After the fifth grade I remember this
That after encountering
A toxic person
For a full school year
I coped with the
After math
By reading astronomy
Astrophysics
And goosebumps
Books
And doing art
Reading helped
Keep me sane
Thought the years
And even
Saved me.
Believe it or
Not. Astronomy
And astrophysics
And art
Helped
Me in ways
Gave me piece of mind
And helped
Me relax
I share because
I care.

There in lanark
A park
That  has clear reflective images
On the water
I take pictures
And see the
Ghibili beauty

What was said in the east
Was that desire for metal things
Causes great suffering
If it is out of control
The suffering others and your self
It’s best if you desire
To put away for a rainy day
And cute the ****

As the breeze flows
Through the spring lilacs
I seem my self
Getting addicted to
Their bitter sweet
Perfume
The floats around the evening air
Take a wiff

I won’t eat their
Meat
But I will
Happily learn their culture
Their languages
And their traditional music instruments
That China has to offer
Cont eat the meat
But stay for everything else.

Why don’t you wear your mask
Like a proper human being in public
Do you care about other people or just your self

Why are you so idiotic
To
Inconsiderately spread your germs
And cause more suffering for other people

Is it because it doesn’t look good on you
It does match your looks
What the ****
Tell me
Why

Have
You
Ever
Cried
Because now
Of
Who
You
Are

I have on many occasions

I think mom
What should
Have been
Said is that I was
Suffering under an oppressive
Regime
Called catholic school

I Think mom
What should have
Been said
Is that
I was being bullies for things
Out of my control
And had to suffer 20 odd years

I think mom
What should
Is the word human rights violations
And law suit
Justice
And proper counseling

Dear bully
I must warn you
Of these words
Those you don’t thing of me as these
Hell......
I am gold
White gold
Silver
Plantium
Every gem and semi percious
Stone and metal
What are you
I care could care list of your worthless
Opinion

Forget about diamond
And jewels
For get out lipstick
And make up
Handsome guys
Really
A girls best friend
And best accessories
Are  food
a pretty smile
And decent clothes
I say with out these things
Girl
You are nothing
But a undead conformist

A blow out is when your ear cannot handle the gauge that is too big for its piercing
And it get infected rejects
It’s self
The very same is true with your ear as it is with your emotions
Hello what is one of your brain cannot handle the intense emotions
Play date one ear it
Festers and gets
Infected

Think about it.

As a write in my
Diary
I tell out the demons of the day
Or distant past blast the pages

As i I write in my diary
I .....
Celebrating the good times
Both current and distance

As I write in my diary
I think of new
Ways
Of being creative

As I write in my diary
I am saving my
Self
From future harm

I may have three ear lopes
But there just ears
Not ment to be perfect
But unique

I may have piercings
But they are just that
A look
Handed down from my ancestors
To be unique


My hair might be
Be short
I look like a guy
But I really don’t care about
What you think



Thank you

There once was this girl
kB
How treated other
Smarter girls like
****
Because
She feel like ****
Calling them demeaning names
Homophobic and racial slur
Will karma come
And straighten her out

Britney Spears
The queen of conformity
Heterosexuality
The ****** of ******
Excuse my French I beg
But she is the angel
O death
For many girl starve
Or murderthem selves because of her
She is my most hate celebrity
And people argon poor marylin manson
Tics.

One tv show
That brought
Me happiness
And joy
As a kid
That i miss as an
Adult
Of all things
Is the magic school bus
Man that show rocked

As I go trick or treating
I see when pumpkin
That looks like it
Has fire version of the chicken pox
Or ance
With its perfect circular dots
Of sizes
What a unique jackolantern
I hope the flames don’t die out on
My speckled friend

There is no ******
There is no disability
Or challenge
Just gifts and blessings
Some of us
Have to work harder at
Our goals
Dreams and life
A little harder
That’s all
Don’t label
Demean
Or use slurs on your
Fellow human beings

As I walk down the street
Of my childhood town
I see that my favourite
Food truck was still
Open During COVID-19
I thought to myself
If this food truck stays
Open
The world won't go to ****

The once was a lad
Every time he made an mistake
He called himself “bad boy”
He was told he just made
A mistake and all is fine

There once was a girl
Every time she got into
A fight
She called her self “bad girl”
She was told that she was
Only human

How I wish things
Would go back to normal
That I can shop
Romp
And enjoy life
Around people


How i wish thing were calm
The racial tenses against Asian
And white
Would stop
So we can life in peace

Basically I am saying
This.......
That Covid-19
Needs to *******
And let us settle again
As a one race

1234
I am in my own old
Town of almonds
In my orchard
Taking pictures
Of the apple  blossoms
Cherry blossoms
It is early spring

1234
I am in my element
Clicking pictures of my
Favorite flowers
In my parents garden
It’s late spring

1234
I am walking around my neighborhood
Looking for unique
And funky things
To take pictures of
It’s summer


1234
I am in lanark
Trick or treating
With my friends
More like click or treating
With my phone camera
It’s late autumn

The wind is howling
Like a thousand
Wolves in the night
That flicker of lightning
Throw my bedroom window
That rumble of thunder
Like a thousand atom bombs
It put me a sleep
Spring is finally here
Spring is finally HERE!
Hope

We are like Wilber
The pig in Charlottes web
Needing help from
A friend when
Needing to prove ones worth

We are like shade silver wing
The tiny bat
That has to use his wit
DIY to save his friends
And family
We all have a purpose and duty
Beautiful
And brains
And are lovable
If we put our minds to it
Or work together.

