Follicle Poem
December 6, 2013

A mental relapse occurs.
I see hands plowing through my head of hair
They continue to grasp at the roots,
as if attempting to expose a truth hidden underneath.
But what secrets could bequeath a hair follicle?
Well, one might tell a tale.

Scared of the dark, a 6 year old Wynn laid awake in bed.
He prolonged the inevitable destitution of a dream state.
No longer wanting to accept a reoccurring nightmare,
he took to a dreary exercise of staying awake in the dark.
One hair follicle today may tell of how,
on that night it did not rise in a panicked state.
Wynn had finally conquered his fear of the dark.

"Something felt different today," said Follicle #567.
A new shampoo.
But more than that, strange scissors.
"Who is this new person cutting Wynn's hair now?"
remarked one hair follicle,
"I wonder what happened to the usual lady?"
She had passed away.

An emerging chest hair observed the extended family has grown recently.
"Darker relatives who look different and live in other regions of the world.
Who are they and why do they get treated differently?
Nobody has heard of the ***** region in the southern hemisphere,
or armpit land where our hair family members supposedly smell weird."
The perspective of a follicle in puberty.

"The loud sound of electricity and gears grinding scares me.
There is a storm which ravishes our lands.
First, a foamy cloud surrounds us.
Next, comes a sharp stinging sensation,
not a pleasant feeling to be set free from your roots.
A tidal wave crashes, washing away my follicle friends and family forever.
Then, the lightning strikes - dooming us all."
A ****** follicle's worst fear.

"We are a persevering bunch.
We cling to our conventions and grow, grow, grow.
But recently Wynn has done something new.
We thought he was feeding us honey,
so treacherous.
Sticky goop and stiff paper will be the end of us all.
Nobody wants to admit follicles are second-class citizens to smooth skin."
Waxing prematurely takes the lives of several million follicles annually.

"A rebel group of follicles known as the 'In-Growns' are up to no good.
They scheme with the pimples, plotting when and where to strike next.
I worry about Wynn - wish he could know we aren't all so ill-intentioned."
Follicle culture is derived from parenting, not just biology or anatomical location.

"The last of my kind, I have been contaminated with chemicals.
My color changed to blue.
I've heard the ancient legends about follicles once turned blonde.
We need to appease the summer sun god.
The others have all shriveled up or been brutally betrayed by the locals.
In hiding, we worry the scissor insurgents will discover our locations.
All I wanted was the freedom to express myself,
to be seen for who I really am - not just some color."
Follicles experience discrimination for numerous reasons.

"Drugs.
I can feeeel them in my DNA.
Something about me has changed and I like it.
Living life on the wild side these days.
I don't shower and don't care if I am greasy.
Every other follicle’s fears are irrational.
I'm gonna spread the word and grow out a bit.
Because that's what they expect of me, isn't it?
I mean, what good could come out of a drugged up follicle,
other than more waste of scalp space?"
Follicles who use drugs recreationally receive negative labels and harsh stigma.

"The wavy goodness from a gel rub,
is the highlight of the week.
We are fine, fresh, and fierce, ready to set the standard for follicle fashion.
If you are one of those lower class follicles,
who can't afford gel.
No worries - some might trickle down...
Just kidding!
Spray supports our monopoly on hair care products."
Fashionable follicles are extra sassy and have socio-economic privilege.

The relapse ends.
My head suddenly feels heavy,
swarmed with the hair follicle chronicles.
And the hands running through my head of hair become inspired.
They begin to tell their tales of times passed in Wynn's life.

Perspective means everything.

You told me that you have
Over one million hair follicles
And I believe you.
I do.
But, if it’s okay, I’ve never counted
To one million before.
I heard it takes a really long time,
But after I count all of the spots
The hair grows out of you,
I want to count all your freckles
And connect them like constellations.
You’re just like the universe to me
And each freckle is a star.
There are lots of stars we can’t
See with the naked eye,
But I want to find those too.
If that’s okay.

Melting down, crossing barriers, breaking out, stepping round.

Pieces fragmenting, character isolating.  Green-acid, hair follicles, white is the blank slate, painting blues with reds.

Freaks from a sideshow, muscles in the sea, six-packs in a grog-shop, dancing improperly.

Beguiled by your bounce, sleep-walking this town.  Fine is the white wine, poisoning the liver, spining on a sixpence, ******* follows dinner.

When she left she couldn't help but to leave that soft and sweet fragrant scent behind. You right, love is blind. There are other senses which make me miss her. Don't get me wrong, she is a enthralling flower. However I'm only reminiscing on the way she lingers, I'm drawn in by every 'come here' gesture of her finger. The openness of my nostrils, the little chill hills which coexist with my follicles. Jasmine... she is so honorable.

