Every time people start to rise up, a whole buncha problematic mess gets thrown around regarding VIOLENCE.
So, what is "violence" really?... It's the use of force. Plain and simple.
What makes folks uncomfortable (who are otherwise comfortable in this system) is that UPRISING IS A SOMETIMES VIOLENT (read: forceful) REACTION TO SYSTEMATIC VIOLENCE: Yes, just like the Hunger Games...
Thus, there are many types of violence...
The fact that we are paying taxes that are funding the genocide and ****** of people of color (here and abroad) is violence.
People with guns (former slave patrols and overseers, now cops) who come from outside our community and treat our folks as criminals on the daily is violence.
Capitalism, i.e. wage/property/ecology-based exploitation in the name of profit is violence.
The fact that LA County spends more $$ than anywhere in the world on prisons and police is violence.
The fact that the US locks up more of its own people than any other country on record is violence.
US aiding/funding the genocide of Palestinians at the hands of Israel is genocidal violence.
From Congress, to the boardrooms, to the classrooms, from the gaze, to the unwanted touching, to the ****, to the pay, Patriarchy everyday, is violence.
A few people jacking some **** at Walmart or breaking a window is really minimal violence in comparison.
A couple people throwing **** at armed cops is not serious violence.
The idea of owning property that other must rent to live is violent.
Systemic, chronic, global insecurity in the form of material poverty is violence.
Wage slavery is violence.
Gentrification is violence.
The War On Youth, i.e. the School-to-Prison pipeline, and, thus the War-on-Drugs with its attending 76% recidivism rate in the prison-industrial complex, whose populations are disproportionately black males, is violence.
The fact that people can't go to the doctor and dentist, or eat food every day is violence.
Deportations are violence.
Homophobia is violence.
The world's largest global military that vaporizes people without due process in dozens of countries violating their biophysical and national sovereignty is violence.
The United States government sanctioning the ****** of non-white, but especially Muslim bodies across the world... is violence.

So, when you condemn violence, do you mean resistance?
Because there is a whole lot of violence you should be condemning instead.

Adapted from Emilio Lacques-Zapien

Toney talking **** ever was been at relative action: so this is what happens when i own ****
the game and the actual man that prones ****
talking **** like if it was actual that arms **** short for the factual
i've been underneath like i wrote the bible since like it was his "wonder feat"
You're a wonder feat till you understand like every plundered treats,
the E in Eden has you wonder feats repetitive like a tree grown demanding scars in roots like i was underneath: Playing me only gets you murdered  like actual feats cuz this ******* talking **** like if anything hurters like Obama to your hair mang like how you arose a gangbanger to man defeat
ir really was me mang startin **** everyday all confused everyday like if demand was me.
Cuz i'm all g man another ******* till i'm ever he stand
raise it like how magnitude backstabs left was she man commandin fleets
Raise it like how it passes all magnitude was hidden from know by praise of it's masses, cuz now i'm startin ****, startin **** with my claimed owner of kinfolks, disposing flows and all opposing with your chinblow; been smoke till i'm ******* up all your naturality as it was real in every returned K to the K-O chaos enlived flow the to the now chin mode to every kinsmoke.
Bleed mode like an attempt to **** your **** up with one need- blow of my established chin mode to discovered manhood in precision given of range.
I'm jacking up my A-O to every Kayo like getting my cigarettes jacked now asked for every parallel to mind of my females to enlivened envision of range
enlivened envision of rage
enlivened envision of hate
.....Thinking jacking me was or is ever the body neutral has every one of you and my kinfolk women jacking your **** like shittin you at enlivened in thangs
I'll be everything anything anybody prasing me like assistance in ranks to be given out perception to my women now to restrictive in thangs insisting the aim: right? right, yeah right it's right as given as range
the higher you go you know ******* well of it's enlivened discovery absolute like marraige in range that **** the lesser when you're rearranging the pain
talking **** been magnitude mang like the masses pretend hides **** before i was ever fake claiming lives before you would know ******* well that proof aiming was claimed
as if rhymes was the median:
I'LL **** YOU ******* TO AIM RANGE WAIT,
i'll get your *** craving for everything stolen in energy that i own for every *** that you're in it just validates your life justly justifies your claim to my aim range strength truthly you're only talking **** as hindsight of all desperate measures to the existance of all body. Raise it and be the man of learnt confusion to all hate and chaos as chosen path to the actual "levels HIGHER already like if all extensions was justly validating as all talk when i been spittin claim when i'm shitten remember me as when i am all talk when everyone smaller was all brought like hindsight perception.
Knowing me was all absolute in all talk like minest sight deception: I'll ****** you **** now you're knowing truth: true truest nature before i was ever you in being a faker; more like a being you know truest dreams as instinct before i was ever a ranker: I'll ****** you **** in complete pristine dreamed grabs at crutch crotch as aim range prankster even wankster as the holder of time,
space and time clean backstabs as you fist **** of every trip traps as a pristinely dreamed beings pretending underneath when all you are now are on top of every wonder **** if ever reupping the true as if you know what i am in reality before intercedence death cuz it was truly me: like reality this is all future to all your poetry actual renders a blank gaze of mine of wisdom as you write your blank page is actually what aim range explains space to what blank faced truly is at fake takes of what you've stolen in actuality reality owned envisions of me
like enlivenment only just visions creates in actuality ranks raised none enlivens but make ways as a holder of time ever remembers me none as the entity's won actual remembrance of me: lonesome to none to truthful beings who reject truth in reality was really ever to gain none sight to minest right ever to wrong surity might right sight.
i own **** what you are: like all small things in my stature of nature lived as holder of everything comes to pass, your only fault is visions of perfection in education given back to your ***. I'LL WAIT *******.....

theoretical *******
where the **** does it get you?
you're still a bottom feeder
entranced by the filthy floor boards
of society

her dress flies round her face and I have been born in this way
that my rages there die

it has been foretold by secret ladybugs whirring 
whom I lend to my beloved when I kiss her to soothe her 
that my rages there die

I have taken fingers from 'round the rising angel away
and her dress flies round her face and I have been borne in this way

donkey in the barn who dreams of gold,  O wind upon his beloved's ears
where ruby thighs of folded flesh and blood of wars comes Spring

odd and beautiful flowers are sprung

braids of mud embrace the skin of those who bray on the knee of their masters
where rivers of blood the Buddha swims pink fizz and whirling bone
such tears sublime is leadgun simple clowned and winged socratic
godself poison mimicry of war's shred and burr let the hearts and minds fall droplet to ground
let the war dead drink their own rain
oval is the yawn of the sun and burly shadows weep sockets
where new flowers shall grow odd and beautiful pollen 
shall spring

children dream of trapeze birds laughing grinning rising falling at last into the ground 
how they learn that splendor and love is  ironic ascension 

odd and beautiful flowers 
thunderous rivers of blood the Bluebird sings the echoes
let the Bluebird sing of death no less than the crack of birth from egg
are sprung
oddly flowers beautiful
I pick a ***, for her, of goblin flowers,
       where sunbeam ponies she so loved high whinny.
     may the fat bees strum and wild ponies make love,
and baby birds grow big in kind hands of powerful trees
     may the meadow where she lies
pray through all, who need, there be pollen of eyes that hear
 
pale flower godmath raiment lay me rise me
let the Bluebird sing of death
I am mighty upon the breast my true dreams press
but when she weeps at my inconsolable rages
an angel I wish would swim bursts into me naked 
here is a rain from my thoughts where she walks 
with her cello and my bow
Limber seas and mountain dew blood of many tenderly writhe
viscous streams the dove in heaven tells sadly in sleep bends down the  brow each new soldier child 

pale flower godmath raiment lay me rise me
let the Bluebird sing of death
let the sun crack where the dead man peels my flesh from my hands trying to say goodbye 
let the wardead lift up their mouths their oval grins let them drink their own rain

the plaster dreams of dreary kings 
fall not round my hips and the whine of whips are far beyond the cello of lovely nights
her ******* and her thighs have forsaken the numberless dismal rains
upon these fluffy newborn children we lay our heads like down upon the duck in the dusk
upon soft pillows Buddha madly drumming Jesus spinning rain
the ducklings race and the pond seeks no moon nor sun
where lovers' beloveds swim

oingo boingo holes in hands of Jesus and Buddha rivet the godsun of baby bird eyes 
it has been foretold by secret ladybugs whirring 
whom I lend to my beloved when I kiss her to soothe her 
that my rages there die

for upon the last day that I live I shall see the true sky
upon the opened eye of the pastel lids of a new bird born dying

let me raise my veins and tendons 
from my fingers shall grasp the mother birds a math of upswoop 
let there be terrible storms of beauty let the donkey in barn who dreams of gold find love
a daisy sun and upon this I try forevermore to ascend when I kiss my beloved
there shall be terrible storms of beauty 

I have taken fingers from 'round the rising angel away
and her dress flies round her face and I have been born in this way
but there upon the mountain where a once fiery stormy river raged in dawns restless pounding
tumorous thoughts of old men whose young bodies give birth to themselves
abortion of souls by songs of flags' lie they shimmering
upon the upraised red streaked fingers of hybrid monster theories
vultures and the rats grow fat with existentialist jacking
brays ***** across their yellowed rivers  

their tears are hidden to them the way simple men come with axes
when the automatic weapons run dry melting
each rising atomic thing shall escape alone and search for its brethren
each hyena must dance naked in rain the last day
on a highway no child's cry can cease

let the sun crack where the dead man peels my flesh from my hands
trying to say goodbye and let them lift their mouths up and drink their rain
my love's ******* and thighs have forsaken the numberless dismal rains
upon our fluffy newborn child we lay our heads down upon
soft pillows 

take the glowing wafting breads of autumn and winter shall lay down no more
let me drink from the socket of the tender pastel ****** of death
where the baby wren dreams long after it has fallen and risen again 

where battlefields leave wisdom come Spring in odd and beautiful flowers

meadows arise with great fury my flesh and mountains and valleys cease their separation
there are many daisies and bumble bee songs in the heart of each unborn child
each young girl touches when she watches the ponies and the daffodils sway

giant head of death ambitious reminiscence
a red mud land of untold photon castles that tremble in the night
where the owlet gathers its fat body like goblets of scotch in the night
rancorous blackberry swaying tress of my true love's ******* 
where fingers of god the costume of moon is dew

I have taken fingers from 'round the rising angel away
and her dress flies round her face and I have been born in this way
where Buddha slides the eggplant curve and night falls, deep, into the ground
where battlefields leave wisdom come Spring through odd and beautiful flowers

where oingo boingo turtle eyes beam from the holes of Jesus
lay me mighty at my own feet


and her dress flies round her face and I have been born in this way
rancorous blackberry swaying tress of my true love's ******* 
where fingers of god the costume of moon is dew where Buddha slides the eggplant curve
night falls deep into the ground
oddly flowers beautiful


I pick a ***, for her, of goblin flowers,
       where sunbeam ponies she so loved high whinny.
My garden yet is filled with merry powers.
I pick a ***, for her, of goblin flowers.
May Jesus hold her, run with her, play with her.
Last night I heard my puppy's eyes dying fly.
I pick a ***, for her, of goblin flowers,
       where sunbeam ponies she so loved high whinny.
 








.

He was a frat guy.
he spoke loud at the dinner table across the room and I listened
Someone touched him as a young boy
And daddy's expectations and denial of homosexuality fueled his sons speech
Speaking hypothetically about the colloquial term for jacking off two dudes at once and if that name increased quantitavely what then was the appropriate term for jacking off 100 dudes


His friends laughed

Playlist Of Souls  Oct 27
I love you too starshine


Rosie

Rosie  Oct 27
I will never get tired of hearing that. :')
steals a kiss I had too. I haven't done that in a while. <3


Playlist Of Souls

Playlist Of Souls  Oct 28
What's your problem? I would never judge you.


Rosie

Rosie  7 days ago
I'll tell you, but don't judge my bestie.
She's kind of mad at me for jumping too quickly into a relationship with Fire from you. I realize that was a wrong decision but I'm worried. That's why I didn't want to tell you, it really is my problem, not yours. But I wouldn't want to keep a secret from you.


Playlist Of Souls

Playlist Of Souls  7 days ago
Awe Rosie.... (((hug)))


Rosie

Rosie  7 days ago
I heard what those bullies do to you and I also heard that you're colorblind.
Gosh, life just really isn't doing you good, is it?


