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Dorothy A Jun 2012
With great recollection, there were a few things in life that Ivy Jankauskas would always remember—always.

She would never forget where she was when 9/11 happened; she was in her algebra class, doodling a picture on a piece of notebook paper of her dog, Zoey—bored out of her mind by Mr. Zabbo’s lecture—when she first heard the shocking news. Certainly, she could remember when she first properly fell in love; she was fresh into college when she knew that she loved Trevor Littlefield—the day after they agreed to get back together, right after the day they decided to split up—after she finally realized that she really loved him, much more than she ever, really, consciously thought. She would forever remember when her parents first took her to Disneyland; she was seven and got her picture taken with Snow White and Mickey Mouse, and she instantly decided that she wanted to become a professional Tinkerbelle when she grew up.

And, like it or not, she could remember her very first kiss. She had just turned five, and it was at her birthday party. How could she ever forget those silly paper hats, and all her little playmates wearing them? They were a good sized group of children, mostly from the neighborhood and her kindergarten class, which watched her open present after present. Ivy remembered her cherry cake, with white frosting, and the stain she had when she dropped a piece on her pretty, new dress that her mother had bought her just for the occasion.  

It was later that day, behind her garage, that Gordon Zachary Durand, the Third, a boy her same age, planted one on her. It was a strange sensation, she recalled—icky, wet and sloppy, and Gordon nearly missed her mouth. Not expecting it, Ivy made a face, puckering up her lips—but not for another kiss—as if she had just ****** on a spoiled lemon. Ever since then, it was the beginning of the dislike she had for Gordon Zachary Durand, the Third. She didn’t exactly know why—there was just something about him that bugged her from then on.

There grew to be several reasons why Ivy knew that Gordon was a ****, something she first sensed at her birthday party behind the garage. Since about third grade, children picked on Ivy’s name, teasing her by calling her “Poison Ivy”.  And the one who seemed to be the loudest and most obnoxious of the name callers, chiming in with the other bullies, was Gordon Zachary Durand, the Third.  Ivy was proud of her name up until then, but the taunts made her self conscious. Her mother told her to be proud of her name, for it was unique and different, as she was unique and an individual. Still, Ivy felt uncomfortable with her name for quite a while. Only in adulthood, did she feel somewhat better about it.

A bit of a tomboy back then in school, she would have loved to punch Gordon right in the nose. If only she could get away with it! What a joke! Who would name their child Gordon anyway? She had thought it was far worse than hers.

So to counter his verbal assaults to her name, Ivy called Gordon, “Flash Gordon”, after the science fiction hero from TV and the comics. But Gordon was no hero to her. He was more of a villain, creepy, vile, and just plain mean!

Soon, new name of him caught on, and other kids were joining her. She had a smug sense of satisfaction that Gordon grew furious of the title, for it stuck to him like glue.

Gordon’s family lived right around the block, just minutes away from where Ivy lived. Ivy’s mom, Gail, and Gordon’s mom, Lucy, both went to the same Lithuanian club, and both encouraged their children to take up Lithuanian folk dancing. Ivy remembered she was eight-years-old when she began dancing. It was three years of Hell, she had thought, wearing those costumes, with long, flowery skirts, frilly blouses, aprons, caps and laced vests, and performing for all the parents and families in attendance. Worst of all, she often had to dance with Gordon, and he was one of only three boys that was dragged into taking up folk dancing by their mothers. Probably all of those boys went into it kicking and screaming, so Ivy had thought.

Many years have came and gone since those days. Ivy was now a lovely, young woman, tall and dark blonde, and with a Master’s degree in sociology, working as a social worker in the prison system. Ivy’s parents would never have imagined that she would work in a field, in such places, but she found it quite rewarding, helping those who often wished for or were in need of redemption.    

When Ivy came over to visit her mom one day, her mother had told her some news. “Gordon Durand’s mother passed away”, Gail announced. It was quite disturbing.

“What? When?” Ivy replied, her face full of shock.

“Well, it must have been a few days ago. I saw the obituary in the paper, and a couple of people from the Lithuanian club called me to tell me. The funeral will be Friday. Why, I didn’t even know she was sick! She must have hid from just about everyone. If only I knew, I would have gone to see her and make sure she know I cared”.

It had been a long time since Ivy saw Gordon, ever since high school. Now, they were both twenty-six-years-old. It never occurred to her to ever think of Gordon, to have him fixed in her mind like a fond memory from the past.

“Could of, would of, should of—don’t beat yourself up, Mom” Ivy told her "I guess I should go pay my respects”. But Ivy was not sure if she really should do it, or really if she wanted to do it. “Mrs. Durand was a nice lady. Sometimes, it is the nice ones that die young. What did she die of anyway?”

Ivy’s mom was pouring herself and her daughter a cup of coffee. “I believe it was leukemia. In the obituary, it asks for donations to be made to the Leukemia Society of America”.

Ivy shook her head in disbelief.  As she was sitting down with her mother at the kitchen table, drinking her coffee, her mom shocked her even more. Gail said, “Only twenty-six, same as you, and now Gordon has no mother or father! How tragic to lose your parents at such a young age! It breaks my heart to think of him without his parents, even though he is a grown up man now!”

“What?!” Ivy shouted in disbelief. “When did Gordon’s dad die?!”

Gail sipped on her coffee mug. “Oh, a few years ago, I believe. Time sure flies, so maybe it was longer than I think”. Gail had a far away look on her face like she was earnestly calculating the time in her mind.

“He died? You never told me that! How come you never told me?”

Under normal circumstances, the thought of Gordon Zachary Durand, the Third, would almost want to make Ivy cringe. But now Ivy was feeling very sad for him.  

“I did!” Gail defended herself. “You just don’t remember, or you weren’t listening. I am sure I told you!”

Gail was a round faced woman, with light, crystal blue eyes that always seemed warm in spite of their icy color. Ivy was quite close to her mother, her parents’ only child. She was grateful that her dad, Max, was still around, too, unlike the thought of Gordon’s dad dying. She felt that she could not have asked for better parents. They loved her and built her up to be who she was, and she felt that they could be proud of how she turned out, not the stereotypically spoiled, only child, not entitled to have everything, but one who was willing to do her share in life.  

“I would have remembered, Mom!” Ivy insisted. “I would remember a thing like that! What happened to him? Did you go to the funeral home?”

“I think he had a heart attack”, Gail replied, tapping her finger on her temple to indicate that she remembered. “I did go…oh, wait a minute. You were in Europe with your friends. It was the year after you graduated from high school, I believe. You couldn’t possibly have gone to the funeral home at that time”.

Since Gail did not want to go to Daytona Beach, in Florida, for her senior trip, her parents saved up the money for her to go to Germany and Italy. Ivy wasn’t into being a bikini clad sun goddess, nor was she thrilled by the rowdy behavior of crowds of *** craved teens—a choice that her parents were quite grateful that she chose, level headed as she was.

Since she was a little girl, Ivy dreamed of going to Europe. Her parents, both grandchildren of Lithuanian immigrants, would have loved for her to go to Lithuania, but Ivy and two of her friends had found a safe, escorted trip to go elsewhere,  on to where Ivy always dreamed of going—to see the Sistine Chapel and to visit her pen pal of eleven years, Ursula Friedrich, in Munich.  

