"It's hard to write about life when you've never lived."

Shadows roll over
Much of your body
Lights out
Goodbye everybody

Perhaps you took too many pills
They knocked you out
When all you ever wanted
Was to shout

Perhaps you cut too deep
Struck a vein
And now
Say goodbye to your brain

Perhaps you jumped
And landed and broke
You warned everyone
They thought it a joke

Now you’re gone
Bloodied and numb
You can finally go back
To where you are from

I’ve forgotten what freedom tastes like,
the substance that used to dance around my taste buds,
pulling me in,
a comforting arm around my shoulders

I used to think it would last,
that I’d forever be filled to the brim with glee,
but here I am now,
no freedom in taste

The arm has disappeared,
it faded away over time,
much like all things do,
and with it, it took my bottle of freedom

The hole that I sit is no longer bright,
everything I see is dull,
everything I smell is dull,
and everything I taste is dull

I miss the colors,
the scents,
and the freedom

I took freedom for granted,
and now I’m stuck here,
wishing for just one last drip

My love
You deserve the world
But sadly
I cannot give you that

But
I can give you
A meaningful note
A beautiful dove
And an elegant rose

My love
I have little to no money
So please bear with me
And accept my gift

I know you can find other men
Other men with money
Wealth
But men with compassion are hard to find these days

I may not have money
I may not be the best man
But I love you for you
And so I present to you this note
This dove
And this rose

i remember the cold grass,
flattened beneath our backs,
as we stared upon the stars above

your eyes would glow,
the most beautiful sight to be seen,
the stars could never compete

and when i would put my thoughts into words,
you'd blush; and the smile to grace your face,
was much like the sun above

you'd often blind me,
making my eyes burn, a pleasant sting,
while you sit, oblivious

oh, how you took my breath away

Have you ever thought
about how
you are the sun to someone

You brighten up their world
and without you,
they wouldn’t survive

Everyone has their own suns
In fact, one man’s sun
could have a completely different sun

The suns gain heat from each other
and they spread it
to and fro

There are many suns out there
spreading warmth
and causing smiles

But what about the moons?
The ones who are quiet
but absolutely stunning

The ones who
help light up
your darkness

So then you can see
but yet
you’re still blind

You don’t see
that the moon
is your soulmate

All because
you stared at the sun
for way too long

I've never been good at poetry
But for some reason
You drove me to it

Being all by myself
Without a friend
Without a soul
I found myself falling

Not for you
I had fallen for you long ago
I was falling deeper into my mind
And I pushed you away

And so I fell
Slowly losing myself
But I didn't care
Because I lost myself
When I lost you

Happy birthday
They say
But all I hear is
"You're getting older"

I'm losing my childhood
One day at a time
And soon
It will be gone
I will be gone

They say that life starts
Once you're an adult
But all I have ever heard
Was that life is horrible
Life is hard

Aging happens to everyone
Nothing can prevent it
Even the anti-aging cream
All it does is get rid of wrinkles
And sometimes it doesn't even work

Perhaps that's life
You buy something to make you happy
Something to change you
And sometimes it works
And sometimes it doesn't
Just like life

But you cant let age define you

I love to live
Long to live
But there's always something
Something that takes that away

Whether it be
My body
My family
My friends
Strangers

They always know how to pull the trigger
And send me crumbling
Crumbling to the floor
Like a broken marionette

Maybe that's who I truly am
A marionette
Something for people to control
Manipulate

They pull my strings
They pull them hard
And it seems
Like I always end up broken

You hear a growl behind you
Oh no, not again
It’s that horrible thing
It’s about to begin

You run away, screaming
“Please don’t take me!”
But it’s too late
It’s on a ****** spree

It claws at your clothes
Trying to slow you
But you carry on
Determined to get through

You trip and stagger
No, you weren’t going down
Your determination fuels you
You were not going to drown

It seems like an hour
But in reality it’s been a year
A year, you’ve been in Hell
A year, you’ve lived in fear

Perhaps the monster will spare you
Let you free for a while
So you could walk around
With an actual real smile

But until then
You will wander
Helplessly
And ponder, selflessly

Why can’t people help?
Why can’t people question?
Will someone ever find
The cure to depression?

