bent Hallmark card (for BJ Donovan)

”I'm a bent Hallmark card with no stamp. It won't reach my love”
                   BJ Donovan (HP gone, Gray Dotted, r.i.p.)

at the drug store, loose poems,
no right-sized envelopes left,
loosie cigs, for newly ‘underemployed’
both, thumbed, finger oil anointed-stained,
and
bent

all available for purchase
24/7, in these United States,
in national drugstores jailed,
kept in “chains” till discarded

therein hides the rub-bled best,^^
great verse writings, deadline-
inspired in a Ohio bullpen office,
@ corp. HQ by an Eng. Lit. major

composed, vetted, approved, yet
marked ‘failure,’ by quality control,
third Tuesday of every month, ritualized,
manager freshens display, victims chosen

Hallmark display, pruning the die-marked,
the no-hope cards, consigned, to a green
in-the-back-garbage dumpster resting place,
where you just may see me climbing-in

(and where America safe keeps its treasures)

droning on, as per usual, I’m kicked away by a
rent-a-cop, muttering insurance assurances, just
business, not personal, grab what cards I can, mine,
stolen pleasures, resending via insertion here ‘n there

my resurrection act, a new business, wife thinks
me stinks, but for me, a perfume of saved  words,
an act of rebirthing, god bless America, making it
great by giving Hallmark poems a second chance

gonna send one of those cards in envelope,
addressed to BJ Donovan U.S.A., no stamp,
inside note, your poems were ordinal, small
plates of sardonic pith, human foibles, on being

old, recalling youth, both celebrated, Icarus and Daedalus

pretty sure this poem may not get there but I believe
in poetry and the US Post Office, who delivers
mail to me, marked “Nat”^ and to Santa Claus,
which impresses, cause I’m mythical, he’s real

your compositions were breathtaking, literally,
miss your hallmarked witticisms, criticisms,
glad you escaped that virus nursing home jail,
if needed, write to “Nat, NYC, living somewhere
in a park, scribbling close by the East River”^

I’ll get it, like I got you, they know my special tree,
and the rock nearby, that too, is a known hideout,
no worries buddy good stuff may perish, but somehow
it gets a second wind, can’t keep a good scrip, down forever...

a very humbled admirer...

NaTTy

Captured in the psych ward part 28


You see the HDU was celebrating it's
Annual celebration, you see it has been a year since Ron first opened this HDU and BJ Harrison was still stuck in solitary wondering why was he in this HDU but that was obvious of all the problems he has caused here, mind you Charlie was in the middle of helping celebrating the annual event and yes it's going to be a great barbecue lunch with heaps of salad, and Charlie had heaps of ideas of what salads that they should buy, and Ron got our of bed and had a shower and got dressed and also bought his outfit he wore for the opening and then he went to the corner where fran and dans was and because Ron was visiting grand children and he noticed that the shop has gone and he went over to the other side of the road to wonder if he is on the right corner and the man in that shop said they were busted for selling spiked food and Another thing too it, the public health inspector closed the place down and Ron asked him if he sells coffee and he said, we don't really open till 10-30 but I can give you a take away to take with you and after leaving there
Ron went to the hospital and had. coffee in the cafeteria and also had a vanilla slice  and had a chin wag with the people in there and one of the cafe workers said. Did you know it's the 1st anniversary of the HDU today
Did you know that and Ron said yeah, I remember that day like it was yesterday and we had Charlie Chaplin and I remember having two kids and those kids have just wanted to watch TV and Patty Roe who says he is George Washington, well he loves being loved and mind you all the nurses like him and also I normally go to fran and dans for coffee before hand but it ain't there no more and the lady said fran died
And dan moved to Adelaide to work in the Adelaide crows football club
Near Aami stadium and yes Ron said yeah it will be hard but people  move on and then went down to the HDU to clock on and say hi to the patients
And then say that the party is on this afternoon after the BBQ lunch and he went to solitary to visit BJ Harrison. And BJ said now buddy
Am I allowed to be a part of the party and Ron said yeah but you must behave and not annoy any of the other patients cause they see all here for their own reason and they made their own mistakes and if you do that, I might let you out for at least lunch, and BJ said ok I will promise I will harass bill once and Ron said, if you harass bill you miss lunch and then when the. Men came out to the courtyard to do the BBQ
Ron let everyone know and let BJ out but he had to be Chained to a
Officer but he will still enjoy the party, the whole thing and everyone including Ron were sitting in the courtyard and having a dip in the little pool yeah this wax a great party
And songs were sang, the songs were American pie and bohemian rhapsody and don't be cruel and also they had a punyata and BJ had the most power and got the most lollies and chocs and the BBQ had sausages and steak and skewers
And heaps of great salads like pasta and potato and coleslaw and the drinks were non alcoholic fruit punch and then the party went on till 5 pm and Charlie spiked the punch with his cough medicine which contains 5% alcohol and then Ron gave hey medications out and went home to leftovers and fall asleep in front of the box


