Test here and Test there,
too much Stress to bear.
Let me write, let me type.
Because I know. . .
I Can Not Fight.

Another world rules our own
We are all pawns in a board game
We all fight against an enemy, or one another.
Together, we try to rise, but die in this tide of life and death.

Like a Survival Game.

Holding it out.
As one lie on the ground, somewhere they can not be found.
Not alone, but this place is empty, eyes breaking, as their lids are shaking.

Spotting the blur that was blessed upon them, a person? With a hand to take? An offering to help one awake.
Although the time, it didn't seem wrong, though not right.
For one was young, and still had something.
But it wasn't for them, for another took it for the taking.

It was for someone else, as one disappeared.
Fading away as their heart made flee.

Once again, this hand that they can hold.
Bestowed upon them.
A gentle smile in their direction, almost like a peck of intimate affection.

Reaching out, further and further, clutching the gift of what he had in store.

Mistakes are made. And that's a fact.
The past is the past.
And you can not go back that far.
All you can do is adapt, and take your life back!
Move forward.

Tick, Tock,
Goes The Clock.
Tick, Tock.
It's a mock.
Tick, Tock.
Then time will stop.
Tick, Tock.

Mum...Dad...
You probably don't want to hear anything from the ****** of the family, but I'd just like to say thank you for guiding me and helping me when I was down, even if I get mad and frustrated with you for not understanding my teenage self.

I wish things weren't quite this hard, but I don't want you to be mad at me anymore, I'm sorry I never made you overly proud with anything I did.

Night is a time where I lay awake and overthink about things again and again, the same things, different day and familiar tears.
I always wondered why I didn't get support for little things, cause it seemed you didn't care for them or what they meant to me, did you feel scared possibly? I can't ask because you don't hear my words.

Pondering back and forth as I pace around, waiting for a response.
I've written too much its not even my own anymore.
So I'm going to stop for a while.

I thought everything was fine,
I thought we were okay.
But, I guess you changed your mind,
since you went the other way.

I tried so hard.
I swear I did.
So hard to impress you,
So hard to gain your respect!

But all my trying and all my dying.
Was worthless to you.

"I can't do it!"
"I'm trying!"
"I tried"
"Goodbye"

So many questions, so many tales and stories they tell.
Plenty speak. Any, will listen.

But not all do. But they do not know the true.
Your true intentions.
Your true thoughts.
Your true nature.
Your true heart.

For they can not hear, for they do not listen.
All they hear is their own,
*voice

I can't really think of anything at this point.
I feel like, I won't get anywhere if I don't try, but then I feel if I do try.
I'll see fear in their eyes.

The sun is frightening but brightens the world to let us see beauty, I do not wish to be the sunlight in someone's life, but I much prefer the moon.

A gracious and bright white glow that lets you see the path ahead in the dark.

But what can I do?
I'm only me, and you are only you.
I can't seem to let go of this grip I'm holding onto.
To others it may seem sickening or twisting.
But, I don't know what I'm doing, and I honestly wish people didn't waste their time *******.

******* around with their words, ******* around with my mind with their turds, thinking they're speaking English.

All they're spouting is nonsense.
****.
Don't ***** around with the truth.
Just tell it to me straight.
All of your opinions are the same, it's like everyone's words are only on replay.
Original mixtape, pirated between people's brains.

I’m a person, that’s all I can say.
I go through my day; sometimes wishing I was back up in Toodyay.
But even back then, before we joined.
Each of us being the opposite side of a coin,
but he made me smile, he made me happy.
And I hope I did the same.

We stay up late, texting away.
Pretty cliché.

But I’m okay with that.
And I hope he’s okay with that.
Whenever I speak with him, over a message or in person,
I’m okay.
Safe and Secure from the Immature and Cruel World
I overthink on many occasions, did I say the wrong thing?
Did I annoy him?
Why doesn’t he get rid of me for Christ Sake, I’m not that much of a delight!
But he always says the right thing, and sometimes my face will fully flush in the colour he complimented me in.

I think of him randomly and I play little scenes in my head,
even when I’m falling asleep in bed...
What’s Wrong With Me?
And What’s Wrong With Him!? Why Does He Like Me Seriously!?

i'm too young to be this sad,
i'm too young to feel this hatred towards
my face
my body
my mind
myself.

I thought that I found a new high that kept me off the ground that revealed a toxic ocean that drowned me beneath a voice, and a missing sensation, a buzz, a laugh ... and a hug.
I thought that someone had offered me a helping hand after this slump I was rocking back and forth in,

but now I'm second guessing me, because I despise me, and what I have become accustomed to creating and destroying.

Be Careful How You Talk To Someone Like Me.

i'm too young to be soaking myself in this waterfall of thoughts that i keep thinking like shots to my gullet.

i'm too young to be remembering the past and feeling depressed once I catch a whiff of a smell that you were heavily coated in, and I think back to before now and then I feel so dead inside with the past spark I had in that desirable, beautiful life I once sort to be my future.

i'm too young to feel dead

I wish for freedom from all the problems that come my way,
some still haunt me from my past to this day.
They keep coming back, the same thoughts again and again.
Same problem, different day, similar night.

I don't like it.
I'm from the West side of Australia, from the beautiful down under.
But pretty land doesn't mean everything projected is true, I am trapped in this country with these people

I only wish to escape from this West Side, to spread out across the world and no longer be contained in a cage with broken, ****** and battered wings, I wish to be here and there and never look back.
But I can't do that, no because they keep coming back, again and again, why can't you just stop!?

Let me go, let my wings heal and stretch, so that I can finally learn to fly high and maybe leave this West side of Australia

constant thinking, never stopping.
A Woman's Brain.
Thoughts and questions, staring into spacious milky-ways and into the abyss of black holes

scheming and thinking of a fantasy land that may never exist,
probably won't, but I'm a sinner that prays for an ounce of hope to bless the idea

But! I do not tend to believe in happy endings, because no matter how happy I try to be.
I never am, it never ends up how you want it to, even if you're desperate for that favorable latter.

a life has no meaning, even if we try and believe and strive to achieve, and prove that there is, it's all just a chemical, it's all artificial in our minds.
love is not real, fear is a trigger, happiness is a drug, pain is just a reaction and when we die that's it.
Nowhere to go, no one to see, nothing to attract us to lies and scams anymore that surrounded our once breathing beings that were choked out.
We sink down under the waves and the ship dies under the moonlit sky, the stars mocking our decent beneath and the world pretending to grieve after we lost our privilege to breath in suffocation...

Even if my dreams will never be real, I even if I'm beat down and kicked in the teeth, I've manged so far, I'll be okay. I invite the pain to wake me up from this fantasy, this pitiful and unlikely belief, this prayer that I secretly beg for all the time when I think of you.
A smile in my mind as the image of you fills my brain with things, but then I'm set free with a punch in the face and a foot on my back.

A nice reminder.
I only wish and crave your arms around me, and your smile and laughter to be heard and seen by me, and I want to hear the beat of your broken heart. It may leak out, but I want to care for you and keep you safe, but you do not.
Avoid it at all costs, because we're living for today, and I am not wanted for the next to come, as the swings are directed to me, braking me down with their fists and feet.

They're still hurting, but I'm trying to push this ignition down so the flame runs out, but who knows.
I'm waiting.