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Amelia Pearl Sep 2015
10 years of friendship.
4 were drowned and forgotten.
Found our way back
To shore in 2014.

Without much introduction,
We clicked and fit eachother like two pieces in a puzzle.
We both went through laughter and tears together.
Sad to know that these are the last tears that I will share with you.

You've always thought I was an idiot,
You weren't any different either.
But we contradict so much and it was never an issue for us.

Playful punches on my stomach,
I laugh off the pain as if it didn't hurt me as much as I thought.
I've insulted you so many times,
It's amazing you're still here.
But remember that behind every insult,
I always compliment you inside.

How great you are,
How incredible you are,
How strong you are,
How beautiful you are too.
I never agreed when you say you are ugly,
eventhough I said I agree, I don't.
You're beautiful, You've always been beautiful.

I find joy in making you smile,
I do it as much as I can because I'll never know when's the last time I'll live another day to see your stupid face.

I'm sorry that I have to leave like this,
It was never in my plan to just go.
You can be mad at me all you want,
No one can disturb you behind these white walls.

You can hit me all you want too,
I promise I won't feel the pain.
You can curse at me as much as your heart desires.
I'm deeply sorry for this.

I can't be there on your birthday and tell you how much work I've put in decorating Your birthday place.
Or how much my present for you costs.
I can't be there to complain of how late you are to our meetups.
Or tell you how stupid you look in that dress.

I can't be there on your wedding day to watch you walk down the aisle heading towards that lucky guy you finally found.
He might be shawn.
I can't be there to see that.
I can't be there to cry for you because I'd be so happy.

I can't crack jokes to you anymore or make puns that don't make sense.
I can't see your confused face when you don't understand me.
I can't be there to hear you say that you hate me..

So if you still see me breathing for my life someday,
Before they pull the plug.
I'd like to hear your last "I hate you"
Because I know that you actually mean
"I love you"
For my best friend. I'm dying. But i hope it'll never happen.
Though we knew it was Rio
we didn't like to say so,

I saw her in Dresden
she was drinking tequila
in the Louisengarten

and later at the Club Koralle
I made a pal for life,

but we both knew it was Rio
where the movements we made
were so slow,
that we fell in love with the night.
Jerry Apr 2014
I'm scared that I won't grow up to make my parents proud
I'm scared that I will never find someone that I'll be happy with
and love
I'm scared that I will never accomplish what I've set out to do
Scared that I'll be a fake, a fraud
I don't know who I am and it scares me
I desperately want to fill a void in my life left by my dad
I'm scared that I will never meet him again
Scared that he won't want to see me
Afraid of meeting him for the first time
Afraid of what I might do if I do meet him
What if I do the same to my son..
What kind of person would I be
What kind of person do I want to be?
I'm selfish, insecure, angry and afraid
Afraid that my friends would leave me
Afraid of being alone..
Afraid that I am not as smart as I think I am
Afraid of spiders
Afraid of judgment
I want to be a Lawyer, but I won't be one
I want to be a tree climber, but that was for jokes
I want to be...
I'm afraid that I will waste my potential and become a joke
I don't feel accomplished in anything
I quit something as soon as it gets hard
I will leave you if I keep thinking about you
I am too affected by my emotions
**** emotions
I lack a good work ethic
I always take the easy way out
I'm always late
For class, for talks, for meetups
I can never control my self
I can never control you
I can never feel the way I feel about you again
I will not let you do this to me again
I'm finished.
Done.
Thank you for your time, I will remember all of the nights we laughed together
Your smile
Your eyes
Your walk
I hope I will forget you
But I won't
Because I'm stupidly in too deep
And it’s a long way up
I'm lying in bed, typing.
This will never reach your eyes
I don't care about the others, they can go **** themselves
I don't even care about you anymore
This is off topic
I'm not a topic
I'm not even a candidate
I'm just a friend who cares too much
Not about you
Why would I eve..
Ok fine, about you
I wish Twitter did not have a 140 limit
I am almost 2000 above..
Why do I do this? It’s 2 am..
This is helpful
No, it isn’t
****
I hide from my fears the best way I know how
I don't know how...
I lied
I'm a lair, but a really bad one
I'm a student, but a really bad one
I'm a brother, but a really bad one
Considering how I've never even met one of my half-sisters, and the little time I spend with the one that I do know
I feel left out
Abandoned
I have no father
I have no sister
And my mom is with my sister and dad all the time
I'm alone in this wonderful world
I wish I had someone like you
But not you
I do not want you
I lust for the feelings you make me feel
I want that permanently
But you have feelings too
And I respect that
I wish you the best
no, **** that
*******
**** this
fucktyler
I've been practicing meditation recently
Or trying to at least
I've been reading more as well
About how to expand love
To increase you inner circle to everyone
I realized that someone like me could never do that
I can never open up to anyone like the way I can open up to myself
Not even you...
Not .. even... you
I need to stop this
No more you, and definitely no more us
there never was
us
just you
and I never thought this day would come
when I stopped
But it did
And it was about **** time
One day I'm going to delete this
That is the day that I become enlightened
Free
From you
From me
If anyone ever happens to read this…
Talk to me
Neha shimoga Mar 2017
I had sworn that I would never
let this pop up again in my life.
But this tumultuous mind wouldn't
budge. I was so oblivious to the chaos
you had created. I hadn't realized it until people started pointing out the changes in my behavior. How could I let this happen to me?
It was probably all my fault. I probably spent too much time re-reading our old conversations and maybe lingered on to your musky, heady cologne for too long.
I probably made a big deal out of your little "miss yous" and meetups. Maybe the drunk texts meant nothing. Maybe the chocolates you got me was a friendly gesture. Maybe the fantasies I created with you stayed for too long, just in my head. I construed them to be signs. But somewhere deep down my heart knew that I would have to face the harsh reality.
I don't blame you for blaming everything on me. It was my sheer stupidity to let you turn my world upside down. All my insides ache and my lungs have given out but you still expect me to give you another chance? Not this time. We are done. Infact I was done a long time ago. I know I have been causing more harm to myself than you've. You had your chance but you let go. It is my chance to turn things right. If you can't then I have to. I need to love me too.
Random regrets although it doesn't bother me anymore.
Just reminding myself how strong I am :)
muteD Mar 2019
I want you to chase me
when I walk away.
To put in a little effort.
Show me you care,
Show me that you want me around.
Show me you want me here.
I need your reassurance,
Someone’s..
Anyone’s..
Preferably yours.

