to set the world right again
would take your eyes
round and black
as a child's

and your hand
smooth as polished
stone
and soft as cake flour

the wind came up
I wasn't looking

it's been a decade almost

the world and my heart
askew

one consonant,
two vowels

to right it all,

you

My sweet, Forever-Beautiful..

I am flying out to Port Angeles Washington  in a few weeks
to see my Mother  who is 92 years old and dying.
My middle sister and her husband live there.
My Mother is in Sequim, which is the next town over.
She has her own apartment but will be moving in with Elaine
by the time I get there.
She has been fighting cancer for almost 20 years now.

This is what I want to say to you, sweet-one..

My trip out there is where the rubber meets the road  within
all that I have been saying to you throughout the years..
and without what I know will happen there once I am with her..

       my love is not Awake and Alive,  
       but only the empty ramblings of a deranged man.

My father died suddenly in 2013 at 83,  but spoke to me  on the
phone for two hours just the day before he passed. It was one of
the most magical two hours I have ever experienced.
Most of his dying wishes were for myself and my sisters,
and all of his grandchildren.. that we all would be able
to carry on in peace..  free from the pain and chaos,  
which was all we knew when young. Momma needs to know
that not only is she forgiven,  
but that while she  remains here with us on Earth..
    she is the light and Joy of my life.
She is my Momma, sweet friend.  It hasn't been easy.
She (and my Father) no longer have a hold on me  
they once did years ago.  I am going to go out there
and kiss her  and my sisters  and thank them all for my life.
I am as a hero in the eyes of my three sisters, who have
not all been as fortunate in the overcoming process,
but have all done well in the process  of getting well
  and sometimes, in just trying to survive.

I love you, sweet Beautiful.  I always have.
You can do this, girl..  you can  feel and become  the freedom
of all of who you were placed here on Earth to be..
and you will become able to do it   fully and completely--
in full relationship with all of who it is that you are
within your own, beautiful self.
I came across you for a reason.  You were the most defiant
and mischievous of all, yet have turned out to be one
of the very best souls I have ever known.
I will never let you go from the place you hold in my heart
   and I will never stop believing in you.

       I'm gonna be with my Momma soon.  

I have never-ending  kisses for her.  She told me recently  
that I am the most special man she have ever known.
Those are much different words than the ones  I had hammered
into me when I was a little boy.. so many years ago.
You and I have much in common that way.

She's from Denmark. She would have truly loved you
within the magical aura that surrounds you wherever you go..
had you two ever met. She got into the 12-step process  after
her and my Dad split up when I was 13. By the time I was 25,
she was a completely rehabilitated person.  But even now
she carries that deep horrendous, soul-killing darkness in her.

                I have kisses for her.

I will gladly take that darkness on  so that she can feel..
even if for just one moment, what a world of peace
and freedom  truly  feels like.

   Darkness has no hold on me, beautiful girl.
   I am no longer that little boy.. who by her choice,  (to not)

         .. was made to wear it--  

         over.. and over.. and over again
         until I had become  completely broken..

                                                    -- Completely.

    When I was young, I unknowingly  carried  for her
                     what she, herself..  would not.
    Now that I am a grown man--  through volition alone,
               I will  gladly  for her, take that **** on
           so that she won't ever.. ever again,  have to.

                                     .. Gladly.


    I love you more than you may ever know. 🌾🌾xox

  .
To feel things as deeply and as multi-layered as you do-- instantly and all-together, at once.. is to live a life that is far too often right on the edge of temptation, right on the edge of falling. The Art of holding on to who it is that you are, is to never betray that beautiful Self of yours.. whether in word, or deed.. at any given time. Ok it is to  f e e l  things as deeply as your luscious body and spirit so fully can, but as you already so clearly know.. certain "acting on's" can create such havoc within and to the things (people) you find important.

  .   .

That being said, a form of self-betrayal also is to deny yourself the beautiful Gift of fully feeling at all.. in order to help keep a peace that will forever come at the cost of who you truly (fully, within yourself) are.. even if it were to be acted out all alone on the edge of your bed.. or even against the back of a couch.  In the world of Magic and Deep Deep, Beautiful Feeling, there is always a place for the win-win within you, and also within the world that you currently live in, over there.
You are an artist.  An artist  F E E L S.    
The Universe will always, always help you find a way.
Always. xox

  .   .   .