Playlist Of Souls

Playlist Of Souls  7 days ago
I've been colorblind and I just get mixed up a little it's not like oh yea the sky is orange. The grass is purple


Playlist Of Souls

Playlist Of Souls  7 days ago
The bullies are something different


Rosie

Rosie  7 days ago
Oh I know! I know you aren't stupid or anything. You know what color the grass and sky are.
I hope life goes in your favor. It is for me, just to be here. ^u^


Playlist Of Souls

Playlist Of Souls  7 days ago
Oh Rose


Rosie

Rosie  7 days ago
Yes?


Playlist Of Souls

Playlist Of Souls  7 days ago
I was gone for almost an hour...... I'm sorry


Rosie

Rosie  7 days ago
lolz It's okay, I was just hoping you were feeling alright. I wasn't waiting on you. c;


Playlist Of Souls

Playlist Of Souls  7 days ago
You can wait for me. I'd wait for you forever


Playlist Of Souls

Playlist Of Souls  7 days ago
We should join a clan. Stalk my thing while I find one that's not obnoxious.


Rosie

Rosie  7 days ago
Do you hear that love, they're playing our song?



Rosie

Rosie  7 days ago
Sure thing!


Rosie

Rosie  7 days ago
Won't you need our banner, love? ^^


Rosie

Rosie  7 days ago
http://i.imgur.com/Kwmhcto.jpg
SilverTabby made it for us a while back.


Playlist Of Souls

Playlist Of Souls  7 days ago
Hey baby girl


Rosie

Rosie  7 days ago
Hi! <3 Are you feeling good?


Playlist Of Souls

Playlist Of Souls  7 days ago
I've been better


Rosie

Rosie  7 days ago
That's fabulous! Hey, I'm not sure, but I think Fire maybe broke up with me? I'm not sure rn. Have you found a mate you're thinking of asking yet?


Playlist Of Souls

Playlist Of Souls  7 days ago
I have a few in mind, Honeywhisker, Midnightcat, and LightningStrikes sister


Rosie

Rosie  7 days ago
Okay.


Playlist Of Souls

Playlist Of Souls  7 days ago
I love you Rosie


Rosie

Rosie  7 days ago
Always. I will always love you.


Playlist Of Souls

Playlist Of Souls  7 days ago
Can't promise that things won't be broken but I swear that I will never leave.


Rosie

Rosie  7 days ago
Rosie reserves herself to you and you alone. There's going to be no more jacking with other mates!


Playlist Of Souls

Playlist Of Souls  7 days ago
lays my head in your lap


Rosie

Rosie  7 days ago
leans down and kisses your cheek


Playlist Of Souls

Playlist Of Souls  7 days ago
I THINK I FOUND A MATE......



You know no one else will ever add up to you. Maybe Nico DiAngelo or Will SOlace but they don't exist.


Playlist Of Souls

Playlist Of Souls  7 days ago
i just got banned for being myself....


Rosie

Rosie  6 days ago
shocked Aww... I'm, it wasn't your fault! :'( I think jaysquirrel might have gotten banned too. I didn't know until now huggles


Playlist Of Souls

Playlist Of Souls  6 days ago
I'm gonna try and make another account..... (Again) I need a creative name,


Rosie

Rosie  6 days ago
hccforums@harpercollins.com
You can email them and get your account back. It worked every time I got banned. cough I got banned for trolling and when my sis stole my account. I have to forum accounts.


Rosie

Rosie  6 days ago
Not Shadow. That's the name of my sis's mate.
Why don't you go back to being Fuzz? My friends said they liked that name.


Playlist Of Souls

Playlist Of Souls  6 days ago
~MadWorld''


Playlist Of Souls

Playlist Of Souls  6 days ago
~MadWorld~
I really like it a lot. It makes me interesting


Rosie

Rosie  6 days ago
Cool! c: You can't give out your identity. Like, about cancer or anything. :( The mods are strict on banhopping. Wow, my speed-friend thread is a success ^u^


Playlist Of Souls

Playlist Of Souls  6 days ago
Yay! and I won't I'll be super elusive and cool


Rosie

Rosie  6 days ago
I fear that you being cool, everyone will know who you are! c;


Playlist Of Souls

Playlist Of Souls  6 days ago
hehe blushes sorry


Rosie

Rosie  6 days ago
Well, I know, ya' can't help it! xD


Playlist Of Souls

Playlist Of Souls  6 days ago
I turn my head in your lap. a tear falls onto your jeans


Rosie

Rosie  6 days ago
Hey, whoah, not cool.
What's wrong?


Playlist Of Souls

Playlist Of Souls  6 days ago
another tear drops


Rosie

Rosie  6 days ago
***, Andy, tell me.
I really am concerned now.


Playlist Of Souls

Playlist Of Souls  6 days ago
I hurt


Rosie

Rosie  6 days ago
Where? :'o


Playlist Of Souls

Playlist Of Souls  6 days ago
m m y leg


Rosie

Rosie  6 days ago
Hey, hey! lovingly strokes your cheek It's all going to be okay. You are the sun in my world. Without that blazing sun, I would be conveyed in total darkness. Without that blazing sun I'd be hurt by the cold hearts of the world.
It's going to be alright because you are my sunshine.


Playlist Of Souls

Playlist Of Souls  6 days ago
weeps in your lap I wouldn't be able to stand it with out my Rose. I'm sorry for being so winces me..... (As I do this in really life*


Rosie

Rosie  6 days ago
No, of course not! I only wish that you won't break my heart like that again. hugs oh so lovingly
The things I love about you make me who I am today. You don't need to change. In my eyes, you're the only man for me. I will love you even when the sun dies, even when it burns out my heart still belongs wherever you'll be.


Playlist Of Souls

Playlist Of Souls  6 days ago
I try my best not to hurt you (I had to run and go puke)


Rosie

Rosie  6 days ago
Hey there's no rush. I know.


Playlist Of Souls

Playlist Of Souls  6 days ago
My lungs are clogged up.... or it feels that way


Rosie

Rosie  6 days ago
pats you on the back I wish I could help you... Yet I'm thousands of miles away. I will find you someday and make the most of everytime you are with me.


Playlist Of Souls

Playlist Of Souls  6 days ago
Hey Rosie


Rosie

Rosie  6 days ago
1. Happy National Cat Day
2. Happy Anniversary
3. HI! Did you get your forum account?


Playlist Of Souls

Playlist Of Souls  6 days ago
No they declined it


Playlist Of Souls

Playlist Of Souls  6 days ago
Happy 2 month baby girl! I love you so much


Rosie

Rosie  6 days ago
Aww :( They did that to me to when I tried ban-hopping :/
It's 3 months now! Yay! //throws confetti//
I love you with my whole heart! What would you like for your anniversary my love?


Playlist Of Souls

Playlist Of Souls  6 days ago
I would never know how much time has passed because every time we speak I fall in love all over again. Just being here is enough for me


Rosie

Rosie  6 days ago
^This^ it made me smile.
It goes right through me and sinks into my heart.
Do you think I could somehow find a way to leave Fire, and it could just be us on the forums? You can find someone in real life, but Fire really doesn't compare to you. I want us, I want you and you with me.


Playlist Of Souls

Playlist Of Souls  6 days ago
I may not be on the forums for a long time Rosie more than a few months probably


Rosie

Rosie  5 days ago
That okay! Things are back to the way they were. I like it that way.



Playlist Of Souls

Playlist Of Souls  5 days ago
I'm currently wearing cat ears



Rosie

Rosie  5 days ago
For cat day? :3


Playlist Of Souls

Playlist Of Souls  5 days ago
Yes for cat day and a Black Matter Tshirt with cats on it


Rosie

Rosie  5 days ago
I have a black matter T-shirt from Hot Topic with a cat on it too! (I'm not wearing it though!) I'm wearing a blue cat rn. My cat will get lots of love today xD


Playlist Of Souls

Playlist Of Souls  5 days ago
Haha! XD


Rosie

Rosie  5 days ago
On Christmas I will send you a picture of me. Oh my goshie I can't wait!


Playlist Of Souls

Playlist Of Souls  5 days ago
I hope I have hair by then..... tickles you Ms.Rose we should wait a year before that I think. Don't want to rush it love


Rosie

Rosie  5 days ago
Fine! tickles you I can't wait for a year then! x3 Yes, I love you no matter what you look like. Mr. Andy


Playlist Of Souls

Playlist Of Souls  5 days ago
giggles Wanna roleplay some Rosie?


Rosie

Rosie  5 days ago
That interests me but sadly I must have some dinner. I love you sunshine. Goodnight~ (Unless you'll be on in an hour)


Playlist Of Souls

Playlist Of Souls  5 days ago
Message me when you get back on


Rosie

Rosie  5 days ago
Here! Would you like to RP warriors? ^u^


Playlist Of Souls

Playlist Of Souls  5 days ago
Ravenspark laid on the ground sunning himself. It was such a beautiful day


Rosie

Rosie  5 days ago
(I have something to tell you)
Owlfur paced around, on patrol. Her apprentice, Turtlepaw, pounced on falling leaves.


Playlist Of Souls

Playlist Of Souls  4 days ago
Oh tell me please


Rosie

Rosie  4 days ago
I don't want to sound clingy or anything, but why were you gone so long? I'm just curious, it's nothing big.
I will tell you in my next post, hold on>>


Rosie

Rosie  4 days ago
So many good things have come from today.
I'm thinking about making my own banner shop on the forums, but I'm scared I will get flooded with people.
x3 I made a den. It was a huge forum success!
And lastly, xD, it was his idea, but I video chatted with Fire. Ik, it's TOO EARLY! lolz but he insisted! Today has been overall awesome for me. And of course these last moment make it better! ^u^


Playlist Of Souls

Playlist Of Souls  4 days ago
Oh wow Rosie that sounds great....


Rosie

Rosie  4 days ago
What's wrong? Is something wrong?


Playlist Of Souls

Playlist Of Souls  4 days ago
I'm fine...


Rosie

Rosie  4 days ago
Are you positive?
You know you can always tell me. Don't hold anything back.


Playlist Of Souls

Playlist Of Souls  4 days ago
Yes.... looks at the ground


Rosie

Rosie  4 days ago
Okay, I believe you.
Well I guess since I haven't said it yet,
HAPPY HALLOWEEN!
Something scary happened today. Like, Irdk what it means.


Playlist Of Souls

Playlist Of Souls  3 days ago
Hey baby girl, I've had an okay night wbu?


Rosie

Rosie  3 days ago
It's been perfection! c;


Playlist Of Souls

Playlist Of Souls  3 days ago
Yay!!! I love us hugs you and kisses your cheek


Rosie

Rosie  3 days ago
I love us too! ;)
How's Batman? XD


Playlist Of Souls

Playlist Of Souls  3 days ago
He's in my lap


Playlist Of Souls

Playlist Of Souls  3 days ago
Singing Christmas carols.... On Halloween.... We're listening to a horror movie


Rosie

Rosie  3 days ago
x3 I'm glad you aren't separated from him. You too are awesome! (separated as in not in the building I guess you'd say)


Playlist Of Souls

Playlist Of Souls  3 days ago
ANSEL something IS IN THIS AND ME, JINXX, OWEN, JANICK, SAM, AND JAKE ARE ALL GOING CRAZY OVER HIM!!!! Then there's Austin..... He's straight.


Rosie

Rosie  3 days ago
I saw the Haunter with my best friends in the woods. I know, the scariest place to watch a horror movie.


Playlist Of Souls

Playlist Of Souls  3 days ago
I love Batman


Rosie

Rosie  3 days ago
lolz I don't crush over movie stars. Or rock stars. Or anybody! It's all about the person inside them. Okay, I'm being weird now xD


Playlist Of Souls

Playlist Of Souls  3 days ago
Thats where we are


Rosie

Rosie  3 days ago
Batman's my favorite one.


Rosie

Rosie  3 days ago
Forever weird xD


Playlist Of Souls

Playlist Of Souls  3 days ago
This is where we gather and Austin has no date


Playlist Of Souls

Playlist Of Souls  3 days ago
Oh my god alec is here now. He crushes on Austin


Rosie

Rosie  3 days ago
Lolz die Alec jk I have no idea what's going on! ^_^


Playlist Of Souls

Playlist Of Souls  3 days ago
Me and my gay friends are watching a film. One of them isn't gay and he's crushed on.