Now, Ivy was available to visit the funeral home for Gordon’s mother, and she had decided to go with her mother. Not seeing Gordon in years, Ivy had her misgivings, not knowing what to expect when encountering him. Perhaps, he would be different now, but maybe he would prove to be quite the ****.

As she came, she noticed Gordon’s sister, Deirdre, and she gave her a hug. “I’m so sorry to hear about your mom. She was so nice”, Ivy told Deirdre. She felt uncomfortable talking to Deirdre, for she did not know what to say other than the usual, I am sorry for your loss. It was “sympathy card” talk, and Ivy felt like she was quoting something contrived from a Hallmark store.    

Deirdre was two years older than Gordon. She slightly smiled at Ivy and sighed. She must have said just about the same thing all day long, “It is good of you to come. Thank you for your kind support. Mom would appreciate it”.

Ivy looked around the room. There were many flowers, in vases and baskets, and people surrounding the casket. Ivy could not see Mrs. Durand in the coffin, for people were in the way, her mother included. She was glad she couldn’t see the body from her view.

Funeral homes gave her the creeps, ever since she was thirteen years old and her grandmother died, her father’s mother, and she had to stay at the funeral home all day long. Even a whiff of some, certain flowers was not pleasant to smell. They reminded her of being at a place like this, certainly not evoking thoughts of joy.          

Ivy looked around the room. “Where is Gordon?” she asked Deirdre.

Deirdre sighed again. “Gordon cannot handle death very well”, she admitted. “Go outside and look. He has been hanging around the building outside, getting some fresh air and insisting he needs a big break from all this.”

Ivy shook her head and smirked. “That sounds like Gordon, I must say”  

“Yeah”, Deirdre agreed, as she looked like Gordon’s help to her was a lost cause. “And he’s leaving me to do all the important work—talking to people who come in while he goes away and escapes from reality”.

Ivy went outside to search for Gordon. Sure enough, she found him by the side of the building, under a broad, shady tree. He was having a cigarette, standing all by himself, when he saw her approach.

Gordon looked the same—wavy brown hair and freckles, but much more grown up and sophisticated, his suit jacked off and his tie loosened up. Ivy knew that he always hated wearing ties. She knew that when both her mom and his mom convinced them to go out with each other—a huge twist of their arms—to the Fall Fest Dance in ninth grade and in junior high school. Gordon’s mom bribed him to go with her by promising to double his allowance for the month, and Ivy actually had a silly crush on Gordon’s cousin, Ben, hoping that she might get to talk to him if she went with Gordon to the dance.

Ivy glanced at Gordon’s cigarette, and he noticed. “Been trying to quit”, Gordon told her as she approached. He dropped it on the sidewalk and stepped on it to put it out. His face was somber as he added without any emotion, as if parroting his own voice, “Ivy Jankauskas—how the hell have you been?” It sounded like he had just seen her in a matter of months instead of years.

Well, at least he had no problem identifying her or remembering her name. She must not have changed that drastically—and hopefully for the better.

Ivy stood there before him, as he looked her down from head to toe. Same old Gordon! She thought he was probably giving her “the inspection”. She thought he almost looked handsome in his brown suit vest and pants—almost—with a sharp look of sophistication that Gordon probably wasn’t accustomed to. Surely, Ivy had no real respect for him.

“I’m well”, she responded. “But the question is more like…how are you doing?” Ivy studied Gordon’s blank expression. “No—really. I’d like to know how you are coping”.

Gordon stood there looking at the ground, his hands in his pants pockets, like he never heard her. “Come on. Let’s go for a walk”

“Here? Now?”

“Just a short work, around the block”, he told her. He already started walking, and Ivy contemplated what to do before she decided to follow up with him to join him.

They walked together in silence for a while. From anyone passing by, they surely would have looked like a couple, a well-paired couple that truly enjoyed each other’s company. Ivy could not believe she was actually walking with him. Gordon Zachary Durand, the Third? Of all people!

“You haven’t answered my question”, Ivy said. “How are you coping? You know I really liked your mom a lot. She always was pleasant to me”.

She wanted to add, “Unlike you”, but it certainly was not the right time or the right place. She felt a twinge of guilt for thinking such a thing. Under more pleasant circumstances, she would have jabbed him a little. That was just how they always communicated, not necessarily in a mean-spirited way, but in a brotherly and sisterly way that involved plenty of teasing.

Gordon thought a moment before he answered. “Yeah, it’s hard. But what can I do? I lost my dad. I lost my mom. Period. End of discussion. I’m too old to be an orphan…but I kind of feel like one anyhow. That’s my answer, in a nutshell”.

“And I wish I knew about your dad”, Ivy said, with a great tone of remorse. “I was in Europe at the time, and I couldn’t have possibly gone to the funeral”.

“Europe? Wow! Aren’t you the jet setter? Who else gets to do that kind of stuff but you, Ivy?”

Now that was the Gordon she always knew! It did not take long for the true Gordon to come forth and show himself.

“No! I don’t have all kinds of money!” she quickly defended herself. “I actually helped pay for some of that trip by working all summer after we graduated from high school. Plus, it was the trip of a lifetime. I may never get the chance to go again on a trip like that again”.  

Ivy was a bit perturbed that Gordon seemed to imply that she was pampered by her parents. He accused her of that before, just because she was an only child.

Autumn was approaching, but summer was still in the air. It was Ivy’s favorite time of year, with the late summer and early autumn, all at the same time.  The trees were just starting to turn colors, but the sun felt nice and warm upon her as Ivy walked along. It was surely an Indian summer day, one that wouldn’t last forever. She wore a light sweater over her sleeveless, cotton dress, and took it off to experience more of the sun.

“It has been ages since I’ve seen you”, Gordon admitted. “Since high school. So what became of you? Did you ever go to college?”

“I did and I work as a social worker…I work in various prisons”

Gordon laughed out loud, and Ivy gave him a stern look. “What’s so funny?” she demanded.

“I just can’t picture you going in the slammer, even if you aren’t wearing an orange suit”, he said in between laughing. He looked at Ivy, and she had quite a frown on her face. He changed his tune. “I was only joking, Ivy. I think you’d probably do good work at your job”.  

“And where do you work?” she asked, a devilish expression on her face. “At the circus?”

Ivy caught herself becoming snarky to Gordon. It did not take long. She opened her mouth to apologize, but Gordon, sensing her need to be sorry, stopped her.

Laughing even more, he said, “Good one! You are sharp and fast on your feet! You always have been! I work for an insurance agency. I work for Triple A”.

“Oh, really? Do you like your job?” Ivy asked. Her interest was genuine.

“It pays the bills. But, hey! I am going back to college in January. I just have an Associate’s degree right now. I am not sure what I want to take up, but I want to go back and at least get a Bachelor’s”.

“That’s great!” Ivy exclaimed. “I think you should keep on learning and keep on moving forward. That is a great goa
st64 Oct 2013
thinking oft of alighting into dreams
whose rides go through loftiest-clouds..



