Her pale flesh pinkens
and twitches so prettily
Happily chastised

Let yourself escape to me,
Your willing woman, wanting, waiting,
Ready, there, for you.
A forest, filled with the succulent scent
of nectar dusted flowers, dancing, so delicate,
Passion coloured petals
Swirling through a waterfall of want.
Here we will kiss,
A deep and dizzy first, and lasting taste,
Savouring the flavour of need.
Dream with me there, in our world of wonder,
We will weave and keep together
A heartscape, a hiding space,
Our loves' home, a treasured place.

I will never hide from you,
Never hide.
I will stride
boldly into war for you,
Fling myself before a gun,
Stake myself out in the sun.
What have I done? What have I done?
I've cried, I've lied, I've nearly died
I've blown my whole life open wide.
Do what you will
I'll always know I tried,
I tried, I tried, I tried,
I'll never hide.
I'll never hide.

Cheating
Repeating

Cheating
Repeating

Cheating
Repeating

Deleting.

Repeating.

I can only
Creaky speaky,
I am all of
Under done,
Mouth is full of paindrops,
Pitter patter,
One by one.

I am stomach sinkdown,
Licking sicking,
Thunder lung,
Heart is want a
humpy thumping,
Never then he
Comes among.

Friends don't trick each other.
I tell myself, it was just your way,
And yet, sometimes, I think about the way you worked me,
And I almost feel
groomed.
You were very good at the hinting and the waiting and the taking,
Very, very good my friend.
And now?
I suspect you just see it all as a bit of a lapse in judgement.
Unfortunate.
it got a little messy,
But you managed to get away unscathed.
You're very persuasive, talked her round,
He and I were collateral damage.
Expendable.
You were never a friend.
I was never anything
But a minor mistake.

Take a soft tipped brush
Dip, and trace my nakedness;
Viscous dripping rainbow streams
Clothe me here within our dreams.
Swirl my curves
With satin pink,
Let your brush flutter and sink
lower, purples, red and blue,
I'm a canvas here for you.
Paint me scarlet, paint me gold,
Paint some words
italic, bold
Stop when you begin to weep
A masterpiece, for us to keep.

Take a soft tipped brush
Dip, and trace my nakedness;
Viscous dripping rainbow streams
Clothe me here within our dreams.
Swirl my curves
With satin pink,
Let your brush flutter and sink
lower, purples, red and blue,
I'm a canvas here for you.
Paint me scarlet, paint me gold,
Paint some words
italic, bold
Stop when you begin to weep
A masterpiece, for us to keep.

You confide
A secret crush
And lips collide.

Conscience slaps libido
Tasting party tongue
You're all undone.

Pounding beat
Shaky feet
Fizzing heart
Fall apart.

Tomorrow is analysis,
Dissection, and dismay.
Tonight is heady chaos, and delight, and disarray.

Pathetic
But my tears are mirrored by the rain,
Lashing me...lashing myself...
Pathetic
But the howling wind is my voice
I feel it in my throat,
Reaching up into my head,
Tearing carefully nurtured calm out by the roots,
Stealing my screams.
Pathetic
But these January gales exactly match my mood,
And somehow comfort, with discomfort.
I'm in the right place
Weathering the storm,
Wearing Winter's face.

Remember when I asked you
To never forget that you are my friend?
You replied "and that's the most important thing".
Turned out not to be so important to you, didn't it?
You were happy to forget.
You have forgotten, easily, and without pain.
Remember when I told you I would hate it
If you were no longer part of my world?
That your friendship was so important to me?
You replied "It is for me, too"
Well, you could have fooled me.
You said that it was like an addiction.
Yes, it was, but you went cold turkey,
And somehow skipped the tremors and cramps and all the other painful ****
That goes along with kicking a habit,
While it nearly killed me,
I'm still in the heart of darkness, suffering,
And you don't care, you never did.
Saying all the right things,
Making all the right moves
To get what you wanted.
I'm glad you never got it, I'm glad that fate intervened,
I'm glad it was her that discovered our sordid little secret.
I'm sorry she has to live with you,
Sorry for me, loving a heartless *******,
Sorry for him, betrayed by his best friend,
I'm not sorry for you.
You are one sorry enough *******,
Pity is the very last thing you need.

One to five kisses
Place them softly where you will
I'll try to keep still.

