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ShuckFacedGirl Apr 2015
Every step
sinks deeper
ankle deep in despair
sloshing and squishing
never getting
out of here
heart racing
eyes searching
my feet swallowed
below the surface
now knee deep
a crow’s cackle
echos in the distance
mocking my struggle to survive
hands flailing
a minut
attempt to
escape
the inevitable
sinking yet deeper
into the unknown
the monster engulfs
my legs
half free
half dead
my arms
stretch out
to embrace
a crooked tree branch
coated
in soft green moss
an attempt
to save
what is already lost
legs are concrete
feet are forgotten
my heart
skips a beat
and time freezes
all at once
brain, heart, and branch
break
swallowed by the Earth
no air
no escape
no hope
all is dark
all is dead
all is lost
squirm and wiggle
toes are twisting
toes are living
legs kicking
heart beating
arms flailing
Schloomp
I, and many others, are experiencing this dreaded sinking feeling, and eventually will pass over to the other side that's pulling on us, whatever that may be....
llcb Oct 2015
Vinduet står på klem, så jeg kan høre biler der kører på vejen et par etager nede. De larmer og er ligeglade, så de holder mig vågen. Med øjne som er åbne og pupiller der er udspilede, kigger jeg rundt og føler mig rastløs og som raster af hende der grinte på gaden tidligere. Jeg finder mig selv i vindueskammen et minut senere med bilerne som selskab. Byen griner af mig. Håner mig for at være træt, og dens larmende latter holder mig vågen, ligesom den hjemløse på hjørnet af Nordhavn st., der råber ad dem der venter på togene.

Byen gider ikke holde kæft, så jeg tager min frakke på og lister ned ad trapperne, så jeg ikke vækker mine underboer, som byen forhåbentlig ikke håner her i nat. På gaden smiler folk som om vi kender hinanden, og kigger på mig med bløde blikke. Blomster kysser bænke og kærestepar kysser hinanden. Byen er en god ven af mange og en dyb forelskelse af nogle. Her i nat, med latter og bløde blikke, så er byen og jeg de allerbedste venner, trods dens humørsvingninger og melankolske humor.

En time senere er byen tavs. Den hjemløse mand er fuld og sovende på en bænk, bilerne strækker sig nu på motorveje og folk ligger med bare tæer i deres senge. Jeg kaster frakken i sofaen og ligger mig med dynen over mine skuldrer.

Byen kysser mig stille godnat til stilheden fra de tomme gader,
og jeg sover indtil den kærligt kysser mig godmorgen til følelsen af sollys på mine øjenlåg og lyden af mennesker der taler på fortove.
My life is in shambles

Stress taking over my life

the constant drinking trying to drown

this feeling hoping with this false

courage that can deal

Tired of being angry

Tired of being sad

Tired of crying, tear ducts depleted

I can't breathe or sleep

Everything is in turmoil

Feeling helpless there is no easy fix

Exhausted from all this pain, misery and heartache

Temper flairing at the most minut things

Can't seem to catch a break

Everything is falling apart all around me

This is more than I can handle

My stability is being rocked

Rocked to the core
SMN Sep 2015
when i wake up in the morning
i feel the ache in my chest
i know i must get out of bed
but instead i just sit on the edge
of my bed starring out into nothing
hearing my brain scream
that i need to get up and get ready
i also hear my dad yelling that i need
to get up if i don’t wanna be late
part of me really doesn’t care
but the other part is taking over
and somehow i get up and
drag myself to the shower
i also drag myself out in the car
waiting for the very last minut
before i leave the driveway
i go all day trying to act like
i’m doing okay and i’ve actually
slept through the night
which i haven’t done in quite a while
when i go to bed in the evening
i feel the ache in my whole body
i scream silently and i shed
lonely silent tears as i fall asleep