Upon the gilt threshold, it appeared - a waiting carriage
and passing by, along the broken road, came Zachary
through gentle-haze, it struck him - the face of beauty
Came nearer.. only for disillusionment to take him by the hand..

Zachary’s lament falls on the thunderous roll of carriage
as it leaves the water’s edge..
ripping out his heart-eyeball and throwing at open lightning-sky
He chokes on dust-particled truth-beads piercing heavy-air, doubling over

Zachary, oh Zachary..  who are you?                 
too many ill-winds                                          
                   blow rude-breathe                                          
                  rack and shake your life-cage                             
try to unseat your heart’s-core                           
            



a gentle-prayer comes across the way – and takes your hand – leads you to the side
it shows you how redemptive-answers lie on the light-ripple on the water
go quietly beneath and
you’ll find yourself..
in time*





S T – 15 Octogonic-day 2013
yeah man - do keep 'em smiles flowing – it’s in there.. somewhere 
let's try not to lament the rough-seas too much.. there's purpose to the pain (lol)

some saying I read :

Smooth roads never make good drivers
    Smooth seas never make good sailors
        Clear skies never make good pilots

Be strong enough to challenge of Life
Don't ask Life: 'Why me?'
     Instead - say: 'Try me!'







sub-entry : tackle

word-spewing’s easy
when heart’s bashed on stone

yet beaut-flow comes breezy
tackle that inside.. slowly
Samantha Wesley Oct 2021
The boy with the curly black hair from room 1402 zippered his dark puffer jacket as he pushed the door open. The air outside was chilly, the temperature flirting with the goosebumps on his neck. He ran his right hand through his curls as he walked with intention toward the intersection, looking both ways before crossing Spruce Street. Behind him glowed multicolored lights provided by the LED setup of his fellow neighbors on floor 14.
The Financial District was always calm at night, and that’s what he loved most about it. He smiled to himself as he roamed the streets, reminiscing on the promising outcomes of nights past. As he made his way toward Stone Street, he shed the skin of Zachary Taylor and slithered into Jackson Jones. Becoming Jackson was Zach’s favorite part of his nightly routine. Jackson had a winning smile and charming personality. He had money to throw away and designer clothes. Jackson didn’t have a mother in a mental institution or a father who had ended his own life. Jackson had two sisters and a brother, and they all vacationed in the South of France. Jackson had a Summer home in Florence and a Winter lodge in the Swiss Alps.
His mantra was interrupted by a blurry figure crossing his path. A beautiful girl with light brown hair and doe eyes glanced at him for a second before blushing and continuing on her way. This would be his prey for the night.
“Hey, my friends and I are going to Mad Dogs for a tower and some guacamole, want to join?”
This simple invitation always made women feel at ease and intrigued, instead of suspicious and threatened. Zachary knew that she would join him to eat, and after a few drinks he would look at his phone and tell her that his friends had cancelled, but that he was having such a good time with her and didn’t want the night to end. He would beckon her to come see the amazing view of the Brooklyn Bridge from his dorm room and she would happily oblige.
Walking into the front lobby of 1 Pace Plaza, Zachary nodded at the security guards who returned a smirk and a subtle shake of their heads. He lived for these small exchanges, these small stamps of reluctant approval from the men who went along with his routine every night.
Towards the beginning of his freshman year, they used to stop him and make him sign each guest in with a photo ID, but they grew to appreciate his craftiness and simply let him escort a new woman into the building every night.
The girl next to him gave a small wave to the security guards and a smile. Pete, the security guard who usually high fived Zachary as he walked the girls out of the building, had a peculiar look on his face. Zachary assumed it was due to the wave his date had given them. Usually the girls he brought in avoided eye contact with the guards and followed him to his room. This girl seemed different.
Tara, she had said her name was, lived “somewhere downtown” but hadn’t specified a location, and Zachary hadn’t pressed her. After all, he didn’t need to know where she lived, or even her last name. She was just his partner for this Thursday night, or rather, she was Jackson’s partner for the night.
He had told her that he was a New York native, which couldn’t have been further from his true upbringing in Miami. He couldn’t quite remember where she said she was from, but that didn’t bother him. It was always easier when there was no emotional attachment.
Tara walked confidently toward the elevators, and Zachary wondered if she had been to the building before. Maybe she was friends with a student, or had a previous rendezvous with another tenant of the dorm tower. Either way, he didn’t want to know.
The elevator was heavy with tension, and Zach wondered if the pressure would cause the doors to pop open while rising.
A ding signaled their arrival at the 14th floor, and Zach again morphed into Jackson, opening the door for Tara, ever the gentleman. Her eyes widened as she saw the glowing lights from the city below. “Wow, this view really is romantic. How did you say you got this room again?”
Zach shifted his weight between his feet. He caught himself and steadied his nerves.
“It’s my friend’s place, I’m just watching it for him while he’s gone.” Jackson answered coolly. She nodded, seeming satisfied with his answer. Zach chuckled internally at her admiration of the view, knowing she would never see the room again after this night.
Zachary Dec 2013
It.
Growing up, you wanted to be a princess. But you wanted to be your own hero. Insisting all you needed was a bit of love

They say, "No, a princess cannot wear a crown and suit"

Handed dolls, cars taken away

They say, "Oh, that's so gay!"

They say, "Hey, ******"

They say, "What a ***"

They say to grow up. Be a lady. Get some manners; grow a pair

But then you do, and they stare. Bonded with tape; compressed, hidden away from sight

Zachary,
Tucked away in your pocket. Except that pocket is your skin, your bones

They say

If you are one of us, then do this. But you cannot. There is not enough testosterone; not enough muscle

So they laugh. Say you are weak, and a liar

They say

This is a phase. You will regret it. It is simply not possible

Zachary does not exist. He is not real. You are just young

You do not know

You are a female. Despite your protests, they insist anyway

They say, "Have you seen it? Is it a boy or a girl? Is it gay or straight? It's an it. An it. It's a monster."

They say, "I bet I can make you straight" with their glint in their eyes, that have already lowered you, to that of dirt. And then, when you get hurt, it's your fault. For tempting them, for being yourself, not
theirs

They say
You are nothing

They say
You will get hurt. And they are right They do not lie, but they are dishonest

Whispers pass you. Pointing from children, and mothers shielding their eyes
"Don't look at that, it'll make you sick"

Adults of authority, giggling and taunting
Hushing each other, to no avail
Putting you in classes where you don't belong
Making you cry, when they do not listen
The urge to scream, "I am human, too. I deserve comfort"
Anxious to speak up, fear of being dismissed

People misgender you
Call you a girl, if you are a boy
And vise versa
Call you sir or ma'am, when you are neither, or both
You are afraid to speak up. Say, "No, that is not me"

Parents who don't understand. They all begin that way
Not believing, and blaming themselves
Educate them

Zachary is here, standing on his toes
Wishing,
To be seen
To be acknowledged
No longer a scab you feel the urge to pick;
No longer skin you feel the urge to tear
Zachary is here
He has always been here
He is not an it
Leila The Kiwi Jan 2017
Fresh wounds
Begin to fester
Tearing inward
Scars  deepen
Transported from flesh
To the soul of a victim,

Specific pain
Catered to the controller
An intimate bond of blood to emotion
Crimson Consumption
Pristine Flagellation
Perfect Punishment

With each step
My youth deteriorates
Enticing me deeper into the void
To which I am held captive

l.v.s and z.w.b
Carsyn Smith Aug 2013
I can see you through the treehouse window
as you stand before the river, fist clenched.
"What's in your hand, Brother?"
"Sister, it is something so heavy,
I fear it will drown if I open my clenched fist."