Sent from my iPhone

So, this was written to an unnamed ex a while ago. I ran across it the other day, and I might publish it in the collection I'm currently working on. To me, this is more than just a letter, it's a piece of prose. It's a pouring out of the soul in a way that few people take the time to do. Obviously written at a very rocky time in a previous relationship, I enjoy the clarity of thought that's displayed (not as an egotist, but as a stylist), and I enjoy the allusions and illustration. I'm proud of it, if not for the source or the outcome, then for the product of my turmoil. If I were to classify it? I'd label it, now, as a study of the mind. Enjoy it, and, as always, I welcome your comments and criticisms!

-###-

                Before I say anything else, I want you to know that I love you deeply, and truly. I would give anything to make you happy, and I'd do anything you ever asked me to. I don't ever want to hurt you, and I don't ever want you to be unhappy.
                But I am unhappy. I sleep next to a woman I can't touch until she won't notice, who won't - or can't, I still can't figure out which - show me the affection I crave; and when I try to explain to her the physical and mental stress this puts me through, she doesn't understand or doesn't care (still can't pin that one, either).
                I once took a "Psychology of Affection" class. Evidently, the emotion we call "love" is a conglomeration of a number of different, smaller emotions. Chiefly among them are attention and affection. Attention was always defined by my professor as "the willingness of one to give their focus in degrees, and the blatantness with which they are willing to display that focus." He went on to explain that when one is willing to give their focus but not to display it, or willing to make a display but not to give it, then an imbalance is affected, and either one or both members of a relationship become unhappy. And degrees of happiness become apparent when degrees of willingness are shown.
                In our case, I think, I am both willing to give you my attention, and unafraid to do it regardless of place or time; therefore, I think I give you a very high degree of attention. How do you think you score? How do you think I'd score you?
                Affection works on the same principle: willingness to give, and the ability to do so in a way that is apparent to the other party. Along with these two, though, Affection has a third variable: frequency. The combination of these three and the balance that must be kept determines the amount of affection given, and received at an intellectual level.
                I am entirely certain that I have been willing to show you ample affection in any venue, I am quite capable of showing you my affection in a plethora of ways, and I have done so (in innumerable combinations) with staggering frequency, despite the lack of reciprocation that should have left me hopeless.
                Well, right about now, I'm starting to feel hopeless. Any relationship requires two very basic things, hon: cerebral and physical interaction. An intimate relationship, therefore, requires an amount of intimacy in both cerebral and physical interactions. In addition, any relationship, intimate or otherwise, requires equal participation in all areas to continue over any extended period of time.
                I have been trying for God knows how long, to make this explicitly clear to you: I do not receive enough affection or attention from you for me to stay happy.
                I've laid a foundation in a universal truth for you; you have the science of our interaction at your fingertips, now. You understand what I understand, so I'm going to be as forward as I can in addressing this situation.
                In order for me to stay satisfied with our relationship, the amount of affection and attention I get HAS to change. I am, currently, both mentally and physically distressed, and I am at a breaking point. I have tried multiple times to get you to change: I've tried being subtle and hinting at things I like you to do - things I'd like to see more frequently from you; I've tried being abrasive, being a **** - telling you what I don't like, and why; I've tried being manipulative - guilt-tripping you into thinking or acting differently; I've tried (God, have I tried!) to be truthful and sweet and kind - to tell you, up front, what pleases me and what doesn't in the un-charged air of plain discussion. Any, and all (!), of these methods have been met with selfish stubbornness. I have tried, very hard, to convince myself that it's just been me. That it's something I have, or haven't, been doing. That me flipping out so often is just me freaking out. That none of my state of mind has anything to do with you. I dread putting any of the blame on you because...I worship you, I don't want your flawless image tainted by these things! But, at this point, I've done so much, and tried so hard to get you to change, to open up to me, to act (just act!) like you want me in your head and heart and *****. But you've been stubborn and you refuse to change...and it is driving me away.
                I don't want you to drive me away. I know you love me; I'm convinced you think I improve your life. And I'm convinced you improve mine in so many ways. But there is an imbalance.... I've done as much as any man can be asked: I have been kind, gentle, sweet, gracious, caring, selfless, and loving; but I cannot be these things when you will neither receive them nor give them back. My emotion, my spirit, and my love are being swallowed up in a void, and I can feel the light in this relationship fading. I can't stay in this if I'm the only one showing how I feel. If you don't love me, anymore, tell me. But I can't stay here and not know. I can't give you so much of my heart, and not get anything in return. It's my turn to be selfish.