Wild splashes of beaming

Azure brushing back and forth

Tottering briskly on granite rocks

Enlightening excitement to our eyes

Radiance of teal drops sprinkle salt

Follicles misting up the atmosphere

Activating a rushing rippling of waves

Lashing playfully with each other

Looping to a sensational surprise

Gold sandy beaches flow from her follicles
Eyes like oceans, the Atlantic and Pacific are storming with jealousy
Her personality washes over slowly, low tide waves calm treacherous nerves
I use to navigate these water so well, acting the part of a sailor
These days, I consider myself lucky to hear her crash against the shore
My fingertips will never forget the feeling of sand between them

and I would give everything I have to see your eyes light up like streetlamps and you know that time in summer where the steady glow from daylight merges into night time and the breeze dances along the leaves of trees too tall like ballerinas; so gentle if you blink you’ll miss the sway of them? that’s what you remind me of.

you are a glow, an indian sunset and I long to be the sea your sun shine kisses and when your glow transcends into moonlight I long to be the stars who are accompanied by your effervescent light night after night and you know to me you will always be a ******* sunset when you should be rainfall: you pour down on everything I love and leave puddles;  you cause unapologetic floods in the crevices of my collarbones and attach your saltwater to the follicles of my hair and you warp the words on the pages of love letters I never sent and when you fall down my cheeks my teardrops and your raindrops will merge and for a moment we will become one and that’s all I’ve ever wanted. to be one with you. to be a ******* indian sunset in your illuminous eyes.

I keep running through the hallways of my mind and your voice is bouncing off the walls and echoing straight through my chest and there’s a thudding that gets louder and louder, like bongo drums, every time and I’m pretty sure my heart is now a gallery of us, open for public consumption and they can walk along the hallways and appreciate the beauty of our profound love like you never could.

one day you will find someone who melts your heart into your veins until it feels like the oxygen around your body is trapped and screaming for you to try to breathe, try to breathe harder and you’ll scream for them and they’ll stop returning your calls and there’ll be no texts and everything you once had will sink – almost in slow motion, almost as intangible as the idea that I loved you harder than anyone ever could – a ship where you’re the only person aboard and you’ll be watching an indian sunset like you watched their fingertips trace the curvature of your hips for the last time and you’ll realise in that moment that they were your indian sunset and man, don’t you just wish for some rainfall?

his touch lingers
caressing intimately
feeling his lips
graze the breadth
of me

mesmerized...

scent of him remain
in deep recesses of
my mind

enthralled...

as if, he's still pulsates
within; each ****** ignites,
every glide excites

I sigh in beggary...

as whispers in thoughts of
him dwell deep; tongue
penetrates, body relentlessly, seeps

loving me from my hair follicles
to my toes...

in thought, I languidly pose

mesmerized...

This night
toe to toe
knee to knee
follicles embracing follicles
belly to belly
******* to *******
palms to palms
lips to lips
we watch with envy
our avatars.

Genetically. Modified. Organism.
We do a lot o'talkin
And a lotta ppl mad at that name.
But I got dipped in the water to proclaim,
Im a GMO.
The fall of man didnt hold the power to tie me down no mo
My descension simultaneously displayed the ascension of my soul
My eyes glow with the reflection of my heavenly father who transcended from ***** feet with blistered soles
Ive been genetically modified to not see the world as which we know
We're living in the fog worshipping the money that we grow
We dont follow the narrow road
We dont love ourselves no mo.
Spent too much time bein broke
Caught a break, bought a whip
Bought some jays, bought some rims
But gettin towed
Whole house repoed
Iced out, chrome.
gold.
Investments? zero
We need new heroes

Drank the lies that ***** whipped into our minds while we were bleedin on his ***
Breaking earth and pulling weeds
We gluin weaves like, dawg. Where my edges go?
Now you tryna train yo naps cause everybody goin au natural
But you STILL mad cause yo curl pattern dont show that 2 percent of Navajo.
Changed yo hair but didnt change yo thinkin tho
Too long that permed subconscious sinkin through yo follicles
Mother earth dun been pulled harder than those edges
Act like you got some self-respect, go outside and clip those hedges
But her roots dug up
The seeds we sew
Aint enough to feed the whole
The rich, THEY bite the hand that feeds
But their stomachs; still on swole?
People like to get online and fuss,
Stop the GMOs!
Following the likes and living in fear sgonna leave the po--
HUNGRY. ..and po
I mean, what is science, fo?!
With climate change, and the persistent depletion of arable land, where yo seed gone go?
How yo plants gone grow?
Hopefully that won't have to be the case but I get the feelin
Mama nature's feelinnn
So'...

Shoot, Seasons dont know which way to flow
Cause we're walkin down the street throwin trash all on her flo
Like we aint neva been to anybody house befo.
Fillin it up wit smoke blottin out the sunlight
Making her plants choke.
Now the clouds broke.
Cryin acid rain and now your drinkin waters soaked

Im not tryna throw shade.
Im not half as deep as the aformentioned might denote
I aint gon lie
I dont
STAY.

woke .
I dont do my research on every clever quote
That I post
Hey, Im the FIRST one to let you know that I dont know.
But when I DO know
Aaaand I know fasho
And I hear somebody like, yeah this and that and so and so...talkin OUTside they ear. HOLE?!
I be like,
bro...
smh




-*sorry, I'm sleepy and have not proofread

Here come those drafty air follicles of madness
That makes me want you again
Like a drug seduced elixir
Oh tie me up with your insanity
So we can do it all again
Unwrap me from this loneliness
To melt in peace sustained
Like a drug seduced elixir
Won’t you tie me up again?
I want love to be a seed of invisibility
To wash me dry and clean
Like glistening oil on suntan skin
Let it heat me up and soak all in
Oh tie me up with your insanity
So we can do it all again
Unwrap me from this loneliness
To melt in peace sustained
Like a drug seduced elixir
Won’t you tie me up again?