Rosie

Rosie  3 days ago
xD I think I'd stay straight. It's against my religion to go the other way.
That sounds like fun though! I've been to so many places with my friends. ^u^
It makes for a perfect Halloween!


Playlist Of Souls

Playlist Of Souls  3 days ago
It's really cute


Playlist Of Souls

Playlist Of Souls  3 days ago
Glad you had a good time Rosie


Rosie

Rosie  3 days ago
Tomorrow I'm going to "meet" Spottedleaf030 for the first time.
I've never had as close a friend as her.


Playlist Of Souls

Playlist Of Souls  3 days ago
Meet?


Rosie

Rosie  3 days ago
In person.
She has saved me from taking my life. I dominated "lolz" from her. I've always known her, but tomorrow we meet.
Excited! ^u^


Playlist Of Souls

Playlist Of Souls  3 days ago
Oh rosie thats awesome


Playlist Of Souls

Playlist Of Souls  3 days ago
Oh my gosh how's Spottedleaf??


Rosie

Rosie  3 days ago
Haven't met her yet! It's 2 pm here. It must be 4 for you? I'm guessing?
Have you ever met her on the forums?
Someday I'm going to move to Canada, find some guy who would move to Canada with me, go there, and FIND SPOTTY! I swear, do friends get better than her?? I will make that a goal :3


Playlist Of Souls

Playlist Of Souls  3 days ago
I'll go with you. I'll show up with a car full of guys and we can go!


Rosie

Rosie  3 days ago
***
Spotty- HI MANDY!
Me- Hey there! I hope you don't mind but I brought a few boys over.
Spotty- D:

xD That would not be good.


Playlist Of Souls

Playlist Of Souls  2 days ago
Me- its all good it's Fuzz spotty
Her- Yay!
Me- And my friends
Her-....
Me- Don't worry Austin is nice
Her- :)
Me- Alec is nice too, so is Janick, Sam, Jake, and Jinxx
Her-.....
Me- Jinxx this is Spotty
Jinxx- Who?
Me- Rose's friend
Him- Where?
Me- Towards my voice
Him- Turns in the general direction)) Hiya Spotty
Me- Jinxx plays guitar and likes chocolate, Janick does guitar and vocals, he likes camels, Alec is gay, he likes the rainbow, Jake is also in a wheelchair and likes his boyfriend sam, Sam likes wolves and plays the drums, Austin is straight but is into a girl back home, Me, I like Roses and Singing I play guitar and sing vocals for my band

Law,
All ye termites hacking ants are you without sin?
Twisting the law to your greed thus dethroning justice
Thou that dis-virgins the law to suit your selfish taste,
Did not equity say that none is above the law?
Money-thirsty vultures seeking positions to occupy.
Law hackers depriving justice and equity of her rights
Equity and justice now lives in shame of her virginity,
Almighty termite, do not your deeds speak evil of your sins?
I weep blood for justice and equity whose daughters you *****.
Is there none whose conscience still breathe or lives?
Power-driven termites making uncountable promises
Yet accomplishing none but your calculated interests.

Equity,
All ye leaders that preach peace, are you not corrupt minded?
En-slaving accounts meant for public welfare
Yet you claim to have the peoples interest in mind,
Did not the law command you to let equity and justice smile?
Parasitic predators hi-jacking the country's economy
Filthy termites proclaiming injustice upon powerless ants,
Justice hackers, do not your conscience judge your judgments?
I wish that you allow justice and equity have her way.
Law benders at whose feet equity and justice bow
Rippers of the law, at your hands justice is twisted,
Is your nature as humans so inhumane?
Little wonder the earth lives in fear of your tyranny.

Justice,
All ye slanders of the law, why not sheath your swords of corruption?
Your unchecked power has broken the wings of justice
Thereby making equity a widow without a husband,
Remember your oaths to serve with justice and equity;
Did you deceive the ants that voted you in to serve them?
Chameleons occupying seats of filtered ambitions
Woe betide your conscience for refusing to judge you,
Are you not guilty of molesting the law?
I mourn for the shameful death of equity and justice.
You that crafts the law to fit your suit of corruption
Remember a day comes when justice will laugh again,
And you being powerful cannot escape the law of Karma.

Karma,
Murderers of the law, will you also bribe karma?
I doubt if you can buy the law of karma with money.
Thou whose gluttony corrupts justice and equity,
Don't you feel guilty that you disvirgined the law?
Equity and justice now roams about in nakedness,
You that preach the law, are you true to yourself?
Heartless spiders cob-webbing the law to entangle poor ants
Did not equity bid you come to justice with clean hands?
Yet with filthy garments you condemn innocent ants;
Mind you that someday the law will rise again.
All ye scavengers of justice and hackers of the law,
Do you think you can **** the law of Karma?

Pernicious mind, stop eating me!
Incessant head, oh, can’t you sleep?

I’ve moved beyond mental
Have approached the eternal
But god’s still a mystery
at times I’m a husk

Shrinking back at times
from light of open mind
Find a spot to fester
if I’m feeling like a sore

Swaying mendicant head
of sweating adolescence
Jacking off verbosity
Shut me up, Oh Lord!

Now all given way to
spiritual *******
******* a smile if
I’m too tapped out for joy.

****** slips away,
I’m naked in God’s hand—
Surrendered to the will of
some other spirit’s blood.

This is the mountain I'm climbing
Due to circumstantial timing
The triumphant peaks change over time
Just one of this mountain's many crimes

The rocks on this mountain are flawed
But the mountain is flawless
Nature enforces restrictive laws
So my life becomes lawless
Through this insanity
I can't find my humanity
It's gagged and bound
In the lost and found
On this lonely hill
Where I get my fill

It's an uphill battle
Getting above this mountain
My conscience rattles
My eyes pour like a fountain
When I see everything suddenly
Like halos hovering
Over my past
Lying dead in the grass

Sometimes I must traverse a log to go over a bog
Then I must do the inverse to go under the smog
There are countless endeavors
Through varying weather
That leave me very confused
And frantically panicked
This mountain provides a view
Of the entire planet

This mountain made of dust
I scale because I must
Stillness develops rust
When cliffs await us
I see dead pioneers on the ground
I see weary travelers all around
I see fellow climbers as brothers
Unless I see them as a lover
Then I want to go cave exploring
Before my grave ends the story

Things should get weird
If banality is to be feared
In order to make a mark
Even if it's in the dark
To be perfectly candid
This mountain is my canvas
I carve my face in it as I go up
But my face changes as I grow up
So I start swag jacking
The backpacking
Mirror macking
Confidence lacking
Mountain attacking
Climbers
So I can find a crevasse to fit into
This mountain is easy to give in to

Anxiously awaiting atomic assimilation
Basing me on belligerent and boorish bastardization
Capsizing cargo with careful consideration as to
Deciding which day is decay's destination
Everyone embrace the elevated expiration
Forget my face and follow fabrication
Go to the gallows with grace and gravitation
He will hold you and hinder alienation

I, however, hold insignificance in interest
Justifiable jackhammers jacking fighter jets
Killing Californians who are kissing canvases
Lying without laughing and lighting cigarettes
My master makes me move my mundane mind
Never knowing next to nothing with nothing else inside
Overly offering operating override
Practicing patiently pulling peoples' pride

Quickly questioning quizzical quietness
Rationalizing raging reinventions ridiculous
Stapling this summer to my (still) sick subconscious
Traveling tunnelers trading tides for tiredness
Under the umbrella my undertow untangles
Violently vibrating like varying violin angles
Waiting with wandering whispers under the table
Xylophonist x-rays, excruciating fables

You yellow youngling, you who screams in my dreams
Zebras zoom by every single night, it seems
Let's chant my enchantments, the alliteration song!
And untie your tongue
So you don't take it wrong.

It's Like, I don't care about nothin man...

sigh

I was gonna clean my room, but I'm too depressed...
I was gonna get up and find the broom but I'm such a mess...
my room is still messed up and I know why
why man?
  because I'm depressed
  because I'm depressed
  because I'm depressed...

sigh

I was gonna go to class but I'm so depressed...
I coulda cheated and I coulda passed but I'm such a mess.
I am taking it next semester and I know why,
why man?
  because I'm depressed
  because I'm depressed
  because I'm depressed...

sigh

I was gonna go to work but I'm too depressed
I just got a new promotion but I'm such a mess
now I've got a rope and I know why
why man?
  because I'm depressed
  because I'm depressed
  because I'm depressed...

sigh

I was gonna go to court but I'm so depressed
I was gonna pay my child support but I'm such a mess
they took my whole paycheck and I know why
why man?
  because I'm depressed
  because I'm depressed
  because I'm depressed...

sigh

I was gonna make love to you but I'm too depressed
I was gonna eat yo ***** too but I'm such a mess
now I'm jacking off and I know why,
why man?
  because I'm depressed
  because I'm depressed
  because I'm depressed...

sigh

I messed up my entire life because I'm depressed
I lost my kids and wife because I'm depressed
now I'm sleeping on the sidewalk and I know why
why man?
  because I'm depressed
  because I'm depressed
  because I'm depressed...

sigh

I'm gonna stop singing this song because I'm depressed
I'm singing this whole thing wrong because I'm depressed
and if I dont sell one copy I know why
why man?
  cause after this verse
  I'll be in a hearse
  cause I'm so depressed...

*sigh

this just in:
a needless road rage killing
a senseless movie theater killing
a pointless middle school shooting
a meaningless ****** suicide
an irrational child homicide
an illogical workplace massacre
a specious robbery shooting
a mistaken identity ******
an inane ****** for hire plot
a random killing of a farm family
a worthless gang related ******
a futile car jacking slaughter
a crazy serial killing
an groundless paperboy shooting
an unnecessary police shooting
an unfounded revenge ******
a juvenile crime gone wrong
a harebrained scheme ending in blood
a mad shooting spree
more at eleven

Streets filled with bodies
Dead or alive
Nobody knows
Blood runs through the streets
Like floodwater
Innocent blood
Flows like runoff
Through concrete veins
But only because we let it happen
Because of judgement
Because of ignorance
Because of prejudice
Prejudice that we carry over
From our predecessors
The violence and hatred of our ancestors
Continues on through us
But only because we let it happen
Because our naïveté lets us see the world
As monochrome
Everyone belongs in one solid genome
Straight white cis
So they lock us up in a cage of exile
Invalidate the opinions that don't sit well
On a stomach full of lies
So we stand in solid lines
Hands locked together
Silently screaming
NO!
With the ******* hidden in their claims
It hurts but the pain isn't enough to break our chains
At least until the weakest link caves
And the flood gates open up
Our nerves sting with rubber bullets and tear gas
Police brutality and 'controversial' crowd control tactics
Resulting in the blood of innocents.

The truth comes out
Oppression
Recession
We deliver new life
Spoon feeding democracy
Cookie cutter
Build your own government kits
Follow the instructions with a gun held to your head
Puppet government
Corporations pulling strings
Calling the shots with a mouthful of greed
Blaming tragedy on street rats with golden teeth
Hiding behind business suits and briefcases
Pay no attention to the man behind the curtains
Take part in the rat race
Get distracted by the fast pace
Pay attention to your own **** problems
And forget to see the big picture.

Another ride on the metro
Catcalls and wolf whistles
To the wrist to the neck to the ankle
I'm breaking the dress code
The double standards are air tight and unbreakable
I'm stuck in the choke hold of the patriarchy
Kicking and screaming
Perverts jacking off to the sight of me
Objectified, and only fourteen
Take precautions stay safe
Because we have reason to be afraid of the dark
When we have to assume that everyone is a ******
The world is out to get us
Plaguing the younger generation with pop music and photoshop
Shellshocked by the devastation of self confidence
Short hair means you're a ****
Long hair means you're property
The American dream is four walls a roof and a wife to call your own
To own
****** assault is normality
I'm appalled at the way my peers think I owe them something
My virginity
My body
I'm not a carcass to be picked clean by vultures:
The beasts who sit next to me
Who view me as a threat because I'm intelligent
A ***** because I'm intolerant to their ignorance and oppression
The gender roles and discrimination
Objectification
A one woman war
That every woman faces.

