this city brings out the
******* worst in me. ill
hate you like you
begged me too.

my skull is paper
and my brain is a
serotonin seesaw
never where its
supposed to be.

if we are four
i am fourth.
drag me by hand through
this ******* city like
i am clean in its plague.

the busses go so fast it
almost feels too easy
to get out of the game
while im ahead.

i could be obliterated
on the sidewalk
by a 55 headed home.
it might take me there,
it looks so sweet
and i miss my clothes.

who ever gave a knife
to these drunks?
they stumble around the
living room. Charlotte almost
breaks a painting.

i still hear the drums
through the door. and the
occasional scream.
whatever gene that is,
it skipped me. i am instead
burdened with dependence.
it is in my blood to
lean on drink like it might
save me.

that blue is no fun
for a boy. there is no
serenity just suffering and
following along with
the family business.

my room is a mess
yet i stumble so sweetly
into the arms of prophecy. it has been
calling my name like a lost dog.

but id much rather **** the
party than myself.

this body
this temple.
was made for everything but itself.
the pilgrim for the rain to come.
a harvest, not for me but
for you.

eat from me or we'll all starve
but sneak me some bread
if ever you have the chance.

//

how could i ever compete with a body.

if this shell of a temple is
all thats here, a good bargain but
definitely not worth
the investment.

i still cant believe i
armed the gun
that shot me dead.
i took a knowing wrong turn
and still
barrelled down the road.

let me take you to my snow storm.
where the trees do shimmer
in ice and fainted sun.

there will be room for two
on these walkways. i
shovelled and scraped
for someone.

watch the brambles waltz
in a light breeze, they look
so content here. they look
so familiar.

this pit is as
empty as they
say. i may find fruit
or some water if luck
spins my way.

do you care to
join me? we could really
make a home here.
help me scratch the
black off the walls
and ill be in your debt.

i have been mistaken,
so i will mislead.
the def will lead
you blind and we will
all be lost.

a heart like
my mothers purse,
time tested and
full of everything.
a mess really,
but always ready to
prove me wrong
when i think
i dont need it.

if you care to look
you might find something
for me. i only ask
because i hear it
call my name through
the leather.

the winds of change do
make me sick.
i cough and sniffle
for time already spent
on my hometown honeymoon.

i swear i was born for the train.

slow and convenient.
high maintenance
and free if youre lucky
but cheap if youre not.

i can

get you close enough to
know youre lost.
a kink in these wheels
might send us flying.

//

i am so far gone
and past. the mold on
these leaves smell
much of home.
and i am giving my
skin for impossible deeds.

to rid us of time.
to live when i please.

in some way i feel
as though i am not living
if im not being hit
by the scaffolding.
a world is being built
while i check my
clothes in a passing window.

i will say words i regret
on this train, but they are
words i mean. like cyanide
for the agent i will die
for my cause if it cant
**** me first