Players 1 and 2 are after the same role
Pretending friendship with a higher power
In a laughable effort to get what they want.
3 just drinks coffee.
Endlessly.
All day long.
No-one knows what work she actually does
Or is indeed employed to do.
5 will soon be retired
Right now he's just tired
of all the silly games
So he sneaks a nap at his desk when things are quiet
And reads his newspaper under the desk.
There's one guy, number 6, he brings wine
To work and hides it in the toilets
Has a plan to confess soon
The company are obliged to pay for rehab
But at the moment, it's cheaper to turn a blind eye.
4 is the office joke
Gets in at seven
No lunch, last to leave,
A real workhorse
But he's next up for redundancy
Makes everyone else look bad.
And me?
You know my story
I write poetry
Endlessly.
All day long.
And I drink coffee.
I Stay out of the way
I don't like office play.

Thoughts of you fade
Like a photo kept in sunlight.
I can still remember your laugh,
Your voice,
Our kiss,
But the potency is distilled,
Diluted,
Watered down.

One day soon,
I will be able to think of you in abstract,
Just another someone.
A slightly awkward association,
Jarring slightly
In an otherwise pleasant afternoon.

I must admit,
I don't want this to happen.
You, for me, should ever be
Vibrant, dazzling, primary
But you are greying,
Fading, leaving me,
And I must let this be.

I want to love you,
but you make it so hard for me,
With this sadistic torment.

I imagine you are angry
At the way I have treated you,
And that is why you subject me to agony.

I was so ignorant, back then,
Blaming you for my own shortcomings,
I wanted you to change.

I tried to turn you into something you were not,
I starved you of affection, forced you to do things
Even as you protested, and begged to be set free.

Is this how you punish me? When will you stop?
Please, talk to me,
Tell me what you need.

Is it too late for us to learn to love each other?
There is no escape,
We have to find a way.
And there has been togetherness,
There has been delight, and even love.

Together, we have borne two children,
Danced with abandon,
Explored our limits alone and with others.

My body, my self,
Let me find a way to help you,
My body, my love,
Help me free us from this pain.

In my small, soft belly
Excitement builds.
Exquisite little judders pull
As if you possess a magnet for pleasure
And have buried deep inside me
What you want to attract.
I place my hand a little lower
And sigh, wondering why
The mere thought of you sets me a-trembling
Like a first-time racehorse, eager for the course.
I am coltish, nerves thrumming,
Imaginary music humming
Through my heart, my head.
Take me to your bed.
Take me where you will,
To all the places within you,
Make my home
your body and soul.
Eat me, I am gourmet flesh
For this epicurean adventure
I am longing personified
Oh, you - ah - you - are
perfect
Let me taste your heart.

I do not need to hide anything here,
He will never read
Anything by this haunted harlot.
Poetry escapes him
And eludes him.
Even the most obvious
of scribblings
Furrows his brow
And makes
His head ache.

And yet, he knows the facts
He knows the truth,
And must know that this is where I come,
To purge and re-emerge?
How can he not want to read,
To see,
To understand?
We will never fully know each other -
Perhaps, as he suggests,
This is for the best.

If only your mind
Were as beautiful as your body
And your eyes
As expressive as your hyperactive hips.
You invite consumption
And yes, you would taste sweet
But candy quickly loses its appeal
No substance
And nauseating in excess.

Let your rage explode
Do not try
To target or control it.
You are too wise
And real
And wonderful
To let it consume you
Leaving ashes in its wake,
So let it break,
For now.
Allow the ugly out,
Break, throw, shout
Until you can taste the angry blood
In the back of your throat,
Behind your teeth.
Underneath
all the anger is your healing,
It will surface,
You will start to come back.
You have to fully release the hate
Before you can let it go,
Otherwise, you will only purge it's shadow,
Leaving the real thing
Crouched in a corner of your hurting heart,
Waiting for a chance
To do more damage,
To destroy you.

Bathtime

You hadn't seen me naked.
I covered myself in bubbles,
And called you into the bathroom.

2. Pretending to lunch

When you told me you couldn't stop staring at my *******,
I invited you to indulge in thirty seconds of uninterrupted, intense ogling.
You were happy to oblige.

3. Birthday Present

I innocently suckled on my ***** and coke,
And you asked if I was "doing that deliberately with the straw".
I wasn't, I promise.

4. Unclothed

I did as you asked, I took off my dress
And stood there, bathed in candlelight,
Shivering, translated and transformed.