You are far too strong and stubborn to ever fully give up. That, I know. There is also a  'weakness'  within you that hinges around the word "Vulnerability" when the Beautiful world of Magic overwhelms and then truly overtakes you. Your spirit's receptors are far too deeply intertwined into the gorgeous molecules of that lusciously-Responding body of yours. That makes your Path (your "Portion") that much more difficult to endure. There is a tremendous aloneness (loneliness) in living a life that has to so often be  subdued,  solely due to the consequences within others that truly do not understand. What you need most of all.. is simply to be Understood.. yes, Kid.. within all of that seemingly tremendous complexity of feelings and experiences.. your brilliant complexity of mind.. and the succulence of body that so gorgeously feels.. Everything.
It is not a "Curse", young Love.
It is a beautiful, beautiful Blessing.

  .   .   .   .

Surround yourself (if you can) with those who understand (because they struggle within the "Deeply Feeling" world as much as you). It is in no way an act of unfaithfulness (in any way whatsoever) to fully feel. Finding for yourself the most beautiful of Releases within those Moments of deep feeling is the beginning of your way 'out'.. and (so very lusciously),  the way through. You are so very worth your own fighting for.. in order to hold on to every single part of who it is that you are.

Every single beautiful part
(and those within you that you currently "think" are not beautiful)

who said i needed SOS
to heal these wounds
when i all needed was XOX
just from you?

Hi my name is mahina tokotini.
Im so preetttty.
Im in ms1 im not dumb.
Infact im brainy and clever.
I received a prize giving letter.
Nooootz! jokez LOL
xox
4rm mar3e

I, phantom limb, sense there's mo re

to miss than flesh.


Laugh along with Go

d, pick

at scabs, wrinkle my nose.


Notice

sunsets, grab for mothers' hands, choke

on water.

Heaven & Hell

to be fair , can't really say anything about heaven and hell because some part of me believes that whatever you are truly thinking about becomes your reality. So for the people who is sure they are going to hell that may be the case.
but on principle i do no think there is any judgement on your life other than your own.
So i wouldn't say i believe in them , no... but i do think there is a possibility those places exist..

Re-Incarnation

This one is more about *time for me than anything else

because i think that death is just a blip in the time space continuum.
Like a tree never really dies or is born , because it's just forms into something else.
The rule in science, that no energy can be created it just changes.

AND i think the essence of a person  is what makes them 'a person' although the body is which we express that essence to.
SO i think that if after some time in that body , the essence get's stronger.

AND let's say you die at 89, then you've spent a fair amount of 'experiences'

( another way of measuring time is ; Measuring it by how many things you've done - i like to count happy things , and things that make me grow as a person.)

Knowing that we have effects on the world around us ,
we can see that we emit some kind of energy ,
Although that's more to do with WHY being a human is so cool.

(Because we get to choose what we emit.  )

Anyway .. so you have all these experiences and the body is just an expression of that essence.

Just like there are many types of plants and animals that have their own characteristics and then deeper personalities for each 'individual' ... that is a slightly different  expression of the 'same thing' (collection / species ).
So the children and children's children take a little of each 'individuals' mix and grow it some more.

And in Buddhism *it says that you ARE the next generations..because you don't leave a place until you have learnt the lessons. If one looks at the way humanity has progressed, and where we are now.. we have a lot we can learn...Which is why i know this is one of my 'last times' on earth.
and i've heard some things about how you move together in a group of 'souls' you've been with before.

So what you do in any life , you do to yourself anyway... it makes a lot of sense... it would be a  wonderful way to get to learn things .
You are the teacher you are the master. It resonates with me a lot.
Because i can see certain cycles in my life of specific events that taught me things.

That,  and my godmother told me a story of when i as 4 and showed her a quill and proceeded to show her how it worked and told her all about it..i don't think i knew about quills that much then.. that's before i recall reading properly...
i ALSO happen to be a good writer.


I have also met people who share 'lives' with me.  (and i've never seen so much with another person as i have seen with my 'Boyfriend'.)
It works like this. * One of us says something that we 'daydream' or feel so strongly towards, it's your intuition talking so it's good to listen. Then we compare what we feel when we think of that thing.. and more often then not and with certain details we'll both have the same so it's not just 1 of us. *Which makes it a correlation... *

I like to look at my life and events like that deeply. Because there seems to always be a 'plot twist' or some revelation i didn't know existed.