                I am banking on the hope that you want this to work, honey. I am praying to God, Almighty that you would rather change how you act than give me up.
                I have never given anyone I've been in a relationship with an ultimatum before. Maybe that's why I've been hurt so badly before. But I'm not going to sink this ship myself. I'm giving you an honest chance. I want this, more than anything. I want you more than anything! I don't care that we don't earn enough for food, yet. I don't care that you spend oodles of time with your friends; I don't care about anything you do with your life except this. This one thing will solve so many of our problems, you don't even realize!
                My peace...my serenity with our relationship and with you as my partner in life, depends, solely, on how you behave towards me. There aren't enough Josephine Collective concerts or pills, or parties in all the world that will make me feel like you love me more than you showing me your **** self. I NEED this. It is essential to my functioning as your lover and your friend; I can't love a stone. And I can guarantee you, right now, that if you can put aside your insecurities, put aside your "awkwardness" argument, put aside your doubt that I would ever, EVER, turn you away or leave you alone, and just show me every minute of every day that you love me, I would never worry again. Reassure me with a kiss. Say "hello" with a kiss. Warm up by scooting closer. Cool down by throwing off a blanket - not pushing me away. Act like you can't keep your hands off me. There will be no nights where I ask you distressing questions; there won't be times when I'm offended by your going somewhere without me; I will not get upset when plans get upset. If I knew in my heart of hearts that you loved me and you'd make sure I knew it when you saw me, then there wouldn't be room for doubt.
                But right now...I don't know whether you love me or whether you're just going through the motions. My thinking is "if she loved me, she'd show me." But you don't show me. You know this as well as I do! One passionate kiss every couple of weeks is not showing me. A wag of the hips a couple times a month doesn't show me. Part of the psychological validation for committing to a relationship is the fact that your partner's body is yours to use. And it should be a willing use! I am a male. Three-fourths of my interaction with society is conducted physically, or visually. I need to see and feel that you love me. And that's not very much to ask from you, is it? And it's not awkwardness. You've shown me plenty of times that you're not abnormally awkward. And it's not shyness; you've been perfectly happy to make a scene in front of others before. It's not ***, either. *** isn't what trips me up. I'm fine without *** as long as I know you'd give it if you could. If I was confident that you'd jump my bones before I ever suggested it, then it wouldn't be an issue. But I'm not confident. Hell, I could go another three months if I got a BJ now and then.... I'm tempted to say it's pure selfish stubbornness, but I know that's not true. I think you're afraid of something. Maybe of opening up - spilling your guts - for me. Maybe you've been hurt a lot worse than I realize? There are so many possibilities. But you're the only one that can let me in, baby.
                I know it's not your way. That's evident enough from all my failures. But this is beyond "my way versus your way," now. This is essential to our being together. I love you, selflessly and shamelessly; but if I am going to be happy with you, I need to know you love me back. This isn't an option, anymore, dearest. You have to change. I need to know on a daily, hourly, moment-to-moment basis that you prefer me over anything else...period. My heart is breaking because I can't tell if you love me back. So, I'm going to make this easy on you. I've brought this up to you before - multiple times, actually. Each one just as memorable as the next. Each one serious enough to tell you that something has to change. But you don't seem to get it. You don't understand that this is paramount to my happiness...essential to my functioning; and you don't get that yet. You've asked me to do multiple things differently; I have changed how I act - who I am - to cater to your peace and happiness, and I am happy to do so. I have asked this one thing of you and you won't do it? I have asked this one thing because it is the one thing that I need to change. I've told you that. But the day after, and the week after, and the month after I bring this up, nothing changes. I can't handle that. I can't handle that I can be so willing to make you happy...to change my thoughts and actions through my own will to make your life simpler, less worrisome, happier and easier; yet you are so unwilling to grab your own mind and make it behave as you choose to ease my mind and my heart and give me that little validation I need from you so I can tell myself that I am your whole world the way you're mine!
                I will always love you. Always.
                But I can't be with someone who can't show me they love me.
                This is your ultimatum: Change. Put me in your mind. Think about the things you do that make me happy, and do them. Physically connect with me. Touch me on a regular basis. Visually connect with me. Get my attention, and hold it every day. Act like you are my woman the way I try to be your man. And do it now. You do not get a week or a month or a year. I am out of time. I can't wait on this any longer. If you want me here, hold me here with your own two arms.
                If you can't hold me, then I won't stay.