I can see you through my phone camera
as you slouch before the river, fist clenched.
"What's in your hand, Brother?"
"Sister, it is something so precious,
I fear it will fly away if I open my clenched fist."

I can see you through the nursery window
as you hunch before the river, fist clenched.
"What's in your hand, Brother?"
"Sister, it is something still important,
I fear it will be lost if I open my clenched fist."

I can see you from my porch
as you kneel before the river, fist clenched.
"What's in your hand, Brother?"
"Sister, it is something so forgotten,
I fear it will disappear if I open my clenched fist."

I can see you along the shore
as you die before the river, fist clenched.
"What's in your hand, Brother?"
"Sister, it is something I should have let go
so many years ago"

I saw you
as you opened your clenched fist before the river.
A single pebble fell to the riverbed.
"Brother, Death's claws did not **** you --
Cupid's arrow did."
Chuck Jul 2014
His name is Zachary James
But he's shouted at by many names
Running man or crazy jogger
Pushing all he needs in a stroller
Dodging cars like a game of Frogger
His passion for running is a benefactor  
Of his compassion for humanity
Running across the country is insanity
Knows politics better than Sean Hannity
A motor city kid and an Eastern Michigan grad
Thought he'd run to correct a world gone mad
Our paths crossed on the vicious highway 322
If you're lucky, fate will send him your way too
I'm proud to host such a fine young philanthropist
But soon he'll run off into the mysterious mist
Yet he will jog on proud and steadfast
With our help reaching his goals at last
Run for the children and for the love of running
Run for life and eternity hereafter coming
He is running from NYC to San Fran to raise money for children in poverty. Please help him on his journey if possible and/or help him combat childhood poverty. His website is compassionrun.org. And you can follow him on Twitter: @mrjubjub.
Zizzy Feb 2011
Who makes roses cry rainbow
The iris of my eye.
You make me see ghosts,
And want to meet them.
See demons, and want to fight them.
See gods, and what to be them.
You let me be.
Set me free.
Took me to the kingdom by the sea
And just drifted away with me.
I melted with every word you said.
Fire met water with a bump on the head
And a spark of electricity.
You taught me relativity
On a stroll down sea horse valley.
You’ve been through life and death with me.
When the world ends,
It will be in Zen.
You and me sitting happily
Just relaxing counting Z’s.
As beauty explodes before our eyes
Stigma finally set aside
Truth revealed to the naked brain
Everyone else will go insane.
Now with nothing left amiss
You and I floating in bliss
Nothing left to do but kiss.
Cleansing all the doors of perception
More powerful then resurrection
The world we will create
They won’t be able to mutilate.
And we will sit upon a green star,
Watching our world from afar.
Sipping on the Milky Way,
And dreaming days away .
Earth can have heaven and the universe next door
We have all of time to explore!
Not afraid of a black hole
Absorbing my soul
When I’m on your arm
You’ll protect me from any harm.
We’ll pick up Felix from mars,
Go meow at the Dog Star
Until it retires to the west.
(Which we both know is the best)
We’ll camp on the sun for a century
Let the galaxy revolve around you and me.
As we slip into unconsciousness
To dream and reminisce.
Of when you started me acting quite contrarily
And talking so esoterically.
Of when infinity first began.
I love you MandleMan.
Eener Nospmoht Oct 2013
He enters the room, smirk on that hideously gorgeous face. The *******.
Walks by the young girls like he owns the swag of a thousand Biebers.
He is mistaken. Or are we?
"Push the air through your diaphram" he says with a sly grin, looking across the room at her.
She looks back. Defiance on her lips? No. Intrigue.
Their eye contact puts a weight on bystanders; The building pressure of a crescendo waiting to be released.
She breaks it. He frowns.
He is impressionable but very rightly so.
She sighs.
Victory sings an out of tune pitch.
He walks over, dragging Zachary's broken French horn behind.
Looks like this student will have to wait; His teacher is on a mission.
"Mission accomplished" he thinks as she sits on his living room couch, wine of glass in hand.
He resides in his bedroom, awaiting the inevitable.
He walks out to find an empty wine glass and an empty room.
Leila The Kiwi Mar 2017
They speak of
An immaculate sky.
White and bland,
Lacking depth.

It's a blank canvas
I shan't deny,
Here we are reborn.

Within the breath of love,
Is where you are kept.

l.v.s


Apply vibrant colour to bare skin
The cleansing light
Through a hollow shell
Slipping between the cracks

Light and transcendent
You lay me with gentle grace
Submerged in ardent passion

Have your light consume
What resides inside

Purify all that I am,
Together set free.

z.w.b
Hunter Shields Jun 2015
Whack! Whack!
His mother’s heels click down
On to the hard wood floor
He claims to be Cinderella
His father looks down
And his first emotion is fear
For his young son’s life
It won’t be easy
He bends down
Picks him up and holds him tightly
“My beautiful son,
Be back before midnight”

Whack! Whack!
His bat strikes the baseball
For his first home run in Little League
His heart was never in it
But his father encouraged him
To try new things
And his mother is his biggest fan
He starts to notice
How tight baseball shorts are
They’re not very comfortable

Whack! Whack!
Towels leave bruises in the locker room
He laughs at his teammates
Running from his quick wrist
And wet towel
He’s the starting quarterback
And they just won states
He was voted
Homecoming king

Whack! Whack!
His heart duels against his ribs
The first time he kisses another boy
It’s nothing like the girls
There’s a new rush in his blood
His mind is in space
And his stomach in his throat

Whack! Whack!
He brings the axe down hard
Sunburnt metal splitting fibers
Sending woodchips everywhere
His father making him learn
The lesson that only hard work can teach
Nothing worth having comes easy

Whack! Whack!
The hammer comes down on the nail
As he finishes his daughter’s swing set
He watches through the window
As his husband
Hands her the first slice
Of her birthday cake
She just turned five
A number you didn’t get to see

They say when you die
Your life flashes before your eyes
They don’t say
It’s always your past

Whack! Whack!
His mother’s heels click down
On the hard wood floor
He claims to be Cinderella
His father looks down
And his first emotion is fear…

Whack! Whack!
His fists clench
Whack! Whack!
They come raining down
Whack! Whack!
He can’t seem to get away
Whack! Whack!
Why can’t you be a man
Whack! Whack!
Why can’t you be a man.
Whack! Whack!
Why can’t you be a man!