*(s.m)
Jonny May 2019
Does 10 minutes mean I'm done
listening to Illmatic like automatic
4:08 will be finished instead of
3:50 and I'll follow the narrative
Peace and tension from the minutes left
Until I'm done
Philosophy please do this justice
Stream of feeling and I need a story
Maybe the cause alone can carry a
Reason why I'm an artist, was the cause enough
To show why I'm here
Neat little bow and I'm searching for a beat
Like I have earnt it, And I mean money
What does it mean to earn without currency
Mutually exclusive, I search and search my
Mind for the right feeling as it appears
And know the considered approach would yield
Allusions of grandeur as it should
Yes, it does end.
The beat is a motivator
'Cos what else would it do
The weight of capitalism, **** what's it matter,
Maybe I'm looking for that person who
Matters so inrefutibly that I just stop
And commit until the end.
Mateuš Conrad Mar 2016
też masz mi do powiedzenia, jak niby włókło włókna szarosci sierści psa, dało skóre tą samą, godną, na ubiór człowieka! o tyle, tylko czy ten pies nie igra w psie zasady i maniery łyskotek ogona, a raczej: z krókiem w krok swego pana, na ilość kra kra ha ha! KRA! HA! bo sie barbarossa obudzi!*

potwory na wyspach!
każdy murzyn to wie!
tu nie ma społeczeństwa,
tu nie ma nawet dialogu,
kiedy mensch kochąjacy
mensch jest w nad grobie
ozora zakryty
szambem, i chwyta brzytwy
bo tonie nad dwóch tą krytyką!
i tu ten upiór rady i wolności,
niby, nagle opartym królem
na tronie sracza,
o! królestwo zwanem szambo!
na typ repliki króla jana!
jedna dziwa ulic uciekła bo powiedziałem
rym henryka żon wedle idolizacji karola,
pierwszy z czołem ścięty, drugi nie,
a co trzeci? a tu nagle w gazele!
*** raj car cajs, w ten rytmiczny bieg!
hola hoop! *** tsar cajs! ona w bieg!
no, pięć minut wykorzystane
dla brygady oxfam.
Julia Anniina May 2016
Jaksat usein muistuttaa ensitapaamisestamme, kerrata tarinaa verkkaisesti äänensävyllä, jonka pehmeys muistuttaa rauhoittavaa silitystä.

Silloin tuntui lähestulkoon kunniakkaalta olla juuri se ihminen, jonka valitsit niiden kaikkien vastaan tulleiden joukosta. Ehkä juuri sen takia en juurikaan vastustellut, kun vetäisit minut rivakalla otteella suoraan altaan syvään päähän. Totuin kylmään veteen ennen kuin ehdin huomatakaan, opin täydentämään lauseesi ja tuntemaan kehosi jokaisen piirteen, trauman ja eleen.
Yhtä huomaamattomasti kuusi kuukautta pauhasi ohi kosken tavoin, ja sorsat saapuivat uiskentelemaan rannan liepeille. Siinä vaiheessa olin jo auttamattomasti puolihukuksissa, kaulaani myöten kietoutuneena sinuun, keveyteesi ja mutkattomuuteesi, kehräten häikäilemättömästi kosketuksia ja kuiskien tuhmia sanoja korvaasi.

Puhuessasi et vilkuile turhaan ympäriinsä, vaan lasket katseesi kiertelemättä ja painavana iholle. Välissä venyttelet laiskasti, kohotat käsivarsiasi, jolloin paidanhelmasi nousee hieman, paljastaen kaistaleen alavatsasi suloista kaarta. Kun niskasi on taivutettuna hennosti taaksepäin etkä välttämättä huomaa, annan silmieni viipyillä sinussa hieman pidempään, kyynärtaipeista sormenpäihin asti.

Ennen sinuun tutustumista puolitutuillani oli pois kääntyessäni tapana kuiskutella paheellisuudesta ja huorista, enkä viitsi kieltää, ettekö muisto noista sanoista tuntuisi edelleen aamuisin kohmeisuutena luissani, mutten siltikään malta olla miettimättä, miltä nuo sormet tuntuisivat sisälläni.
Julia Anniina Jan 2016
Katkean, takeltelen
Kuin olisin kolauttanut pääni ja hetkeksi unohtanut kuinka olla
Silmiä räpäyttäessä kadotan oikean kohdan,
nikottelen ja hämäännyn
En osaa hahmottaa missä sinun ajatuksesi loppuu ja missä omani alkaa
Johdattelet hienovarhaisesti harhaan, puhut pääni pyörryksiin
Et koskaan lopeta, vaikene, edes hetkeksi,
vaikka olen ahdettu niin täyteen sanoja, etten voi ottaa sisääni enää yhtäkään
Ja jollain tapaa teet sen niin ovelasti,
niin leveästi hymyillen,
pidellen kaikkia lankoja keveästi käsissäsi
Saaden minut uskomaan,
että äänessä olinkin kokoajan minä
Pauline Morris Mar 2016
Days like today
In my darkened way
I just sit,rock, and sway

