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Jan 2020 · 158
The Jar
Esther Jan 2020
The Jar
I tried to feel.
I tried to understand this unpleasant feeling
For I was told it would be healing
I opened the jar where I hid them all
Like a busy ant colony,
I let them scatter and crawl all over my body
It felt as if I was drowning in a sea of memories
A sea of my hopes and fears
I tried to control them but it only brought tears.

I tried again
My heart overwhelmed with anxiety,
I opened the jar once more
And it attacked me like before
This time, it relentlessly ate away at my soul.

I reached for the jar
Filled with the urge to be free
From the feelings that bind me
They won’t let me be.

I tried so hard
These feelings so intense
Make me question my good sense
The jar overflowing with emotions
I could no longer control,
swallowed me like a black hole.

I knew what I had to do
I reached for the jar once again
Tightly, I closed it in pain
And they quickly flew away.
I told myself
“Maybe not today.”
Conceal don’t feel
Jan 2020 · 43
Late night thoughts
Esther Jan 2020
Brain: “When will he be back? Isn’t he going to call soon?”

Heart: “He left, remember?”

Brain: “But why? after all the fun memories we made? He was so in love with us”

Heart: “People change.”
How can someone suddenly wake up one day and decide they don’t love you anymore
Sep 2018 · 977
She may be Broken
Esther Sep 2018
She may be broken now but the thing is

Her brokenness is strength,
seen as weakness by others,
it becomes one of her greatest strengths
It will bring forth a never-ending length
of inspiration, goals, and desires

Her brokenness is healing,
As her scars, wounds and
bruises begin to fade
a new sense of self,
one she is yet to be acquainted with emerges
Here she will realize
her brokenness is not what defines her,
but simply her will.

Greater than the eye of a storm,
her strength stretches further than
the roots of a grandmother willow
whom has bared generations on generation.

Like a baby who opens its eyes for the first time
Her eyes will squint and twinkle at the light of her true worth
She embraces the light, she soaks in the light,
she allows the light engulfs her for she now know who she is.

Giving was her weakness.
Giving was her strength.
In her light, she sees her power to control what to give,
who to give and when to give.
No longer will she give to those who only take from her
to those who only drain her.
She will give to those who fill her,
she gives to those who give to her
because they know the light of her worth.

The light of her worth
Her light
Her worth
Her
Sep 2018 · 126
Save me
Esther Sep 2018
There’s an empty world deep in my heart
Lonely eyes trapped in darkness
The truth is hidden by scars
Sep 2018 · 180
Waiting Room
Esther Sep 2018
I’m stuck in a waiting room between Heaven and Hell
It’s suffocating
Yet it somehow feels free
The actions I make in this room will lead me to my final destination
Some say the wait is too short and other believe it is too long
Most people just enjoy it
This waiting room called “Life”
Sep 2018 · 240
Friends With Benefits
Esther Sep 2018
Friends With Benefits
Emotional Frustration
Sensual Addiction
Physical Attraction
Mental Confusion
Living a fantasy
Thinking reality
Messy feelings
Lust, Love
Sin
Had No idea what we would become.
Oct 2016 · 285
Me
Esther Oct 2016
Me
Hey I'm not Asian I'm nigerian
See
Mar 2016 · 1.5k
Depression is my Obsession
Esther Mar 2016
Some days are good days.
Some days are bad days.
Pain is played in slow motion,
Happiness in Fast forward.
I think about my day every night,
Only to regret all the decisions I made.
During the day I act totally fine,
But on the inside I have break downs
And start dying, with no
Motivation to move on.
Why is it so hard?
To be 'normal' for once
Feb 2016 · 966
Infatuated
Esther Feb 2016
I'm infatuated with you
My heart skips a beat when I Think of you
But when I'm with you, I feel nothing.
You're on my mind, day and night.
Through out the day you're out of sight.
You're in my dreams
This isn't love,
It's only an illusion.
The illusion that I love you,
And you love me back,
Together at last.
I'm infatuated with you
Feb 2016 · 369
I care
Esther Feb 2016
No! Please don't go
You can't leave me here
I'm not a pro.
It hurts to see you this way
When your sky's are gray
And I can't  do anything.
No matter how much I try
You keep saying goodbye
It scares me.
Why can't you agree?
Life is worth living
And thanksgiving.
You say your only depressed
But obviously your broken,
Live a fragile vase,
Cracked and shattered.
No need to worry,
I'll pick up the pieces
Even if you say no
I don't care weather I get hurt
All that matters is that
Your back as one.
Feb 2016 · 436
She
Esther Feb 2016
She
She loves you
She hates you
You pushed her,
Off her route
Now she's lost
In her delusions
But once she
Crawls out of them
She'll be trapped
In the hole she dug.
Lonely, helpless
Where you left her.
She'll hate you
She'll need you.
Feb 2016 · 591
Insecure
Esther Feb 2016
I start to feel insecure
And wonder if our love
Is the same,
Or equal.

Or if you even love me at all
Or if I ever even loved you
In the first place.

