to Gods above
&
Pray to Gods below

Help me understand the unknown
Darkness has always lingered
Is there a light at the end of the journey?

The silence is deafening
The silence is threatening

Calling out
Reaching out
Screaming out
I keep praying

Fear fall
Free fall
Losing my mind
They keep on reaching

Two ships

Two passing ill lit ships
Passing in the night

You were looking at me
I was looking at you

Words left unspoken
We both know
It was a means to an end

The fire in our eyes
Now not even a spark
This is what was meant to be

Waves crashing against us
We had to hold onto what's dear
We tried to fly without wings

Leaving gravity behind
We finally found a way to breathe

Two ill lit ships
Passing with the light
This was a means to an end

You were staring at me
I was staring at you.

Requiescat.

Its 2:13am and the walls are getting thin?Your lingering words have slipped on in?"Tell me do you fear death?"??

How long should it linger?
Taken my words and out them through the ringer?

Hey! I'm not dead yet?
BUT! I've got one foot in the gutter?
The others in the grave?

?I used to be so brave?Gaslighted and it took its toll?"Tell me do you fear death?"??

Can you make it go all away?
Can you wash it all away?
In my house of mirrors?I used to be so happy!??

All my rage burns at my finger tips?
All my sadness holds onto my lips?
All my anger that is my greatest sin?
Tell me do you fear death???

How long should it linger…??

How long should it linger?Your words singing on your last breath??

It's 2:13am and the walls are getting thin?Your lingering words have slipped on in?"Tell me do you fear death?"

You have no idea

Truth

Seems to me that I found the root of why
I can't trust. It all leads back to you.

In your hate- I have found God
Everytime you held me against the
Wall screaming that I should, well
I'm not and I don't. I begged for Death
to take me, I'm glad he didn't.

In your sin- I have found love
I'll conceived, shot gun wedding.
The family you didn't want
The sobriety you weren't ready for.
You should have cared more.
Demonic abomination, ******* mistake
Your words to me everytime the *****
touch your lips.

In your faith- I have found forgiveness.
You're getting older, the grey hair shines.
The heart grows colder, the skins gets thinner
I look at you slowly dying.

The boy who wanted something real dies
with you. I'll mourn for everything
that we could have been.

The cold truth even after everything...

I'll miss you..

Our beds are full of phantoms
Of memories to keep us up at night
I can't deny that you aren't

Next to me when I'm alone.
I can't deny that you never meant something to me.

You are no longer in my life
You are no longer stealing my light
I've held grudges since I could hold a pen.

I should hate you but it left its scar.
You are nothing but a phantom
You are nothing but a memory

I wanted to end it all
To make you pay
I wanted to end it all
To make you suffer the way I suffered

One day I'll have the nerve
To tell you how I felt

Our beds are full of phantoms
You were the one I need to exorcise
Our beds are full of these memories
That's all you'll ever be.

Do you remember that day
August 20th?
Hot as Hades

Wanting to set the world on fire
Taken back by what was to come
A hand full of pills

Ambitions for the end
I sit and waited
For the death of that day…
Past, present, and future collide

Why does it hurt so much
To be in love with sadness
I want to lock the door
With no ghost to take my wheel

I ached for my present
I grieved for my future
I bared witness to my past

Do I want to remember that day

I dreamt of you again
Your anguish resurfaced
And washed over me

It was not enough
For you to haunt me in life
But you even haunted me in death

I found your grave
Brushed off the face
Those lingering feelings remain

Like a vampire in the night
How did you sink your fangs
In so tight?

I dreamt of you again last night
Your anger was ready to fight

Bleeding
Screaming
I don't know what to do

Anger
Rage
It took its toll body and soul

You bestowed me with your love
You bestowed me with the truth
This is the end of a dream

I wish you well.

