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Ashley Jun 2018
No liver, no lungs. No talking equals no hate. Scared of the outcome when the outcome is bland. Hearts must be 1,000 times the size. Even if you forget and forgive people won't let you leave the past behind. Mistakes are mistakes, not failures.
I ****.
Ashley Jun 2018
Mirror mirror on the wall
Tunnel vision on the flaws
In the scale of things it’s unimportant
So no talking but it’s still an intrusive thought

Tried hard to correct it
But nothing was effective
No-one else seemed so obsessed with it, things were desperate
Until the voice crept in

I can help you, trust me, you’re ready

It seemed dangerous
But it said to have faith in it

The secret is to just be empty

Didn’t know if it was wise to listen
But what could it hurt to try?

P1:
And at first it was working
But then things were emerging
Cracked lips and Tired eyes
I’m hungry with no appetite

I’m shivering and shaking, and I tell myself it’s fine, but
You can’t fool your body, you can only fool your mind, yuh

Empty
I just need to be empty
Hide from anybody who’ll prevent me
Just fill up on water and shame
No, I’m not hungry, I just ate

I’ve developed a taste for this
Endure the neverending ache
Convince myself I’m in control and it’s not
All that voice that makes me sick

C:
Inside it’s empty
Ana- I know it’s wrong
I’m looking but I can’t see myself

Inside it’s empty
Ana- I know it’s wrong
But it’s so hard to stop it alone

V2:
Been getting even worse
All the days begin to merge
Just a blurry haze and now it’s
Almost second nature to ignore the urges

Can’t trust my own nature
Every calorie a failure
Gotta push the intake down every day
‘Cause the voice comes back to say

You want to eat?   Bite your tongue

Don’t want to stay an embarrassment
just have to stomach it

They don't know what you want
A tug of war against common sense
don’t wanna believe that I’ve overstepped

P2:
But it’s so overwhelming
And I hope no-one can tell
‘Cause the numbers keep decreasing
This ordeal is becoming routine, check

Arms back neck thighs **** it in and Pinch my sides
The scales are betraying me, the mirror is a lie, yeah

Numbers
It all comes down to numbers
I know it’s wrong but
Just because you know you’re colorblind
doesn’t mean you can see the colors

Fine, I admit I’m addicted
But the hunger feels good, how do I quit this
I know I could die, I’ve seen the statistics
But the voice is with me through thick and thin

Bridge:
I can reach out
To someone not like me
If you ask for help it doesn’t make you weak

I can reach out
ignore what the voice tells me
I can help my mind learn to trust my body
*Credit to JaidenAnimations & Boyinaband
Ashley Jun 2018
I step onto the blacktop stage. Sun burning on my skin. People smile, people point. We're doing the Ice Cream Soda game.
"Ice cream soda,
Cherry on the top,
Who's your boyfriend/girlfriend
I forgot!"
The jump rope swung as my feet went into motion.
A, B C, D!
I was doing great.
E, F-
I looked at her.
She won't know.
I stop and people cry, people scream.
They think I like Jake but I like her.
Ashley May 2018
Two
Two tulips, two tulips.
The two tulips love each other. And they both love tulips.
The two tulips hold hands. People cry, people scream.
The Two are split up.
2 tulips become 1 tulip, and another tulip.
A tulip, forced to marry a rose. The rose didn’t have a tulip.
The rose only had a Rose.
“A tulip and a rose is the way to go.” People shouted through out the streets.
Tulips and Roses. Women and Men.
***? LGBTQIAPD?!
Ashley May 2018
Click, click. Click, click.
He was blinded by the light. He smiled knowing it was a camera.
Click, click. Click, click.
His family looked at him in despair. Why aren’t they smiling? Aunt Betty is crying?
Click, click. Click, click.
The light got closer, his vision was non-existent.
Click, click. Click, click.
He reached toward the light to shut it off. Still smiling for the picture.
Maybe his friend was kidding around? That’s why his family was sad, they’re disappointed.
Click, click. Click-. Silence.

He layed in the hospital bed, almost dead. His family looked at him. Knowing it was the last sight of him thriving.
The electrocardiogram lost noise as his daughter screamed
He reached out for the ceiling and closed his eyes.
Ashley May 2018
My knees are weak as I fall to the ground.
The stairs I lay on has yellow fuzzy carpet. Carpet that is full of crumbs, dust, and nail polish.
The yellow carpet was once white, but is now not, no one knows why only it knows.
My knees can’t stabilize as my brain can’t make a move.
Without a moving body I have no moving brain, but I can’t have a moving body without a brain.
All I can think of is the words you put in my head. I’m to scared of your movements and every word you say is like a million of needles pinching me to teach me a lesson.
I’ve become to weak that I don’t seem weak to myself. Because for as long as I can remember I’ve been like this, weak. That I forgot how it felt to try or work hard.
So once I lay on the yellow fuzzy carpet. Not worried someone will see my salty tears hit the stairs, or see me falling to the ground. All I care about it whether or not if you know your words hurt too much to explain.
Whether or not you choose to be this way.
Because I’m feeling the yellow fuzzy carpet beneath me, and I’ve been on this yellow fuzzy carpet stairway to many times before.
Is this okay? It's practically a draft and I only feel a need to write poetry when I am panicking or crying

— The End —