It hurts that I actually
Doubt our love
Because I'm so insecure
Feb 2016 · 906
My Edges
Esther Feb 2016
My edges got snatched
And they never came back
While I was getting those tracks
They got detached

There's this empty space
At the side of my face
I feel ashamed
They were even tamed

Sick of wearing headbands
Just to cover those strands
Hoping they'll return
I'm getting so concerned

Everyday I get fried
I want to hide
They say my hairline
Looks like frankenstein

I go home crying
I keep on trying
To grow them out
Without a doubt

Next thing you know
They start to grow
I then show them off
And they start to cough
Feb 2016 · 316
BestFriend
Esther Feb 2016
You're the shoulder I can cry on
You're the blue in my sky
You're my 'blessing in disguise'
With a really nice surprise!

You're always 'on the ball'
No need to make a call
No matter how small
You're my all in all

Thank you for staying
When I kept on playing
Now you got me praying
That together we'll be swaying
To:
One and only
Feb 2016 · 2.9k
Heaven
Esther Feb 2016
We. Us. One. Together.
Happiness, love, and hope.
Remarkable times we share.
Memories only WE experienced.
Times witnessed together.
Thoughts that link us as one.
We may not have them now,
But definitely in the future.
Where you are, I will be there too.
I smile for you every day.
I fall asleep thinking of you,
Opening my eyes as I call for you.
When we are together, we'll never cry.
You protect me.
By your side, you embrace me.
Even from miles away,
Our soul, hearts, and memories,
That can never be shattered,
Stay strong as one.
The love that we share
Is more precious
Than anything in this world.
I am thankful to be next to you.
Love is all we need.
"I can tell from your eyes
I can tell about our love"
Yes, you are indeed my heaven
Inspired by Ailee
Feb 2016 · 682
What I want
Esther Feb 2016
Is this really what I want?
To spend hundreds of dollars,
On brand name clothing
I'll eventually grow out of?

Is this really what I want?
To act like someone
Who is the exact opposite
Of who I truly am?

Is this really what I want?
To do things
That go against my beliefs
Or what I see to be right?

Is this really what I want?
To pay hundreds of dollars
Every few months
Just do get my hair done?

No.
This isn't what I want,
This is what the
world of today wants.
Feb 2016 · 783
Strange World
Esther Feb 2016
We live in a strange world
Where people are full of hatred
And innocent people are hated


We live in a strange world
Where little girls are willing to paint their faces
And take off braces

We live in a strange world
Where everyone sees beauty in only one way
And worry about how much they weigh

We live in a strange world
Which people destroy
And pollute

Won't anyone come to their senses?
How long are we going to be like this?
Someone help us
Amen
Feb 2016 · 1.5k
Hand of Warmth
Esther Feb 2016
Walking alone in the darkness
My world looks so different from yours
No one notices
No one takes my hand

Somebody please
Just notice my pain
I just want to reset
Want to return to my happy days
I want to reset
Just help me reset

I'm just stuck in this lonely darkness
Floating around, hopeless
Someone tell me why I'm lonely
Why is only my world stopping?

Walking with someone in the dark
is better than walking alone in the light
So please just offer your hand
One hand is enough to help

Help me go back to the beautiful days
I want to reset
Just help me reset

I need a hand of warmth
But why isn't anyone there?
All I get is weird looks
Don't we all deserve the help we need?
We can all breathe.....
Isn't it the same?

I pray for a society
Where we get the help we need
Without the discrimination
We all deserve that hand of warmth.

I just want to go back to those fun days
Just help me reset
Reset my whole life

Finally, I can breathe....
I actually have a reason to live,
Your smile that is very warm
Finds me before disappearing
In the darkness your smile
Shines brightly into my gloomy heart

I can finally reset
Reset my life
Into the light I come
My new life awaits
I'll be sure to give
A hand of warmth
To that person
Who needs help resetting
Feb 2016 · 335
This part of me
Esther Feb 2016
Don't smile...Nobody loves you
Wait until they ask
Let the inner depressing part of you take over
That is how you really feel
At least then you won't have to smile anymore fake smiles
Now people will actually know what goes on underneath that smile and laughter
You don't belong
You're just a loser, coward, and a selfish piece of trash.
You tried to fit in but it doesn't help
Just live knowing no one would mind if you disappeared
All they do is take advantage of you
They get what they want and ignore you
It's actually pretty exciting knowing that the
world around you is slowly caving in
Yeah I may seem happy,
But this is me


This part of me
Is lighting up
The part of me
That is willing to smile for those
who truly love me
Even when I feel horrible
There is a part of me
That wants to stand tall
And show the world what I have to offer
When ever I see the faces of those I love,
That is what keeps me going
Even though there are people
who wouldn't care if I disappeared
People like you reading this do
I hope...
I meant 'you' as in me
Feb 2016 · 271
Fate
Esther Feb 2016
It's just fate
Which can hurt
A lot
And can make you feel like dying
It's feels as if the world is caving in
But no one seems to notice
U end up in pain
With nothing to gain
Suffering all by your self
In a corner
Like a loner
Because of this harsh thing,
Called fate
Feb 2016 · 483
I still Love you
Esther Feb 2016
I really do like you...
Even though you hurt me
Even though you left me in the shadows
I still dream of us under a mistletoe
Even though we are only friends
To me it seems like you pretend
I understand you don't want to hurt me anymore
Even though you haven't said a single word about it
I'm okay with it
I won't doubt it.
It must have been hard for you
But I was also scarred
Just remember I'm always here
Even if you disappear,
I will wait
Hoping we're soul mates

I really do like you
Even though you hurt me, and scarred me too.
Even though you left me, and came back.

I still love you.


Why do I still love you?
For a reason I don't know,
Please just don't go.

— The End —