She combed her hair with the night sky
& then let loose those bits of stray galaxy that had embedded themselves in the wisdom of her follicles.

A razor is my nemesis, because the blades do not behave
Gouging cuts into my skin, that is the path they pave
But it is unavoidable, I have become a bathroom slave
To rid myself of excess hair, from a shave that I don't crave

Ever since the birth of man, it goes back many years
A growth around your lip and chin, extending to your ears
It may go down particularly well, among the bents and queers !
I'd rather have a smoother face, to avoid Ducky's and Dears

Why do men want ****** hair, why do they want a beard
Bits of stubble sticking out, a design that's rough and weird
A Goatee isn't very good, it's cattle that's not reared
You wouldn't get tickled or scratched, if beards had not appeared

Okay some guys might look alright, when they are neat and trim
Scruffy ones they just look bad, and some are rather grim
I don't want hairs growing on my legs, or any other limb
Nice smooth skin is my preference, and it's not a passing whim

There is just one problem, something I would love to ditch
Hair removal is a pain, and it's an evolution glitch
When the morning comes along, I have that same old itch
Having to shave is immanent, and a *******

How many ****** shaves, does a man have to endure
Eventually your skin goes dry, from this old daily chore
You get cut far too often, I don't want it anymore
Razor blades no longer work, and that's a shaving flaw

Girls complain about their periods, it must be so frustrating
With all that blood just seeping out, when you are menstruating
You wouldn't like it daily, there is a period of waiting
It only happens once a month, so it's not as irritating

I'd rather shave twelve times a year, without anymore hair traces
No cuts and grazes for a month, in many different places
Unscrupulous razor companies, would have no more hairs and graces
Hairy smiles would be wiped off, from their stupid corporate faces

A close shave does not exist, I think it's a fare bet
That manufactures cut your throat, with electric dry and wet
All the claims of the best, that a man can get
Sharp shavers are a fabrication, and that includes Gillette

The cheaper brands are just as bad, shops own brand or BIC
You may as well tape a knife, to a piece of stick
Are potato peelers any sharper, would they be a valid pick
Would chipped skin be as bad, or just get on your wick

One shave is not sufficient, you have to do it twice
There's always bits left behind, which isn't very nice
I would've tried the No No, an expensive hair device
Razor blades and shavers, have such a high tagged price

It makes me cross and angry, because there is no reward
When buying beauty products, which they say you can afford
Why cant you have a body switch, or a desired level cord
So you can turn of your hair, and sod Wilkinson Sword

Excess hair I do not want, except for on my head
Is stress the cause of going thin, when it begins to shed
Would it not be better, coming of your face instead
Shaving would then be reduced, and not something to dread

Many men go through the curse, of losing it on top
The older that you become, your head hairs for the chop
A full crown is all I want, why take away my mop
I didn't want a bad harvest, by losing half my crop

The only place I wanted it, I've lost my style and flair
Why does a bald patch appear, why does your bonce go bare
Is it my comeuppance, with the creation of a glare
All I want from follicles, is my head full of hair

If you want to have a beard, then that is fare enough
Don't be mistaken for a *****, by looking like a scruff
I don't want a hairy face, or stubble that is rough
Or a weird beard with scraggy parts, or any yuk *** fluff

Some men just let beards grow, and maybe that's just crazy
It's not as though they look sweet, or as pretty as a daisy
Personal hygiene may not count, if they are always lazy
To me it isn't fashionable, it makes you look old and hazy

Who wants to be a yeti, but perhaps it is too late
And wild men roaming in the woods, is evolutions own cruel fate
No matter how much I shave, it's the scratchy bits I hate
Wasted shaves when hair returns, why does it lay in wait

How much has man evolved, how much as man progressed
Personally I think the state of hair, has radically regressed
It's based on my own experience, so perhaps I am obsessed ?
Who wants a hairy monkey, when your naked and undressed ?

There is a smooth advantage, when you are misbehaving
A kiss feels much more sensual, without the crazy paving
This is all that drives me, although it is enslaving
Even with the nice things, I'm not craving for a shaving

