August the fourteenth
2003
I remember quite
Well as there was a black out
But I full moon pearing into my
Bedroom window
Making me think
Of my Asian ancestors
Or was it a past life
Memory

Living where I am living
No matter the seasons
It feels like
I am living in
A studio ghibli
Movie
Where everything is green
Perfect
And dream like
I wonder if my next door neighbour
Is Totoro

A person once asked
If was a judgement free person
Meaning that I don’t judge people
I say I
Cannot judge people
For I have been judged
Upon
My race
Orientation
And uniqueness
I should be asking that question
Instead
Of the other.

Saskatchewan
Is the most surreal
Province there is
Building that look like school
Milk cartons
It does not get that wonderful
It does not get that surreal
Strange
Or
Beautiful
Tall milk cartoons
Sticking out of no where
How alien

To see the Big Dipper
In the prairie provinces
How clear this diamonds you be
A bright
With not light
In sight
What I night in
The bucket list

As I drive
By a field
I see  hydro towers
Hydro towers that Eriely look like
Ancient Native American
Art
I am in awwww
Only man create something
That surreal

In the Halloween
You seensome creepy pumpkins
That make
You wonder if the haves
DID
dissociative identity disorder
Don’t worry
It’s just their faces that
Are Cracked

There was a man who walks his great Pyrenee
White dog that looks like a ghibli ghost
As if I were in a studio ghibli
I see that it 5 in the morning
I hear father yelling get in
But I was transfixed on the
Ghost
Like dog.

I think mom
What should
Have been
Said is that I was
Suffering under an oppressive
Regime
Called catholic school

I Think mom
What should have
Been said
Is that
I was being bullies for things
Out of my control
And had to suffer 20 odd years

I think mom
What should
Is the word human rights violations
And law suit
Justice
And proper counseling

I do not know which is worse
Physical pain or emotional pain

I don’t not know which is worse
Physical torture or dealing with really mean people

I do not know what is worse
Being talked down to or being beaten up physically
take a guess

Dear auto hawk of Talklife
I am not who You think I am
You based me on my past and deleted my posts
Based on my past mistakes
I am an overly  emotional Young woman
Please do not mistake me for a psychopath
What a social path based on my poetry
What is wrong with you
Honestly
Why

Britney Spears
The queen of conformity
Heterosexuality
The ****** of ******
Excuse my French I beg
But she is the angel
O death
For many girl starve
Or murderthem selves because of her
She is my most hate celebrity
And people argon poor marylin manson
Tics.

I would rather look at the sky with stars and beauty
Go to sleep and see ugliness behind my eyelids
For hours asleep the nightmares come in

I would rather look at the moon full and fat
Then go to sleep and deal with the horrific details of my past
For the nightmares as I sleep

I would rather look at the aurora borealis
Then I have to deal with the horrific gory details of the future
For the night mares are comes in

I would rather find a planet in the sky with a telescope
Then deal with prophetic dreams of doomsday
For these prophetic nightmares calm in my sleep

I would rather pull an all night or instead

There was one morning
A farmer so insenced
For someone
Put beautiful crop
Circles
Geometric in nature
In his wheat field that
Called the police
A man of science
The farmer
Didn’t believe in aliens
But was it the work of vandalism
Or
Is the truth out there

I know this is an excuse
But  also the truth
If it weren’t for each and every one
Of those toxic people
In my life
I would be in the United States being an FBI agent

I know this is an excuse
But also the truth
If it weren’t for each and every one
Of those toxic people
In my life
I would be a medical examiner helping people find and solve crimes and find a cure for cancer


I know this is an excuse
But it’s also the truth
But if it weren’t for each and every one
Of those toxic people
In my life
Who knows I may have been a famous artist by now

Have
You
Ever
Cried
Because now
Of
Who
You
Are

I have on many occasions

I don’t watch the news for one simple reason
It’s stereotypes goths and punks
Not all of us are in the black occult
Not all of us are killers
Not all of us are either school shooters either


I don’t watch the Newfor one simple reason
They paint
People with mental health issues
In a very bad light
showcasing our bad sides


I do not watch the news for one simple reason
Foreign perpetuates hate
Anti-Semitism
Islam a phobia

Let’s turn off the TV said and think for ourselves as human beings as we are supposed to
Not as fearful robots and computers programmed to hate

The moon…
With its phrases and different shapes
Sure is it’s OK to be going through different phrases and emotions
The sun with rising and sets
Means it’s OK to have your ups and downs
Your emotions will not last at least not the  negative ones
It’s OK to be human the night and Day sky shows that this is what we are supposed to be like going up and down and having different phases and emotions
It’s OK not to be OK

After the fifth grade I remember this
That after encountering
A toxic person
For a full school year
I coped with the
After math
By reading astronomy
Astrophysics
And goosebumps
Books
And doing art
Reading helped
Keep me sane
Thought the years
And even
Saved me.
Believe it or
Not. Astronomy
And astrophysics
And art
Helped
Me in ways
Gave me piece of mind
And helped
Me relax
I share because
I care.