Hopelessness stands at the alter
Spouting discrimination
Dug from the depths of the bible
New age bigotry
Picket signs versus pride parades
Spot the queer in the crowd
Wipe them out
We are not a virus of humanity
Your hateful words aren't the only thing that cuts me
When coming out equates to ear splitting arguments
"Get out of my house"
"you are not my son"
LGBT blood on the streets
****** of trans teens
Pop culture is enemy to androgyny
*** education skips over me
And change is met with board meetings
Conservative parents complaining
Claiming they know better than the mouths they feed
Age is not a crown of wisdom
The 21st century witch hunt
Discrimination spills from the mouths
Of little Hitlers
Screaming "God hates ****" before they know what the words mean
Wrap my coffin in a rainbow flag
When they find my mangled body on the street
The product of a hate crime
The product of the war I'm fighting
Brittle bones riddled with stab wounds
Every one carries weight with the words they were paired with
Queer
***
******
I don't have invisible amour
The words pierce me in a way that can't be seen
My blood leaks silently and joins the masses.


We are a generation so full of hatred
Promised so much that wasn't delivered
And so we raise our hands and salute the mother ******* rebellion
Our sweet saving grace
America isn't free and neither are we
We are slaves to misogyny and bigotry
Police brutality
Crafty government puppetry
Patriarchy
The enemies that we face aren't the ones we see
Well **** society
We can create our own
Carry in the revolution on our shoulders
On our knees
Plastered across our twitter feeds
We fight with words
With fists
Whatever it takes
Speak out across our dashboards timelines and comments
Word of mouth
Engrave them into your skin
What was started needs to be finished
We have a price to pay



It's time for a revolution *****.

If we’re honest with ourselves we all have more than enough love to share with those who don’t get enough and the tragedy is that too many of us aren’t aware of just how much beauty we are capable of / we all got magic flowing just under the skin of our fingertips but we’re too scared to touch and be touched / how far apart do we have to get before we realize no matter the distance we create between us we are all still the same / no matter who we pray to or the skin we live in or the place our mothers give birth or where our fathers teach us how to sink or swim / we’re all just trying to get by learning the curves of the laws of survival when the law man and lawyers and judges aren’t playing fair / and the boss man tells us to be grateful for paying us a minimum wage while cutting every corner he can think of to cut pennies that add up to dollars off our paychecks / then jacking up the cost of living with inflation every time he takes another vacation and he’s always off on an island where he’s hiding all his excessive cash so he won’t have to pay any kind of tax / the government has become a soulless corporation killing off what little there is left of the dream and there’s no justice that can’t be bought off with a blindfold full of cash / they say they will let it trickle down but fail to mention the only thing they let go of is poison for the poor that profits the rich/ then they grind down the middle class over the bones of those even lower who are working two to three jobs just so they don’t starve or end up on the streets with the more unfortunate who aren’t getting any of the help they need but somehow are being blamed for their situation with out anyone stopping  to listen to their story / sometimes I just can’t take it as I try to figure out how we allowed all of this to happen in the first place / how did we become so cruel to allow laws to be passed to punish anyone that tries to feed the hungry / how is it wrong to do what is right / I try to breath and think of what can I do to help when I’m living paycheck to paycheck and I got a growing mouth to feed / I want to find someway to live more selfless and try to be more aware but it’s getting hard to look in the mirror because I haven’t lived up to my potential and if I’m completely honest I would have to say I’m afraid of feeling any deeper by being touched by all of the worlds problems because it seems too much to bare / if I don’t make a joke soon I might start crying and never be able to stop / but I cant find anything funny as the world is being split apart by hatred and apathy and greed and violence is spilling from the streets into the school yard / how many more children have to be buried before we do something about the bullets tearing the future of their innocence’s to shreds / you can give your thoughts but without any action they are as useless as your prayers / if we don’t do something soon it will just become part of casual conversion over dinner of who died today and who passed their math quiz / what good is any kind of education to the dead / isn’t that part of the problem our broken schools that teach nothing but the minimum of how to survive by preparing youth for nothing but the skills to work a 9 to 5 / I forgot to make a joke to stop myself from crying and now I might be drowning but I’m trying to float on a thimble full of hope / tell me what good is the love in our hearts when all we do is waste it by taking shallow breaths even though we have more than enough to share

There we stood falsly charged   of crimes  we had not commited
or at least  thought  no one had seen.

Jack Horner.
acussed of  lewd acts with a horse   well least he had a ride home afterwards
also acussed  ******  insanity   arson   petty theft   double dipping  
car jacking hey if the cars into it i see no harm in it.
truelley  he's a all around good guy.

Chris Smith.
For being a well okay  he's probaly the innocent one

Gary la Budha.
For selling to many books and drinking my last beer
and  for  ******* on thee toilet seat.

John Patrick Robbins AKA  Gonzo
For serving minors inciting a riot  farting in church  spiking the punch and creating a mess at the highschool prom.
200 drunken publics   3000 dui's    public ******   dam sports event's do it every time  ******* chess matches.

Breaking and entering **** i wondred why my house was locked
and some man was sleeping with my wife hell
here i find i have one and she's already cheating on me.
no woder thoose kids look nothing like me.

And for being such a good looking crazy *******  I added that one.


We were some fine upstanding  kinda ****** up guys.
The trial was a joke thr key witness Drew .D  glared at us
I felt violated as i knew mentally she undressed me  with her eye's

The video was the real kicker  ****** I told you Jack that
wasnt  Mr Es  barn we broke into  hippos dont wear  dresses .
Yes mate but there so dam **** he replied.

what do you have to say for yourselfs the man in his black Pajamas asked.
Once was kinda strange i had to get dressed up yet this senile old man thought we  were at a pajama party.

Order in the court yes your honor i'll have a martini.
We were found guilty but even a courts wall cant contain crazy.
  
With a spark of unplanned drunken brillance  like a **** between friends  we sprang into action Jack taking on the  officers  
Chris you take the judge   I'll handle the she devil  Drew.

In a battle fitting for saturday night pro wrestiling we
faught like  wild animals and drunk women chairs flew
ears  were bitten  body parts fonddled  
Drew screamed hey pervert get your hands off my ***.

No time for foreplay now satan  and i sure hope  you smuggled
a gun or salami in here thats just wrong.

Grabbing the curtian and  that hot court lady who insisted on typing through the whole dam trial  like a drunken pirate  who shops at walmart  a called to my brothers were blowing this popstand  slash pajama party.

Through the window we flew crashing through the roof of  a well placed mini van below  we could hear the pixie like screams above As Mr E
screamed goddamit thats my ******* van.

Into the sunset like mighty drunken legends we rode
hey you guys ever been to Atlantic City?
bound for trouble and and a few rest stops inbetween
hey were drinkers   and nobody likes to smell like ***.

Untill next time were the always guilty
Were the G team.

thinking about what to write..... *idea hits

& she looked so amazing walking out of her house with the beige dress I had bought her for her birthday the month before.
“Hey my handsome prince, where are we going today?” she said.
“Well my love, for our anniversary we will be planning out our dream date together… how does that sound?”
“You always have the best ideas, lets go to “the spot” and write the ideas down…… but first, can we stop by a 711? You know how we get when we’re on high caffeine and full of ideas. I feel like we deliver them more properly, plus I just woke up an hour ago so I could use it”
“Sure thing babe.”

I always wondered how she could say the right things at the wrong times… although all went bad, her words always picked my knees up from the ground when I took the wrong turn.

At this time, I don’t think I’m at my best, but I know that if I lead the road while holding her hand, she’ll know exactly where to turn when I swerve off road.

This moment is special and I’m currently watching her move her head around to our favorite song on the train going to Pearl.

May 27, 2015// WHY DOES THIS GIRL ADD SO MUCH ******* CREAMER IN HER COFFEE *** SHE IS GOING TO DIE OF OVER CREAMING…. THAT DOESN’T MAKE SENSE AND IT ALMOST SOUNDS WRONG… DAVID YOU’RE WEIRD… 2:04 Pm.

-David Bojay

I could see the places we were passing on the train from the reflection in her eyes. I never thought I could see the world in someone’s eyes. I can feel the tilt of the earth when she changes emotion and her eyes change in shape.

“Dream Date List // May 27, 2015”

1. Go to Downtown Dallas
2. Art museum
3. Ice cream trucks
4. Meditate at Klyde Warren in the middle of the field
5. Go for a walk Downtown and try to get on rooftops
6. Get on green lane and go to Deep Ellum to get serious pizza

“Babe are we almost there? I forgot where the stop was..”
“Yes my princess, we’re almost there”
“I’m so ******* hyped dude ***, I like how I can call you dude and feel comfortable like… dude….dude… dude dude dude nothing can tear us apart dude. I love you dude. **** too bomb dude. Dude you’re daddy as ****. Dude. Dude…. See? Our bond is one of a kind and we’re both kind of crazy. I wonder where we’ll be in 5 years”

“To be honest, we’ll probably be in a loft in New York doing a lot of drugs and on Spotify. That would be “goals as ****” don’t you think?”

“Boy hell nah you got me ****** up we are both going to work and make that mullah baby!”

Nothing could crack our humor.

2:54 Pm, May 27, 2015

DAVID DUDE, YOU MADE IT WITH THIS GIRL YOU LOVE… SOMEONE CAN HANDLE YOUR CRAZINESS.. DUDE WHAT THE ****… SHE’S LIKE….. LSD??? CLOSE. WAIT… NO… SHE CAN’T BE COMPARED.. **** I’M SO YOUNG, AND SHE IS TOO. THERE’S SO MUCH MORE TO EVERYTHING….
ART
MEDITATION
WATER
ENERGY
BREATHING
PROTEIN BECAUSE GAINZ AS ****
BOOKS
CONSCIOUSNESS
QUANTUM PHYSICS
PSYCHOLOGY
MONEY (**** THAT)
PASSION
NATURE

THERE’S SO MUCH MORE TO ALL THAT, I AM ONLY 17 AND SHE IS TOO

-David Bojay


We stepped out the train and I had waited for her to get out first because my mom always told me to always let the lady go first…. and so I did.

“You hungry?” I asked
“Not really… but I will be after we smoke this..”
“Did you really just…. you know us so well it’s almost kind of alien of you.”

We were walking towards the elevator and I was talking about how I was about to ******* the other night to the thought of her grabbing my **** at my old church while everyone was praying… we both worked a different way and we thought the idea was…. doable.

lights blunt
“It’s funny how we’re so annoying to each other yet we can’t get enough of eachother… I guess you the one huh?”
“David, to be honest… you’re too much for me sometimes… but holy **** I always want you around…. you’re such a sick ****.”

starts to laugh

“Dude… babe… do you feel that? I THINK THOSE ARE FEELINGS I FEEL TOWARDS YOU AYYYY”
“You’re ******* lame” HAHAHA.
“Come here..”
smack smack muah muah **
“Ugh you always kiss me at the wrong times… I ALWAYS GET WET AT THE WRONG PLACES… SEE THIS IS WHAT I MEAN BY YOU BEING A SICK ****”

Time goes by so fast when you want it to last forever. Whenever something feels so good, the impossible is wished and you want the delusion of “forever” to be actualized.

“Remember that time you told me I could never be able to make you *** in under a minute?”
“Uhmm yes… you can’t…”
puts hand under my pants
begins to stroke aggressively

The view was breath taking… or was she just taking my breath away.
“The Reunion Tower is so small compared to the others, but I guess it has a better view?” I thought to myself while she was jacking me off.

“TOLD YOU I COULD HAAAAA, YOU OWE ME HEAD NOW”

“*** I DIDN’T EVEN FEEL IT COME OUT WHAT THE ****…. MY **** NUMB”

3:48pm, May 27, 2015

YOUR PAIN IS MINE NOOOOOOW
THIS SONG IS SO GREAT
WE ARE SO CLOSE
WE ARE ON EARTH
GROUNDED
WE ARE HERE
TODAY
RIGHT NOW
LOOKING AT CIVILIZATION IN “MODERN IN TIMES”
IN 20 YEARS THIS WILL BE SO OLD
TECHNOLOGY IS ADVANCING SO FAST FOR HUMANS TO FULLY UNDERSTAND THIS
WHY ARE THEY KILLING SO MANY TREES
MAYBE PEOPLE LIVED LONGER BACK THEN BECAUSE THEY HAD MORE OXYGEN TO BREATHE
MAYBE OXYGEN IS LIMITED TO EVERY INDIVIDUAL AND SOME OF US JUST TAKE DEEPER BREATHS AND THAT’S HOW WE DIE YOUNGER
I DOUBT IT BUT ****… I’D BE DEAD AS **** ALREADY BECAUSE MEDITATION
WE ARE HERE
IN THE NOW
WHICH IS TECHNICALLY THE PAST NOW
NOW
NOW
NOW
TIME IS…. I DON’T EVEN KNOW

-David Bojay

Walking towards the art museum, we had talked about how men are just like animals, they target women with big *** and *******. We share information like if we were Gods communicating.
In my opinion, we are Gods… we are put in a person's life at a certain “time” and we deliver messages from a higher consciousness to them and they do the same. I think it’s fate, we need eachother. We need to communicate.

