Submit your work, meet writers and drop the ads. Become a member
 
 Jun 2018 Dazed Dreaming
Syd
What if
I had fallen to my knees
On the cold parking lot concrete
Tears washing over my cheeks
And cries no one should ever have to hear
Bellowing out from beneath my ribs
Screaming at the sky
Looking up at your face
Forcing you
(and everyone else)
To see me in this godforsaken state
Of absolute chaos
Heartbreak
In it's rawest form
What if I had begged you to stay?
What if I'd told you I can't do this without you?
What if I'd told you how much I needed you
What if I did anything other than fighting back the tears
Maybe for myself, maybe for you,
Mostly for the crowd of people gathering
Saying their goodbyes
Anxiously looking around to bear witness to everyone else's reactions
And I didn't want to be that girl
That girl who falls to the ground
Kicking and screaming and crying and begging
But what if I was?
What if I was any girl other than the one I pretended to be that day
The one that held her tongue and kept her mouth shut because she knew the second she opened it to speak she would sob
The one that wrapped her arms around you for the last time,
and the one that let go
The one that couldn't bear to watch you walk away
So she kissed you goodbye
Got back in the car
And drove home
What if i wasn't that girl who didnt allow herself to completely fall apart until she was alone in the privacy of her own home?
What if instead I'd made a scene,
Doing what everything inside me so desperately wanted to
Grabbing hold of your hand and refusing to let go
Losing the facade of confidence
The charade of strength
But I'm not that girl
And I never will be
So each and every time you leave
I kiss you goodbye
I unclench my fists and retract my anchors
I untether my heart from it's human home
And I put on a brave face
Maybe for myself, maybe for you,
Or maybe
For that girl.
Remember me when you feel all alone,
I'm always here for you, I'll never leave you on your own.
Remember me when your heart is broke in two,
I'll always be here to pick up the pieces and heal your heart for you.
Remember me when you feel depressed, stressed or angry,
I'm always going to be by your side through it all, please believe in me. Remember me when you're confused or lost,
Because I'm always here for you no matter what the cost.
Remember me when you're feeling ill in any way,
I'll always be here to nurse you back to health any day.
Remember me after I am gone,
And just for you, I'll be sure to ask God to leave Heaven's light on.
Remember me please, don't forget,
I'll always remember you, our friendship I'll never regret.
Remember me if you're in Heaven before me,
Maybe you can guide the light for me to see.
Remember me when you don't think you can ever love again,
Because I am here waiting to love you, but I can wait 'til then.
Remember me when you feel like nobody loves you,
Just so you know that I'll always be here, forever too.









©Words of a withering soul
Remember that u are not lonely... And I'll always be there for you
(Explicit)

I couldn't tell you what it was...
Or what caused it...
I honestly hadn't thought about you much...
It was a first but it came in plenty.
It was like I forgot about you...
Even if only...

Briefly...

My theory is...
Yes, of course I have one...


In the wake of,
a recent devastation..
I was..
Quite vulnerable..
Teetering on hopelessness...

It was in the midst of all this,
That My,
Boss,
My Employer,
&
Friend,
Starts confiding in me for marital advice....

Seems harmless right??
I mean really...
Why the **** did I even care?

Why would these harmless insignificant things bring back so many memories.


I remember going home that evening...
Drinking wine on my little black sofa...
Looking out my window, as the rain began to sound against my window pane..

It was then, that I realized..
Something started stirring in me
...
I was missing you...

What the hell is wrong with me?

Why do familiar situations, have that pile of **** way of digging things up...
You've already buried ten feet deep?

I'm angry...

I'm ******* at myself!

I don't want to miss a man who doesn't miss me.
Whose not thinking about me.

I don't want to feel the icy sting in my heart knowing he never loved me.

How he got away Scott free.
Without pain or agony...

I don't want there to be some piece of you I always love or a special place in my heart, where you'll always stay...

Because you don't ******* deserve it.

You never deserved me...

You never indured...
The pain and agony...
You don't know what it feels like, to be suffering.

Having to go through what it feels like when, your heart gets even a whiff of something that's tied to your memory..

I hate that my heart still entertains this **** because I wanna be rid of everything that has your memory tied to it.
( I lost track of my journal entry number so this will just be journal Entry 1170 just sounds pretty.)


Sorry for the rant.
 May 2018 Dazed Dreaming
eileen
Crying can you hear
My face is wet and I'm hurt
but I love you too
All I want is for the right man to enter my life that's supposed to be there.