So all in all* i believe you enter and exit bodies , but see all the lives as 1 life , not as separate lives.
The lives are more of a segment, or a stage , or a blip and death is the dash...
......however you wanna call yin and yang.

But as we saw earlier , all energy only changes , so technically it's the same thing.

Which goes into the detail of how you can be yourself , what seems like 'more than once'.

All energy is itself - expressing itself , in different forms.

Much like the variety of species , solar systems , cells , cell organs... atoms , protons, quarks..

Although i will say this , i am still thinking / reading / learning about the nature of the death period

i often understand these things through looking at the cycles in my body as a start point.

But i prefer to focus on life , since i am quite young and i know i have some more of the road ahead of me , so i like to contemplate it from time to time
because even though we get to choose things,
there is a certain movement that is not ours to an extent.
I think you can, in a way prolong life... eating well.. thinking happily... but that is an event that WILL happen .

That is a certainty.. in a universe so full of * 'chance AND *variety'.... to *have a certainty that big...well that's *pretty interesting.

Life though , life has i feel , a purposeful force.
Choice is the pretty awesome thing. ( and you asked me a  big question , i hope this answered it.. if you need more info or need me to clarify anything tell me  , hey it's really nice talking to you Jade! Even though Facebook  sometime is kinda a bad thing i feel.... it let's us do this ... the internet is an interesting place.. what do you think of it?) Love xox

Heey Mahina tokotini
yuor so beautyful & so pweddy.
your my best fraand! n et wil neva end.
Yuor so funny, yuo mke me laugh al d tymz,
2 da dayz datz gne by!

laaaarve maree xox :p

It is not a lake of fire,  sweet one

It is a place  that tells us
  that we are Loved


The only thing that burns
is the View,  seen from a distance..
from across the Chasm

--One that,  before its over
will no longer exist.

True story. xox

To address all of the feedback I've been receiving in regards to the way I write or express myself I want to make some things clear.
#1.  I want to share my utter graciousness and love to all of those who support me on this website. I never thought my poetry could touch the lives of so many and have this sort of effect. I really do, truly thank all of you who have spent your time posting lovely comments or even liking some of my poems. You guys are the best! You are the reason I keep writing and feeling proud for all that I do. Thank you so so so so much for all of your love and appreciation. I can't tell you guys enough.
#2. In regards to me "seeking attention" or "getting recognition" from other people. In some way, I suppose you're right. I do want recognition for the work I produce in terms of my poetry. I want people to read what I write and share their opinions on it because I enjoy simple literature, reading and writing in general. I am not writing to having people say "poor you, you must have it so hard" I could honestly give not a single **** about any of that. I appreciate your concerns but I have friends and family who love me that I turn to when I'm in need of real support- and I write to simply get the residue of whatever bad feelings are left off my mind. I appreciate the heart-warming, extremely loving comments that I've received from many of you and they really do mean a lot to me and make me feel like I'm worth it. This is not addressed to you. This is addressed to the people who believe I'm trying to get attention by putting my work out there, this isn't what poetry is about- so stop projecting your own ideas and thoughts onto me. You will be blocked and unfollowed- I don't have patience or time for this ignorance and stupidity. I write from how I feel in a specific moment, whether that be happy, sad, depressed, loved, uneasy, numb, crazy- these are all parts of who I am, everyone can relate to all of these feelings- I just choose to express them more intensely or publicly than some. Some choose to post them on Facebook, or Instagram or church or to their friends- so please don't patronize me for simply expressing how I feel at a certain time. Poetry is meant to be shared and loved and constructively criticized, poetry is from the heart and soul of those who can't seem to express it any other way.
#3. Any comments regarding religion or spirituality in general I would rather address personally through a direct message- I was raised Roman Catholic- baptized, confirmed all that jazz. I also had the luxury of having a Buddhist grandmother and from both of those experiences in each religion I personally related to the Buddhism concept a lot better than the Catholic/Christian one. I believe there is a higher power (to some perhaps it can be seen as what you define as "God" or "Jesus") but to me I feel like it is so great that none of us can put to words or even fathom exactly what it is. Heaven and Hell both exist on Earth to me, I've seen glimmers of both. And I personally believe that when we move into the next world after our time on this earth has ended (death) that we are thrown into complete knowledge, complete understanding of the meaning of life and all that surrounds us. Perhaps not immediately, but eventually in the grand eternal scheme of things. With that, it is no ones place to try and change anyones point of view or beliefs in any aspect- I believe what I believe and if there is an all forgiving God, he would surely understand that.