“David, throughout all the fights…. I ******* love you so ******* much and I appreciate you so much for listening…. I’m trying to tell you how I feel when you already know, I just thought it’d be romantic…. I’m such a fool for you… in the gayest way possible.”

I looked at her and smiled… she already knew what I was saying. It’s like if we could communicate with our eyes.
As we walked into the art museum, we noticed everything was so productive. The art spoke to us in a language on our eyes could try to understand and our minds could read if we really looked at it.

“Do you think it’s possible to understand art David?”

“Art is like a human, it never really stops changing. It renews itself like how our cells do. It has purpose, and that is to keep the world alive. To make life worth it in the moment, and the moments gather and moments put together is called “LIFE”. I think. Art is every subject you know blended into one. It can only be understood if you choose to box it in a place where it can’t breathe. Let it breathe. Let it flow through your mind like how blood flows through your veins.”

Every painting spoke to our minds and the more we observed, the more our minds opened and let the angels and demons of the art dimension live in our heads.

“I’m getting pretty hungry now?”

“Pizza my love?”

“Yes please.” **holds hand

// 4 minutes until green lane arrives //

“You guys happen to have any spare change? I’m just trying to get something to eat, I’ve been out here sin..”
“Look man, I don’t really care about your ******* story, I don’t believe it.”

Nobody needs to explain anything if they need it that bad, it’s yes or no and if they do explain, they’re lying to you.

Arrives at Serious Pizza

“What would you like darling? Anything you want, I got you.”

“Oooooook mister big ballah.”

“Shiiiiiet you already know.”

As we were eating, I noticed how unafraid we were to eat infront of eachother. The days, people are so afraid to be themselves and act scared because they’re afraid they won’t be accepted by how they really are. You have to find comfort within yourself before anything.

“Are you full yet?”

“Yeah I’m pretty ******* full, you want to head back to the park and chill?”

“Yes, plus we still have to meditate over there remember?”

“Oh yeah, well let’s dip.”

As we get to the park we find a spot and just sit for a while without saying a word. Sometimes silence is needed when the world around you is being noisy.

“Cross your legs and close your eyes, remember not to name the sounds you hear and to just let every emotion settle in, let it sink, and let it go. Practice your deeper insight and just relax.”

During meditation, being comfortable is key because if something is bothering you, the practice will be interrupted.

// 20 minutes pass //

“We’re so small, but it’s crazy how you and I are the change.”

Our conversations really put us in the right mindstate and that’s what made our spiritual sides really connect. We are one and together pain is numb.

phone rings

“David my mom said I have to go home….”

“Already?”

“I know babe… sorry. We’ll schedule something this week for sure.”

Getting on the train we both realized how tired we were and how the high wore off.

Together our love could break barriers, they might as well not even exist. Barriers are just limits created by someone who was too afraid to give it their all… to unleash their full potential.

“Hey, want to read a poem I wrote for you?”

“Why would you even ask?”

“Ok here we go, I’m still not finished but you’ll get it…”

“The world is there for you
My arms are open
These envelopes are yet to be sent
When the leaves fall don't change your mood
You've been one since the start
Don't die on yourself over someone or a situation you can control
Your strength is the equivalent of that of a bull
Love will come and go
But self love stays and I hope you love yourself just as much as you dream a guy will love you as much as I did
Look at the waves clashing for you
Admire the sky that's falling for you
******* yourself for the eyes on you
But stay strong for they are not all pure intentions
Feel free to test but not enough to cause relations“

“ I want you to know that your words are imprinted in the deepest parts of my heart and that they’ll remain there for the rest of my life my love, we will prosper through the thick and through the thin of this life we judge so much when we try to understand it. David I love you so much and I hope you never forget that.”

“ I won’t princess, I promise you that I won’t.”

silence for the rest of the train ride

7:57 Pm, May 27, 2015

TODAY WAS ******* GREAT
DAVID
YOU ARE IN LOVE
HOW DOES THAT FEEL
HOW DOES IT FEEL HUH?
YOU ARE 17
YOU ARE A DREAMER
YOUR DREAM CAME TRUE
I’M WATCHING HER SLEEP RIGHT NOW AND IT FEELS LIKE IF I’M IN A MOVIE

OKAY WE’RE ALMOST HOME…

-David Bojay

“Wake up baby, we’re here.”

“Dude I’m so glad we’re home, I’m tired as ****.”

“Tell me about it… get up… the doors are opening.”
We were holding hands on the way to the car and telling each other jokes, time finally felt still.
The sun was close to setting so we sat on the curb and just watched the sky sink into the ground… at least that’s how it looked like from a distance.

We stood up and walked to the car, I opened her door and let her sit down before I shut the door.

I stood there for 3 seconds looking at her through the window… she blew me a kiss and I stood there and smiled.

Walking towards my door I had to face the truth… I opened the door….


the seat was empty, my heart was too.
I hope she’s resting easy.
I hope her spirit was with me today, I knew it was.
The delusion felt so real, so so real.
My mind sees what it wants, I talk to the air as if it was you.
I spread my love, as if you were there to grasp it.
I hope you know I miss you, so so much.
I don’t know where I’ve been, and I don’t know what I’ve been getting myself into.
Your ghost is so beautiful.
I wish you were alive to celebrate our anniversary.
We did everything you wanted to do…. I mean… I did everything you wanted to do on our anniversary.
Today was in memory of you my darling, I’ll prosper if you guide me.
I’m really good at pretending you’re alive, I wish it wasn’t all just an illusion, I wish I wasn’t so ******* crazy.
I wish you would’ve never ******* died.
I’m dead inside, but my breathing is split in half so we can share my life.
I hope I prosper.
Why did you have to leave?
I miss you.
Baby.
Dude.
Whenever you decide to come back, I’ll be waiting and we’ll relive today… forreal this time.

8:23, May 27, 2015

DAVID
YOU’RE SHAKING WHILE YOU ARE WRITING THIS
YOU ARE CRYING
YOU ARE CONSCIOUS
YOU ARE ALIVE
SHE IS PASSED
DAVID
WHY ARE YOU SO CRAZY
YOU SEE HER AND SHE’S DEAD
SNAP OUT OF IT DUDE
I CAN’T MAN
DUDE
PLEASE
NO
I CAN’T
DAAAVVVIIID
PLEASE STOP CRYING
THIS SHEET IS GETTING WET
DAVID
I THINK YOU SHOULD GO HOME AND GET SOME SLEEP
DAVID
YOU WILL BE OKAY
YOU WILL PROSPER MAN DON’T GIVE UP
PLEASE… DON’T

- David Bojay




I love you so much.

I wanna Play this trumpet

louder than you

quicker thank monkeys

flinging their poo

daylight, nighttime

anywhere at all

****** up **** ups drop and crawl

for me

to blow my horn

like you blow ****

brass, ***, grass

and **** that’s sick

drunk off beer

and question marks

evil smirks

in trailer parks

cigarettes

and jacking off

hitting bongs

until I cough

choke

i spoke

too quick

again,

***, brass, and **** that’s sick

You and I
You
And
I

- I
Could drown myself in melted polar ice caps, or illusions of Niagara Falls (or does it?)
Could join a nudist colony
Could dismember my body parts 'recreationally'
Could (or will) document my own downward spiral/lay eggs in vast and immeasurable labyrinths/where the paradox of my self-pity mingles with my bragging/swaggering teen angst and date!-mate!-procreate!- into a thousand descendants of my rotting fleshhhhhh

- You
Present yourself in -
Hallways rambling in front of me with asylums spilling into corridors of confusion
Rrrrrrriiipppp of either paper pulling from notebooks or flesh pulling from bone
Virtual college applications tabbed over with two different Buy Your Own Russian Wife! websites and ignored by your -loving parents-
An arrogant 18-year-old boy standing before the Committee of Elders (pleading insanity)
Twenty-four permanent markers with generic names
The pseudo-poetic lure of "Call _ For a GOOD TIME" graffitis on the bathroom wall of a Whole Foods you spend six weeks jacking off in

- Look, that's great and all, but
I think you are a (beanstalk), no time to (talk), less of a (walk) and more of a climb - to reach your face, and when I lean to kiss it (fee fi fo fum) I smell the blood of a human one

(I'm tired of stooping and I'm tired of looking at old people)

You
And
I
Could have Been Anyone!
But no,
Just more of the same.

Avenging activity among our society
Based behind our bravery,
Centered in our controlled community
Dances our dimes distantly,
Eating the Economy entirely,
Freeing some family’s from financial stability
Giving the Government full guidance to “Give willingly”
Help save history and fix the hired hereby diligently
Isolating the problem Indefinitely before another civil war breaks out immobilizing us internally,
Jacking up jumping prices to live within our jungle of commonality
Killing Kids futures by leaving them in debt for keeps of knowledge to secure their vivacity
Living our Lives in stress leniently because we are your servants dwelling down here in the low depths of poverty.
Massing out our Money on your table tops feasting morbidly on fattening foods while millions suffer from malnutrion
Nobody speaking nervously now
On the open opinion’s on our governments greed
People pacing the streets for a piece to eat
Quiet our questions or riots will quake the streets
Rage ripping through our roads radiantly
So sustain us all seriously separating the needy from situations of squandering
Take hold of our Tantrums and turn them on the ones demanding this tangibility
You’re yearning for yesterday’s better life
Venom of today’s values vast out over our minds
When will they welcome the revolution?
Xenophobia exerts exteremremitys on our souls
Zero Tolerance for Zaberism and Zolism is the way we go.

(and I don’t know why we are mongrels in our heart,
but hell… Lets ask em-

Roman nose.
Broken.
pug shaped unheard of thought ******* away cos
its been awoken by high rising spirit,
but call it anything, call it the breaking of your phone
that’s replaced by another when you feel a chorus stretching
into your ***** gut when they speak, just calling…

blown away from thalidomide arms of private growths
death from long ago neither feminine nor masculine
posture of slumped morning brighter than split stare
of obliterated ***** hit gently hard and lit
my heart knows: my sheets are a poor excuse
for where the room suffers our corporeal rage
in our calming conversation

within country stare of effortless green, some:
knowingness, perceives madness from outside
its woven hands so accepted in the city as it cries,
and walks together; shed upon from all parts of its locking voice
a union within the falling parts, of islandeque love
when rising to hard abyss pardoned when nurtured,
fate, a toothless, small, finishing chew

smothered out from car fume; Buddha can’t speak anymore
birds can’t speak anymore, even the locksmiths have words
without need; i stop in a graffieted place, my veins happy
to just sense: home: proto – home, before…

with whom there is a consensus in the lewdness, rabid as 6pm
is; opened by wild cooked silk until it is made, and
ready, I’m shattered, my bloodiness has no body, none,
worth me jacking it all in, or talking, about new governments,
ours-

explosives walking through arcs of dimmed light
intoxicants highlighted in fading windows, brimming and walled open
beneath my feet, i would run, i would strip
open, the exhausted car parts
yelling, but the impermanence, of us, is the grey ebb
and flow, of engines colouring, this city, impassable
by our actions- full of Bachiacic choice, stopped at the
gate dead, when anything wants to speak inside our home,
apart from your voice, and mine

and i did not know, that cities were so moveable and
pleasurable, and that madness is always correct when animals cling
in agreement; Karma of infinite silence between them when needed-
rebearing low glance into imploding music
down past eye, oesophagus, stomach gently reseeding
hands of movement, dust spokes of haphazard drivers
like the proof in the wetness of the most lifelike dreams that
humanise the raven infancy of the winters blood

insight baked by the sun’s finally accepted sea
in clay, where we must adore what we create from our hands,
and adore the cinders of its coldness as things that can
be anything with any touch; the holograms choice in emotion
the: ‘I’:

only a background chorus
of floating crickets when we whisper, torture moons losing there grip amongst
the unsolid shapes, passing, us, as we walk through,
universal… ‘axioms’, summiting, to a peak, near the soul, when raw, but never there;
we must speak about ‘all or nothing’, in a different way, instead
as the pattern is completed by: ‘immersion’, two servants of the
womb, a judge, and a convict, and the jury broke and sprinkled
across the horizon where we walked like my grandfathers ashes

we don’t gibe, the rest, if we get there
we won’t look across the heard and pick out the
leprositic ways that are outside of our own, there is no
pride, there is no ‘knowledge’ of pride, there’s only
a proto-home, there’s unsaid gasp of what we shall eat
from the flawless flow of the weeks hard work, where we asked for no
prairie, hell, we didn’t even ask for a ticket flattened into a card
that’ll pay for it all
but hell, that’s ok

it’s a while till pay day,
but hey, i’m happier than a slave being paid in the rip-tide of several
monks and maidens authoring where i’m sold
in awesome gloom- one finds themselves a violin
even if they can’t play, even if, they have no limbs
most times, those too
go, or jitter when you don’t want them too in the middle
of the gala
i have already trusted them to you, however;
so, i’m sold, and happy.