Arrows bent and broken because the elixir is all it took
Lying by other’s side, I never noticed your curious look
Because I was never meant to be, convinced many nights to be true
But the addition of a proper verb ending could only lead me to you
Often I tried to re-route, who?
The object of this poem into a being of supremacy
My hatred for your positivity when I fed you the meanest thing
My perceived invisibility to reflector window panes
The way each sentence remained pure throughout my twisted games
Speech wrapped in profane, even the strike of your match couldn’t eat my propane
Told lies to my allies, that we were only cordial foe
Placed you into my list, nothing more than a mere John Doe
None had seen that you were the only key to my door
Couldn’t tell I was a perfection seeking ***** to the core
All you needed was to position me and my muzzle to the floor
Was only after filling my pocket book with prospects and stars
But I kept an honest policy in saying I would keep you forever within my bars
How I long for the fog placed on voltage stroked sand inside my cars
Our every imperfection should never be objects of debate
But in your opinion, these bonds aren’t meant to wait
You state them as pipe dreams, but I spark to make them real
Time is my only obstacle, but never prevents me from what I feel
Increased heartbeats and clammy hands need nothing more than half of truth’s peel
Beginnings were only lust from 1,000 word described squares
Visible bones were stretched only to stop piercing blue stares
Questions only lead me to empty in why I committed the seventh sin
The time clocks maturity is solely what keeps you from being kin
Heartbreak’s only defeat is that I never let you win
I despise my desire to eliminate the protection of your thinking cap
If one didn’t look so striking I would let the follicles grow back
I had wished you understood my love for arguments chaotic
You never realized I was nothing but predictable and robotic
I had a sick obsession to push you to limits catatonic
Broke locks on Pandora’s Box because I knew the abundance of my stocks
The only emotion to be shown would peek if you had to kick rocks
Lonely in my current state is never why I create this draft
This triple forked road has no signs leading to your path
Realization it was You, in my many aftermath
Every ray of light wants to be pointed to you at the heights dawn
My only apology is for trying to capture the king without moving a single pawn.

there are so many
things
I don't know how
  to do yet
but I know how
  to truly love the sunlight
and I know how
  to build a fire
and I know how
  to care about people
just enough for them
to never really hurt me
              so maybe
being scared to talk to strangers on the phone
isn't so important after all


they say
that hair follicle drug tests are more accurate
than anything you can **** into a cup
   because your hair
   follicles
   store the history of
   everything you've ever done
so I want to rip out
a lock of your hair
but a small one, so it only hurts
a little bit
and I want
to put the hair in a metal jar
and bury it in the ground
   just in case one day
   they come up with a
   way to see everything you've ever felt
   by looking at your hair follicles
so I can dig it back up
                   and prove
that you felt
       something
for me.

Your voice is electricity
that shoots through my ears
and down my veins like
Frankenstein's Monster.
Reanimating the dead
cells and tissue with
surgical precision.
Arcing across my back
and shoulders singeing
hair follicles and chattering
decrepit teeth in my mouth
like dice in a cup.

Your voice is electricity
and it's clinging to my chest
like a defibrillator, sending
shockwave after shockwave
through my heart and soul.

Astral Souls
A Chapter by Eclipsing Moon-blood red


musings on the connection and joining of the reincarnated souls each new time...how many linked souls or spirits does one determine are in one original soul


Warning
This Chapter is rated Mature and may contain material unsuitable for readers under 18.


I select Mature because I refuse to subject younger minds to transcendental thoughts...





Astral projection is more real at this point in my life than the daily occurances in my so called normal life..to know me is to know there is nothing normal about Me.

   Projection to Me is the natural state of existance of soul beings and the travel to assist others is done subconciously and consciously in my daily and nightly moments of tuned in

travel in the Astral level...meditation is my natural way of entering this state and complete quiet and ****** movement is not required..when My spirit tunes into a spirit requiring thought of mental healing or just discussion on that level I "tune in" to the reality of that space in time...and that spirit and merge with the spirit and experience it with them.

   Clearing the spirit of a soul is required by the joining with them ..and letting them experience Astral thru Me ...while I calm them internally in their physical form...many traumatic injuries can be treated in this manner..by taking over the pain and healing the body from inside...pain is only karma needing balancing and occurs to promote the understanding of situations...best assisted by allowing a spirit to be in the body of the teacher/friend to see what the lesson is.



Post script:

I simply did not follow that line in the process..ty for mentioning the responsibilities it brings...I'm gonna post that on the reviews as I've answered several questions along the same order..you will notice I said it is karma and involvement in karma is responsibility...I never attempt to alter personal lessons with out consulting with the entity...pain is for karmic teaching..I do not aleviate it unless I must to remove a certain type of situation...such as a broken leg in physical life that is very painful and no pain medicine is around..the blood pressure can get way too high in certain situations...so yes..i will intervene in certain death situations if My guides concur...it is only then that WE would decide that action...it is far from simple as Kerry commented...I sent her an explanation on that...responsibility wise it is a heavy karmic responsibility and I claim no god complex..if I dont share with enlightened beings such as YOU..then I am at fault for keeping it secret...I assure you it does not seem God like from here...kinda like deep doodoo for spirit help...I would never wish that on anyone....I am still searching...Yes always will be ,,a physical body is a trust ..an endowment to care for...if the difficulty were my personal choice and mine alone to decide...I would resign the honor...but it is not...The laws of Dharma And Karma require Me to choose to learn ...until My time ..this time..is over...teaching and learning is MY responsibility...clear as a singing bowl's ring...OmManiPadme Om.





Guided Meditation



On closing my eyes I see a insect ...it takes on air around its body by trapping it in its hair follicles..it then dives slowly into the depths and goes..down ...down...down..until it reaches a hidden rock cave..where it goes in and deposits its air bubble..on exiting it repeats this process and traps more air at the surface...only yo go down ..down..down..again ...time after time...repetition is my focus and it is soothing to my mind..it gives it a focus to relieve the tension...I stay until the focus ..removes My fear...to be contd.






prev chapter

It was the muse that kissed the *******
And turned his inner pain into happiness.