As Above

In the moment of letting go
I can feel the light dying
Lingering whispers lie
Upon your dying lips

In the moment of letting go
The light in your eyes
Are growing dull
I know it's scary down below

Seeping into your casket
Prayers are dying
The sun is setting
Flesh begins to rot

The universe is unforgiving
In the moment of letting go
I can feel your heart

Sinking into HIS darkness
In your moment
You're saying goodbye

In this moment
I'm letting you go

So below

Down

Nicotine stains
Outside it rains
In my underwear

Trying my best to forget
And I don't feel so great
Stuck in slow motion
Reminding me was your unkindest notion

I never said I would die for you
I never said I would cry for you
Deep down
We all want to see how far the bullet drives
We all want to see how our soul writhes

Stuck in my head
Devoid of emotions
Anger resurfaces
From sins not yet forgotten
These feelings feel rotten

Demons dance their everlasting ritual
The feelings they give me are always mutual

I pray to the gods
I hope they hear my cries
I fall prey to the predator within

A night of everlasting pain
There's thunder in this heart
Deep down we all want to see how far the bullet drives

She remains beautiful as I grow old
Her raven hair flown in and out of
The atmosphere if I wear to die
She would remain immortal.
She is time and space she is
Beauty in its finest form
And I love her in this
Prelude to tragedy.
The words breaking like
The silence, I've waited for
So long for HER to return
The sorrow feels so wrong
When her grimacing smile
Makes me feel so heart felt.
This tragedy is centuries old....
And her roses are all dead.....
The tales are all told...
And she will remain Immortal....

North Star  

My passion has always dwelled with the darkness
but things always are different for me,
but somethings have always stayed with me,
much like the darkness of my heart.

Its always been there haunting me like an
unwanted dream and desire. Under the moon and stars
I watch every night, looking to see if my heart
can over come this darkness.

You've always been there helping me
supporting me trying to make me better.
When I pushed you away all those times.
You've always been my north star when the path darkens.

I hope you never leave my side because
it'll **** me slowly. The angels have never
been so kind as to grant me a chance of
being so in love with you.

He Walks In Silence

Green eyes like emeralds
Flaming red hair like a 1000 suns
Take a walk through the open field
A big oak tree calls out

Haunting his dreams
Calling out, it beckons.
The grass is so beautiful

Walking in silence
The grass cuts and bleeds him dry
He walks in silence

Tormented on the inside.
The Tree feels like home
This Tree will be his grave

Ravens cawing
Is this his end?

A sigil of the unknown lies on the ground
Reaching out the serpent of ill intent
Snatches his hand and pulls him into the ground.

Screaming in silence
The Tree is his grave
A hand surfaces from the ground.
A remembrance of what was.

Tomorrow

I walk by statues
Everything is a reminder
Remembrance
A Memoriam
A burning funeral pyre
All dedicated to you
I know nothing last forever
Tomorrow was never promised
You left a hole deep down in my heart
Tonight my heartaches
I cried for what seemed like forever
As I sat by your side
Watching the light leave your eyes
Brown eyes now a dark black
Tomorrow is never promised
I know you’ll be waiting on the other side.

I miss you

Foggy Horror Bliss  

Sickened under the stars, the seraphim
lust I have for you lies under the
foggy bliss of snow.

Judgment of my heart has been set
and I'm guilty of these feelings for the
catalyst that flutters my soul.

Your tormented being is something that
makes me love seeing your broken smile. I
don't like to see you hurt, but I love

I love wrapping my arms around your
beating heart, and I don't feel hollow
any longer.

Pandaemonaeon, in your serpentine smile runs
rampant and free. Your heart has been
healed and you are saved by someone, not me.

In the bliss of the last caress, I hold
you in my arms and farewell no words left
to say.

Feel it
Can you feel it around you
Let it in
You are needed
You are loved
You are your own God
Your faith is stronger
Your will is stronger
The stars shine in your eyes
The galaxy is in your heart
Can you feel it
Let it in
You are loved
Eternity is forever in your being
Can you feel it?
You are apart of something bigger
Let love in

Black

Heart shatters, nothing matters.
Poet of lies- priest of nothing.
Prayers scream to the gods on high
Lightning strikes, it was the day laughter died.
Fall father, from the serpent's flower.
Lost souls spirit me away.
Unheard cries have left the dead paralyzed.
Trying to ignite the will of fire in their eyes
the dead will always sing the loudest.