I am the shade the
Sliverwing bat
You know the baby bat for the books
I am petite
Runty
And smart
Yet I still have adverse situations
And people that I have to prove
My self against
And come out the hero
We are al like that
Even obese
People
Have personal struggles
That the have to fight again
We all have a goth and a throb
To deal with in our own way

Don’t not **** your self
Instead be like
The bat
On a summer night
Or that beautiful monarch butterfly
And spread your wings
Fly to another place
Change is good if you welcome it
But please don’t welcome death
Spread your wings
Float the same altitude
As a 737 jet airport
For you still have potential my friend
And so does your story
Fly but no snuffing of you light
Over some thing that
Will last day at most.
Fly
Fly high
Keep your story going.

As I am cleaning up my apartment
I am getting rid of the filth of the past making way of the clean of the future
With each broom stroke
I get calmer and calmer as i sweep


As I am cleaning up my apartment
I am finding secrets of the pass both good and bad
Under my bed as I go under with the vacuum
I wonder how long that crap was festering there for

As I’m cleaning up my apartment
I decided
To take out the toxic trash as I look at it
With is glaring eyes I do so

As I am cleaning up my apartment
I am recycling good things
There still useable for people in poor countries
Help them out
with a smile on my face

I have dated a workaholic
Who cheated on me with his job
I didn’t give a crap about how I felt
Thanking I was just some stupid Muslim woman

I have dated a Buddhist
Who threaten to attack me
If I do not show or send nudes
Thinking I was some stupid Muslim woman

I have dated many guys many careers
And he walks of life
Who cheated on me or bullied me into submission
What do you think they can do so
Hang on some stupid Muslim woman

What if I’m Muslim
You cannot hurt me
Emotionally

I do not know which is worse
Physical pain or emotional pain

I don’t not know which is worse
Physical torture or dealing with really mean people

I do not know what is worse
Being talked down to or being beaten up physically
take a guess

I know this is an excuse
But  also the truth
If it weren’t for each and every one
Of those toxic people
In my life
I would be in the United States being an FBI agent

I know this is an excuse
But also the truth
If it weren’t for each and every one
Of those toxic people
In my life
I would be a medical examiner helping people find and solve crimes and find a cure for cancer


I know this is an excuse
But it’s also the truth
But if it weren’t for each and every one
Of those toxic people
In my life
Who knows I may have been a famous artist by now

I write about suicide
For thing
Is there is one of my pet causes
You see I  how had  to face turn years of hardship in my 20s
Because of my PTSD and my bullying that I went through
The toxic people in my life
All these things I wanted to face up close and personal instead of cowering
I'm looking way from death

I write about suicide
For one thing
That is it no one else has to die
Or have to suffer what I had to suffer in my 20s
Because the bad times do not last

In some eastern philosophies not everything last forever
And that includes emotions and dark thoughts
They too shall pass if you give it a chance

I just don’t penpal normal people
I penpal prisoners and convicts
Of the female gender
For I know what it’s like to be in their shoes
Being misunderstood
Circumstances against you
Prejudice
Just play nonsense against you
I penpal these ladies because
I am one of them I could’ve easily been one of them
Caught in a rock and hard place
Yes I have been in a rock and a hard place too
The tree people with gentleness and kindness
No matter their living situation

There is a reason I am going to get to semicolons tattooed on my two middle fingers
It's because I am Chechen
And I am proud of who I am
I am against terrorism and suicide

There is a reason I'm going to get tosemicolons tattooed on my two middle fingers
Because I'm too **** proud of who I am
And I don't care if other people think I should die
Or I shall live on and live my story

Where is the reason I'm going to get two semi colons tattoos on my middle fingers
It's because I'd rather be me instead
Of some blonde dumb idiot
**** myself
Or starve my looking like
The it girl.

I am not a bad gateway or a mistake
Hey my posts are not evil or bad
As I speak the truth
But you just don’t want to hear the truth
So you say 502 bad gateway
Do you know that really hurts I’m trying to say something
Something important
You’re infringing on my rights

I don’t watch the news for one simple reason
It’s stereotypes goths and punks
Not all of us are in the black occult
Not all of us are killers
Not all of us are either school shooters either


I don’t watch the Newfor one simple reason
They paint
People with mental health issues
In a very bad light
showcasing our bad sides


I do not watch the news for one simple reason
Foreign perpetuates hate
Anti-Semitism
Islam a phobia

Let’s turn off the TV said and think for ourselves as human beings as we are supposed to
Not as fearful robots and computers programmed to hate

According to the TV I am the soldier who strangled his wife
I’m having a nightmare I do the deed
According to the TV I am ******