I rock to the rhythm of my lifes sorrowful song
This feelings so wrong, so strong
In this inky state of mind
Any minut goodness is hard to find

There's hatred and self doubt
I HATE THE WAY I FEEL...I just want to shout
But there's no one here to hear anyway
So I sit and I cry and I sway

My thoughts bleed all over the place
You can plainly see them on my face
I'm such a disgrace
To the whole human race

This depression is heartless
Bringing only darkness
On days like today
My body and soul cry
It just leeks out my eyes

The sadness and darkness intertwine
It makes living feel like a crime
I'm so utterly clueless
Fighting it seems so useless

This is a bad one
I don't know where it came from
At lest with a trigger I know where I stand
Today I just feel like I have a brand
That tells the dakness to fall
That I don't belong after all
Erin Schwartz Mar 2015
As I sit here quietly
Thinking about how great my life has become the past few weeks
days
hours
minutes
seconds
I realize that it wasn't always like that
I look down at my thigh and see the little, thin, white scars I put onto myself and realize
I did that
I was so frail that I let every word hurt me and add to the pain within me I let those people get to me and honestly
Never in my whole life would I have been able to see myself sitting here in my room
Wishing I never put that blade to my skin

I wish I never took it upon myself to push the razor deeper into my thigh
Causing an outburst stream of blood
Half the time I didn't even know what was going on
Tears were steaming down my face
As I came to and stopped crying
I looked and saw the destruction I had done

It started out as five or six scratches which lead to ten
Then all of a sudden I was slicing thirty times, allowing four to break the skin
I cleaned myself up every time it happened
Not letting anyone know how horrible I felt

As I sit here quietly, thinking about how horrible my life had been two months ago
every week
day
hour
minut
second
I realize I am greatful for the scars on my thigh
I now have a reminder of how horrible I felt
but also how much I was able to overcome
I fought the demons within me, alone on most days
I was able to defeat the burning hatred I had for myself and my bullies
I was able to stop the depression
anorexia
anxiety
And suicidal thoughts I had

I thank God everyday for chance of life
Because there were times I didn't know if I was going to make it
But look at me now
I'm alive
Thank you to everyone who supported me through my stages of depression. I am eternally grateful
Pauline Morris Jan 2017
I have rotted on the vine
No one plucked me before I died
Now I'm just fermented fruit
I am feeling mighty minut
I guess it is now my time
Just feed me to the ***** swine
They will slurp me like expensive wine
I'll make them feel mighty fine
At lest then my flesh well have served a purpose
My carcass won't have been totally worthless

©Pauline Russell
Pauline Morris Feb 2016
Days like today
In my darkened way
I just sit,rock, and sway

I rock to the rhythm of my lifes sorrowful song
This feelings so wrong, so strong
In this inky state of mind
Any minut goodness is hard to find

There's hatred and self doubt
I HATE THE WAY I FEEL...I just want to shout
But there's no one here to hear anyway
So I sit and I cry and I sway

My thoughts bleed all over the place
You can plainly see them on my face
I'm such a disgrace
To the whole human race

This depression is heartless
Bringing only darkness
On days like today
My body and soul cry
It just leeks out my eyes

The sadness and darkness intertwine
It makes living feel like a crime
I'm so utterly clueless
Fighting it seems so useless

This is a bad one
I don't know where it came from
At lest with a trigger I know where I stand
Today I just feel like I have a brand
That tells the darkness to fall
That I don't belong after all
Pauline Morris Jan 2016
Days like today
In my darkened way
I just sit,rock, and sway

I rock to the rhythm of my lifes sorrowful song
This feelings so wrong, so strong
In this inky state of mind
Any minut goodness is hard to find

There's hatred and self doubt
I HATE THE WAY I FEEL...I just want to shout
But there's no one here to hear anyway
So I sit and I cry and I sway

My thoughts bleed all over the place
You can plainly see them on my face
I'm such a disgrace
To the whole human race

This depression is heartless
Bringing only darkness
On days like today
My body and soul cry
It just leeks out my eyes

The sadness and darkness intertwine
It makes living feel like a crime
I'm so utterly clueless
Fighting it seems so useless