A face that often frowns turns upside down when she comes around.
Clothes rain to the ground
And screams of pain and pleasure
become hard to decipher.
Its not insane he found inspiration in her
they found love in their pain.

****** bitten lips
Ripped out hair follicles
And hand printed bruised hips.
He grips her curves
Like wet tires when they swerve.
She grips his neck
Like she is trying to pinch a nerve.
He grips hers to make it feel better
to make them feel light as a feather
hoping that they die
And drown in each others nectar forever.

It was the muse that kissed the *******
And turned his inner pain into happiness.

She didn't need him to romance her much.
When their eyes meet its as if he's tranced her
When he touches her
Kisses her
and loves her she summons a flood.
As if she was a rain dancer.
The face of an angel with a heart
Of cold marble.
Their love could only be partial
Even though they get so close
Their hearts are separate like
Stones of cobble.

When she leaves to pursue herself
She traps his mind and heart in one grip.
Not for a moment but for a very long trip.
His inner pain returns and his invisible tears begin to drip.
In the form of flowing life
From his masculine wrist.
He wonders will he ever find love
As strong as this lust?
Will his inner pain allow him to generate trust?
Or will the pain cause his heart to erupt.
Leaving a more heartless being.

So when they want to know what happened
Just let them know
It was all an accident and
It was the muse that kissed the *******
And turned his inner pain into happiness.

Do green fingers still pull triggers?
Or do they only till the fields of hair?
Ploughing furrows of worry through thinning follicles,
Tangled knots of concern, snarling their path from the true.
Or can they only point accusingly,
Trembling fists beneath pointed judgements?
Hoping the directions sought by those lost,
Do not lead them down the garden path of violence.
This is for a man who takes nurturing into his hands.
A man who believes that the Kingdom of God can be found on earth.
A man who is determined to labour here in this the city of his birth
To cultivate the hope that springs eternal.
Changes part of the faith in his dreams to piece together his reality;
A world without violence.
These hopes are sleep sent for certain.
But his hands are sandstone
So when he rubs the rest from his eyes
He's only shaping his wishes into something less fleeting
For sure, his resting place is a flower bed
cos he wakes plants from their sleeping.

For each shoot that doesn't fire and grow
And each root that doesn't take hold and show
Each colour he knows they're capable of,
feels like a personal blow to all the effort he's put in.

This is the last gardener of Aleppo
His name is Abu *** and he is sick of watching his city fall apart
Ash Shabbah – the city of white soil and pale marble
Now  the white of ash, pale of face and fearful.
Once sanctuary against war,
Now this may as well be the last garden in the world.

He tells us “flowers help the world and there is no greater beauty than flowers”
And so for years, as his city suffers pallid,sickly but not bloodless,
He makes bouquets by roadsides for those who chose to stay
or have nowhere else to go,
or have left but their bodies remain,
And whose only beauty is ribcage grown

He wreathes his arm around the world
Turns our world into a garden of funeral tributes,
appreciated only now
In stark contrast to the destruction that never ceases.

He tends to carry on conversations with the dead
Motionless beneath the surface.
Friends or strangers
Rubble roused and fleeing, now their journey ended
Escaped as best they could, holding flowers in hands
 as he tends his garden still.

It’s a losing battle, lost
How only weeds grow through the cracks that civilization left .
Lichens lasting forever whenever they find the surface to hold onto long enough in this turmoil.
Though he pines for lillies;
 White crocus and daisies grow best in rebel held streets.
No matter.
He makes the dinner he deserves
fragrant with rosebay willow herb
And sage for remembering
But he can’t help but develop a bad taste in his mouth .
He has no taste for retribution
And he has nothing to cleanse the palate,
Of the pungency of despair,
The starvation of the soul.

The desert creeps further into his domain every year
Tendrils of havoc pushed like weeds wicked fingers by fertile bullets
Planted with no thought for the cruel blooms that unknown casualties assume know best
Brush strokes of red lichen, grace pocked walls carelessly evident of lives now past.
For every gravestone reminder of fertile soil
He knows each harvest relies on the last.
Cultivating only goodness in his heart,
the last gardener opposes the law of abandoned places:
That only rot will grow in the spaces left by humanity’s neglect
With agriculture he fights the ravages of the faithless. Torn turning this place into nothingness,
Looking for any hope this last chance leaves in a forest fresh of despair
So he tells us he’s heard from God that
“This tree will live and we will live despite everything.”
And he believes that the timbre of his voice would drown out the violence as he kneels in prayer,
As everything he loves splinters around him.

And he believes that even against the decrepit disrepair
That He can make this place an Eden again,
An oasis of calm during conflict.

Ibrahim lost his father
But maybe his memory can blossom and some beauty can bloom from the killing fields
Of the lily white city that can raise it’s own colours as a flag
And surrender itself to the will of the God of the Gardeners.

Once, I bathed in anxiety,
soaking it all into my follicles and letting it slide
between my bones and through my muscles like ice water.
And I reeked.
Others couldn’t stand to be around me.
I became an inhuman symbol,
something robotic and unfeeling.