As our grave has no flowers yet.

And we are the flowers upon that grave.

And we are the owl howling.

At that grave.

And we are the grave eaters.

And the only.

Animals.

Who can stop them.

i was about to start writing this up when i thought:
another whiskey Quincy? **** storm,
spilled the remains of the one i barely touched
before having to pour myself a:
puritan Scot in Cheltenham.

now, i heard people say any town in Essex
is a ****-hole...
                            fair enough...
but there are darker recesses of England you
must get to know before making that
assumption...
                  sure, London, proper London,
zones 1 - 4, E17 (post code, outer reaches,
Walthamstow, used to have a dog racing
track - played there once,
like a typical Paris catwalk, those hounds)
can skive off Greater London
                    like New York can laugh off
New Jersey, it's pretty much like that...
the only thing is: Londoners don't know what
exists outside this area: the buffer zone.
this is the buffer zone...
                 you experience England outside of
this very sensitive area of integration,
take for example a 3 hour coach trip to
a little town of Cheltenham in Gloustershire
not far from Oxford (a hub of learning)
and Bristol (Massive Attack, and that
bridge by Brunel - funny, engineers are above
architects, in that engineers build things
that *work, architects are like science-fiction
novelists rather than scientists -
do you know how many problems workers
experience, because an engineer
"forgot to mention" something essential in the plans?
at least an engineer gives you a read table,
all architects work for Ikea -
          ah, here's pieces a - z,
put it together yourself) - anyway...
              spilled my Quincy whiskey, now i'm a puritan
of scotch - unlike that damning quote from
1950s Hollywood: whiskey with a drop of water...
   ok ok... a little **** of ice floating about...
when will the nagging stop? no one says jack
about putting water into authentic absinthe...
      why? cos it goes cloudy green when you do!
(too much digression, news paragraph).

   i was leaving London on Friday,
murky the way i like it... Albert Bridge never seemed
so out of cinematographic urgency -
               but the west end with its grand buildings
appealed to me to start imagining
                    Oscar Wylde ghosts leaving these places
for promenades in top cats and tiaras for the ladies...
                     west London... the best way to see it
is in transit... preferably rather urgently...
                    and in a coach with other people not paying
attention...
                       the Thames receded into the estuary (
as it does), those housed in boats experienced a wake-up
call with a 10° ***** into the mud -
                                past the Chelsea pensioners' abode,
past many monuments to be exact...
   and then onto the open M4... past Windsor Castle
and the streak of aeroplanes about an aerial mile
apart landing at Heathrow -
                                  3 hours later, there i was,
in Cheltenham - chitty chitty bang bang,
apparently dubbed the hub of all English literary
endeavours - well, if you're going to host
a literature festival, wouldn't you claim to host
it with at least one patriotic son of the word?
did i see any statue of a famous poet or writer in
that little rugby stockpile of excess triceps?
nope.
           well, at first i thought it was cute...
                                a little Portobello, albeit
without the St. Petersburg paintwork on the houses,
houses as grey as the skies...
                                           got lost looking for
the b & b hotel i was supposed to be staying at for
the night, went into a gas station, asked,
i was apparently only adjacent lost -
                           old school, map printer and no
g.p.s. on foot -
                                  i once read a map and navigated
a car from an obscure Essex city,
to an even more obscure city in eastern Poland,
past the dreaded Penta Germania consisting of:
Düsseldorf, Duisburg, Essen, Wuppertal and
obviously Dortmund -
                                           i call it the whirlpool
of navigation...
                            anyway, so i found the abode,
what a nice little place it was, shied away from
all the traffic - a lovely garden,
a room fit for a journeying writer,
          actually, everything a writer could hope for
to lock himself away and write,
            tunic scenic - everything to ease the literary
constipation - the surroundings, the whole decor,
i even took a picture thinking: shame if no
Balzac were to not emerge from these rooms...
                           i sure didn't,
i dropped all the things, took a shower,
went into town to do the g.p.s. topographic of
the city so i wouldn't need a map in the future -
bought a bottle of whyte & mackay with a huh?!
apparently this brand isn't popular...
               went back to the room and found myself
drinking in front of the dreaded sight...
well... it was a room fit for a writer...
               but it had a double bed in it...
and a mirror at the desk...
                                    i downed one puritan glass
and looked in the mirror: i don't need your company.
looked away and found to my amazement the
truth of modern writing: the industrialisation
of writing... it emerged in the 20th century when everyone
did it by himself, with a typewriter -
        the industrialisation of writing on an individual
scale can be quiet debilitating when trying to
rekindle the quill... i didn't write anything, i doodled,
and those were bad doodles, it wasn't writing,
it was doodling... i drank a quarter of the bottle
and went out...
        went into the first bar, ordered a Guinness and
and sat down by a table with a
(later disclosed) Gloustershire University student,
a Canadian, jacking-off a script for some
B-short-movie in a public place: to catch the oozing
exfoliation of inspiration from crowded places -
if ever that worked, it might have ever worked
in a graveyard...
                             we were joined by his friend,
some peasant, we got chatting, boy, it was such a thrill
to exchange names... the Canadian's name
i did remember: Darcy...
                          he had that look about him that made
it worthwhile to remember his name,
ah, when names fit the image...
                         chubby, pig-blondish, hairy...
i'm guessing a native of Quebec...
                               but i could be wrong.
so a few hey hey, yeah yeahs later i asked if they
knew something about this gig on the festival slot
that was starting tomorrow, 5 p.m. and for free...
sure sure... got to eye the guide... so i asked:
so, maybe we could meet up at this place at this time
and go from there....
                                  Titanic looked more graceful
sinking than the reply...
                                                 i had to really check myself,
this isn't London psyche chess, this is:
we are small people from a small town,
we think a charming stranger is a serial-killer...
                    the Yorkshire ripper case scenario,
not last... first.
                              i might have been ******* a lemon
by then and pretending to be drunk squirming
a Buddha look - i pretended the polite noting down
the details: suddenly i didn't think like attending
this ****** venture that would start at 5 p.m., end
at 12 a.m. and according to my travel diary:
having to wait 2 hours to catch the 2 a.m. home.
so i went to the first instalment of the "literature"
festival... lemn sissay and salena godden -
and i have to admit, it was a corker - a true
a champagne cork popped and hit the crystal
chandelier and i laughed... and that's how i lost my
virginity to "spoken word",
                                         i wasn't listening to poets,
but i was thoroughly entertained, i swear that
at the end of her performance Salena pointed into
the dark (great tactic, how can they be nervous
if they can't see anyone? they stand on a pulpit of pure
light and see black ahead, where the nerves?)
and said: esp. to my friend over there...
                i might have involuntarily back-laughed /
snorted like a pig trying to catch enough lung volume
for a ha ha...
                          got chatting to this lovely middle-aged
couple: told them: i'm being ***** with gags.
                prior, i was watching the queue build up
into the room, with a god-awful grin on my face...
i couldn't take it off...
                         perhaps because i was looking at
the demographic and thinking: where are my peers?!
i spotted about three people in a close age proximity -
the rest were farts and soon-to-be-farts...
                             now Sissay freaked me out...
in a good way... i met the two after the show,
i brought two copies of my own printed work to give to
them... i had to ask their publicist if i was allowed
to touch the Aegean marbles... luckily i did,
but then i asked the stupid question to Sissay:
so who were you trying to imitate when your eyes
were bulging out nearly gauged out like a Pink Floyd
song video of: teacher! let these children go!
               i should have associated something African
freakish in mask, a strengthening - the sort
of look that New Zealander rugby players put on
to frighten people off when dancing the haka -
he really did talk like that...
                                       the little devil voice didn't help
either... but i only asked that "stupid" question
while mumbling something about how hard it was
getting published and how anyone aged nearing 40
forgot the free press of the internet emerging and
how he asked for a q & a after the performance...
and... hand on my heart:
                                   got asked one question...
          and answered... only one question...
                                        a complete and utter ******* meltdown...
   not: oh yeah, so who's your major influence...
                      a Samuel Beckett moment from not i.
later i standing outside and smoking, a grand English
dame of the west approached me,
chitty chatty kiss the hand later i got to say the most
famous line known to the current Englishman:
unfortunately... from Essex.
             honest. anyone asks you in Essex the question
they always ask: so where you're originally from?
                         anywhere else in England
they just ask you: whe

Fusing the concepts of diction with the;
roll of a puuuup: ill container
no brainer; the new name
for all,, club bangers
the flocking flamers,
claiming they flow rain sick,
fake **** time to face it
like similes to basic
subject matter could use a face lift
I straight rip, jill jacking me off,
cant touch these bars, leading to E.R.
cough, cough; Hot sauce her eye, then fry
that back side, spliff lit
A big hit; leaves dome split
                                                           ­                thoughts. . .              drift
To higher places; perceive the cloudy spaces
between the jaded hate spit
peaceful protest; GRAVITY.. replace it
Aliteration altered asinine assumptions
Rhetoric to run with;               supplying the dumb-*****
my cognition is "meta" there "fore";
fairest way is hitt'n
Needing a "fix"; I pop "pre"-scription
Sacred living's indifferent; no know's of his vision
Firing blindly; we're inquisitive middlemen
signing contracts binding
booking assurance of purpose
vexing questions perplex the messes
milk spilt are peoples guesses
nose tilt; angling obtuse,
obese, feeding upon, the bottom line
Most zealous of swine;
hideous and hateful, unable, ungrateful
better off as bacon plateful
The line is fine; The shade is grey
I'll ironically state,
suggestions to negate
your fate upon another's baseless psalms
or petty predictions of living on your palms

sometimes you can't only
rent space in your mind
to the ones you want to be there
this landlord
cannot control every tenant's
presence
but I think if you once leased
a suite
maybe even penthouse
I've got you in a
cramped studio
jacking up the rent
some people even own property
but you're on the way out
until maybe the last trace
of you
is a mis-labeled buzzer
or a letter
that never received
your change of address