In my dreams..
I picture him having rough strong hands that are lined with experience.
I picture him running his hands softly across my damaged past,
Lingering over the shattered places within my heart.
Kissing me so deeply, engulfed in unspeakable passion erasing every ounce of doubt that arises.
I picture him grabbing my hand, standing tall beside me, at the most crucial times, when others have left me...
I picture him saying...
"I love you."
I picture me believing it because the truth will be in his eyes.
And when he says,
"I'll never let you battle anything ever again alone."
It'll be in this small moment of pure bliss,
That...
I picture myself thanking God,
Because he turned a tiny dream of mine into a reality.
She stood where she’d always stood. Bare feet pressed firmly into that which was familiar; solid ground and mundane days. The rolling hills of green, dripping of constant certainty, nearly surrounded her. Yet before her, and so many others, was the vast open space of The Unknown that promised the opposite of that reality. No one she knew dared approach the The Unknown as there was never any need or desire. Her world was an unfailing provider of worldly things and acceptance. The surrender to conformity never felt too high a price to pay.

But, her contentment had grown old despite her youth. She often dug her toes into that solid ground beneath her feet. For she had learned that with enough pressure, it wasn’t so solid after all. The earth crumbled into soft dirt and she took pleasure in the feeling of disrupting it’s rigid state. When The Wind from The Unknown surreptitiously swept over the land, others raised a brow in disdain when she breathed in it’s essence, as if she were trying to decipher that which drove it. Her eyes often gazed in the direction The Wind came from, regardless of the shame that slowly began to grow inside her from her need to move on.

Day after day, week after week, something began to manifest itself in her. A seed implanted by The Wind of The Unknown. Or perhaps it was always there, covert in it’s infancy, until it had gained enough confidence to grow and surface. She felt herself drawn to step past the dirt she’d grown fond of playing footsie with and move cautiously towards the direction of The Unknown. Each step she took brought fear and uncertainty, but that was curbed by the the constant reminder of The Wind’s confidence in her. As she travelled, The Wind silently retreated to watch her grow on her own. Unfamiliar feelings arose that she had never experienced before which only led to even more new desires. She tried to process her emotions, but she was already moving forward at a steady pace.

Those that knew her, stared as she moved on. Their faces displaying confusion and judgment, as her small frame quietly disappeared against the horizon that radiated a haunting yet mysteriously inviting glow over The Unknown. How she longed to express to them the urgency she felt to depart their world. To share with someone this journey that had turned from sheer curiosity to the need to fulfill something in her that even she could neither comprehend nor fully understand.

Suddenly, her feet came to an abrupt stop as The Wind silently reappeared. It’s presence was familiar and yet unyielding. Looking down at her feet, she slowly became aware that she was no longer standing on any remnants of where she came from. She was standing on the edge of The Unknown. A jagged rock cliff that was both beautiful and terrifying overlooking a dark, vast body of water that appeared to stretch farther then the eye could see. She quickly realized why the air she inhaled met her with familiarity. It was the very entity that secretly breathed life into her spirit and beckoned her to depart from all that she had known before. With this realization came another. Her journey thus far had slowly fostered a self awareness that, like the jagged cliff she stood on, was terrifying and beautiful. She was aware of every single nerve in her body. Every desire she longed for was now completely known, understood and wanted more than ever.

She looked out at the dark, yet unexplainably welcoming water of The Unknown. That ever familiar Wind, playfully swirling around her body, tempted and coaxed her as she stood unsteady at the edge. It moved through her hair and against her skin like fingertips, gently comforting her. She basked in it’s attention and the memory of it’s unfailing guidance... until it warmly kissed her ear and whispered a single word; a command that forced a gasp from her lips. Her body began to tremble with fear as she attempted to process it’s request. The Wind felt her hesitation and picked up speed, reassuring her safety and softly explaining itself to her. “Wanting is not the same as Feeling”, it said. And so The Wind gently repeated: “Jump”.

So she jumped.

And the water enveloped her.

She felt.

She evolved.

She became one with The Wind.

And The Unknown became Known.
This poem/story is open to interpretation but simply put, it’s about moving on from one thing to another, despite the fear that accompanies change. In my personal journey, I evolved into living an alternative lifestyle and while the journey was scary, the outcome has been beautiful and fulfilling. “The Wind” is a representation of my husband helping me along my journey and watching me grow.
Next page