Why can’t you!?
You were his father!
And you
Were his mother!
You broke a child
When you were supposed
To build him up
So now the world
Had to bury his dreams in pieces
Shattered like glass slippers
You were afraid of him
While we
Would have loved him

His name was Zachary.
Zachary Dutro-Boggess.
I wrote your name
Onto a piece of paper
And folded it into a daisy
Because something beautiful
Had to come out of your story
Your birthday curled down
Over one of the petals
3 days before the day you died
You turned 4 years old
I wonder what you wished for
When you blew out your candles
I wonder what you wished for
When you first met God
Way too young
And he showed you
What love really was
When I attempt to think about my future, I know I can't. I know, I can only do what I can now to piece together my future like a puzzle. I want to get on T, I want to cut my hair shorter than my parents allow, I want more body modifications, I want to have a completely flat chest, but at the moment, I can't imagine what I'd turn into. A butterfly I'm not able to picture yet. I am at the moment, a small catapillar, not being able to pass for the gender I wish. She's. Hers'. That's not what I want directed towards me. I wants he's and they's. Male and neutral term are what I want my friends to use. Not my birth name, Kit. Kit Lucas Zachary is what I'll become when I get older and scrounge the money together to make that change possible. I must change myself and bold myself into what I want to be happy, even if that means I lose people, I can deal. If they don't agree with how I feel, they don't need to be in my life anyway. I can't say that I'm a boy yet, I can't say I'm pansexual yet. The violence that is occurring against my LGBTQ+ people locks my lips together to my parents, and possibly some of my friends, because I don't want them to be my demise. In this hick state of Texas. My chest binder must be put up due to high summer tempatures, it's too hot to have on so I can't feel at home in my own body. I hate my feminine face, and my father uses double standard, making me shave, making me feel naked and incorrect. I feel incomplete, like I haven't had my right growth spirt, my right puberty. "Oh yeah, she-" makes me want to put a bullet in my head, but it I pulled the trigger I know my family wouldn't understand why. "Hey girl!" don't look, don't turn, they aren't talking about you. But, once I'm an adult with a steady income, I hope to become the person I wish to be.
Allison Oct 2013
Loving you was like a car wreck in slow motion.
You saw everything through the eyes of someone watching from the outside in.
From the eyes of someone who would never understand.
Loving you was not tasting your mouth, but every word inside of it.
Loving you seemed to be agonizing, like watching  paint dry, expect the paint is made from my blood and my hand is on my chest, trying to keep my heart from falling out of it.
Loving you was the blood from the barely beating ***** seeping between my fingers.
Loving you was when I finally let go and heard it fall onto the ground and the paint finally dried and I was dead.
To catch my reflection in the afternoon light
The hunt for bullfrog , crawdaddy and catfish -
on rain cooled twilights
Soaring herons
From pileated perches Zachary's tree frogs mourn
Maestro cricket and katydid harmonies -
along familiar field roads
Fog enveloped dales
Blackberry trails
Evening wind song
White pine , sweet gum and persimmon
borders
Barn owl , hound dog curiosity
A border storm in white fanged -
ferocity...
Copyright July 14 , 2019 by Randolph L Wilson * All Rights Reserved
Allison Nov 2013
Can someone be broken to the point that they can't let anyone in? Like I am literary so tried of trying to be happy days on end. faking being alright and smiling to people I don't even know. it's not that I don't want to be happy it's that I physically can't. When something good happens to me I don't get happy or feel from it anymore. I feel like I'm that type of person thats only is okay when bad things happen and that's all I know. id rather be lonely then be  happy with someone. I'd rather hurt then feel good. That's such a bad thing. I wish I never met you. I really think all this is because of you. I never really loved anyone like I loved you. And I let you in more then I ever let anyone in. I told you more things then I told my own family. At one point you were the only person I wanted to talk to. I don't understand why you have such a hook on me it's drives me crazy sometimes. Sometimes? All the time. Sometimes I wanna call you and just talk to you like we would at 3 am just because. Just because I wanted to hear your voice. I don't know why you didn't want me anymore. I guess I was old news to you? I still think about you all the time. It's so funny how only one boy could change someone forever. It's not my fault that I'm so ******* because of the way you treated me. The way you made me fall over and over and over again the way your eyes made my whole day. I don't think i told you how much I loved your eyes. Or that your smile could make me feel all werid inside. I don't think told you that I loved sleeping with you that you twitched a little when you slept and it was adorable. I don't think i told you that I liked how you held my hand all night when we were sleeping. How you told me my bed is to
Small for two people and I had to sleep really close to you. That all I could hear was your heartbeat all night. How all we would play was yellowcard as we were kissing. I think you knew that was are band cause everytime you came over that's all you would play. You would play it on shuffle all day. I still can't listen to them without crying. I never told you that diving up to see you was the most nervous and best car drive I ever had. And even though we only had that hour together and it was amazing. I never told you that you are the most hardest relationship I had to pretend that I can be fine without. I never told you that you are perfect in every way and I'm sorry that I wasn't. That you needed more then me that you needed attention that your dad is not the best dad and he's why you are the way you are now. I'm sorry that you told me to promise you that I would never cut again and I did and you were disappointed in me. I'm sorry. I'm sorry you are all I write about. You know that I never mean to but when I think about writing your all I think about. I'm sorry that I didn't see you as much as I wanted too. A hour and a half away is such a long walk and if I could
Of walked to you, you know I would of. Glad that you got that car cause when you came over was the best days ever. They still are. I think I'll miss you forever and I'm sorry about that. I dont think
I'll ever love like I loved you. I still love you. You never forget your frist love and you were my frist. I didnt just love you I was in love with you. I wanted so much with you and I know you did too at one point. I know me and you had hard times but you knew that I tried so hard to help you change. You need to change and you knew it and you even told me that you need help. You know I'm crazy for you right? Being with you for a year and 4 months changed me so much. I'm not the same person I was. And I don't understand why. I'm very unhappy. I'm rumbling on at 2:46am in the morning about you again. I really should go to
Sleep. I need you. You never really feel complete without the person who used To be the reason why you woke up in the morning to see that text message. I remember that one time I got really drunk and you told my friend to watch me cause you didn't want me to get hurt cause you cared so much about me. Why did that go? We weren't even dating then. We weren't even dating when you when in my bed at 3am telling me you loved me. It's 2:51 am and I think I should go to sleep. We haven't talked for 3 months and this is the longest we haven't talked. You once told me that you couldn't go a day without talking to me. What happen to that? I remember the frist time I saw you cry. You cried in my bed because you were upset with the way things where going on in your life. How are you? Are you happy? Is your life the way you wanted it to be? You said move on where do I go? Whenever I tired to move on there you were. You always knew I would always choose you. It's funny cause you said you didn't care what I do and when I found someone you came right back and told me to stay with you. That you
Needed me. I needed you. How can you tell
Me that I was all you ever wanted and never wanted anyone esle but not talk to me for 3 months? I'm scared to talk to you so I'm not going to. Are you scared to talk to me? Please don't. Cause I honestly can't have you back even though I do. I remember when you asked me to marry you that one time on Skype. I didn't think
You were being serious. I remember one new years we talked about having kids and what we would named them when we had them. I said I liked Zachary cause I loved your name and you wanted your uncles name and I was okay with that. I remember everything every conversation we had together. I remember are frist ever conversation. The one that started all of this beautiful relationship. It's 3:01am and I should go to sleep. I still talk to her. I still
Am friends with her. The girl you cheated on me with. You competely stop talking to her right after I found out. I feel like I'm making no sense and this isn't even a poem. I just been so sad today and I
Don't know why. When I was sad I would talk to you and you would make me happy again. I don't know why no one esle can. I remember the time I
Had a scare that time in August. I wouldnt of mind. Having a little you. I was okay with it. I'm sorry. I think I'll always say that I'm sorry when
It comes to you cause your all I ever wanted and I'm sorry I couldn't of made you stay. I tired my
Hardest. I remember the time when we broke up for good. I went in to work a hour later and I
Couldnt help crying and I couldn't stop. I had to sit in the office for a while cause it was so bad. Embarrassing. Really embarrassing actually. It's 3:08 am and I have a headache so I think
I'm going to go to bed.
Feeling Real Feb 2014
Limbs long, dragging lazily
demeanor wavering and hazy
Your protruding hips and wrists
I devoured on sight
My mind palace holds them
to be recalled while lonely or jealous
Someone else gets to touch them
they feel the hollows of skin
and grab, or run their fingers along you
Smooth, gentle, light flutterings
Hands encasing that which lie lost
Baggy clothes, hiding you from all
My notions are innocent fascinations
I could run my hand along all of you
at least once without getting bored
I've lasted months without
I could longer, but I'm weakening
Perhaps, not even seeking another
I can wait
judy smith Jun 2015
Fashion Week - a way to look at the past, present, and future all in once place. Whenever I get to attend a fashion show, I try to be as present and in-the-moment as possible. With iPhones and Instagram, everyone tries to be the first person to post looks from the runway, and it's hard to sometimes not take a photo or video and just enjoy the beautiful creations in front of you. History repeats itself every few decades, so it's fun to see trends popping up in the designs. And obviously, it's hard not to get excited about the future season when attending a fashion show.

