there are no safe words
in love
except for
YES
for we are devoured
helplessly by each other
through a rose window invitation
of delicate kisses
and shared dreams
putting an end to desolations cruel gnaw

YES
to the beginning of dependency
cowardice and war
mirth and ravishment  
frustration and fulfillment
periods of ruin and building up
but
the face of time withers all

everything in time my dear

there are no safe words
in love
except for
YES
yes to all that is given
and every bitter pill

What would your husband think about you leaving? Any kids?

"I don't have a husband anymore.... And no, no kids...there's no point anyway."

What?

"Loving anyone or anything.....
Feels great at first, but it always turns to crap. I know the truth about love.... Its a hell I'll never get out of alive."





No one does......

Wide awake at night.
I hold the weight of a heavy heart.
Numb to my core.
I can't bare this anymore.
Pain with every breath.
With each passing moment.
The gapping wound that is my heart, just  longing for you.
Tears cant fall but sadness seeps out, every pore.
I cannot break this bond between me and you.
I am lost in this world without you.
Stumbling, falling, reaching for you.
What was I to do?
You turned your back on me.
You turned your back on love.
I lay in ruin, drowning in the memory of you...the memory of us.
Cut me open, take what's left of my heart.
Take it with you. I don't need it anymore.
It will always belong to you.


My impulsive decisions to end us... keep me in a prison of regret.

So I cut myself open. Forced reason into this barley beating heart. Then Sliced deeper as I signed the dotted line.
All, Because I could no longer stand it. I could no longer wait. For you to realize...

Me...
Love..
Friendship..
Passion..
Our Fire...

But,
You never came.
I waited..
Silently, each and every night.
As my heart hoped for an impossible dream.

But that is what happens when one is naive.
Reality struck like a landslide of truth ripping me from my precious hope filled dreams, and it was in this moment that I knew....

You'd never come for me...

Lie awake at night.
Think about your life.
Is this the life you choose?
Always running, always hiding from the truth.
Will you ever be different?
I know I was only a game, and man, did you play me well.

It was all just a beautiful lie.
I was perfect in denial believing your feelings were real. That we were real.

How beautiful it was to believe all those moments that took my breath away were not real. How beautiful it was to believe you loved me. And most of all....How beautiful is reality when it all sinks in, that all this time I was being fed a beautiful lie.


Its time to erase this place painted with lies.
Erase all the pictures you painted of a love you said was real.
I'll be just fine.
I'll Hide behind an empty face.
I'll move away from this place.
I'll forget her face and the one you chose to take my place.

I'll move ahead, swift feet will carry.
Force distance and put miles in between us...

I know I'll forgive myself someday. When I can accept that none of what I felt or believed in was real. And on that day when my heart drifts back to you... Ill be able to forgive you too.....

Someday...

So you've hit rock bottom.

Have you realized it yet?

Have you caught your breath yet?

Are you learning to breath again?

I've watched from a distance. I watched it all unfold around you.

I've seen the ground crumble and shatter beneath your feet.

I don't call this karma. I don't rejoice in your suffering.

Watching life knock you to the ground is not something that warms my heart.

I want to reach for you. I feel that same pull on my heart and it wants nothing more than to pull you up on your two feet and to breath life back into you. To fill you again with a love that could bring you back to life....  

But my hand retracts...as the remembrance of your hurtful words come flooding back into my mind.

The dark cloud of memories soars in and circles me. The sleepless nights, the tear soaked pillows, the plague of emptiness and heartache. It knocks me off my feet and I'm torn.

What am I to do? You destroyed me, and turned me to ash.

So my love will remain here with me. Locked away deep for no one to see. Avoiding your blazing fire that has burned me so many times for getting to close.

I pray Gods Love lifts you up. And I'm only sorry it couldn't be mine...