Sunsets
As the sun sets
Over a barn
A trillion
Little
Silverwing bats fly out
To meet the evening sky
As it darker
You cannot see
Them enough
Just a flicker of silver

I write about suicide
For thing
Is there is one of my pet causes
You see I  how had  to face turn years of hardship in my 20s
Because of my PTSD and my bullying that I went through
The toxic people in my life
All these things I wanted to face up close and personal instead of cowering
I'm looking way from death

I write about suicide
For one thing
That is it no one else has to die
Or have to suffer what I had to suffer in my 20s
Because the bad times do not last

In some eastern philosophies not everything last forever
And that includes emotions and dark thoughts
They too shall pass if you give it a chance

In rural areas there is
This demon
Called
Sirenhead
Who I have seen
For this is a time
Of war
And pandemic
His favourable time
To be of public display
As for mei am not insane
For I had a witness to the sirenhead sighting
Near my old home town
Almonte

As the bats fly out of the barn
During the sun sad night falls and wonders
Come alive and so beauty
There can only be seen at night
Star patterns
The moon and the planets
We are at the hinterlands of daylight my friends
So look up words to the sky and see the Big Dipper
And what’s your problems disappear as they are smaller than the universe

As the sun flower
Turns towers the remaining
Sun light over the mountains beyound the
Sunflower field
There floats the Big Dipper

As I slowly they creep in my head from my stomach that is full
Of high calorie items
Not that I have an eating disorder
But this is why I watch what I eat before I go to bed
As these things creep in my head as a sleep
The night is full of terrors and it’s dark
My mind races and sodas my imagination
Causing me to have nightmares and night terrors
Because I did not check before I reck my self
Is there a Lay asleep  paralyzed in fear
Want to wake up screaming
Before I die in my sleep of these terrors
I struggle to sleep I have insomnia
I cannot sleep
I just cannot sleep
For the creeping in my head from my stomach below
Torment me why does the stomach is full or empty
Neither is good.
As i scream from the night terrors
In my sleep I wonder why my breath smells and my mouth is dry I want to get a drink in To me
Not to get drunk but what the whistle
Then I realize that it’s time to get up for breakfast
I have one yet again
This battle of the night terrors
The dreams of hell and the dreams of Sicilian mafia
The dreams There aren’t really dreams.

A friend of mine
Got some white
Doc martens boots
Processed to put flowers in the
One of the boots
A daisy
Sun flower
And a lilac
And put it as the center piece
For the coffee table

According to the TV I am the soldier who strangled his wife
I’m having a nightmare I do the deed
According to the TV I am ******

According to the TV I am the serial killer who murders women
Just because I had a bad childhood
According to the TV I am ******


According to the TV I am the school shooter because I was bullied
The point where it traumatize me
Cording to the TV I am ******

According to the TV
The TV is ****
For not everyone is like that

There under a
Full moon
Some teens plat with a oujia board
In the cemetery
They hear howling
From a wolf but they
Ran of at the howling thinking
It was a demon
It was dark and full of
Terrors that night

Don’t let the tormenters win
Don’t let the rapists win or the child molesters win
By killing yourself

Don’t let the terrorists win
Let the enemy win
By killing your self

Don’t let the flashbacks win
The emotions
Or nightmares win
By killing yourself
I have too many idiots to prove against to go and do something stupid and reckless

As I go trick or treating
I see when pumpkin
That looks like it
Has fire version of the chicken pox
Or ance
With its perfect circular dots
Of sizes
What a unique jackolantern
I hope the flames don’t die out on
My speckled friend

As I look out at the window
I see a house across the street
Under the sun and trees
It’s chimney
Puffing out smoke
More then a cigarette
Ahhh winter
And it’s surreallness

The sun sets
Just as the moon
And the Big Dipper
Rise ........
Signifying
Night fall
A magical time
Between day and night
Night world

As the breeze flows
Through the spring lilacs
I seem my self
Getting addicted to
Their bitter sweet
Perfume
The floats around the evening air
Take a wiff

As I went to school for the first time
I saw the Big Dipper
And I was reassured
When I was on holiday and didn’t
Want to go home
Because of the bullies
The Big Dipper was there
To support me
As a graduate from high school
There it is again
And when I move out on my own
I seethe supportive dipper
Shining bright in the sky
Thank you for being there
Great dipper

I won’t eat their
Meat
But I will
Happily learn their culture
Their languages
And their traditional music instruments
That China has to offer
Cont eat the meat
But stay for everything else.