Then, I reached the peak of hypocrisy--
rejected sparkling convention yet was
simultaneously enamored with it.
I binged on harsh words
aimed at diminishing my sense of self.
I was a frail,
98-pound girl
looking into the mirror
and seeing only excess.

Throughout, I was weighted with bruised limbs--
from being grabbed too hard and pounded too rough against the floor,
and broken down doors and cracked cellphones--
which my father threw violently against the wall.
I watched the glass shatter and end tables topple
down at my mother’s feet,
her eyes wide and glassy,
her face fallen.

Once, I stood naked in a sputtering shower
and slammed my fist
—twice—
into the face of the person I loved
the most, leaving him
with a haunted
eye.

Then, I picked a flower from the sky.

Throughout, I cried because my father left me,
while pretending I was only crying
about a sad song.

These days no longer belong to me,
but the voices are still there.
And the ache.
And the fear.

When I reached in to clean off the glitter on your face,
Did your throat ache because of the unheard voice?
When I said: relax I won't kiss you
did the unheard voice say: "I wish you would!"?
This then music that was denied

All the times I didn't touch you,
did you shiver and get chills?
Did my wondrous breath caress your hairs then?
Did your follicles once wake?
Leading to yawning pores
Inviting the warmth,
of a touch, and the moist excretion of the connection
thereof

And your dry lips with lines dividing symbolizing the walls of your soul yet to be broken
and your bright eyes when the right words are spoken
Or the nerve-wrecking look that had me choking
I was myself and I truly was, maybe you thought I was joking

Was it the distance or questionable persistence?
The fear maybe, that had you critical of what you should feel
Perhaps the vicissitudes of fate that have a stationary couple reel
Or the gravity of occurrences, where I had to keep up appearances
Maybe just you. Maybe just me. Or the doubtful We.

In all reason; logical to think that perhaps the feel
that keeps me away from you
and you feeling like a slave when with me
if you believed and trusted, we could have eloped
Escaped the prison of doubt and insecurity, uplift the hope
Use the ladder of surrender
climb down the 'chance' rope
and then we'd elope

But you stayed with the other guy who says what you want to hear
who drives the car that has them cheer
who sports a profile that gives him credit
Never minding your heart's merit
I leave and enter the wild
I am a wolf from afar
And a die-hard romantic at heart
These are the melodies that live on
Unsung hymns of love lore
May they be heard deeply and penetrate as the sound of spores.

Sweet lips encrusted in sugar from the hot doughnuts at the steam fair.
Baked in the dusty sunshine of an August afternoon in North London.
I would roam these streets from childhood into adulthood,
Drinking £2,50 wine at bus stops only to get thrown out of the pub for illusionary bathroom shots
Our real crime? Being too young.

Since then, i have drunk Spanish manzanilla in an old tobacco store room
Transformed into a house where wafts of old book smell mingling with the scent of baked terra cotta and lemon trees sweeps down dark corridors revealing hidden gems of traveled souls.
Where there are streets that belong to Phoenician women , Arab traders , Christian crusaders and now the Spanish folk
All these names we go by , yet still human we stand

Up on roof tops, smoking sneaky roll ups to the elegance of storks
Building nests on church domes and castle walls
Monuments to remind the future
Graffiti on the natural landscape , the ruins read " we waz ere"

From shores of the Atlantic to shores of the Atlantic
Brooklyn rises
The night bus to eat pizza alarmed me
How were the buses so different ?
London's told you where you were
New York's Made you suss it out for yourself
In the company of a Father i hardly knew and the Mother of my new sibling
Child ,
Who will you become ?
Shaped by the contrast of your parents skin , your curled hair yet to emerge from fresh formed follicles
Rest easy ,
This world Ain't so harsh

I found God at the bottom of a bowl of noodles
Simply sitting there , lazing about as i licked my lips of the residual chillies and sugar
I deal in the order of paradoxes
Born by the sea only to grow up in the 'so called' luxury of the cities jungle
Although, resting now in the moon soaked mountain air ,
no city can compare, to the fragrance of flowers that bloom and scent only for those who brave the night

I used to be afraid of the dark ,
Now i make love with it.

One night, after she had one too many whiskey sours,
We sat on her beige couch, her legs sprawled over mine,
Swimming in a world of spins, beady eyes boasting sobriety,
Though her liver lasted five rounds with Boom Boom Mancini.
She pawed at my moustache, lathered thin with pomade,
And as her dainty lady fingers, delicious and thin, stretched outward,
Her nails, painted jack-o-lanterns, elongated into semi-sharp claws,
Her naked digits grew hairy, grey and tabby, somewhat shabby.
The arms stretched around my belly became legs of wobbly nature,
The breast that I had adored before, lost the curves,
Continuing down her back, alas to the ***, causing a prehensile shift,
To an archaic tail, one not nearly as inviting as the prior,
Trailing down her legs that used to be bare, neutered by Nair,
The follicles grew rigid, stagnant towers of black and white,
A coat of alley hardened fur now covered her whole self,
Matted with mud or something more foul, it carried down to her toes,
Now paws, unbeknownst to DNA, Scientists, God or whatever,
She was genetically manifesting her 6 year old, little girl aspirations.