Eye to Eye

I fight,
I scream,
I bleed,
I breathe..

Shining bright
Like a fiery beacon
The piano plays
And echos through the hallways..

God and I don't see eye to eye
So I sit here pondering why
Everything went wrong in my life.

Was it the choices I made?
The best friend who abandoned me?
The voices in my head that I drown out daily?

Or?

The father who beat me?
The woman who ran off with my kid?

I write to drown out the sadness
I write to drown out the madness
I write to continue on in my life
I write to remember this strife.

God and I never saw eye to eye.

I can pretend...
I can lie...
but how can I deny
when her body lays
next to me?
Blood and her hair is
stale and unclean
resting in my hands
but I can will it all away.
If you ask me to
pain and fear are a figment
of the imagination.
And her suicide was
never real.
Lying to myself
is better than
facing the truth.
There's no more
light to lead the way
in the shadows she
is safe, she is free
but her death won't
be the end of me.
In the
shadows nothing is real
and her death is free
from my dreams.
I can pretend...
I can lie...
but her body lays
next to me.
In my dreams

The Last Winter

Porcelain face,
Dripping blood,
A misunderstanding,
Isn't that how fear breeds?

Another massacre to entertain,
The blood shed to the ground,
Running for your life,
Was it worth it at all?

Sirens ring throughout the night,
Bullets zing from wall to wall,
Battle scars from the jealous alcoholic.
Winter winds blow
The shivers up your spine.

A misunderstanding,
The bloodshed,
Was it worth it all?

A night turned to hell,
The stars are all gone,
The last winter with you..
Was it worth it all?

One sky
One destiny
All connected
We all feel the pain
One sky
One destiny
Feel it in the air
Let the waves crash
One sky
One destiny
The flames will burn
One destiny
Death
Rotting
Dying
One sky
6 feet long
2 feet wide
Open sky
She's not loving you anymore
One destiny

Last to Laugh

They are the ones who laugh
The puppet masters pulling the strings

Bow down
Accept your fate

The world's coming down
What is this sorted twist of hell?

Don't pray
Just panic

Dive right into the unknown
Just bones stuck in a meat suit

Deceive the masses
To cover their *****

They laugh at our fear
Stand up!

Fall in line!
Pull the strings tighter

Who will be the one
To laugh last?

Lay me down in black
Pray my soul to keep
May the Devil never see my back
If I should die before I wake
Lay me down
6ft in the ground
To all my friends
Thank you
To all my family
I love you
To all those who have scorned me
You helped made me stronger
I lay me down to sleep
My soul was never yours to reap

If You Want  

If you want I could have given you the world.
If you want I could have given you my heart.
You threw it all away.
You gave it all away.
For something new.
For something wicked.
I hope you enjoy your lies.
If you want I could break you apart
If you want I could make your life hell.
You demolished everything that meant something.
You wrecked my world to his core.
If you want I could hate you like everyone else.
If you want I could love you like no other.
If you want I could take this knife to your heart.

He was a god
But only to those who knew him
He was their sun
Warming the hearts of those he had touched.

He was of the Holy Spirit
But only in his words
He was also the darkness
Spreading his lies and deceit

He was the moon
Hiding all of his intentions
He was the devil
Promising words of ill-gotten gain

He is the right hand of glory
He is the left hand of darkness
His desire to want more
His pride to never die

The hatred to keep burning
The sadness that is always overwhelming
The passions that are always endearing
He is the spirit that is inside all of us.

He is no hero
He is no zero
He is of flesh and blood

In this tragic story
He is human.

A love not meant to be....
I saw her and I fell for the beauty,
the beauty of her eyes, her hair.
her name, her entire body of
ever lasting pain she put into herself.

At first glance, I thought she was only in
my dreams, but searching through
the doors of reality, I found out
she was flesh and bone like every other
mortal I've come across during my existence.

She was the winged creature of Dark,
as I was the one of Light.
She was the beauty that haunted my
dreams for many years. My thoughts
are only of her, and the emotions I have for her.

