I was just a tumbleweed blowing
in the desert wind kept flowing
I was lost in the darkest night
terrified fragile tattered kite
in the mad howl of a hurricane
near the edge of going insane.
So many died in war's sad waste.
Macho boys brave in drunk haste
just numbers penciled in to die
sent in letters to moms to cry.

I hear the whispers always
warning me avoid the edge
of living near the end days
and making a false pledge.

We choked on our stock's ashes.
1929. The crash. We lost it all.
nothing left to bear my burden.
nothing left to sing my praise.
my body aches. my soul despairs.
Forget friends. Never mind prayers.
The only warmth a stranger's "Hello".
I doubt innocence. What does he want?
I'll sleep on benches and city grates
and wipe my *** with worthless paper.
I'll walk the stairs for the first time
to the top of my building and perch
and gaze upon the city that betrayed
and step into death's cool flight.

I gave my final wave
lowered into my grave
forget me now please
I rest under Fall leaves
Live among the dead
**** death's dread
she'll still find us all
live until her final call

I never believed in anything
as much as I believed in you.
I'll never forget you. Your
heartbeat is still in my own.
You taught me how to love.
You taught me patience and
humility and to be kind when
it wasn't deserved but needed.
I need you more than ever to
help find my way back alone.

If it stays empty I might find my way back
  to my job and family and a dog named Jack.
  I might become a poet printed in a magazine
  or put in the Anthology of Poets of 2016.
  I might be an astronaut and jump on the moon
  or despair and slit my wrist in the afternoon
  maybe cook elixir for a syringe in my spoon
  overdose during Jeopardy not dead too soon.

A failing wind after 16 days
   madness erupted in many ways
   cook with a cleaver menacing
   captain in his cabin dancing
   to a tune that only he can hear
   and the rest of us can only fear
   we pray to Poseidon set us free
   wind just wasn't meant to be
   things might take an ugly turn
   fierce equator sun might burn
   the whole ****** thing down
   laugh in cool waters and drown