This is a bad one
I don't know where it came from
At lest with a trigger I know where I stand
Today I just feel like I have a brand
That tells the dakness to fall
That I don't belong after all
Keith W Fletcher Dec 2019
Im serious ...
...as serious as that
suddenly noticed... minut chip
... on the windshield of your......!
Then you realize
30 miles
And 20 minutes later...
You just spent all that time
Worrying about just when it will crack.
Was it worth it?
mike Aug 2015
im a city boy
a ***** city boy
i live in a hot city
filled with ugly people.
it gets so hot
that sometimes i tyink its the heat
that must melt their faces off
to show how ugly they are underneath.
oh in my city
if you walk for an hour or more
youll find the ocean.
and on the beach there are some people who are in love i guess.
and they may think that the ocean
and eacother are pretty.
but will they love eachother
when they have cancer in a bed
from breathing that ***** city
air i guess they wouldnt be alone when they die
if they hadnt lived there
well neither would i, so.
i shut my eyes sometimes and try yo be a part of nature.
but the only nature that comes close to me is the mosquitoes.
i let them **** on my blood and i try to ignore em.
but then i hear some some rap and people talking about *** and crack
while im trying to stay clean,
well those mosquitoes, ive got some
***** city blood for em.

if i ever met a moose hed ask me
for my social security number.
and if i ever got attacked by a bear
itd be during his winter hibernation.
and if a mountain man ever told me his wisdoms hed sound like a crazy mumbler.
yeah everyone in the city looks at you crazy if you dont make sense
but they dont make sense.
and even the cleanest city in the world wouldnt make sense because,
people and cities dont make sense.
i think cities without people and
people without cities make more sense than rap and *** and crack.

time
to climb
the tallest building.
so i can ask a very rich man
what time it is.
and he'll look at me and call security
and have me escorted from the building.
but in the minut that im up there
ill forget about the time
because maybe ill be able to see the stars for the first time.

the police men have my face
in their computers in their cars.
and because i was poor in the city
and doing drugs i ended up behind bars.
but now i know that no matter where you are you can be in a spiritual prison.
but our cities are are gonna sink our mountains so we're gonna make a city fly to mars..
so we can go there and start over so we can make some cities so we can have wars again.

i live in a city named after a fish
in a homeless shelter.
one day a cute little kitty showed up
she was lost and scared and i helped her.
so shes my homeless kitty and now i love her.
i guess shes probably hungry so im gonna give her some fish.
Classy J Jun 2017
Got out my wu tang sword shing, so ring that bell ding ding. Taking out giants with only a pebble and a sling, for I'm not scarred to face anyone even if they are a rap god or king. This is the future of class, for as long as I'm here hip hop will never lose it's nitro gas. Rapping down in the underground because that's where all the lost souls can be found. Yeah every day I get better, and I be writing bars that are even more deep and clever. Still in a apartment but one day I'll own a large settlement. One with the elements so does that make me a avatar, but I must be prepared for the worlds final war. For the beginning must always have an end, but it'll be easier if I got some friends. Sorry but what can I say, for everyone will eventually met their final day.

It's a good thing that I'm a spiritual lyrical satirical miracle, so call me egotistical I don't care because I want to be something more than a minut particle. I don't understand why people are so desperate to be artificial, because age and material things are so superficial. It's official I may be the only one who is original. I want to be more than a one hit wonder, but if I do then I guess I'll go on a spirit walk and learn to be a hunter. But I'm still broken and lost, and I'm hoping that I overcome before my heart turn cold like frost. Yeah but for now I'm trying to find where my life is because I feel so lifeless, and I'm trying to have a moment that is priceless. Isn't that priceless but **** it I lost track of my purpose and I'm done feeling worthless. Yeah and I don't want to miss out on the important things, like meeting the right woman and finding her the perfect ring.