According to the TV I am the serial killer who murders women
Just because I had a bad childhood
According to the TV I am ******


According to the TV I am the school shooter because I was bullied
The point where it traumatize me
Cording to the TV I am ******

According to the TV
The TV is ****
For not everyone is like that

Piercings tattoos and gauges
The one person it might mean that they are rough looking and mean
But to me I find piercings tattoos and gauges
To be beautiful
Piercings tattoos and gauges
Someone would think that that would be a prisoner or a convict
But for the girls who want to look like Britney Spears
Who really is a convict or prisoner

Definitely not the person with tattoos piercings and gauges
If they don’t judge a book by the cover bit

Please don’t judge me
But I’m not loco Or Loca
I just have emotions and they are valid
Yes I have done bad things in my life
Yes I have done extremely stupid stuff in my life
But please do not judge me
For I have done a lot of good on this planet.

I am a ***** but not in a bad way
I am a female dog that she Wolf someone of strength and power
Someone who will protect the pack that she Leads
For I am nature an animal
Nature is beautiful
Thus I am beautiful
It doesn’t have to be a bad word

I would rather look at the sky with stars and beauty
Go to sleep and see ugliness behind my eyelids
For hours asleep the nightmares come in

I would rather look at the moon full and fat
Then go to sleep and deal with the horrific details of my past
For the nightmares as I sleep

I would rather look at the aurora borealis
Then I have to deal with the horrific gory details of the future
For the night mares are comes in

I would rather find a planet in the sky with a telescope
Then deal with prophetic dreams of doomsday
For these prophetic nightmares calm in my sleep

I would rather pull an all night or instead

As I slowly they creep in my head from my stomach that is full
Of high calorie items
Not that I have an eating disorder
But this is why I watch what I eat before I go to bed
As these things creep in my head as a sleep
The night is full of terrors and it’s dark
My mind races and sodas my imagination
Causing me to have nightmares and night terrors
Because I did not check before I reck my self
Is there a Lay asleep  paralyzed in fear
Want to wake up screaming
Before I die in my sleep of these terrors
I struggle to sleep I have insomnia
I cannot sleep
I just cannot sleep
For the creeping in my head from my stomach below
Torment me why does the stomach is full or empty
Neither is good.
As i scream from the night terrors
In my sleep I wonder why my breath smells and my mouth is dry I want to get a drink in To me
Not to get drunk but what the whistle
Then I realize that it’s time to get up for breakfast
I have one yet again
This battle of the night terrors
The dreams of hell and the dreams of Sicilian mafia
The dreams There aren’t really dreams.

Don’t let the tormenters win
Don’t let the rapists win or the child molesters win
By killing yourself

Don’t let the terrorists win
Let the enemy win
By killing your self

Don’t let the flashbacks win
The emotions
Or nightmares win
By killing yourself
I have too many idiots to prove against to go and do something stupid and reckless

Dear auto hawk of Talklife
I am not who You think I am
You based me on my past and deleted my posts
Based on my past mistakes
I am an overly  emotional Young woman
Please do not mistake me for a psychopath
What a social path based on my poetry
What is wrong with you
Honestly
Why

What a girl is bullied
Call Fat
Or other demeaning names or slurs
She decides to starve herself of food
And a physical and emotional beauty
She’s at the hinterlands of her existence
Boonies of life
Outskirts of society

Before you decide to hurt yourself or **** yourself
Think of all the nuances
And the beautiful things that you’ll miss out on
It’s someone else’s ****** words worth your life
Worth missing out on the nuances in the beauty and the fun of life
If the answer is no I would suggest that you would stop
Because it ain’t worth it
Trust me I’ve been down that road
Many a times

I do not look to people for guidance
I only look to the Big Dipper
FOr guidance

I do not look up to people for guidance
I look to the moon and the planets
For guidance

Whenever I’m in trouble I open the door walk outside
Look at the beauty of the night sky the bats flying outside
The starry balmy summer night

That is my mental health worker

As I look up I watch the sky and the stars like a hawk
Seeing each one twin call each one form a pattern
Equally as beautiful as the next
I wonder what wonder is like beyond the stars and the moon
It is some thing big and something greater than myself
To heck with the emotions and the bad stress
Well the universe and the stars are much bigger
Than my bullstuffing.

The moon…
With its phrases and different shapes
Sure is it’s OK to be going through different phrases and emotions
The sun with rising and sets
Means it’s OK to have your ups and downs
Your emotions will not last at least not the  negative ones
It’s OK to be human the night and Day sky shows that this is what we are supposed to be like going up and down and having different phases and emotions
It’s OK not to be OK

We are at the hinterlands of our emotions
We are at the hinterlands of winter
Spring is upon us
We are at the hinterlands of this pandemic
Let’s be hopeful
We are at the hinterlands I won year to the next one winter to spring
As we eat dinner We are at the hinterlands or another day

As the bats fly out of the barn
During the sun sad night falls and wonders
Come alive and so beauty
There can only be seen at night
Star patterns
The moon and the planets
We are at the hinterlands of daylight my friends
So look up words to the sky and see the Big Dipper
And what’s your problems disappear as they are smaller than the universe