Seattle Fashion Week is back and better than ever - for the first time in 5 years, it came back to the 206 after much anticipation. While Seattle gets a bad rep for wearing leggings, goretex, and fleece all the time, everyone wore their most beautiful dresses on Saturday night. It was a night to remember, and I always feel so lucky that I get to attend these shows and support local designers, artists, and creators. Saturday was the finale of the 3 night event, and the night for custom couture. I spotted a few trends throughout the show that I'd like to share with you.

Neutrals

Of course black and white made an appearance, but we also saw a lot of gray, blush, ****, and tan.

Exquisite fabrics

Lace, tulle and sequins, oh my! Every piece was feminine, quirky, and oh so Seattle. Nothing felt too girly, too "done up", or too stuffy. Most of these pieces you could break up and wear day or night, or mix and match them with a leather jacket and some boots to add some edge.

Texture

Nothing down the runway was a plain silk dress. Whether it was hand-knit yarm, layering of fabrics, or covered in zippers, prints, or hints of leather, everything was appealing to the eye and put together in the most beautiful way. I love getting inspiration for how to put pieces together, or how to mix and match different fabrics and prints to make an outfit truly my own.

Unique

Each and every piece was like nothing I'd ever seen before. Each designer had their own individual take on their collection, and you could tell they put so much time, sweat, tears, and love into their designs.

A huge thank you to the designers for sharing their handwork and beautiful custom art with us - Karen Ashley Fashion, House of Halm by Maria Ham, Morifu, Julie Danforth Design, Erika Bond, Dream Dresses by P.M.N., Juleano, Justin Zachary Bartle, and Boulevard Magenta by Wendy Ohlendorf. I cannot wait for the next SFW event!Read more here:www.marieaustralia.com/yellow-formal-dresses | www.marieaustralia.com/black-formal-dresses
Allison Marlow Apr 2015
We are siblings in a funny way
But siblings none-the-less
I do not know you
I do not know if I'll ever know you
But your soul exists somewhere and I will not do you the disservice of ignoring that
I wonder if we would have been friends
There is no way to know because the only way we could be connected by blood is if one of us didn't exist here
in the usual way existence is seen

It's just paved a different way I suppose
And I have to say I never realized this was an option
This particular method of existing with somebody
We always have had eachother
That makes me happy  
                              Love, love, love,
                                   Allison
Gin and Tonic Mar 2014
The way you look when you dance,
That’s what made me fall.
The way you look at me when I dance,
That’s what made me pray you had fallen too.
Robyn Nov 2015
God is my master.
I love Him more than all in my life.
He is the Master of my mind, my body, my heart.
He is my Shepherd.
He is beautiful.
He is love.
He is perfect.
He loves me more than I can comprehend.

God is telling me to stay.
So I will stay.
I cannot leave my church.
I cannot leave my family.
I cannot leave my city.
This is where I belong.
This is where I belong.
This is where I belong.

I belong. I belong. I belong.

In God I am made pure.
In God I am made clean.
In God I am rinsed of my sin.
In God I am white as snow.

Countless second chances He has given me.
Dear Lord, I need another today.
Today - I ask You for forgiveness.
Make me clean again.

I pray for them.
Ryan Kimmy Chiso Becky Dave Iris Mom Dad Kellie Tim Grandma Tim Debbie Laura Grandpa Betty Cindy Lori Shea Asher John Al Brian Teri Pamm Louie Chris Michael Tristan Bailey Victor Nikkie Mailee Andrew The Zachary's Kylie Michael and Megan Jade Airika Allie Bill Moriah Madison Mike Lani Moriah Tori Lenni Todd Maddie Hilary Holly Bella Jamie JT Bella Abby Sarah Anna Rick Ashtin Aaron Aleasha Christian Brian Gus Abbie Jenn Alec Jean Lois Larry Ryan Jake Bud Erin Tyler Jasmine Launts Wendy Michael Bella Sam Tony Ryan Ian Deric Jen Sam Erin Hanna Jamie Chad Mia Laura Tony Alena Tyrus Jack Luke Jenny Greg Reagan Kennedy Wilson Konni Wayne Brian Cammy Trina Mike Kameron Kasey Nikki Lexi Jelly Harley Izzie Rosie DJ Lillian Adrian Avery Asher Tyler Heidi Dan Sarah Ryan Griffin Daniel Jessica Pax Cory Abel Chandra Dave Julia Bethany Chris Orion Lindsay Twila Tracy Brandon Nate Braeden Amanda Jonah Luke Crosby Charlie Mark Debbie Ian Joy Susan Catherine Jeff Jill Andy Anna Joel Jacquie Tracy Shelby Brenden Grace Bruna Brendan Jadan Ariel Rick Johnna Laila Becca Joren Skylar David Lovins Gettys Nanny Papa My Cousins Grace Wanda Lamont Michael Amy Stephanie Tyler Tim Jeff Anthony Mikayla Emily Emily Sabrina Thomas Caleb Rene Sabra Autumn Cort Riley Cole Kaylee Amber Eryn Christina Trinity Bethany Kati Ben Jacob Megan Megan