But my demons have caught up to me, so it's up for me to get myself free. Am I ready for that, because I've been in darkness so long that it has become my habitat. I'm such a hypocrite because I go to church on Sunday, then I steal something on Monday, **** in an artifact on Wednesday, eat till I throw up on Thursday, swear at God on Friday, ******* on Saturday, and then ask for forgiveness again on Sunday. Need to break free, need to see that if I don't move past this there won't be much life left for me. Day after day, night after night, can't stay so I guess I got to fight. One step forward, one step back, got to continue going forward and try not to slack. Have you ever wondered what it would be to not be? Have you ever wanted to see what others can't see? Well I tell ya, it's a gift but it feels like hell brah. Had visions, had dreams, had a six sense, and the things I've seen would make some scream. Seeing the end of humanity, seeing relatives I've never met, man some people call that insanity. I've seen demons, I've seen angels, and can't remember if I read this **** in the parables. Maybe I'm just overwhelmed, or maybe I'm just being condemned. Maybe I never got over playing pretend, or maybe God did not intend to create me and if he did then maybe he should've chose someone else instead. Struggling with these voices in my head, and I'm an adult now but I still feel as fragile as a little kid. Maybe I should go off the grid, because what's the point if my whole life has already been decided.Yeah and just sitting beside myself because I can't even recognize myself. Stuck in stagnation, **** maybe it's time I take a vacation to get away from all this frustration. Need to get my life right, because I'm so stressed that I can't even sleep at night. Just need to pull myself together because I know eventually it will get better. I accept I'm not a saint but I refuse to be bait, and I will take measures to make sure that my heart doesn't fill with hate.(38)
Iwo Andrzej Jul 2019
Heartfelt cold type of a guy, lost in life
No place in this world for my type, standing on a crossroad, praying hands to the sky. I just need a guide
Enternal thoughts, creating this concrete writer, I got fuel for words, abused enough to start a fire.
I'm hearing distance whispers, numb in my feelings, penetrator of wombs, demons speaking to me through the ceilings.

My tounge with words from deeper than ether
Shadow men, down under - working against the beginning, they wanna' destroy the beginning, so they aiming at the end.
You can call them mates, but you know it's only a pretend - The black man was first on this place.. They took you for friend, you took them for slaves

Do some research, know your ******* place
This world is the dumbest *******, they don't even bother to replace these men, schooling indoctrination must be working well.

Don't you see it's a race against the race
Snowflakes melting, screaming "let's accept more gays!"
**** the biological functions, its a self destructive, non breeding phase.
Trust me, you'll loose if you take the backdoor In a straight forward race.  

Whispering in my ear, EVERYDAY it's getting clearer and clearer
"Tie the robe tighter" aren't you tired of not being able to be your own provider
Trying to keep whats left intact - but I'm a shattered fighter, broken inside out can't remember last I slept, ****!
I don't wish to be the survivor, my luck is out - joker mentality makes my life way harder
Balancing on the edge, looking at his inferno, the same way I'm looking inside my fridge, hungry.. But but no food to taste, not feeling, I'm ****** to the bone pain is temporary, I never understood that term, all my life I had to carry, weight of the world
I see many.. Stupid ******* weak people, they are so many.. I know.. But few working brains controls all the dumb

Dante described hell, but forgot everything is inside yourselves.
We are stuck in the Dark, possessed and doomed to always fall.
Here is life, a gift from god, only a slave will embrace. The catch is no fun, so let them chase.

The Devil is singing my name, I always felt life was a curse and a gift it's all the same
, I don't like surprises, I play my own life like a throw of dices
I smell beasts and burned skin, far away you can feel the winter is coming, they arises, but I have Snow.

Towards shadows, towards pain
deep into the forrest, where no soul is to blame!
No stop of me,  I'll be Like Gump, life is like a box of chocolate, and sometimes you'll get Trump
**** your illusion, not understanding we're all ******* prophets, there is no such thing as coincidences
you are useless, because of the lack of knowledge.. If you are woke, Add a D between use and Less.

inside terror, keeping my eyes away from the mirrors.
God created this life, why all the pain if he is our guide through hard times and internal wars.

I spit on it, and threw it away, and tossed it.. Life is a gift? It's more like poison Turning upside down, I do the Kriss Kross dance - cross
I'm strong, and yet weak in my knees to pray, not to the sky, but the other way, I'm searching for the light in the darkness - Lucifer carries on what I wanted

I just want  everything to turn black, and silently disappear
, feeling this pain coming to an end, darkness within I don't longer have to pretend, I'm Linking all the dots, last walk in the park, nothing else matters
In the end!

Coming thru, cold as ****, nothing but some feelings getting blocked, I eagerly wanna bite the apple, I'm hungry and I'm stucked, I'm in my own prison of Eden, I'm so mental ill, I don't take pills unless it kills, and serpent  fears to be eaten, I'm soulless and Lost, Like George Bush, - look inside the coffin, connect to the sky, wait a minut.. Is that Steve Jobs?
The bite of the apple, it's so crystal clear you all blinded  bought all that expensive hi-tech gear.
Snakes do what it takes.