But the face, O! The face, how it nestled deep in my nook,
The crook of my shoulder, burglarizing the warmth from my body for herself,
Swaddling in her makeshift womb, her face peeked up at me,
And like the least likely suspect in a line-up, I could not believe my eyes,
At a sight I did not recognize, one that could not, should not be feasible,
Her nose, once upturned with my drunken blather, was now wet, cold, and
Pink like her ******* scattered on the floor. Her whiskers
Mimicked those of my own, yet longer, stranger, like arithmetic to a baby.
Those supple lips disappeared completely, leaving behind a sand paper,
Rough grained tongue to lap at the bottom of my beard.
Her ears grew larger as if to hear a really big secret, or just
Big enough to hear the subtle purr of my heart.
The eyes, once splashed red with alcohol, now yellowed windows,
And the cries she emitted, from her little lungs bouncing around the box,
Emanated with more intensity than the most passionate bedroom theatrics,
Mewing and cooing her transition from female to feline.

I could do nothing but stare into my beer, for I knew what she was going through,
A twenty something woman, maternal clock ticking, finds refuge in
Little kittens, equating the cat to child, until it finally consumed her.
Her body changed, mind still the same, mouth smelling like Johnny Walker
And Chicken of the Sea.

The king and queen cried
“Bless us! We cannot conceive!”
And “blessed” they were.
Their heir, a miracle, a vision of royalties.

And so a celebration was in order
(as is most pertinent in events such as princess births)
to adorn the little lamb with gifts.

“Gifts”.

Whether the blame lies here or there
our princess lamb heir stands the most to suffer
in cases such as forgotten friends.

Or unforgetful vengeance--

So spite screeched an everlasting “CURSE THEE TO DEATH ON THE ***** OF A SPINDLE!”
And with a turn of its heels shock
set       in.
...shock
sinks
in.
The well-intentioned sprite attempts to soften the wolf’s blow on our little lamb heir--

Only a nap--
only it would seem such in the conjecture of events.

Now no longer is she princess baby heir then does a spindle come alive
X winters later!
(convenient, one might say--in all the land one’s but burned, temptingly locked away in the curious tower)
Insert fainting sounds.
Insert crowded gasps.
Insert “told you so!”
And the sheep follow our little lamb’s sleep.
One hundred year sleep.

Hair follicles sprout a slimy green, and not-so-royal fungi flourishes--
brash brambles tuck in the herd as if to say
“Sleep tight!
Don’t let the mites bite!”
But not our little lamb.
Reassuringly beautiful princess lamb heir keeps
like red wine.
She is only to be drank up from the
right cup--
a proper lamb.
Prince Lamb.
Whose worries consist of much different things than our lamb heir--
but for another ‘lore.

Our Prince Lamb dips, sips,
lips on lips
and she is awake!
Beautiful princess lamb knows exactly what to make
of all this?

The sheep herd rises,
and their “joyous” bleating reverberate
and penetrate
cold castle walls and break down the thorny cover.

And they lived happily
(and most originally)
ever after--
as sheep tend to do.

dusty books, pages thin and frail
like my mothers bones
decaying and oxidizing - the words fade
when the ink deteriorates
but that doesn't mean they weren't there
you tied a string around my teeth
and ran south for the winter and with each
step you took, a tooth would pop out
a constant reminder that you are no longer
here, but i wonder when i will run out of teeth
or when you will run out of earth
i sat on a friday night indulging myself
in stories and delicately counting the paper cuts on my fingers
but the dainty cuts will never compare to that time we ate cake
until our stomachs became flour, milk, and eggs
and you told me you loved me
then left to **** yourself
drowning in exhaust must be a silent way to go
and that cake won't taste very good in hell
i would know
recall your earliest memory and
divide it by all the unrequited stares
and thats how much i wish you would
untie my teeth, or stop running
and count the number of goosebumps painted on the
back of my neck and that is the
equivalent to the number of ovens you
accidentally left on
but I'm begging you to understand how immense
the ocean is because thats a very long way
to suffocate and salty water
will burn your wounds
Mariana's trench is a dark place
and the letters you wrote me reproduce on the bottom
not even the ugliest scar can revive my flesh that was chained
to those messages
but the meteor craters lick my surface like chloric acid
and all i wanted to do was repeatedly brush my teeth with the ocean sand
and clean my eyes out with mermaid tears
because you left a sickly residue that
hibernates under my fingernails
so next time you open your trunk
and find a mountain of broken glass
just remember that i loved you
i lost my fingers for you
i sold my soul for yours
but it wasn't even close to enough
what else do you want?
should i drain my blood until i am a desert of a human
shall i cut off all my hair?
and even then ill have an eternal debt to you
but you just turn the other cheek
so the plywood under my elbows
applies pressure to my spine
condensed newspapers stuck in the follicles
of the rain drops
but you don't even care

The chemo makes you tired at first,
So you tend to sleep the day of treatment.

But throughout the week,
The radiation takes its toll.
I watch it slowly unfurl inside of you.