-###-

Strep throat. Out of nowhere really. I went to a meeting on Friday, interviewed at PaperSource on Saturday afternoon, and then just slightly later an awful toothache. I never suspected anything so out of the ordinary to occur. Saturday night, two to four a.m.ish, i thought it was caffeine pills, or not drinking enough water, or even, worst of the worst, an attack of hypochondria. I kept lighting up Marlboros though, tasty red branded things that make writer's mouths happy. Two days in and I'm pretty sure my ***** are a fever below my body, droopy like snoopy. Super soft droopy *****, that's a sure sign of a fever or a great BJ they taught us in 6th grade science, and I wasn't getting my favorite ice cream social.

I hadn't talked to the gf in a couple days, and missing her company I made the phone call only discover that my voice had turned into a baby turtle shouting English from the bottom of a stuffed baked potato. Garbled. Discussing. Useless. I promptly hung up, and began texting. But it was too late she heard me and called back, and I had to give it all I had to put together a few words.

An hour later I was dropped off at the ER, the benefits of Medicaid at 30 is never being able to just go to the doctor's office. Within 2 hours they told me it was strep. Four nurses, two residents, one first day resident, and a 2nd year resident, and the ER doctor for a swab and a spray, and the take home Z-pack.

Then she said she'd come over even though I was sick. That's real love. "If I get sick from you, it's still worth it." 3 days on antibiotics, no more sore throat, I feel great- I think tomorrow I'll be having an ice cream social for someone who I love dearly. Maybe we'll even skip the ice cream.

to my Madolyn, Rob , Soliana, Malak, Pinkpearl, Daniel, BJ, Miki, Jules, Willow, Poets Rain, Her, Ashan, Billy, Katelyn, Kirstens, Leah, Emily, Liz, Skyler, HB, Danielle, Robin, Lynnie, Veer, Abigail, and Fawn

We haven't been here long
At all
But your support has been
overwhelming
...to us at least

We haven't written masterpieces
At all
But your responses have been
overpowering
...to us at least

Know we notice you,
Know we recognize you,
and try to get to know you
through the words you present

We could never repay you
At all
But, please, don't forget
we love you
...to say the least

We are honored
We will always work to honor you


Sincerely yours,
A&T (seriously not a ripoff)

P.S.
I can't handle anymore people so you guys are going to have
to help me ****** anyone new coming over. I'll pay.

squelched between bodies spiralling into escalators,
my trained eye couldn't help hovering a little left

right there, coming into view at the watch store,
though never caught dead anywhere near M·A·C

but neither should my stares, blatant without restraint,
fixed on a trio chattering like keys jangling

to the beat of a million other stolen glances,
only for them to slip away for some froyo.

rather than melt into a fruity confection myself,
I steel my eyes back into the spiralling masses

blocking out three gym bags marked 'WATER POLO',
my untrained heart pulses still for their suntan

and the bleachers of yesterday, the sight and sweat,
jocks jangling for position in glistening waters —

only then did I dare scream my lungs out,
safe in the crowds of a high school roar.

Kabhi phir se, aajao
  "bas mere banke."
Sare taar cher jaao,
"soone man ke".
Paas betho, kuch to batao.
Usi ada se, muskurao.
Jo tum rutho, hum mana le.
Tere nakhre, bhi utha le.
Vo akad me, kya ada thi.
Teri narazgi b, maza thi.
Ji bhar k, dekhlu
Aja phir se, ban than ke.
Kabhi phir se, aajao
  "bas mere banke."
Sare taar cher jaao,
"soone man ke".
Tu bhi mna le, kabhi jo roothe.
Chore de tere, tewar ye jhoothe.
Koi dekhe tuje, mera jalna.
Uff ye bekhauf,tera chalna.
Bin ruke tere bole jana.
Mile jo ankhein, palkein jhukana.
Kitni batein, hai adhuri..
Nyi yadein, hai zaroori.
Chadhi collar, teri gira de.
Fold sleeves,unfold kara de.
Gala laga ke, band kardu.
Teri shirt k jo, khule button the.