Living like cancer, I'm not a survivor
Keeping it Blair witch in the woods I see rituals, they call it illuminati, all seeing eye, you can't escape then border between illusion and reality, tri-an-gles, and all seing eye
It's the eye of a tiger. Ask Eldrick, all the money in the world didnt turn the hole in One (Holy one) any brighter.


White privilige, ***. I can't turn any whiter, throw the dirt on my body, Bury me in sandcastles, as if digging was your hobby, do your ******* ****

Got these skeletons inside my closet, playing Marco Polo inside my brain pineal gland, I try to save it, I can't stop it! Your third eye is key, so detox it.

, I'm ready to cut it, the feeling of living a life, that's not worth it, cut it!

I pray to jesus, but then the devil walks in.
I guess only one of them listens and understands
it cuts me inside from my soul to my pride, that's not living life, feels like a dream, so I won't open my eyes, to realize the real me, pin me to the cross, I let me sacrifice. I can't live life with these two eyes.

Yeah depression is keeping me busy and just alive, it's like the heart  and my brain is synchronized,   I'm slowly forgetting, all the things I've been missing, put it on a milkbox, like all the lost souls, which enforce these sources of adrenochrome,


So I walk towards the sun, with my teeth biting my tongue,  I keep my feelings locked , affraid of the scenario where I'm the loaded gun, not affraid,, just a bit paranoid, has these inner dialogs, wait for me, stay away from me.. No, don't leave.. Ahh... ******* RUN! I feel the cold blade playing like a violin on my arm, let me drain until empty Ness embrace my soul, where soil covers my face, and the rotten heart is invited down to his place.

Daddy ain't around, and momma searching for love, I'm attaching to any kind that reminds me of love, just wanna feel warmth like dragons in game of thrones so much cold, and a bit of snow
Mommi ******* told me, she made a mistake the day I was born. I'm spinning around - lost my compass, ah I'm finally gone
looking back, only  smelling burning rotten meat, I hate I ever was born. Hard and soft, I would do anything for love.. Take a short way  to hell where I ******* be-long, I'm finally gone, burning inside out, you really wanna know? OK... Yeah the devil has all your friends and two horns.
Tom Morrissey Aug 2018
Comfort in circumstance
Our role is not minut
A light’s behind our eyes
But our sight is not astute
Gratification in the typical
Of the over achieving self
Learn the profoundness of love
And let that be your wealth
Further your approach
Propel towards the sky
There’s a simple kind of existence
In the complexity of why
No more pounding in your chest
No more gambles
Did you ever ask why?
Why you have compassion? For example
That light is ours
A combined effort in infinite
That light is yours
You need only to abide by it
Theheartofman Jul 2020
Whether you believe in creation or evolution. I think the point is, our physical lives, aren't even blip on the radar, through the lens of eternity! I think that's the beautiful part of being human is we have the opportunity to see the purpose and meaning, every moment of every day. Perhaps that was our weakness in our God/Goddess forms? Perhaps finding the purpose and meaning in every minut details will help us create bigger, greater solar systems and better world's? ❤️🕊️❤️
all saints' day is upon us...
Duvali here yet?
i never imagined fireworks going off
on Halloween...
it's as if Catholics exist in Old England
not the New England of
Protestants and ****...

my sin is that i smoked marijuana
in public
and walked around
and instead of nakednessn i found armour
and love and armour...
love of armour
in the darkness i forged one ring
and in the darkness i found
the cloak of invisibility
and in the shadows i roamed
and i swayed and gave encouraging shouts:
OAR! MORE!
OAR! MORE!
TO KIEV!
FOUND USN KIEV!
NA RUS!

find master! find master!
what did you find Ivan?
master! master!
i found your meter!
i found music in poetry!
master! master!
good...          goood E'van...
good Evan:
there be life in this fire water of life?
yessssss... masssster...
good Evan...
i will smooch up to this spirit
and take a sip of her milk:
Bolsheviks of Vistula
and Basra...        Vikings of the black sea
and the mouth of Dniepr...

little tides of a great big sea:
and time as water
and fire no...
fire as space: therefore god had only
once chance to rebel
and he rebelled
and made himself known
leaving ******* artifacts of omni- robes
when in fact he could make contact
with the world at the base of the Pyramids
but would not sit on an Auschwitz's chimney...