As we swung on the porch
Like a church bell in the wind
You looked over at me and smiled
It had started to rain

I started to get up
But you pulled me back down
"Watch" is all you said
And you turned your attention
Back to the rain

And so I watched
Begrudgingly
Water started to coat my skin
And I wanted to go in

But as I started to move
Your hand gripped my wrist
"Wait" you say
"Okay"

And so I waited
Ignoring the moist
Water against my skin
And then I saw it

Sky
Wind
Water
...You

I became mesmerized
Not only from your beauty
But the wonderful
Summer rain

God
It's been so long
Since I've heard you
Seen you

And here we are
Standing awkwardly
Like strangers

If anyone saw us
They would have never guessed
That we used to be together
That we used to be the closest

But thanks to anxiety
And overwhelming fear
We went our seperate ways
Leaving our love to decay

And now
Standing here
With you
I realized I made a mistake

I shouldn't have left
I shouldn't have pushed you away
We could've had everything
But I ruined that

I hate this feeling
I know so much about you
But at this moment
I have no idea who you are

Talk to me
Please, I beg of you
It's all I want
Please, ease my anxiety

Ease my anxiety
Ease the cruel monster
The monster that started this
This entire thing

A large open field
A field of hope
Of dreams

You were there
Standing beautifully
In the expansion of stems and petals

The flowers danced around your ankles
And you waved
Shyly

My heart stuttered
It leaped
Was this real?

I stepped
Carefully through the colors
And held out a hand

You take it
And together
We walk through the flowers

A long
Long time ago
There was a
Glimmering
Inviting
River

It ran through my town
T'was like a brick wall
No one could pass it
Yet we adored it
Just the same

My family and I
We'd all sit along it
Stuffing our faces with tasty sweets
Meanwhile running our tiny hands
Through the river's soft
Flowing hair

We bonded over the river
Fore the river gave off a magic
Serenity

But, as we all know,
Serenity is not forever
And so, when I had turned 13 years of age,
An evil man had arisen

The evil man forced the magic out of the river
He strangled the river
And shaved off her beautiful locks of hair
Leaving nothing left
But a soil grave

The things in my wrist
They keep me alive
They fuel me
So I feel alright

The things in my wrist
They belong to me
Not you
Not everybody

But lately
My mind has been hazy
And I forgot about
The things in my wrist

And I attempted
To damage
To ruin
The things in my wrist

Because of me
Because of you
Because of everybody

Summer skies turn to Autumn
But my feelings for you are still there
And I watch as the leaves flutter to the ground
Reminding me of you
And how something so tragic can be beautiful

The cold breeze of Fall
Chills me to the core
And yet again
I am reminded of you
And how you used to give me chills

And as the leaves die
And the ground gets covered in snow
I am no longer reminded of you
Because you were my downFall
Not my everything

A soft glow glimmers
Illuminating the room
And I see you
And you see me

Arms outstretched
I reach for you
But you grimace
And back away

I step forward
You step back
And I knew
I had broken you

"I'm sorry"
I murmur
But you shrug
"It's not the first time"

And I understood
I have problems
Pushing people away
Blocking them out

But you
You're the only one I come back to
But I've done it
I broke you

"Let me explain"
I beg
But your head
It shakes

"No"
And with that
You fade
And I wake up

Coldness surrounds me
As I am struck
With the realization
That you're gone

No longer
Will I feel your
Gentle caresses
And soft kisses

All I will feel
From now on
Will be
Sadness
And the bitter cold

And I know
That I will find someone
Someone who will fix this
Fix this stinging cold
But for now
I am freezing

I wish to tell you
Everything that my mind contains
But I'm afraid that you'd run
Leave
And think of me as insane

My mind is full of everything
Things I like
Things I hate
And I can't do anything
Except lay here and wait

I wish you'd listen
I wish I didn't leave
I wish you'd see the things upon my sleeve
But I don't

And so I just stay quiet
Alone
Missing you
Hurting
Just to keep you safe
Safe, away from me

The silky
Yet rough
Gown that covers you
In entirety

Skin
Protection
Life

You're happy
Excited
For what to come
Life is great

But as you age
And your skin grows rougher
You change
And you let people's words
Become sharper

And the people's words
They cut
And slice
Until your skin
Is tattered

You're no longer happy
You're angry
At the world
At the people
At yourself
And your skin