and so so many more

May God bless you and keep you
Amen
CM Nov 2015
after Zachary Schomburg

Lost between the seconds I said. I’m lost
between the second I said I’m lost
between the pendulum
swinging between your thighs. There
are twelve kinds of people
& we are none of them
because I’m lost between the seconds,
lost between submitting
to the hands of your unwinding clock.
originally published in electric cereal, for rex
rachel Apr 2015
A-Y
and to think there was a time
before, when i
constantly
****** myself into thinking
each and every
*******
grandiose,
helium-filled lie existed beyond your
illustrated delusion

jaundice driven, I needed you like a
kidney stone.
lies planted,
messily
nested, the
open wounds
painfully festering

quit using me.
regarding a fragile
soul as a
tool
used, atoms feverishly
vibrating for a quick
wasted,
xanax head high.
yes I can finally see the letter
z

and not think *Zachary
a poem about my ex
.Dear Geezus,    I am six years old and I need some help.My momma used to tell me that if I ever got intoa pickle that I could call on you and you would help me.Well, I think I'm in a real pickle.    Every time I get off the school bus after school,I walk into the house and I can never wake momma up,and she's always sweating real bad. I called 9-1-1 likethey told me to in school a long time ago last month. It didn't help.I always find her plastic tubes with pins in them and big rubber strapslaying on the coffee table.Sometimes when she wakes up she gets really, really mad at mefor no reason. I didn't do nothing wrong though.I am very scared Geezus!Can you pleeze help momma?I sure do miss her smiling.P.S. Can you take from me my pickle?Love,Zachary
Molly May 2015
My cat's name is Zachary Binx, and I know for a fact he could kick my *** in a fight. His claws are daggers. They are needle sharp and feather light and designed to ensnare and then shred anything his long, quick arms can ******. He is fast; he is a predator.
But he has no idea, because his environment suggests otherwise. He's artificially coerced by domestication to assume that his survival is dependent on me. He is designed to survive on his own, but his cage suggests otherwise.
So he contents himself to the role of the housecat, sitting on the windowsill, feeling dull pangs of inexplicable deja vu as he watches the sparrows bathe in the dirt outside.
what the **** did I just write..?
Rachel Jordan Apr 2014
The Fire Cycle
BY ZACHARY SCHOMBURG
There are trees and they are on fire. There are hummingbirds and they are on fire. There are graves and they are on fire and the things coming out of the graves are on fire. The house you grew up in is on fire. There is a gigantic trebuchet on fire on the edge of a crater and the crater is on fire. There is a complex system of tunnels deep underneath the surface with only one entrance and one exit and the entire system is filled with fire. There is a wooden cage we’re trapped in, too large to see, and it is on fire. There are jaguars on fire. Wolves. Spiders. Wolf-spiders on fire. If there were people. If our fathers were alive. If we had a daughter. Fire to the edges. Fire in the river beds. Fire between the mattresses of the bed you were born in. Fire in your mother’s belly. There is a little boy wearing a fire shirt holding a baby lamb. There is a little girl in a fire skirt asking if she can ride the baby lamb like a horse. There is you on top of me with thighs of fire while a hot red fog hovers in your hair. There is me on top of you wearing a fire shirt and then pulling the fire shirt over my head and tossing it like a fireball through the fog at a new kind of dinosaur. There are meteorites disintegrating in the atmosphere just a few thousand feet above us and tiny fireballs are falling down around us, pooling around us, forming a kind of fire lake which then forms a kind of fire cloud. There is this feeling I get when I am with you. There is our future house burning like a star on the hill. There is our dark flickering shadow. There is my hand on fire in your hand on fire, my body on fire above your body on fire, our tongues made of ash. We are rocks on a distant and uninhabitable planet. We have our whole life ahead of us.
Moco Muddslide Aug 2010
The innocence of a newborn child

Is as pure as an angel

God's grace engulfing his body

Our love surrounding this child

Always with us

Their memories shine.


**In Loving Memory

of

Zachary Tompkins

1998-2010
ⓒ Moco's Mind
r Apr 2014
I haven't drank in ninety days
Way to go you fookin' saint
You haven't killed in thirty years
But St. Zachary you ain't.

Her husband sells used broken cars
I get to kick the tires
While he gets soaked at all the bars
I'm putting out his fires.

I'm pleading down to purgatory
As Satan winks at me
Though punishment be mandatory
I'll not burn for perjury.  ;)

r ~ 4/27/14
\•/\
   |
  / \
judy smith Aug 2015
Though it was not the day or the ceremony she may have expected, Heather Airth’s wedding day was a special one in an unexpected way.

The 19-year-old Kent resident and U.S. Coast Guardsman was scheduled to marry her high school sweetheart Zachary Hoydic on Sunday. But on Saturday, Airth was not feeling right and went to Valley Medical Center, where she was admitted.

With Hoydic, a U.S. Marine headed back to the East Coast where he is stationed on Monday night, it looked like the couple’s wedding may have to be put on hold, which would have been a problem because Airth is pregnant and the couple would like the military to station them together in the future.

“I was hoping I was just being little paranoid,” Airth said about going to Valley on Saturday. “But it didn’t turn out that way.”

It turned out Airth had a kidney infection, which because of the pregnancy meant she was going to have to stay at Valley at least overnight. Which meant that plans to get married may have had to be scrubbed.

But when Airth told the folks at Valley about the plans they had to cancel and asked if the chaplain could marry them, the hospital jumped into action.

On Monday, when Airth was released and before Hoydic had to fly back to his base, she was wheeled directly to the hospital’s healing garden where the hospital chaplain was ready to perform the ceremony.

“It was really pretty.” Airth said. “There were flowers and cake. It was not what I was expecting.”

The flowers had been donated by the hospital’s gift shop and the cake was purchased by the hospital employees. Communications director Lis Gillin said the hospital staff just wanted to make sure the couple could get married before Hoydic had to ship out.

“They didn’t have to do that,” Airdic said, thanking the hospital and staff. “It was really amazing they’d do something like that when they didn’t have to.”

So while it may not have been quite what they were expecting, Airth said her day was absolutely a special one.

“When I looked at him, everything seemed right,” She said of her husband. “I couldn’t stop smiling.”

read more:www.marieaustralia.com/vintage-formal-dresses

www.marieaustralia.com/formal-dresses-2015
I cannot win
I am destroyed.
Built back up
Then recked again like a stack of bricks.
I am suffering.
Can you tell?
I know you see it.
My mood shifting hour  to hour.
Dont ask me if im okay.
I nevr asked for you to pretend like you care.
Dont ask me what i want to do
Because honestly
I wanna  run far away.
Dont treat me like i matter
We both know i dont
you've  shown me that
I am suffering.
Is it  that hard to see?
I write  to ease my mind
But it ends  up ignighting flames.
I have a storm in my heart.
Anger due to loneliness.
Whats wrong with  me?
Why doesnt anyone love me
(Or if  they  do, tell me)
???
Tell me why the **** i am this way.
Why is  everyone  happy but me.
I want change
That's  not over my horizon,  is it?
Why am i always alone.
Alone is a captive audience.
Listening to my disparity   just to matter
To someone.
My tears run  dry.
Then  streak down
Because they  were forgotten.
What if i told you there  was no tomorrow for me.
*** someone help this kid.
Because suicidal thoughts are the telling point of need for help.
Are you ******* kidding me?!?!
You should know i need help from the day you notice bruises.
Not  by the day i say i want to end it all.

