First time in a while
I wanted to hold my
pen and stop the pain.
I realised I had to
write just to be sane.
It's not your fault. It's
mine. Now it may take
an eternity to just be
fine. For my words
will always be the best
companion and sustain
all the tantrums I throw.
Aggression, euphoria,
despondency and what
not. I would be caught
in the life's web
if it weren't for
my words. I cried, I
died, nothing could bring
me back to life. I was so
scared to write my feelings
down. Fearful of the consequences.
Fearful of the noise in my head
and the thoughts that capture
my mind. Afraid of having the
negativity in my head, I gave
up writing. Yet now I speak
in a remorseful tone that it's
never left me. It's been housing
my soul for years and I have been
dwelling on the walls of yesterday.
They say everything is changed,
but certainly I haven't. They say
weak, I say sensitive. They say
unstable I say emotional. I tried
to understand the universe in my
way but there's a whole **** universe
living inside of me. How do I fight that?
I don't see myself fitting with the most
of them. I feel upset. I cry and no
it's not going to stop. I don't
think crying makes you weak
and vulnerable. It's a way of expressing.
Every drop of tear has a story and reason
living in it. It rolls down unburdening
your heart and falls with a splash
on the ground. It's what we hold inside
and let it out. Never be sorry for it.
Since the world doesn't
seem to understand
my sensitive heart I have
always taken to writing because
no one objects a poem but
a crying face always turns into a
debatable topic.

Staring right in to this
paper for days. I thought I had
lost my ability to write.
My ability to express.
A gift that I took for granted.
My feelings were just trapped
inside the cage and needed
to escape and soar high.
I couldn't bring myself to write
and the thoughts wouldn't
find words to breathe.
There was a thirst. An
aeonian ache. Heavy pounding
of my heart and an uneasy feeling
like my lungs had bronchitis.
My body unsupported the idea
of writing as I could only
write tragedies and the perpetual
pain of my once upon a time
virtuous heart. How could
I cheat on words? They had
always been there for me.
Most importantly there when
I had slit my malevolent heart
and given up.

Rowing my boat
away from a world
where I don't fit in.
Where happiness is
not assured but sadness
is. Where the bullet
shot once cannot be
taken back just like the
words from your
filthy mouth.
Where love is just a
game and is mistaken
for lust. Where hurting
somebody is the new
cool and falling in love
is as easy falling out of
love. How harrowing is
it to watch people in
pain and yet are being
mistaken for seeking
attention and affection.
Every human needs to
be loved. Hearts break
and never make a sound.
Memories haunt and feelings
change. People leave without
giving the reason for their egress.
Empty promises and shattered
dreams. Wasted hopes and
everlasting pain of a rectitude
heart. The problem with people
like me is that we love too hard
and fall too hard. Give all of ours
without expecting even a percent
of affection in return.
But once bruised, fear and trepidation
creep in making us afraid of propinquity.
I turn back just to see the
world disappear as I row my boat.
Thinking about how my reverie
was broken and I was pushed
in to the harsh reality before
my heart could even understand
the relationship between love and pain.

You were silhouetted against
the dimming sky.
I paused right there to admire
the beauty.
A perfect blend of feelings
coursing through my veins.
A love, so pure washed away
the sorrows of yesterday.
I knew the day I had met
you it would be the last time
I would ever sing a monody,
I would ever write a tragedy
again.  
Sent for me, beautifully
carved by the hands of the
creator, you had me starstruck
at the very first sight.
I will write you until your
heart is filled with my words.
Until my body is dusted
and every bone is broken.
Wrap me up in your arms
as I look in to your star like
eyes, I will love you with
every ounce in every life
no matter
how many times I die. ✨