I want you to pay attention to me.
I want your time.
No scheduling,
No planning.
I want to see you whenever we’re free.
No sneaking,
No meetups.
I want someone to see
When I wake up.
Day after day,
Month after month,
I want years with the same one .
I want to appreciate every single second
Every breath I take in your presence
I want to
Cherish every accidental touch
Every smile that lights up your face
Every word that makes my heart race
I want the same
Friday nights movie dates
I want the “I’m on my way home ,
You want a milkshake?”
A “text me when you make it home,
So I know you’re safe.”
I want there to be no distance between our minds.
I wanna know all of your thoughts ,
And I want you to want to know all of mine.

I want you to have time for me .
Don’t make time when you’re free,
Like you have to put a reminder in your schedule
Just to see me.
Saying you miss me
Knowing you only miss the pleasure
I can bring you.
I want you to want my mind
as much as you want what’s between my thighs.

I want to be known
By you.
Truly.
I wanna fall in love with your words
because I know they’re true
not because you’re only saying them
because they’ll benefit you.
I want more from you than you can offer me.
Even if I have to beg,
I’d beg
For you to **** me instead.
Just off me!
Only two things I plead
The fifth and insanity.
I want more things than I deserve to want.
Because the thing about “I deserve”
Is that you don’t deserve a thing
In life, except the right to breathe.

So, what do I want you ask?
I want someone to want me.
Everyone kept asking me what I wanted for Christmas and all I wanted was to feel wanted. I didn’t get that though.
Though aye haint no athlete, nor a cosmopolitan mwm,
this bloke dislikes capricious adrenaline rush
to prove without a doubt
at least to whomever announced
to display eye popping, mouth watering,

nose twitching a notch above chattering class,
I could never be find klieg lights shone on me,
cuz this baby boomer favor modesty,
and allow, enable and provide unconditional
acceptance and/or sir render if a verbal tete a

tete sparring rapport, quintessentially predicating,
predicting, presaging petsmart outstanding native
manhood lesson kooky, jousting insignificant, harmony,
gaiety, favorability, earnestly draws character,
basically badass and altruistic anatomical acer.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Ah, I mean to narrow scope of poetic theme
so pardon ma roundabout circular modus operandi
shifting intent to discuss five overlapping rings
specifically, yet fern *** part tickler rhyme nor reason

those trademark circular strunk and white elements
of harried styled, swiftly tailored symbols
decreeing a fresh batch of Olympiads, ought
to be preceded via a topnotch Gumby like
rubbery sprite, who gets trotted out as a nimble

acrobat (gender impossible to determine based
upon Pygmy size physique performing her/his
balancing act (while avast crowd peers thru binoculars)
atop an equestrian (coincidentally
enough named Pokey), kooly juggling,

illustionistically hefty, generally fiery essentially
discobulous, cyclical, basically sans,
non verbal body language announcing
human fetes defying the laws of physics, which
global contest occurs every two years i.e. biennial

versus biannual, which means twice a year.
The rings are five interlocking rings, colored
blue, yellow, black, green and red on white field,
known as the "Olympic rings". The symbol
page number two:

originally designed in 1912 by Baron Pierre
de Coubertin, co-founder of modern
Olympic Games. Between subsequent meetups
held at metropolis when elected doth fast-track
this mission (rendering impossible much needed

infrastructure repairs, but vying to beautify a city
based on bids, or maybe drawing straws)
exerts priority, thus every laborer recruited
to emulsify, fortify, glorify...

whatever sainted urban jungle
testing physical mettle asper whatever sport
competitors vie to pit their burnished brawn, deft
flourish heaving jellied jambalaya limber muscles
opportunistically quite supremely ultimately

winning hearts and minds of spectators until
next candidate performs his/her slack jaw
jack draw, jumbo popcorn filled bowl dropping,
nonpareil, eye popping, routine,

and so on...an attempt for a ticket holder
to merely stand upright gets tripped with
mindscape filled to the point of saturation
with supra hue man dare devilish
whirling dervish performances.