Mom told me she'd  be there till the end.
But the day she found out her son had severe depression,
It was like she left him completely.
I wish she could see im gone already.
Her little boy,
Her little Zachary
Has died.
The day she overlooked dad's aggression, i was left motherless.
Her son needs help.
I need help.
So i write.
And you read.
The process we've  done so many times before.
Forgive me,
Im struggling.
I know you see it.
*so,
Whats next
Im crying
ZWS Oct 2014
I don't know where I am, and I don't know where I'm going. I know barely anything about quantum fluctuations but I am obsessed with them. I am feeble minded as I tend to focus on all the wrong things at all the wrong times. I try to be honest to myself yet I always come short. In lying I find bliss I think, or maybe I just don't want to admit who I am.

One day I'd like to be a writer, although I feel sometimes I'm too self critical of my own work to even get a page in without scrapping everything. I'm trying to find drive, but it's hard when all I want to think about is hopeless romantics. I guess love is the ultimatum, and I'm not sure what it is or if it's even out there. I try not to try and find it, so that it may find me, but at the same time I try not to abide by systematic structures of thinking for thinking.

I have an awful tendency of using metaphors and letting my readers know what was intended by them rather than having the reader come up with it in their own head.

I'm in a constant battle with cynicism as I try to see the best in people, but some don't let me see that.  I think there is greatness in everyone but that for most it is dormant, especially inside of me.  I cannot ask the universe to trigger that greatness inside of me, so in a lot of ways I feel I am waiting for that.  However I do not want to spend my entire life waiting, or I will never be able to look back in the end and see all of the things that resulted in doing.

I'm not sure what I believe about death, and I don't think anybody else really is either.  I don't think that any one person can really know a thing, but I do believe in hunches.  I think uncertainty makes the universe beautiful. I feel that's the dark matter of the human emotion.  Without the weight of certain emotions we can not define anything, and with it we still cannot.  It's all feeling.

I try to stray away from culturally defined things and into a world of ideas.  It is hard to avoid suffering in this way, for if knowledge is unobtainable, then why continue to seek it? Because of this I try not to become attached, but it is hard to do that with the tendencies of human emotion.

Regardless of how much I think on my free time I seem to have lost the ability to do that around others in the public space as I'm always too aware of the people around me.  I wish that I could rid myself of my anxiety, but sometimes the common person is enough of a ***** to make sweat roll down my temples.

I feel there are many sides of me, sides I love, and sides I do not necessarily favor.  However they're all parts of me, and I feel that if I did not have one without the other I would not be able to experience the great things about myself.  I bounce back and forth between these things, and some people trigger the best sides of me, some trigger the worst.  That's why I'm constantly searching for a chemistry that does indeed complete me, so that I can be a me that I love for the rest of my days.  I fear that's why I'm a hopeless romantic.  A hopeful hopeless romantic.

I believe in chemical inevitability.  That at one point the universe was set into motion by a force whether it be something we cannot perceive like a god or something that we can grasp like the sciences, and that every little chemical, every atom was destined to collide in such a way for the rest of eternity.  So whether you think you make your own decision about things or not, they were already decided long ago.  Every chemical in your brain that makes up every thought that you have is there because of something that was set into motion eons ago.  We are intrinsically connected to everything around us, for the thoughts that every little thing gives us, and the actions that create who we are and drive us to be.

I'm trying to find a way to be without thinking, but I suppose that will take a lot of work.. A lot of work.  And I think that would be beautiful, but there is no way to do something by delaying it, but my attention span is short and my anxiety can impede progress more than one could ever imagine.

Everyone goes through things that are hard in their life, whether it be relative to them and only them, I think that having a human conscience is enough to drive anybody into deep depression.  I think that's why Plato always said to 'be kind to everyone you meet, for everyone is fighting a hard battle.' I think that to the human race though it seems that these things are largely unspeakable. There's a social barrier surrounding how people speak of their existentiality, their doubts, their regrets, and the un finite paramount of life.  And I believe that that's why we have become to some extent, a helplessly miserable species.

I decided that I could give you a biography, or I could show you who I am.

I decided the latter.

My name is Zachary Simon, I'm 20 years of age and currently reside in Morgantown, West Virginia. Please, ask me anything.
Emily Watkins Dec 2012
"How long has it been since you've talked to him?"
I don't tell them of the
letter you sent
entirely blacked out
except for the phrases
"Dear, Emily"
"Love, Zachary"
Baile Aug 2013
when she was in kindergarten
she drew a picture
a picture of a flower
and gave it to her teacher
she gave her an A
and hung it on the wall
that was the day
daddy was found in the bathroom
with an empty pill bottle in his hand
she was the one that found him
no one would tell her why
or how
because they didn't know
but now she understands
in third grade
she drew another picture
it was a picture of a tree
and a bird flying by
she gave it to mommy
and she hung it on the fridge
that was the day
charlotte ran away
no one would tell her why
or how
because they didn't know
but now she understands
in middle school
she drew a 3rd picture
it was covered by a sleeve
and no one hung it on a wall
because she didn't show anyone
that was the day
zachary stopped loving her
no one told her why
or how
because no one knew
but now she understands
and in high school
she drew a picture
of a broken heart
and a hand waving goodbye
but that wasn't all
she left a sculpture too
of herself
in the bathroom
same position as daddy
no one knew why
or how
but i understand
because maybe
i was her
Brown cinnamon glow ,                                                                ­                
our hillside boisterous doe , telegraphs her moves by-
the early , jovial winter moon ..
Down tractor road , beside-
Zachary Creek , blend into the shadow ,
alert , curious and meek ..
Our favored evening dame
Slender and sleek
Strike a pose milady ..
Stoic and sweet ...
Copyright December 2 , 2023 by Randolph L Wilson * All Rights Reserved
This frost will **** me but still
we play out in the cold.

old memory,

it lingers hanging on to the tips of my fingers as the snows of yesterday melt away and the thought of tomorrow has come to stay,I still want to play,I never grew,never knew a happier time,
I cast my line back in history and catch dreams that I used to be and it all looks so good,I'll be cold never old and I'll play in the snowfalls,make snowmen,throw snowballs,come home to the fire,get warm,I should buy a postcard to send you,should package scenery to lend you,these happier times etch deep into my laughter lines and my eyes start to crease,
may the past never release me,let the police come and take me,handcuff me and make me a prisoner in the crumble,the rough and the tumble of my childhood,as I stumble,an old man,I make plans to build ships that will skip through this twilight and let the years become midnight at the start of my day.

Zachary Schless comes from Frankfurt,no less of a man for all that,
he sits in seclusion
his mind in communion with the ghosts of his youth and the truth that he sees,unlocks and frees him to do what will please him and thus he'll return to what he knows he must learn about himself.
Zachary Neal Sep 2015
"If peace be welcomed yet unobtainable by permanence, and chaos unacceptable but inevitable, then let this world be...and it's inhabitants, things. Objects if peaceful, but 'people' if acknowledged by chaos. Humans."-Zachary Neal
Truth, no?

— The End —