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Amanda Kay Burke Jul 2021
It was a perfect ending to star-crossed tragedy

Like you were Romeo
I was Juliet

The best place to be became the location we left
Goodbye whispered not only to this godforsaken world
...To each other
I think romeo and juliet is my second favorite Shakespeare play as cheesy as it is
Amanda Kay Burke Jul 2021
Yes I am a beautiful disaster
In my wake leave a bittersweet taste
A special kind of love in soul
Most of it goes to waste

I long to stop disassembling
Pieces one by one
My demons have spoken
They warn I've just begun

Hiding in the silence
I am too afraid to share
Do not like the way opening up feels
Like winter branches laid bare

Pages of heart are torn
Many stained with tears
Can judge this book by it's cover
As dark as it appears

As whispers flow throughout mind
Uttered from lips of memories
Wishing my residual sorrow
Would be carried with the breeze

Suffering rising into air
Dispersing until completely gone
Hard as I try to blow them away
Miseries keep clutching on

My words lie at bottom of my lungs
Too tired to crawl out
They weigh down my shaky breath
Until every one turns to doubt

I retreat into the shadows
Cloaked in grey and black
Waiting for happiness to return
My colors may never come back
I am a cute wreck (my version of a hot mess)
Amanda Kay Burke Jul 2021
I am not sure which words to say
Many thoughts crowding my head
And pride plus fear get in the way
I stay silent instead

In no hurry to lay heart bare
Each time I've done it before
Sentences hung suspended in air
You smacked them down to the floor

You don't have the strength or sensitivity
To face truth and come to grips
This time what I'm longing to set free
Remains barricaded behind closed lips
So sick of repeating the same scenarios. When will I finally learn? My effort is pointless when it comes to you...
Amanda Kay Burke Jul 2021
I am a terrible person for what I know I have to do
But I am only human and deserve to be happy too
I am used to depression
It's been a long time friend
But as long as we are together it surely won't end
Not because you abuse my body or my feelings
But because you aren't helping the **** with which I'm dealing
You may be sweet but you make me feel sour
Quiet because it is easier to cower
Than to pick a fight that is impossible to win
Aggravation works it's way further under my skin
You are supposed to have my back
Clearly you do not
You throw me under the bus without a second thought
I wish I would have waited before rushing in headfirst
It seems with bad judgement I am hopelessly cursed
An impatient creature
Now both are paying the price
Because I am too foolish to stop and think twice
I know you will be angry
You have every right to be
But I have faith that in the future you will see
That this decision really is for the best
It only gets harder the more time we invest
I know deep cuts now are engraved on your soul
It wasn't my intention to carve out a hole
But attraction has slowly shifted to dismay
"I love you" is a phrase that toward you I'll never say
The way I looked at you changed after our first fight
And has only grown worse since that night
I held on hoping situation would improve
And one day of your actions I'd actually approve
But our relationship dies a little bit more
Each time you do something that I deplore
My eyes are finally open to who you really are
Too bad to see it took getting this far
This whole time I've held on wishfully thinking
It will get better but problems aren't shrinking
I'm ready for this to be over
Yearn to be free
Keeping your emotions safe is mentally draining me
A grave is already dug now it is time to lay to rest
The remains of our romance
Suffered cardiac arrest
You can yell if you want to or call me names
Whatever it takes to break these heavy chains
I have bottled up the truth for far too long
Pretending it might work despite it feeling wrong
I ignored my instinct in fear of loneliness
But these gnawing doubts have gotten too large to repress
Obnoxious ocurrences are a routine indication
Of our incompatibility
Leading to irritation
It seems we are both holding the other down
Not only do you not make me smile
You widen my frown
I am fully aware I frustrate you as well
Without saying one word by your expression I can tell
I don't want to be the source of your despair
But the weight of commitment has become too much to bear
I have wanted to cry out loud but kept my mouth closed
But these silenced concerns beg to be exposed
I think the moment is past overdue for you to hear
The honest thoughts crowding my skull no matter how severe
I apologize for hurting you
Hope you believe it wasn't my plan
I would stick it out awhile longer but am not sure that I can
Sometimes you have to be selfish in order to preserve your emotional well-being
Amanda Kay Burke Jul 2021
A thousand chances I gave to you
Each one you carelessly broke
I called you my soulmate
Now that word just makes me choke

Why do I always fool myself
And believe your honeyed lies?
Falling for the next facade
Before the last tear even dries

Our love is a labor of loyalty
But I carry it's heavy weight
Despite how much it wears me out
Or slows down my wobbly gait

Which requires an impressive grip
So I don't drop you from my hands
When most would have given up by now
My tired frame continues to stand

Throughout misadventures
As seasons pass us by
I hold our relationship up
Even when you hardly try

Your absence is tearing me to shreds
Strangling me with misery
And the cuts all over my insides
Bleed out though no one can see

Since you abandoned ship
Feel older than ever before
Loneliness is aging me
From my surface to my core

Seeking refuge from the storm
Safe haven I can't seem to find
Cannot escape the sight of your face
You're everywhere I turn in my mind

But you have no comfort to offer
Except in dreams and memories
So I fill my reality with questions
Stuck in consecutive reveries

The coldest summer I've experienced yet
Though the sunshine is bright overhead
I am frozen straight through the bone
Even with somebody new in my bed

The beat in my chest sounds quieter now
My pulse slow and miniscule
Death would be easier than this I am sure
But I am not a coward
Only a fool

Running circles with my eyes tightly shut
Wasting away as time passes me by
Living life on autopilot
In a stupor
More like a zombie since you said goodbye
Sometimes it feels like my life is a movie I am watching but cannot control
Amanda Kay Burke Jul 2021
You are more resilient than you realize
Heart will survive though it may bleed
Sharp words cut your ego down to bone
Use them to strengthen and succeed

Turning pain to tools is hard
But it is better than nothing at all
The choice is yours whether to fly
Or succumb to wounds and fall
Use these injuries as building clockd
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