Not one of these contenders for top prizes
can be modest, yet here such narcissism
expected, when the crème de la crème
of a well synchronized machine of finely tuned
glass shattering aria re: symphony for
skeletal system, musculature, and love of fitness

presents such a supremely sumptuously
striated squared specimen on the world
wide webbed stage. Aside from vicariously
exalting in the trials and errors of first one,
then the retinue of absolute breathtaking
delight, the ordinary conflicts (between

one warring internecine faction and another
mortal enemy) get suspended for duration
of these celebrations. A fanatic, generic,
heuristic, intrinsic kinetic potential

unleashed from a select body of youths,
young fluid adults athwart cusp and prime of life
who spent majority of their brief lives
(since most entrants seem to retain
a faint residue of childhood).
However many weeks encompasses
the planet agog with exemplars

pushing thee enveloped limitations
built or evolved (whatever your belief)
within **** Sapiens, a collective unified
adulation, vocalization wows loudly, thence echoing
like an Earthly explosive shot fired across beaming berth
divine expression qua visual fancy feast.

That infinitesimal fragment of time
(when laying down
of a bomb bin nub bull arms occurs) proves
smarmy, snooty, ******
abuse, brutality, cruelty...heaped

upon innocent creatures great lumbering sized
or microscopically small magically
able to mastering purposefulness,

analogous like idealistic storybook fable
diversity tis viable to adopt care and
concern for others. No matter this
blatant claim defies everyday gruesome,
horrible, intolerable jawboning,

knifing, mauling, naysaying, overtly
punishing, quivering ******, sodomizing,
terrorizing, undertaking vile waterboarding,
yielding zero, zilch, zip loosening restraint
despite the agonizingly beseeching,

cloyingly desperate, emphatically feeble,
gasping helplessly, indignantly jeered,
kicked, lambasted, molested, needled,
paddled, quickened recipe per

phlegm drum manic spewing, tasering,
ultimately violently whipped, which
contrary behavior vis a vis survival

of baseless, damndest, foremost, hated
jackal lashing, narcissistically, polluting
re: slaughtering until vilest wickedest
ignoble yearning zero sum throw win game crowned
most nasty beast that e'er walked this terra firmae.
thoughts to dump Jun 2021
it was a bittersweet two months with you
i still think of you whenever i take the 5:30pm bus ride home
you and me seated side by side at the spot i always choose
it was never the grandest of dates
because we never went out and stare at each other
across coffee tables
but it was one of the cutest romantic meetups i could ever consider
you always hold my hand
you always wanted to hold my hand even if it's sometimes sweaty
we talked about how our day went
like how crazy it was at work
or how ******* tiring it was to go to work
you're always the one who's chatty
the last time i remembered, you have so many stuff you wanted to buy
i could never forget how you have a funny obsession with pens
or how you're so picky with comfort rooms
or why you sleep late during fridays
because you're either watching a movie or gaming
it was more of a get to know you, than a get to know me
you never got to know me
because if you did, you're not going to stop
knowing me is unstoppable, addictive
but you never tried
and that's what left me scarred.
unlabeled
thoughts to dump Jul 2022
it's just a funny thing that i could still
think of you and how i spent
last year's summer chasing sunsets and
having impromptu meetups with you
at the parking lot of the nearest mall
in this little city while my heart's
always enthralled improvising ways
on how i should greet you
as soon as you opened the tinted
window of your car door
every summertime
I wanna reinvent meetings,
with the proper composure
and bright sense of humor,
nothing can be awkward
and sad at 24;
and everyone for the rest of
the year will hope for more
meetings, classes and more
get-together meetups
that includes me
but hell no. . .

I am engrossed in all
the events, conversations and
relationships I’ve had
that didn’t end ell.
I am one with
the common strangers,
the hidden prostesters,
the loners,
the all assuming and
over analyzing
disarranged bedroom
clothes’ owner
engaged in a deadlock with
how well things aren’t
doing good.

My playlists are stockpiled
and it is too much for
only two ears to listen alone,
the music seems to be distant
no matter how straightforward
it is for people
because no one ever
speaks of loneliness
and keeping it is
supposed to be the only
way there is.

The contradiction
of the help
I get from others
is that it always has been the help
I didn’t really needed
and as for how
The Wonder Years’
song goes:

“I’m sorry I don’t
laugh at the
right times...”
Mykarocknrollin Mar 2020
lucky you
lucky me
lucky everybody around we
the vicinity
the proximity
i like how your warm hug
makes me feel something
i can see how you are guarded
at the end of this road and tunnel
this city have witness
two people meetups
in a dire evenings
on parks
on bridges
on time
on and on
we keep on dreaming
that this feeling
could turn into loving

xo

— The End —