So thank you to those who have kindness towards me on this site, and to those who don't? Find another poet to follow because I am clearly not your cup of tea.

Peace, love, hope & compassion

xox natasha

I met people that at some point I thought were my soul mates... I loved a lot and I have been hurt too many times! I was once in a relationship, beautiful it seemed, but I was alone in it. A lesson in the end... how to be alone and make it work because although I was alone... I was not lonely. I know the kind of woman I want and need so I am waiting for her... Until then I'm alone but not lonely because I am happy knowing I'm waiting for wat I deserve! Being alone is much better than playing the field because you lose your focus of happiness, your self pride, a lady knows her dignity. I learned that when I decide to be alone, but definitely not lonely... I am content... waiting for you xox

Im not ur X & O
in your small game of
tic tac toe

love               love
                            care xox     kiss oxo
                            together      forever
           ­                  date hug  parent
                              hearts unite t.....v
                                serious car buy
                                     hugs flirt
                                        love
                                           x

Deena and Ana are my very good sisters.
Hope yous have a very good Christmas.
Vorne and Ina are my very best friends.
Hope i see yous again.
Merry Christmas my friends.
We'v known each other till this very end.
May your wishes comes true, because everyone loves you.
xox Maree <3

i heard the leaves fall
i heard your last call

i wish u thought of me, when u were counting ur last breath
then that wait turned to a thing called death

i wish u wished that i was there
all those painfull tears i alone cant bear

your memories are blurry,
why did u have to be in a hurry?

i ran through your old photograph...
it was as fresh as the scar and as old as that torn scarf

they all said u loved me so,
but then im left to wonder why did u have to go

i wished upon a shooting star,
then i realised that ur too far

way out of reach,
yet too colse to me ...

your memories are safe in my heart
even death cant tear us apart... <3

-mistymoonlight ,
<3 xox.

Was it the prowess of caress that made us touch each other's souls? Breaking ****** hole, divulging teary eyes and defined Love Realize, All told?.
Was it when you said good night (Gracious, Obscure Our Devotion Needing Indescribable, Galvanizing, Heightened Tenacity) that you were to reach out? Actually. Playing the code game, ***** its fame you know it's lame. But I'd always be a beast you couldn't tame.

Did you want me to remember to miss you?. Well in cloud nine I'd kiss you, put my work on the line, lay your body supine, coarse and rough edges refine. Huff & puff, grunt and sigh... But before that you'd say: 'You've been a friend, fine, come and dine'.

Your scent makes no sense to the sensible scenes of sanity's descent. Why can't I forget you?, was it the aroma of your lotion?. Oh love breathes I sniffed that potion. Of course I had to sneeze coz I’ve always believed in caution before emotion.

As sailors say; crying a river won't you get you any fish _ well you're one I'd never let off the hook. I was cold when you shook. I never knew love by the book. Foolish women having been wise about men, I'd steal their advice like a crook.

But now you're gone and all those memories you took. Go on at your back I won't look. Sail on by, I've said long bye. Now shine on high coz' you've found fools who **** and don't make love with style. It's all flair when it's fair ***, fate be just you'd be my ex.
But I never had the heart to axe. 0k then X, dark forces best not hex, you're on true love's list next.
XOX

Under a younger sun
                                perhaps
                     ­                         You
might have saved my life.

                       xox
                       grim reaper

what sort of mistake do you have to make,
where at this crux of
  made mistake somewhere down along the line
produces the following "solution":

    9  7  5  1  2  3  8  6  4
    3  1  6  ?  4  5  2  9  7
    4  2  8  7  8  6  5  1  3
    6  3  2  8  1  4  ?  7  5
    7  5  1  3  6  2  9  4  8
    8  4  9  5  9  7  3  2  1
    2  9  7  4  5  8  1  3  6
    1  8  4  6  3  9  7  5  2
    5  6  3  2  7  1  4  8  9....
        
