I have cancer, but that's not what I want to talk about.
Nor do I want to talk about the cold bouncing in
  from the sliding glass door of the lobby. (The lst
   floor lights give off deceptive warmth.)

I don't want to talk about hospitals, or illness for
that matter because, truthfully, its become a game
  of things I'd rather not discuss.
   If you have an imagination, you get it.

I don't want to talk about the thirty day hospital intervals,
or the way my heart turns seeing my mother watch her son
  soldier through. I can be brave and not feel like talking.
   Because why talk when I have you here, next to me, smiling.

Island Boy

He was lost
An island within an island

She threw a rope
A starry tow line in wet and molten tar
In the dark, in the shadows
Choked by his scent and fiery heat
Travelled far

He could not find his time and place
But only when he saw her face
Smelt her hair, was touched by her grace

Life it swelled, it raged, it soared
Yet all she saw was a closed door
Trapped on his island, surrounded
Having less but craving more

The tow line it twisted, it burnt,it pained
She cast it out but not yet cut
She held tight, she held firm, she bled
And only let go when she heard him say
But...

Honesty,
Honestly,
What does it
Mean?

If it means
No lies,
Then I am there
Already.

But if instead it means
All truths,
Then I have a long way
To go.

I want to share,
But I am afraid
Of saying too much,
Overstating the lines
In the sand.

To others I would talk,
But cannot,
For this is secret,
By the order of the 15th
Commandment.

Secret, She said.
I said fine.
No attachment, She said.
I'll try, I said.

No Jelousy
Fine.
No Relationship
Fine.
Just Friends
Fine.
No exclusivity
Fine.

Fine I said,
Again and again.
All was fine,
I said,
But all is not fine.

No attachment?
Too late.
No Jelousy?
I can try, but it will never work.
Just friends?
At least to me,
We are far more
Than that.

Secret,
That I can accept.
As for exclusivity,
I doubt she does this with everyone.

But if all is not fine,
Why do I say
It is?
It is because
I love her
And want to be
With her
Always
[Even when we
Are separated
By Three Thousand
Miles.]

And so any terms
I will accept.
For while the current ones
May be impossible,

They are Nothing,
Nothing at all
Compared to the
Emotional impossibility
Of being near her
But not
With
Her.

If I say I dreamed about you.
You may be really great.
I maybe think you're really weird.
Perhaps it's you I hate.
Perhaps my dream was a nightmare.
Perhaps I woke up screaming.
You never really know what I mean,
If I tell you I was dreaming