Kabhi phir se, aajao
  "bas mere banke."
Sare taar cher jaao,
"soone man ke".
# BJ writes
# bj diaries
# incomplete

shame holds no place
in the void of heartbreak
give me something
to distract from my emotions

disgust may shine in your eyes
for i have gone astray
stain my purity with your affection
until it has finally gone away

give me money, give me love
ask me to do things just for fun
keep my eyes away from him
i won't let my mistakes happen again.

went to the bar that night, had a few shots, stumbled back to his place.
i ended up giving him a BJ. a ****** jaw. he tried to kiss me.
all i wanted were some cheetos or even fritos.
from what i remember, he said he had a variety of chips and dip.
i didnt think he wanted to attack my lip with his lip.

Cloud nine, Kendrick Lamar, uh
I take a sip of Hennessy and then get pissy drunk
I ain't a drinker, I'm a thinker, call it what you want
But if you turn your back, know that you just missed your chance
to witness the realest **** that's ever been told to man
I found myself losing focus at a Sunday service
Embarrassed so I started questioning God, what is my purpose?
He say to live the way he did, that's all he want from me
Spread the word and witness, he rose on the first Sunday
I said alright, enthused that my Lord gave a listen
I opened my bible and searched to be a better Christian
and this from a person that never believed in religion
But ****, my life is so ****** up man, I can't help but give in
I'm giving testimonies to strangers I never met
Hopped on the pulpit and told 'em how I was truly blessed
Felt like I'm free from all my sins when the service was over
Walked out the church, then got a call that my homie was murdered
and lost my faith again

[Chorus: BJ the Chicago Kid]
What am I gonna do? Gotta have faith
Life is too much, understood? Where is your faith?
Oh, faaaaaaaith...
All you need is the size of a mustard seed

[Kendrick Lamar]
Single black parent from Compton raising children of four
That's four innocent *******, cause papa they don't know
Her day consists of working back and forth with babysitters
Can't find no one to watch her kids so she pay her sister
Her baby daddy ain't bout ****, that ***** ain't bout ****
Spent his daughter milk just to cop a new outfit
She pray to God every night hoping that he'll mature
and maybe one day his kids, something that he'll live for
Baby wanna go back to school but she need some help
because it's hard tryna pay the bills when you're by yourself
She thought about credit card scams till she heard a voice
that said the Devil is a lie, make a better choice
And so it's back to McDonald's and every month dealing
with them crazy *** people at the county building
Looked to the heavens and asked 'em to make a better way
Then got a letter in the mail, lost her section 8
Then lost her faith again

[Chorus]

[Punch]
Kendrick, I appreciate the opportunity to vent my *****
This about how faith works, yeah, murk it...
I had dreams of holding a nine-milla to raise Killa
Ask him why as my eyes fill up
Each day it gets more realer, orangutans bang like gorillas
It's jungle when the ****** ensue
The rat's lurking, vulture's circling the serpents
Cats lying through they teeth, my ***** didn't deserve it
I flirted with the idea of caressing the steel
to make karma come faster than she normally will
It's ill, to see my faith try and leave me
It's so hard to get it, to get rid of it is easy
I'm tryna reach cloud nine, that's what my ****** bout
But it never rain in California 'less them pistols out
Until then, my feet planted on the ground
Shadowboxing my conscience till my faith start responding
And if I get no answer, just know I tried
I should have never looked into his son's eyes
Ray Charles voice

[Chorus]

[Kendrick Lamar]
This for my people that stressing whenever times is hard
Your mind's slipping, wondering is there really a God?
Knowing you shouldn't think that way and tryna freeze your brain
But whenever it's pain, that feeling forever remains
We can't believe what we can't see and reality seems stronger than prayer
cause you tried to change your life, and now you live in a wheelchair
And your son was born with cancer and he live in urgent care
at the tender age of twelve, and you feel that no one cares
Searching for answers, that's human nature, you ain't in the wrong
Just know, when you feeling that way his spirit's in the room
I watched people I know pray and catch the Holy Ghost
and wonder why I ain't never caught that feeling before
Maybe they know him better, or I don't know no better
But what I do know is that he's real and he lives forever
So the next time you feel like your world's about to end
I hope you studied because he's testing your faith again

I'd rather not live like there isn't a God
than die and find out there really is, think about it

I get high because the world is so low, got one BJ and now called a ***, have to get away from the mess and stress putting my enimes to rest as they take theyre last breath.