                i wish it was as simple as spelling
mistake to correct it...
              but having the concept regarding
this puzzle as:
           x
              0
                 x
                                doesn't help...
                        well, it really is XOX of japan...
             you have complex phonetic encoding,
mathematics is like children playing with g.i. joes...
              you squirming... or squinting?
         i'll have to wait for tomorrow's newspaper
to get the answer as to where i made the mistake...
   like i made the mistake in
no. 8942
            with the nine in the
                        1  6  8
                        7  2  5
                        3  9  4 lower square...
                  oh right... this is the part where i'm
supposed to be jealous with you getting all the *****?
          to be honest? two cats are already too much to handle...
you can have your little jealousy-magnetism objects
that women become...
                            it's almost 7pm around here,
and i'm about to finish a litre of swedish ***** (absolut)...
                i'm trying to be bothered...
                                i just made a mistake solving
a su doku, that might be nothing more than
                        having writen a 9 wonky... or some other
number... but until tomorrow's press doesn't print
the solution... i won't know where i went wrong...
                      well... hello raisin madam!
                                you have that produce in
the heavenly harem of islamic martyrs?
            is this the part where you tell me: exercise!
             i really can imagine that kind of hell...
                          what they call heaven i just call hell...
it's like ******* two-point-oh... oh right?!
                i have to **** these women i'm not
attracted to? and there's 72 of them?
                                                          oh crap.
guess what dating app. they have in iceland...
guess!
                   they match up based on their genes...
that's what they have in iceland... as an island
community they match up, based on their genome...
if they're 2nd or 3rd generation cousins
the phone app. alerts them that they're
related in a too close a proximity and that they
shouldn't move toward having offspring.
                      i opened today's newspaper and read
the news, and then thought: horror movies
are the equivalent of softcore if a pornographic
analogy is permitted... in terms of what journalism
covers... horror movies are romance...
         this **** covers the utter mind-numbing *******.

woke up in a certain heartbeat
it was steaming with heat
hoping it's true
still finding some clue
you held my hands
it was intertwined love
it is
i'm sure you did
i felt the need
you said you wanted them to see
how you love me
how you want me
how you chose me
today and everyday


xox

"My marriage is failing in the name of poetry."

This is difficult to have to read, kid.. I'm so very sorry. And again, I am sorry for what I am about to say, for so please forgive me.

This is not a poetry site here, it is an incestuous mosh pit of a social media site that uses poetry as a means to that end. The best way to save your marriage is let your husband read what I just said and hopefully, he will ask you to leave the site in order to save the marriage. I have watched you get in trouble for 4 years now-- falling for this one over here, and falling for that one over there.. most of them are a bunch of two-bit posers, and more than a fair share of them are simply ****-******* trolls. Many of these men who pass themselves off as poets and attract women to themselves are married or in relationships.. which makes it quadruple pathetic to me when I  see the **** that goes on here on this Faceb--.. I mean, poetry site.

You are a rare Jewel, babe. I saw it in you from day one. And I happen to know that your husband is a good man with a good heart-- and he's probably smart enough to know that any man that would fall for you is just doing what would come naturally when he sees the writing of  such a high-quality heart and spirit. But somewhere there is a line,

and this ******* place don't give a **** about lines.

My heart goes out to him.. in fact, to the both of you, because to lose one another would be a great loss indeed, and each of you know that. Know yourself, beauty.. and at any given time, know where your true help comes from. It doesn't come from any of these agenda-ed ******* yahoos who fancy themselves as poets and whisper sweet nothings to you through private messaging. I know you well enough to know that your heart knows exactly where it's help comes from-- especially once you get away from the cloud of dust that gets stirred up by many of these social interactions that carry on, and on--   and without ******* end, around here.

Let him (your husband) read this and see if poetry is actually ruining your marriage--
or is it that there is a social media site that's trying to pass it off in the name of poetry, that is causing your marriage the most problems of all.

And, yeah.. you very much have a right to be upset at me over what I have just said, love.. I certainly wouldn't blame you if you were. If you need to block me, I would understand.. but consider doing yourself a favor and showing your husband this first. Love has a brutality embedded deep within it, and I've just shown it to you. I'm so sorry.

"Faithful are the wounds of a friend,
but deceitful are the kisses of an enemy."


Show it to him, you absolutely gorgeous angel, and then feel free to block me or tell me to ******* or whatever you feel might be right to do. And if any of these posers that have been working on you for years don't like what I said,

well.. they can **** my mother-******* ****.

Peace to you, love. xox