no lights are required

               on the trailers of hindsight

cats eyes never blink

                  <>


now read up ^ ^
not backwards
line by line as
normal, but up.

There were days
I remembered
To put my heart on my sleeve.

The other days
I hid it
So deep inside my body
I couldn’t find it for myself.

The terror of anyone finding
Me judging me
Seemed to linger in the air
I inhaled.

I don’t like you.
Not the things you do.
Or say.
Not the way you smile,
Or the times you choose to laugh.
Worst of all when you scream.
You’re my blood,
But you pollute me.
I never want to be you.
I never want to need you.
I hate you.

trace
my palms
until you discover
they are roads
to my heart.

connect
my freckles,  
and imperfections
until they
say,
"i'm healing"

whisper
my heartbeat
into my chest
until i
remember,
the beauty in
it's song

kiss
me until
i'm breathless
so that i
will know
what it is,
to breath

please,
try to mend my broken pieces.

love me back together again

sitting at the kitchen table
crying,
and trying to
explain to my mom
why i stayed
while she told me,
with small kaleidoscopes of
warped devastation
pooling in her eyes
and rolling down her cheeks,
that this is scaring her.
because, it sounds like
i’m the type of girl
who stays,
while her husband beats her.
the girl she raised.
sitting at the kitchen table
crying,
and realizing
that when you ran your hands
through my hair as you kissed me,
you were twirling my future around
your fingers.
this is scaring me
because you’ll be the guy
who carved the hole in my chest
that stays
i know i will see your fingerprints
in all the hands that will come after you.

And I Will Run.

you’ve stripped me
of the walls i spent so long
building so high
and so wide
so that no one could enter after the last
and now i have destroyed the;
to be held by you