Your joints ache like there are embers between the bones,
And your belly fills with hot, heavy lead,
And your tonsils swell with fluid,
And your *******, traitorous with tumors, are sore and bruised.

This is a pain that eats at you:
Your nerves, your patience, your kind words.

You’re a *****. Vicious and unrepentant. It hurts.

I become petty and spiteful,
Convinced you are determined to make me suffer with you.

You tell me that I don’t care about you anymore.
And I ask you why you can’t appreciate the things I do for you more.

But today,
You showed me how your hair had lost most of its ***** curls,
The follicles soft and preparing for departure,
And you cried because your wig, while pretty, didn’t look like you.

I can only hold your swollen hand
And promise to draw your eyebrows for you.

Creased felines crossing lines,
Pressing claws into dust.
Western hemisphere,
Reviving the pilgrimage.

Bubbles and logs
Satiate their under garments.
Enhancing hair follicles
Resembling shards and spurs.

At a woodsy bar,
A tabby liberated the fangs
He rented last holiday.
The bartender shook with perplexity.

Reacting simultaneously-
A minor character, Little Leon.
The dusty town called him
Leon, for he was alone.

Little Leon got taller
In a basement full
Of water. The dusty town
Was an adjustment.

The tabby and Little Leon
Faced off for recognition.
Leon wretchedly charged
The floor boards with sopping ends.

Crayon versus colored pencil;
They chose their weapons
Anxiously.  It was
Bring your son to work day.

The bent bartender
Spared his child’s eyes.
“I’m not your little boy,”
The child shrilled at him.

“I don’t want trains,
Or fake guns meant for play.
I miss my mom,
And dresses on Sunday.”

Cats on a pilgrimage,
Rarely stop from
Slurping a drink. Pity refilled
Cups, as tails twitched in trial.

The tabby and Leon
Came to a halt, seeing as
Punishment was engraved atop
The bartender’s grungy mitts.

The clowder gathered,
As the Tabby scolded the man
Behind the bar. “Remember where
you leave your beverage.”

And that was that.

Leon’s internal complexity,
Being left with only himself,
Dissipated. There are others
Who feel more alone.

Tabby picked up his crayon.
His spurs clanked
And spun, as his guided
His feline friends out the front.

Tumbleweed skidded
Outside the bar.
The bartender finally saw
That his son was not a son.

Would you still love me if my sea blue green eyes were puddles of icky brown like gas station toilet water,
Would you still love me if my locks of autumn sun kissed hair follicles fell off my head like they do seasonally,
Would you love me if my skin was orange like bright cheeto puffed style, and would you still love me if I had no nose,
Would you still love me when I'm sad and unconsolable,
With tears running down my eyes like the waters off niagra,
Would you still love me if I died,
Like not existed anymore,
Would you even cry,
And would you love me if I had no value to this world,
If everyone hated me and ran from me like a squirrel, Would you still love this pathetic girl, If she was all that she set out to be but couldn't. Would you still love her like you do,
Would you love me for all my ugly faults I cannot change.

Within the four doors that make up my Hyundai Elantra surges gasoline of sublime ecstasy.
                I'm gonna lose my mind and sail the ocean.
               'Cause somebody told me there were cherry blue skies...
Reverberates my radio and pours out of my chords to the tune of the bliss hiding in the highways ahead of me.
Sometimes, I let my voice steer the wheel and my hands touch the happiness in the follicles flying through the winds of the roads.
Other times, I drive without reason--
Without a destination or time limit or objective.
I drive to dream about
                Waking up too early
                Maybe we can sleep in
                Make you banana pancakes
                Pretend like it's the weekend now...
Or to caress the breeze of the sunset's gentle gust grazing my fingers and the spaces between them.
On the surface sits a black car, but inside travels the life inside of me that I cannot manifest anywhere else.
As
      Don't stop believin'
      Hold onto that feelin'...
Turns the corners and the lyrics to my wheels
      Come crash into me...
I can't help but thank the gravel that I drive on and embrace the euphoria that I breathe in and love the life that I live.

I don't know where, where to exactly to begin
Being judgmental should be a mortal sin
Don't look at me like I'm outrageous
Alopecia Areata Isn't contagious

My spots maybe be small, big and round
But there is always someone who has it in your town
Alopecia Areata doesn't discriminate
Any one can have from birth to 108

I have no clue why it had to pick me
Genetic, Stress or just Hereditary
All I know that there isn't a cure
I've tried all the treatments that's for sure

Hair follicles are in a sleeping state
When I lost all my hair was the icing on the cake
Doctors really don't know why
But when they told me all I could do was cry

Found myself all alone and in pain
Thought I was going to go practically insane
Made a few call and met a friend
Slowly my hurt and confusion came to an end

I've come along way not to hide my head
Use it as a strength and to my advantage instead
If you don't understand and want to know more
There is valuable information out there that's for sure

Don't hate me because I have almost no hair
You can talk and giggle honestly I do not care
The smirks, whispers, and goofy looks
One can educate themselves by reading a book

There might be a slight difference between you and me
When you notice an Alopecian don't look at them any differently
I'm still alive and sent from above
Alopecians Such as my self Value the true meaning of love

Next time you see and Alopecian Walk by
I implore you do not hesitate to say hi!!