even hegel read jakob böhme                   (boo m'eh) -
to keep the democratic spirit - obviously the Kardashians don't
know a hairbrush from a toothbrush - but that hardly matters -
what matters is how Pearl Harbour turned into karaoke applause -
the idea of an american in europe: spaghetti slurping  -
even that considering the "special"
       relationship of anglophiles -
    anatomy of antagonism:
        spaghetti swindlers of talk -
slurping that tangle into an easily sold
global affair would never juice up the idea
to think about my neighbour as someone
i'd care to be;
          and as common with the postmortem
childhood educators, the curriculum of such
people always stated: learn otherwise -
       no wonder their screened the
personal vanities of Versailles in the 21st century
coming from the 18th and 17th century -
learn the truths concerning the genesis
of the 21st century in the 24th century at least...
i'm under the righteous impression:
most of the people i live with have
been savaged by science fiction,
and the slowness of science in itself
that they are tattooed with a care for now,
but never tomorrow... imagine living in a society
that pays its workers in month's wages than
in week's wages... can you imagine it?
the two re- debate: again quick (reflexive),
and the again slow (reflective) -
if i'm glorifying the latter than the former?
oh, that question... you have to reply with:
usury and why the libido of old men
equips young girls to the same libido,
and why young men are worthy of a war memorial
and the mud of trenches...
and why young men can't with enzyme-fervour
bind of the satiated young woman sexually
compete... and why so many say: **** it.
one *** spends its youth barraged by usury -
and all other hamster wheels,
the other *** parties with the cocksure crowd:
and then you expect a withstanding human bond?
ha ha.    forget it... hey lady, how's that old man
treating you? he's the pope, i know.
                         forged from the Martian
        ashen heat cooling: in how she thought
the two would meet and raise a family in the mythology
of Eden... when she got paid her student fees
by sugar daddies, and he got spit to extract feeding
handshakes - that only turned into jacking off
                                                                ­      gambles.    
  she now the happy soul fathomed as the bigoted
              entrenchment in this world: as forever
  and if only trying: then at least expecting war
to solidify the point.
                just the other day in Camden Market:
she's complaining about her libido with older men,
   he's complaining: your problem is that you go
for older men... oh ****, then all the problems of
natural correlative assertions, and children to
masquerade the real problems... and pop culture
and what's being gagged (apart from the gimp,
forever caged and clad in leather, and a mouth
that's really an ****) -           the children suffer
    from would otherwise been a beneficial anti-evolutionary
suggestion: that i was recipient of the outside environment,
rather than the inside environment of some benefiting
sir esquire toff -                 give me my tail and fur back!
   i don't care for gymnastics or vogue! give it back!
******! this ain't an improvement,
                 who heard of primeval predators building
guillotine scaffolds (although, i admit, that's humane) -
or ****** Mary being beheaded with a blunt blade -
or gas chambers... when i think of tigers i think of
humanity greater than man with his apple i7 phone -
i think of vampires... i find it hard to believe
we evolved from what was already perfect...
                   to improve what? we were always outsiders...
    narrators - then again, if i'm the sort of
"creationist" scumbag, then i can just say:
Chinese and Welsh dragons and dinosaurs...
   and to be honest: history is obsolete given the
two timescales of the big bang (what a ****** name
to start things off... heard a bang in a vacuum?) -
              and monkey -
                                             which is no wonder
why history died given the timescales, and why we
are overly saturated with journalism, the 24 hour reels
and nothing really happening in those 24 hour counting
                   mechanisms:
which is no surprise journalism resurrected a pseudo-dialectics,
   i.e. an opinions section - and there they are,
like third world dictators, unchallenged, journalistic
freedom is the last thing to fight for right now,
   not when journalists don't have any journalism to give,
  and invoke the need to be opinionated,
and in thus being the above said: unchallenged.
                 Colonel Falafel? sign me up!

I'm leaning over the time limit
My posture isn't any good
I'm choking down cherry antacids
With warm milk and she laughs
Shrinking infections for me
Jacking off polyester
Fiberglass insulated
I don't remember how to stop

Once upon a time flesh was my lover
and I was wrapped in its sturdy density
    held together by the epidermis                      
                    made mobile by                          
                    
         my army of Vertebrates
to stand tall
       and strut
                    when possible.

Vain was the brain
                    the cerebrum conspired with the nerves
                     to move me to its bidding
to walk, to run, to coit


         and afterwards do some grocery shopping
                                    
                     the heart was worse than the brain
in its dramas and insinuations of love

         that made the poor gastrointestinal tract
a home
         to the alien and willowy creatures

                                                      such as butterflies
                  tsk

and I
         am shaken
                             to my very core

all my molars and incisors grinding itself
                             for its beauty is its pain
The brain was betrayed
                  by its own Amygdala he he he

Yes, I remember all the mechanisms working
                                         In their own tiny kingdoms

          serving the benign John or Anna or Sarah

even if it just a simple task of jacking off
                              if you could picture the neurons
                                                            stretching elastic to                    reach

                    that mental part
                                        where both ****** and fear reside.

Still in the end when the earth eats you whole
                    like the predator it really is
all that is left is me


                    bare bones


a proof of greatness or mediocrity
                    stark and irrefutable

                                        even if vanity denies the meaning of my bareness,

by inventing the soul.

so here he was stripped naked in his bedroom
aloof lost in ****** imagination
his mind swimming with thoughts of *******
curvy hips and long legs
how they looked without impediment of clothing
he pictured his engorged member between a lass
thighs
his wet tongue swirling around her ******
leaving a trail of warm saliva on the areola
occasionally his head would swivel scanning the
**** magazine he held on his left hand
a cross scrutiny drawn all over the teenage face
as if he was admiring Da Vinci's art
the right hand lubricated with lotion stroked up and down
in a rhythmic motion
he was breathing hard as the hand performed self loving
there was something about the ****** expression
pleasure  painted all over the contours of his flame:
it was ecstasy but not in religious sense
his eyelids would droop from time to time and the lustful
smile would camouflage inner conflict
the tempo of jacking increased and the magma started rising
eyes still glued on the mag
his body started to spasm
it wasn't just a little twitchy ****** it was a volcano
of pleasure that shook every inch of his skin
the magazine fell he clutched the blanket and clenched his mouth shut
he looked at his sloppy handful junk and thought guiltily
what have i done......

Wow. I think to myself, its already 10 AM, i really wasted two hours of my life bullshitting on that pathetic website. But, it was nice to feel like i was doing the community a favor. That is, steering them in the wrongful path of someone that isn't myself. Ironically hysterical.
       I log off and shut my laptop as i take a sip of my coffee that was already cold. Ugh. I dump the rest in my kitchen sink and leave the mug there to be washed later. Procrastination at its finest. Reaching my room i search my closet and grab a dusty old t-shirt and a pair of joggers. Tuesdays were cycling days as well as working out at the rec with my buddies.
       Running close to 50 I'm glad to say i stayed in great shape. Most people let themselves go. But not me. Of course, i would rather overpower my trophies, rather victims. Plus, the lean strong type of body attracts the younger woman. They melt away at the thought of a strong older man to care for them. A nurturing man, that is one mask i enjoy. Mainly because it gets me ***. Who can resist?
      I reach into the hall closet and pull out the bag of cat food. Hmm, almost empty. Note to self, buy cat food. Ares , meaning God of war, has been with me for about 2 years now. One late night of me sitting on my back porch i heard meowing in the back of my alley. So tiny and helpless, all wet and covered in mud. I took him in as my own.
        He pretty much keeps to himself, much like me. Perhaps, in such ways i am also like a cat, minus the sleep. Quiet, tends to his own needs, watches from a distance out the window searching for prey. Maybe that's why i keep him around.
        The sun shines bright enough making me squint my eyes all the way to my car. A classic 1969 ZL1 Chevrolet Camaro , V8 engine, up to 500 horsepower perfectly made just for me. Not compared to the camaros nowadays, complete trash if you ask me. Nobody appreciates the classic older culture but of course society changes everyday.
        About 30 minutes from Anytime Fitness, the gym that me and my buddies usually meet up at. Although, today i was attending alone. I had much tension to work out given the anxiety of the search for the killer going national. I had about two hours to spare until our cycling group was going to meet up. Perfect.
                Ah, the smell of sweaty ***** in the men's room, followed by too much of that Axe body spray being thrown around to disguise the smell. Yeah, because that works. They really should invest in some Febreeze if you ask me.
I approach my locker and put my duffel bag away. Really all i need is my water bottle and my pair of favorite headphones.
            Treadmills are the devil. Cardio is the devil in fitness form. But yet i never miss a day. The longest 20 minutes of my life. And that's just the warm up. HA. Continuing with my workout , dripping in sweat, i wonder if i too smell like a dumpster. Leg days are always the easiest for me.
           I approach the locker showers and quickly rinse off the stench. Of course, unlike these men, I engage with body wash and deodorant. Drying off my skin, i sit for a minute and realize i am just going to sweat outside some more once me and the boys hit the trail. How unfortunate. At least i wont smell entirely bad.
      
-----------------------------------------------------------------­--------------------------------
    
                Old Fall River Road , our favorite spot to cycle. Located in the all but famous Rocky Mountain National Park. We all enjoyed it because there was basically no traffic to be bothered by and not many people dared to walk the trail. Of course being 12,000 feet from sea level and a long curvy road with no guard rail to keep you from falling, who would want to? I do enjoy a thrill.
         Parker Anderson and Miles Lawson, two of the best sons of guns i could ever meet. Parker was a real estate agent and actually sold me my house. That's how we met actually. Somehow we bonded over our love of shooting guns at the range, fishing and of course getting drunk. Occasionally every Friday, we head out to any local bar, grab a few brews and just relax. Talking **** and picking up girls, our two best qualities.
           And than there is Miles. He's about 5 years older than me but his features show him younger. Must be ******* nice. He's married with two kids well off in college now. He was a friend of Parker's first before i ever got introduced to him. Overall great guy with a wicked sense of humor. Wicked enough for me.
           Parker approaches me first with a handshake and Miles with a casual nod.
  Parker  -  " Yo, what's up bud? Getting bigger I see."
  Miles -   "Yeah from jacking off I bet" ,as he grins and chuckles.
   Parker - " And? Nothing wrong with that."
     " Alright guys, y'all done? I'm ready to hit this trail." I say. Honestly i just didn't feel the need for gossip. Keeping up with my mask of a social life was tougher than people make it seem.
    Miles " Yeah yeah just don't want me ******' on you. Alright let's go, my wife wants me home in time for dinner at five. Who the **** has dinner so early? I'm going to be hungry within the next two hours."
    Me-    " Bro, you're literally always eating. I don't know how it hasn't caught up to you."
    Parker - " OK boys, enough chit chat. Let'***** it."

        We really should have thought this through. Colorado weather was roughly in the 60's nearing this time of year, but man that sun sure was something. Cycling our way up the trail gave us a moment of pure silence.
Building our stamina all the way to the top and then resting for a few gulps of water.
     " Nobody should have to do cardio more than twice a week, let alone twice a day."
      Parker - " Twice? Who you running from? The cops?"
      Miles - " Yeah right, i bet the cops would be running from him."
Well, they got that right. Either way made sense , but i just grinned.
  " I worked out right before i came to meet up with you guys. How you think I look this good? Not everyone can appear so young like Miles."
   Miles - " Jealous *******."

        We continue cycling down the path and finally reach the end after about two long hours.
       "****, I don't know about y'all but I'm burnt."
      Miles - " Oh **** me, its already 4:25, at this point and all this traffic I'm cutting it close."
   Parker - " Tight leash, huh?"
      Miles - " My wife is always on my *** about something. Says I'm always out with y'all and not home. Clingy as ****."
" You know you remind me why i never did the whole married life scheme. Too much drama. And for what? Love?"
     Parker - " Ay, I still believe in love after all it's worth."
     Miles - " Well yeah, don't get me wrong I love her. Can't live without her, but **** does she get on my nerves."
     Ah, love. I experienced it once. I was in my early 20's , still fresh meat in the military, and met her when i was stationed in some tiny town up in Texas. She was the most gorgeous girl I ever laid eyes on. Met her at bar , actually. Can you believe she had the nerve to come up to me and introduce herself? I was in shock. Love at first sight.
      Of course , everything comes to and end and i was already being transferred to a different location. I had offered her to come with me and she declined. Said her life was here and she didn't want to be traveling around. She wanted stability and to be settled down. She didn't want me. I was devastated and left without saying goodbye. Last time i ever felt love.
       We continued to walk our bikes to the cars, on account of more traffic and civilians crowding it up.
        Miles - " Alright guys, I'm already late so catch up with you later."
Parker looks at me. " Okay, what do you say, wanna grab some brews?"
" Nah, let'***** it on Friday. Your boy needs to rest. This old age ain't no joke."
He rolls his eyes at me. " I guess. Just hit me up." And he climbs into his mustang and jets off.
  