What was said in the east
Was that desire for metal things
Causes great suffering
If it is out of control
The suffering others and your self
It’s best if you desire
To put away for a rainy day
And cute the ****

I cannot wait to hear
The bees buzz
I cannot wait to hear
The noises of nature
I cannot wait to hear
The crickets sing
In the evening

Look my father said
Pointing into space
I didn’t know what he referring to
Until I looked up
The Dog Star
Of canus major
The dog constellation
I could all way trust my dad
To picture up on these things

Down by the bay
Where water flows
In the night
You can see the Dipper
Come from the sky
To scoop
Up the water

Down by the bay
Where water flows
At the age
Some flower grow
At night

Down by the bay
Where’s a waterfall
The moon sits
Comfortably
On of the water full
Making it a ball of water

As a write in my
Diary
I tell out the demons of the day
Or distant past blast the pages

As i I write in my diary
I .....
Celebrating the good times
Both current and distance

As I write in my diary
I think of new
Ways
Of being creative

As I write in my diary
I am saving my
Self
From future harm

Why don’t you wear your mask
Like a proper human being in public
Do you care about other people or just your self

Why are you so idiotic
To
Inconsiderately spread your germs
And cause more suffering for other people

Is it because it doesn’t look good on you
It does match your looks
What the ****
Tell me
Why

There once was this girl
kB
How treated other
Smarter girls like
****
Because
She feel like ****
Calling them demeaning names
Homophobic and racial slur
Will karma come
And straighten her out

What a girl is bullied
Call Fat
Or other demeaning names or slurs
She decides to starve herself of food
And a physical and emotional beauty
She’s at the hinterlands of her existence
Boonies of life
Outskirts of society

Before you decide to hurt yourself or **** yourself
Think of all the nuances
And the beautiful things that you’ll miss out on
It’s someone else’s ****** words worth your life
Worth missing out on the nuances in the beauty and the fun of life
If the answer is no I would suggest that you would stop
Because it ain’t worth it
Trust me I’ve been down that road
Many a times

As I look up I watch the sky and the stars like a hawk
Seeing each one twin call each one form a pattern
Equally as beautiful as the next
I wonder what wonder is like beyond the stars and the moon
It is some thing big and something greater than myself
To heck with the emotions and the bad stress
Well the universe and the stars are much bigger
Than my bullstuffing.

Mental health worker
Once to me how at
The end of the day and got to fall
Asleep to
The wolves and coyotes
Yipping
And yapping
Since I moved
I fall aspleed
To those eerie
You majestic
Sounds

We are like Wilber
The pig in Charlottes web
Needing help from
A friend when
Needing to prove ones worth

We are like shade silver wing
The tiny bat
That has to use his wit
DIY to save his friends
And family
We all have a purpose and duty
Beautiful
And brains
And are lovable
If we put our minds to it
Or work together.

Don’t not **** your self
Instead be like
The bat
On a summer night
Or that beautiful monarch butterfly
And spread your wings
Fly to another place
Change is good if you welcome it
But please don’t welcome death
Spread your wings
Float the same altitude
As a 737 jet airport
For you still have potential my friend
And so does your story
Fly but no snuffing of you light
Over some thing that
Will last day at most.
Fly
Fly high
Keep your story going.

There in Saskatchewan
There is this broken down
School house
For the olden days
Lit up by the stars of the Big Dipper
Just above the house it’s self
I wish I could take a
Photo

I have dated a workaholic
Who cheated on me with his job
I didn’t give a crap about how I felt
Thanking I was just some stupid Muslim woman

I have dated a Buddhist
Who threaten to attack me
If I do not show or send nudes
Thinking I was some stupid Muslim woman

I have dated many guys many careers
And he walks of life
Who cheated on me or bullied me into submission
What do you think they can do so
Hang on some stupid Muslim woman

What if I’m Muslim
You cannot hurt me
Emotionally