The darkling she passed herself off as,
I saw through the mask, through the
flesh and bone, and my eyes beheld
a most divine creature that was
placed on this Earth. I saw the beauty
of the real girl that I fell in love with.

It was the innocence of her smile, and the hope
in her brown eyes, that keeps me from
going down into the depths of the perpetual
abyss of regret and hate.

Hidden under the azure cloak and
hooding hair of ebony, lies the
Raven, that I am forever and foremost cursed
into loving. A love not meant to be....

Walk Away

Alone under the street light
You whisper "sink or swim"
"Live or let die"

My imperfections were crafted from the flames
Of the abuse... I can fight to see
Another day... I can let you all
Down and sleep soundly at night...

I have nothing to prove
&
I'm closer to that edge
The edge you pushed me to.

I love the way my pain feels
I hate that you have the wanting

To pull me down among all
Of your demons and those demons
You helped create it.

The world is already a ****** up place
I don't need you to remind me that
I was a failure in your eyes

Just walk away it's all you should have done.
I'll be stronger than you
I'll love harder than you
I'll be better than you

Just walk away
It's the best thing you could have ever done...
My fall won't be for you...

Frozen Fear

Fear is only in our minds,
but yet its taking us over
all the time.

Everytime we struggle
everytime we cry and want to die,
we give up and lose to the darkness.

As the fear still beats in our
hearts, we lay in the silence
looking for an escape out of
reality and life.

Lay, wait
for the death of today so you
can be free from your fear.

Wander through the ashes, there's
nothing left for you here, except.
Pain, fear, and loneliness, the world
may divide us, but you have a voice
you have a choice, it's YOUR LIFE!

Fear is only in our minds
but yet its taking us over all the
time. Fear is apart of us accept
it, accept yourself.

In the night
They come
A token - of remembrance
Onto eternity

Your pain so high
Will your sins fall into me?
Are we alone now?
When the smoke clears
What is left?

Remorse?
Hatred?
Regret?

Onto eternity
Your pain so high
Was it worth it?

Done speaking in words
That no one understands
I'm not whispering
I am screaming

Onto eternity
Your pain so high
Will you be there to catch me?
or
Just let me fall?
Am I alone now?

Glutton

I crave,
I breathe,
I bleed,
As any normal human.
My spirit aches,
my spirit breaks just as easily.
My heart is broken,
but I always find
away to piece it back together.
I am the will of fire my flames will never die.
Hear me, Heaven! Hear me Hell!
You are done making a mockery out of my misery!!
This is the beginning to heal my soul, and I will be set free.

Tales of the Human Heart

A question I've been asking myself
"If I loved you, wouldn't I be with you?"

As much as I have feelings for you
I see behind your false words you try
and trick me with, I see beyond the
masquerade you try and fool me with.
I'm not some other fling on your list.
I'm not someone you can mess with,
because I WILL GET YOU BACK!

Emotions I had for you have made me
stronger, but my heart you try and play with,
that is something YOU WILL NOT MESS WITH!
I'm not some little boy so don't try and surprise me
with your words of flattery and words of emotions
that you don't mean.

My heart was senselessly touched by you
at a time but since then, it's only become
a thing of regrets and hatred for someone I had
longed for in my dreams, my dreams became
nightmares and I thought you where someone
to save me, heal me, fix me, but this isn't
some Dark Faery Tale come true, this is a
Dreadful Ever After.

Hate and anger are a senseless emotion, that
make the best of all humans into Neanderthals.
So I won't hate you, but I won't long for you
anymore it wasn't an obsession it was.

Whispered, misunderstood feelings that have
almost lead me to a death wish. When it comes
down to it I don't need you because I have myself
and I feel powerful, but I do feel dead and alone.

As much as I don't want to love you, your presence
will linger in my heart, because honestly I know
I will never get over you, because I never get
over someone who used to hold my heart in their hands.

Your kiss meant something to me, but my heart
took it in vain and my heart controls me
so therefore my heart loathes you and loves you
at the same time.

A question I've been asking myself
"If I loved you, wouldn't I be with you?"