        Once I reached my house I quickly jumped in the shower, AGAIN. I heat up some leftover chicken from the other night and turn on the news.
            *" Local news authorities report the release of the suspected custody, Dave Anderson. According to his lawyers, he was released based on insufficient evidence. This means in fact that the Woods-bury killer is still out there. We advise you to stay safe and indoors. If you have any leads please feel free to call our hotline 1-800-1111. " *
      ****, i knew he would be released sooner or later. That just means the police are searching for the real killer. Me. Although, I wouldn't call myself a killer. I put people out of their misery. I save people who need it. If only they'd understand and let it go. After all , it was only 5 bodies. Might just make it six so i can have someone to pin it on.
        Killing is bad. Don't do it. What kinda monster could you be? Yet, people **** animals everyday with their famous hunting ritual. That goes unnoticed. We are carnivores, meaning we are hunters.
          Explain the difference between humans and animals and only one I can find is that we are 'civilized'. Ha. Civilization is some kind of simulation brought onto humans thinking we have some sort of control over our lives. Control. Authority has played a big part in my life, since i was in diapers.
     Parents tend to have control of their offspring. Until, the child reaches a certain peak that spirals into denying the control. Losing the main dominance in such a relationship causes arguments and such. I, on the other hand, followed my parents control. I knew my position and i played it quite well.
     On my 18th birthday, both my parents ended up passing away. Murdered while i was away with friends. Adulthood had an all new meaning. If this meant losing your parents, so be it. I needed structure but i knew i couldn't find it at college.
       Hello marines. I left with no chance to grieve. I grew into the person I became today.Being in the war so young taught me great value of certain things. I had nothing to lose except my innocence. I had control. Kills became that much easier. Fun, even. 20 years of living life on edge and I ******* loved it.
       Once i got out, the urge was still there. Festering inside of me.
I had to find a way to **** it, but the only way I knew was killing. Thus, hello Woods-Bury killer. Aka , me.

Is was a long ride home.

We were sober.
Legal, maybe the best way to describe it.

But a 185 kilometer drive,
The morning after,
On snowy roads
Will test you at the core.

It wasn't the *** with other people.
She'd given a ******* to an eighteen year old,
I'd ended up drunk and flaccid,
With my head between the legs of a lady from New York City,
And *******,
Jesus christ, *******
Were never a point of contention between us.

God has one gift and we'd never been stingy, jealous,
Small minded control freaks or emotional kamikaze suiciders,
Dive bombing the happiness out of each other,
No way.
Nor were we myopic work slaves jacking off to the next tech treat,
Nor were we stingy uptight ***** faces,
Trading in the allusion of human perfection.
No way.
We knew love and we knew life and we knew the power of new.

But to say Jimi Hendrix wasn't the greatest axe player to ever trip.
**** man, that just couldn't stand.
So we listened, the windows shaking,
The seething poison of artistic disagreement,
Like nerve gas, art is serious ****, you feel me?

All Along the Watchtower, Hey Joe, Crosstown, Voodoo Child, Angel...

Some **** just won't stand

You dig?

The bottom line: You've sold.
Not because you’re not
with me, more because
you’ve settled, low.

No more soliloquies on jerks;
either accept that type,
or leave them alone.
For the record, these are just my thoughts,
letting my dome roam, like Tony Romo
on a fly pattern to T.O.

I would say this -
If you want to talk about Man,
and his naturally DOGmatic nature;
collectively, women might take
some of that responsibility.
Because there are scores
of nice guys out there,
playing the scene.

There are just as many
men who can’t see past
The tip of their own sh*t,
And plenty of girls
Who enable it.

So nice guys take the rap, all the time,
for another brother’s crimes!
I’ve been there before,
trying to play heartbreaker
when I was only playing myself,
so I guess that I can’t play
the part of Pious Theophilus.
I’ve come to find out, even
Augustine of Hippo had dirt
(I guess we all do).

Just feel me on this one:
It’s a learning process, and
if he doesn't treat you right;
give you everything
that you're worthy of,
then you’re the fool
for sticking around.

That being said, I’m not hitting you
with a completely unsympathetic frown.
Ultimately, the point will stand,
that where his soul lies down
is the beauty of a man;
and all that stuff on the exterior -
Well, let’s just say things
aren’t always as they appear.

It’s a cycle, Juliet - and Romeo has been frustrated.
Right now, I'm speaking with grown-up sincerity;
and I know, sometimes the little boy manages
to creep his way back into the picture, but
believe me when I say that I am trying,
it’s a complex mixture.

So when I whisper sweet something’s up
to your moonlit balcony from below;
tell you that when I’m with you,
I can feel myself grow;
or shower you with the
praises that you deserve,
and try to make you glow -
All I ask is that you hear me,
and believe me.

And believe me, I see -
Other cats are going to keep
jacking authentic styles and flows,
keep a strut in their walk,
and talk low over the phone.
Remember though; he can only
quote Shakespeare so long -
before you and he realize,
he’s just singing
another man’s song.

More importantly,
I want you to be happy.
Because I adore
the way you smile,
how you push
the long strands
of hair behind your ears
when you laugh.

And I know that
a lot of the time,
if you get drunk,
or decide to get high
(for the first time),
that you come to me,
reach out to me.

The sad part
of this story -
I won’t be.

I’m not your knight
in shining armor,
or your Cinderella plan.

You have to love yourself
before you can share
with someone else.

It’s getting to be that
I gotta get ****** just to go
Super market shopping these days.
Medication de rigueur,
Just to brave the dazed & demolished
Faces of forlorn fiends,
Those 400 SAT score & scoured souls
Stuck all this time in the
Lower middle classes.
Down for the count,
A toothpaste tube-squeezing cohort,
Squishing out the last dollop
Of Colgate Optic White
From their menial, un-redemptive misery;
Caught on a crumbling ledge,
Soon to fall even lower--
Darwin’s social Ziggurat
Still happily-ever-crazy,
After-all-these-years.
Meanwhile, the rich,
The few, that lucky few,
Get ever more clever, ever more rich,
Devising sinister tricks & subterfuges,
To wit: exterminate inflation
While simultaneously jacking prices,
Higher prices weekly.
Double-digit inflation:
The Obama Administration’s
Best kept Official Secret.
Meanwhile the poor know better,
Grow more bitter each day.
It's not even subtle anymore.
Everything costs more.
Everything is expensive
When you have no money to buy.
Roaming the grocery aisles,
Predator packs,
Reminiscing the good old days,
When a job seemed a birthright,
Apple pie:  no longer as American as . . .
Dazed and ragged like Zombies,
They roam the cornucopia,
Carnal grins on ravenous lips,
“Clean-up on Aisle 5,”
Screams the cashier.

theocracy is safe within democracy, it exists right now, i'm not writing like a science fiction writer, but as a day-to-day historian in the poetic form, alongside Putin we have the theocratic order that is like a leech in democracy... democracy only works with polytheism... we are in the Graeae jacuzzi reserved for Japanese macaques - yeah, those ones, reverse *** of a baboon's colour smeared all over their face.

western society has no argument...
at least eastern autocracies have the real thing...
all we have is a fledgling -
the east has the sun... the west has an unlit matchstick -
perhaps even a sparkler -
democracy or republicanism work with polytheism,
many people, believing in many things -
democracy is currently ruled by theocracy -
as some argue: an imaginary figure,
or an intermediate figure akin to a telephone -
how democracy fostered theocracy in its realm
is quiet bewildering if not scary -
oh come on! get the fear it... sober up!
the anathemas are rife - social ostracism to boot -
the value of Spinoza's effort and luck:
do menial labour, die young, leave the old to it.
western society has an invisible "imaginary" despot
ruling it, just as much as the middle-east -
although the former is only passive-aggressive,
the latter is active aggressive -
passive-aggressive has less to do with a boxing
ring of actual violence, and more to do with
what's courtesan speech, manners and what not -
censoring words but raking up enough profanity
on sacred words... when did **** become such a sacred
word? well... i don't know when, but it has.
democracy is a breeding ground for theocracy -
i don't know if Putin is worse...
after all there were assassination attempts at ******,
Napoleon and Elba - they rose from a failed republic,
entered a brief stage of democracy where everyone
was tugging their own end, and out popped autocracy -
auto- meaning: well, we sorta have to do the dodo and
reproduce - in the larger scale of things, objectively
speaking the thing we are sometimes aware of,
has to remain until the meteorite or something -
subjectively speaking... 'we're not interested in your
opinions! shut up!' i thought i had a chance to express
my cognitive if not my mating call - 'but that's not
objective...' so why write poetry or bother poetry from
non-existence?! anyway, that pet-hate is a firecracker on its
own; but at least in a autocracy we can see and hear and
even touch the concern for us - democracy has theocracy
in it - of course not as open in proclaiming law of the finite
with cages and crucifixions - but closed in proclaiming
law of the infinite - when law just becomes bureaucracy -
human rights has replaced law - strict and to the point
evolution of eye for an eye - the victim gets gang *****
for trying to do the same to a criminal - meaning we all
become criminals at one point or another - i see these Islamic
attacks as... well... let's just say they want to knock some
sense into us... clear punishment... they want the old days
of the guillotine to come back into our society -
that's what i think anyway - and am i sympathetic to the cause?
if you gave me a gun and a suicide vest i might consider -
otherwise? no way am i entering this pseudo-reform program,
unless of course i'd be in Norway... the best prison system
in Europe - but never mind the sadists outside of
Switzerland who have really made euthanasia an obsolete
dilemma in english catholic schools - children aged 15 and
16 given the task of answering the questions concerning
euthanasia and abortion - educational abuse - ****** up for
life - even going to university didn't help -
going to an art gallery kinda helped - my answer, after
all these years? go to Switzerland for euthanasia -
and don't **** around trying to keep a boyfriend by
not taking contraceptive pills - if he'll stay he'll stay -
but if you add a foetal baggage to boot? well, let's just say: no.
you want proof that theocracy exists in current democracy?
o.k., fair enough: two words: Lazzaro Spallanzani.
ever heard of him? n'ah, you probably haven't...
why? you know why... you've been jacking-off the crucifix
all along - i told you, you want salvation or a vacuum cleaner
of a man? current culture? celebrity culture -
the peasant gets a stage - i live in a society that is filled
with countless karaoke stars - dropping those two nukes
on Japan really allowed karaoke to infiltrate America -
i can't sing for ****... but it would be great to have a nurse -
or a plumber - or a society where poetry can only
be done on the side - i'm not thinking big... well... 8 billion
people is big - but why is it that no one really hears
of someone like Lazzaro Spallanzani? he's the priest turned
scientist who experiment on the worth of ***** -
prior to him people discounted the need for ***** -
he's the one who strapped underwear to male frogs -
so when the female frogs deposited their eggs, the frogs
couldn't impregnate the eggs, because of the underwear -
and that water into wine... is that metaphor or imagery?
a steep contrast between the two - could a priest tell me
whether that's metaphor / metaphysics or... should i try it
using physics? well i'd need about 12 kilograms of grapes
and yeast and sugar, a month and that'll be 12 bottles of wine...
but that guy ****** up so many people you'd love to
hear about - so instead of Lazzaro we have Adolf to remember -
i can't be bothered - this ain't salvation - this is vacuum cleaning -
this is how theocracy works in democracy -
it ***** people as unnecessary along the way, along
the historical route of all our lives - it ends up being:
well... there was this guy in Galilee, *summa summarum
est exempli gratia **** per se, non est exempli omni **** sapiens
(all in all an example of a man in itself, not an example
of all mankind) - ecce **** ring a bell? by the words of
Pilate - so many rational men appeared after -
ah ****... got caught... i know i got caught...
so what now? give alms? pray? pray?! oh right... live my life...
we're no more rational en masse prior to or after the
crucifixion - can't see it - hear of the Bangladeshis in Dubai?
it almost seems a futility - to believe for a moment -
given Aesop - i still think that i'm more part of a vacuum
cleaner than salvation - just prior, the Greeks were there -
they didn't seem that ****** stupid come to think of it -
Aesop also lowly born spun out better metaphors than -
once again, are the accounts in the new testament metaphors
or imagery? a basic inquiry - metaphysically or physically?
adverb or verb? in the end we're too eager to write books
but too stubborn to read them... in the end we're too
eager to ****, but too stubborn to commit -
we abhor thinking about religion, but have so little
emotional security when "our" religion is criticised -
we have built all the allowable fortresses in the mind to not
speak about it... but have left the heart unarmed, nay -
naked! prone to shattering the cognitive fortresses with
a single punch, thoughtlessly slaughtering others in the
extreme and being offended in the least -
so much for not discussing religion in terms of cognition -
bad woo - woe to the hearts that do not turn to stone,
and do not leave religion as easy prey of atheistic sensibility (
which is nothing but ridicule) - oh i believe all of it,
just so i don't have to ridicule it, which means for no personal
gratification even when armed with that -
make the cognitive constructs weak and open your mind,
put all investments in defence structures at the core,
the heart - thoughts come and go, whimsical for us all -
but the heart is less complex than the brain and coordinates
only b p ems - once swayed, forever immersed in
unthinkable zeal for most of us.