5.  My Reward*

We kissed.
We kissed.
We kissed.

Eleven poems
That aren't about you, or sad
That makes me happy.

Those beautiful men and women
On your TV screens
And in those magazines,
Legs like creamy marble pillars,
Chests and *******
Of sculpted, smoothest bronze,
They, too, are unprotected,
And gaze at each other, comparing, agonising
Defeated, out-competed.
Perfection is unerotic,
It's reality that drives those flares of lust.
Protect your imperfections,
Nurture and embrace them,
They are beautiful, alluring,
The story of you.
Someone is dreaming
right now,
Of wide hips, scarred arms,
Bitten nails,
Asymmetry,
Dimpled thighs,
Crinkled eyes,
Captivated by 'flaws',
Mine, their own, and yours.

I don't feel like I deserve any friends,
Or any kind of love.
I don't feel like I should eat
Or sleep
Or dream
Or smile
Or dance
Or laugh
Or come
Until I have done
Unspecified penance
For an unknown duration of time
Possibly forever.

All my thoughts of you are purple.
You will ever be inky,
Regal,
The last colour of the rainbow.

Lush berry stain
And a famous rain.

Pools, purpled with the heart of the moon
through thunderclouds,
Viscous and inviting.

Amethyst lover.
A rose dappled with dew.
As if it wept
Like my bruised and aching heart.

Purple
All my thoughts of you are purple.
You will ever be inky,
Regal,
The last colour of the rainbow.

Lush berry stain
And a famous rain.

Pools, purpled with the heart of the moon
through thunderclouds,
Viscous and inviting.

Amethyst lover.
A rose dappled with dew.
As if it wept
Like my bruised and aching heart.

Memories resurface
And physically hit me
Like a slap in the face.
Invisible bruises are no less agonizing;
Purple flowers blooming in my heart.

Kiss kiss
Lick lick
Stroke fur
Purr.

Kiss Kiss
Lick this
Flick Flick
Her.

Arch back

Miaow!

Don't stop

Wow!

Angry cat scratches
Everything he knows I love
I forgive, stroking.

I know what you want
But I don't understand why.
Tell me, ****** me.

Suckled
My lower lip swells gently
Like a rose in bud after a summer shower
I have what I

need, I am ready to be opened
I am opening already
And inside, an invitation
That can only be read by

You.

Oh, I came
Here ripe and ready as
the swollen summer moon.

On a sweet, still moment
our fates linger, waiting
On a pregnant, prescient pause.

Quiet, comes the
Quivering storm.

The chemicals produced by the brain
Combine and collide
In order to confuse.
I want to defy the formula,
Ignore the reaction,
And choose.
Choose what I want,
Who I want,
Override chemical overthinking.
Overactive imagination plus a little stimulation
Equals lust, obsession, pain.
Perhaps if I try really hard to overcome my programming,
I could be an alchemist of emotional responses,
Instead of an oxytocin ******.
I know, I know
It's arrogant of me to expect to be
The first human being to truly master self-control.
The alchemists of old
Had a better chance
Of turning straw to gold.

His ***** tongue infuses every phrase
She glazes, spreads like honeyed butter
into the words.

Trickling slowly
Oh, so slowly
Through each stanza

This is her molasses moment
She is ready for his pen
to catch her syrup drips, to stop this slick
Becoming a pool.

I dream darkly, dicing with desire.
You are not to deny me these dangerous dreams,
They are dangerous only to me.
When nothing else remains,
When all else is stolen away,
They will still be deliciously distracting.
This is my disorder, my indulgence,
It’s how I declare my despair.
Deny me nothing, all is stolen away
Except the pictures my mind can paint,
Elusive, translucent, they will fade.
I’ll dream of the dreams of the dreams
Like tracing paper, or a silk screen
I’m trapped behind, living fantasy.
All I have, all I will have
Is muted copies.
It’s impossible to capture
Something so unreal.

Look, look, look!
I've written several poems
That aren't about him.
I've written a few things
About other stuff.
I'm even thinking about other stuff,
For at least a few minutes at a time.
I'm definitely moving on,
Wouldn't you say?
I'm definitely
Finding my way.
He's only in my head
When I'm in bed.
And sometimes, I can even fall asleep
Before three or four am,
Sometimes
I forgo the little cry,
Not every time,
But sometimes.
Okay, once, yesterday, but -
That's still progress, right?
You have to
Stay positive
You have
to, to
You have to....