blah blah allahahhablahblahallahahhahahahahaha!
i think of god's judgement to make poetry
there:
since only the grey Jew in the hands of the khaki
smear campaign and the nacht black SS mensch...
to no brick in mud Jew:
to your intellectual drain: i will sucker up...
pound for pound
inch of water and a grain of salt...
for your grain of fertile soil...
show me potatoes grown in Israel...
show me tomatoes...

ah! now i remember... it's Thursday night
and i thought it was Friday night...
but i have to go to bed early Friday
wake up at 5am on Saturday
and heard a flock of bothersome Cerberuses...
stagnant ghosts of pets...
cats, dogs, ******* cannaries...
if America has such a problem with Catholics
then i have a problem with
the Protestant Nation of America
not being Enlightened Bilingual by Now!
America should be officially a nation
as best as Switzerland
be a Anglo-Spanish consolidation project...
for the old history:
before empires and wet ***** and hard *****
and the waves...
in our Circle... of drinkers...
St. Peter might have the keys...
but St. Matthew has the bell...
what's a bell? a dzwon?
a bell? what's a bell... the imitation of Adam's head
in a glass...

i carry the Church Bell...
i'm Matthew in Church... but elsewhere
i am known by my better name:
CONRAD...
Slavic blood fused with German principalities...
a Stalin was a Georgian was a Russian:
Russians are sheep:
swayed by barbarian stupidity
to experiment with Hebrews...
while the Germanic now not laugh with
the advent for the dispersing of
the Levant and Babylon...

              a bell is a glass of a top heavy mixer...
a sharpshooter...
4:1 ***** to pepsi...
         sharpshooter...
you fill a glass with loads and loads of icecubes
pour some ***** in
then some pepsi...
sit and meditate in darkness
smoke a quarter of a leftover joint...
that's marijuana and tobacco...
you eat pizza in the dark with mother
you watch the RESIDENT with her...
hmm... protagonist just...
the protagonist... in what we're watching?
did he just crawl out of the t.v.?
are we watching requiem for a dream?

it's like the Sybil in painting surrounding
the decapitated head of John the Baptist...
the bell is a glass with only one
ice-cube in it... carried like a church bell:
mother is falling asleep and i don't want
eggshells and walking on water or air...
so no clamour glitter ching ching...

                     a bell is a special drink...
      not served in bars:
don't worry: you won't be seen with it...
but unlike the non-illuminatory concept
of painting metaphor music and sound:
you won't be a Nietzsche with a candle:
or the Cartesian sexology of van Gogh's chair
and that ******'s table...

a bell is not a candlelight you will take
to the garden of innocence in escaping
the hell of realising how oysters ****
and spiders weave their place
this ******* Darwinistic-humanism! save me god
give me serpents! give me serpents!
i'm scared that i have been infiltrated
by a citadel: lesser creatures...
acne like worms
the hard-knuckle ones with black heads
are not the youths of pure
outpouring of *****-white...
a **** is a death-eater...
i have IBS... the death-eater of my **** might...
oh... no... wait... it's not coming...
i'm just about to finish reading Dune:
i, being the democratic reader and
no sycophant... or psyche surgeon specializing
in one author:
i'm an author myself... i am an authority
unto myself... therefore i could never relinquish
that: for novelty: of being a novelist...
different mirror:
i look into mine and i only see shadows and devils
and two eyes: one blind...

like... what was the reason for me to going to Hawaii
and just: flying over the entire status of United... hem...
states... hem hem...
i came for St. Matthew's Bell...
that one drink you drink in a special place
of a secret abode...
with a mother:
oh: this is not a tourists' attraction:
this is personal: ha ha!
you can't actually replicate this space:
perhaps a tempus similis: a similarity of time:
but as citizen first, individual later:
Mr PResisdent and Canon Commarade...

for the love of State: in the Old Republican Sense
of the word: to Conjure Rome:
for the Love of the State:
Ideology...
               iron fist
feeth with claws...
no nation no tribe no religion...
the state comes first:
the garbagemen, the train drivers...
for the love of the state:
of coherency and ******
and all those whimsical brats
who have the intelligence of gnats...
for the love of people
who one minut walk around
like prized sheep:
who next day could be turned to minced meat...
how i love to stalk
and prey and knot prey on prey in
a crab bucket...
    oh how wonderous you are...
by dearest: i and nobody.

— The End —