Chocolate cake and blow jobs always help me when I'm feeling blue.

*inspired through life's experiences

I remember the days
when everything is just so innocent.

When I need to get some breast milk,
I cry.

When someone makes funny faces
and stick their tongue out their mouth,
I laugh.

Everything is as simple.
Not a word meant another.
It is as it is.

It just so happened that as I grow up,
everything turned out to be so complicated.

When I was a kid,
***** meant cat.
And now I see cat faces printed in front of *******, in women’s lingerie, in bikinis.
I see it being sold online as I scroll in my twitter account.
If ***** was a tourist attraction, it would probably be much visited than Disneyland.

When I was a kid,
***** was a female dog.
And now, everyone turns out to be one.
Go on! Laugh out loudly!
Instead of saying “Hi!”, we say, “Hey *****! Wassup?”
Not that it is meant literally,
it just seems to be a part of our language now;
an expression.

When I was a kid,
**** was a name and BJ was a nickname.
Oh come on, you already know what that means.
But for those who don’t, just look at your seatmate’s…
Uhhh… nevermind.

When I was a kid,
***** was a nut.
And now, it is censored when it is said in movies.
Toot you!
And it was just “***** you!”

When I was a kid,

Bang was a sound,

Rubber was like plastic,

*** was an animal,

*** was a snack.

All of which sounds so pervy now.

I work with words all day.
Is it the words or us who change?

Words seem so nasty now.
Inappropriate to say.

And I wouldn’t be shocked to know that during a Mathematics class in a 4-walled room at the 2nd floor of that building next to us,
The teacher asked, “What are sets?”
S-E-T-S
A student, a 7th grader undoubtedly raised his hand, stood up and answered, “******* po.”

And I knew that even the wrong meaning fits the wrong word.
That even the youngsters are already exposed to those words.

When I was in 7th grade,
sets meant a collection of elements.

When I was a kid,
*** meant gender.

I wrote a poem once
My Honestly Poem (Revised)
It had a line in it that said
"I am still mixing colors, trying to find one that best fits me when I am around you
When I make this discovery
You will be the first person I call"
I ended it with two words
"I promise"
So, I intend to tell you what those colors are
They start with white
As every new canvas does
White like the color of your truck
White like sugar I put in my coffee on our first date
Downtown, PJ's coffee, you were just as sweet as that spelda, sweeter even
White like the frozen yogurt we got when we first really hung out
White like the white out I am using to cover all of the mistakes we made
Then a pinch of orange
Like the flower we stole off of a table sitting outside of Subway downtown
Like the sunset we watched on the Levi
Like the start of our pumpkin cake that I almost royally destroyed
Or like my Christmas gift, my bear who's name is Barry if you ever did wonder, like The Country Bears
Then dipped in dark red
Like the jacket I wore on our first date
Or the pants I wore on our second
Or like the plastered walls in BJ's
Or the color of your tie and my corsage at Homecoming
Then sweet, dark blue
Like the backdrop for stars that sat in the sky,
the sky we gazed at countless times
Like my blue jeans that you helped me buy
Like the color on your watch
Next, black of course
Like most of the clothes I wore
Like the majority of our attire at homecoming
Like the center of your eyes surrounded by pools of
Green
Greek like the grass we walked over
Green like the grass on the other side
I am still deciding which is greener
Green like your eyes
I know I've said it already
but I cannot seem to remove your eyes from my memory
Even after the green Starbucks where we ended it
Green was always there
Then the slightest pinch of purple
Like the color of my curtains
Like the color of my bed
The one we would lay in together and even though it was tormentingly hot we couldn't help but be close to each other
Then I realized, after all of this painting
I don't have a color after all
Mixed together
In technical terms some would say it was black
Those who have achromatopsia
Would say it was more like black and white or grey
But I wouldn't
Our love was as colorful as ever
It was gaudy and vibrant
It was brilliant, just as we were brilliant
So in conclusion, I call it opalescent
It reflects different colors in different light
We reflect different colors in different light
But in every light, we are beautiful
I'm sorry that hardly any light shines on us anymore
I hope one day it will
I hope it will shine as bright as ever
And maybe we can start back at white
As every new canvas does

“Now that you’ve said you love me…”  
                                           BJ  Ward

Let us do nothing together but conjoin,
effortlessly...as theory and method.

Let us lean into each other,
press against each other,
become the other…  wordlessly.

And let our nothingness
become a playground for our need.  

Let our minds roam about
each other’s bodies,
the way our hands and
our mouths cannot.

Let us feel each other’s heat
hear each other’s heart beat—
and let that be enough.

Let our thoughts start
in your head
and finish on my lips.  

Let your strength carry us
and my imaginings  fuel us.

Then let us get out of the way
and do nothing  to stop us.

By:  Evelyn Augusto

I wished upon a star,
but the wish didn't get far.
The stars were already aligned.

No one was knocking at my door
with riches galore.

My future had already been assigned.

BJ Truax

You say you love me
Then Step in and not aside.
Hold me like you mean it
don't let me down.
Step in and not aside

BJ

So The Forecast Today...
I’m AFRAID... Is For Reigns...

The Reign of... New Tech....
And Reigns of IGNORANCE... !!!

The Reign of Race Hate In Political Games...
That Reigns Like How Rain...
... DAMPENS Sunny Days... !!!

What Reigns Nowadays...
Is A Lot of Brain DRAIN... !!!

And Now ****** Strains...
of... SO MANY Names...!!!

That’s It’s Hard To Keep Up...
With Reigns That Now Run...
MORE Than Governments... !!!

Today’s Reigns Maintain...
Like... TYRANNICAL Days... !!!

Be Careful What You Say...
Is A Reign That Pulls Reins...
On People Like... Strays............................

Because of The Cats Now Reigning Like GATS...
Shooting Talk Down That They Want To DROWN... !!!

By Using Their Pounds And Dollars To DOWN...
Investment That Strengthens...
On YES... FOREIGN Grounds... !!!

A Reign That Now Hounds...
Poor Countries Where Money’s...
NOT EASILY... Found... !!!!!

So Now What Surrounds...
Are Reigns That COMPOUND...
Inflation In Nations Now Facing Starvation...

Because of Plantations...
Where Reigns Have Been Stationed For Centuries Now... !!!

From Slaves To Mass Graves Where Colonial Reigns...
Have Proven To Play In TRULY... SHAMEFUL Ways... !!!

NO SHAME Or DISGRACE Just Maintenance of HATE...
And RIDICULOUS Claims That Reign Over Lands...
of INDIGENOUS Clans Whose Forefathers Claims...

Are Still Fought For TODAY... !?!
From African Lands To The... US of A...

“Hey I Say Virge I Say, Don’t Forget The UK !”...

Where Sovereignty Games...
Now Employ BREXIT' Plays... !!!

Forget THEM... NO WAY...!!!

Because of Their Claims...
That We Blacks Have No Brains..
And Should Just Entertain...
In Ways That They Say...

Or Be Used Like We’re ****...
Like... Dumb Immigrants... !!!!!!!!

Who Thought That The Windrush...
Meant They Were Welcome...
... Oh Yes In England... !!!

Mistake Son... Uh Uh... !!!

Their Reign TOLERATES...
Which... ISN’T The Same... !!!

HOSTILITY Reigns...
Like That Woman Named MAY...

Whose Party Maintains...
Supremacist Reigns...
Through Names Like... BJ... !!!!

Yup WRONG’Uns Like... JOHNSON... !!!
So Yes They’re A Virus Like Corona Strains... !!!
That Could Spread So Fast That Humans Won’t Last...

Some Cards Have Been Marked...
That... May NOT Lead To Laughs.... !!!

We’re On A Dark Road Where Reigns Of Cold Souls...
Are Likely To Lead Us... Into Some DEEP Holes... !!!!!

And So There Ya Go As The Story Unfolds...
No One Really Knows What The Future May Hold...

These Words Just Impart...

Today’s...

Big Virge...

.............. “ Forecast “............

Did I hold it against you when you called me Dumb?
Did I hold it against you when you called me Fat?
Did I hold it against you when you said I had no worth?
Now night has fallen and you want to Hold me against you!
Again, I will Not hold it against you.

BJ Truax