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Randy Johnson Oct 2022
You were diagnosed with Leukemia and sadly, you didn't survive.
If you hadn't died 111 months ago, today you would've turned 75.
You were born on October the 18th of 1947.
But 111 months ago, you went to Heaven.
Your hair grew back after chemotherapy made it fall out.
When you were told you would die, there was no doubt.
It must have been terrifying when you learned that you were terminally ill.
You had to battle cancer and it was not easy to go through such an ordeal.
Today would've been your 75th birthday.
But 111 months ago, you were taken away.
Dedicated to Charles F. Johnson (1947-2013) who died on July 13, 2013
JD Jul 2020
You were odd
Big bloke with a big beard
Eye tattoo on your neck

You smell of ***** and smoke
You made me laugh
You were my friend

Today I sit alone
Looking at the unread message on my phone
The one you never saw

I wish I could’ve said goodbye
But time ran out too fast
Faster than your angel could fly

Another one taken too soon
Cancer claims another soul
Dust to dust, forever in my heart.
Love the people in your life.  They may not be there tomorrow!
Michael R Burch Feb 2020
Komm, Du (“Come, You”)
by Rainer Maria Rilke
loose translation/interpretation by Michael R. Burch

This was Rilke’s last poem, written ten days before his death. He died open-eyed in the arms of his doctor on December 29, 1926, in the Valmont Sanatorium, of leukemia and its complications. I had a friend who died of leukemia and he was burning up with fever in the end. I believe that is what Rilke was describing here: he was literally burning alive.

Come, you—the last one I acknowledge; return—
incurable pain searing this physical mesh.
As I burned in the spirit once, so now I burn
with you; meanwhile, you consume my flesh.

This wood that long resisted your embrace
now nourishes you; I surrender to your fury
as my gentleness mutates to hellish rage—
uncaged, wild, primal, mindless, outré.

Completely free, no longer future’s pawn,
I clambered up this crazy pyre of pain,
certain I’d never return—my heart’s reserves gone—
to become death’s nameless victim, purged by flame.

Now all I ever was must be denied.
I left my memories of my past elsewhere.
That life—my former life—remains outside.
Inside, I’m lost. Nobody knows me here.

English translation originally published by Better Than Starbucks

Original text:

Komm du

Komm du, du letzter, den ich anerkenne,
heilloser Schmerz im leiblichen Geweb:
wie ich im Geiste brannte, sieh, ich brenne
in dir; das Holz hat lange widerstrebt,
der Flamme, die du loderst, zuzustimmen,
nun aber nähr’ ich dich und brenn in dir.
Mein hiesig Mildsein wird in deinem Grimmen
ein Grimm der Hölle nicht von hier.
Ganz rein, ganz planlos frei von Zukunft stieg
ich auf des Leidens wirren Scheiterhaufen,
so sicher nirgend Künftiges zu kaufen
um dieses Herz, darin der Vorrat schwieg.
Bin ich es noch, der da unkenntlich brennt?
Erinnerungen reiß ich nicht herein.
O Leben, Leben: Draußensein.
Und ich in Lohe. Niemand der mich kennt.

Keywords/Tags: German, translation, Rilke, last poem, death, fever, burning, pyre, leukemia, pain, consumed, consummation, flesh, spirit, rage, pawn, free, purge, purged, inside, outside, lost, unknown, alienated, alienation



This is my translation of the first of Rilke’s Duino Elegies. Rilke began the first Duino Elegy in 1912, as a guest of Princess Marie von Thurn und Taxis, at Duino Castle, near Trieste on the Adriatic Sea.

First Elegy
by Rainer Maria Rilke
loose translation/interpretation by Michael R. Burch

Who, if I objected, would hear me among the angelic orders?
For if the least One pressed me intimately against its breast,
I would be lost in its infinite Immensity!
Because beauty, which we mortals can barely endure, is the beginning of terror;
we stand awed when it benignly declines to annihilate us.
Every Angel is terrifying!

And so I restrain myself, swallowing the sound of my pitiful sobbing.
For whom may we turn to, in our desire?
Not to Angels, nor to men, and already the sentient animals are aware
that we are all aliens in this metaphorical existence.
Perhaps some tree still stands on a hillside, which we can study with our ordinary vision.
Perhaps the commonplace street still remains amid man’s fealty to materiality—
the concrete items that never destabilize.
Oh, and of course there is the night: her dark currents caress our faces ...

But whom, then, do we live for?
That longed-for but mildly disappointing presence the lonely heart so desperately desires?
Is life any less difficult for lovers?
They only use each other to avoid their appointed fates!
How can you fail to comprehend?
Fling your arms’ emptiness into this space we occupy and inhale:
may birds fill the expanded air with more intimate flying!

Yes, the springtime still requires you.
Perpetually a star waits for you to recognize it.
A wave recedes toward you from the distant past,
or as you walk beneath an open window, a violin yields virginally to your ears.
All this was preordained. But how can you incorporate it? ...
Weren't you always distracted by expectations, as if every event presaged some new beloved?
(Where can you harbor, when all these enormous strange thoughts surging within you keep
you up all night, restlessly rising and falling?)

When you are full of yearning, sing of loving women, because their passions are finite;
sing of forsaken women (and how you almost envy them)
because they could love you more purely than the ones you left gratified.

Resume the unattainable exaltation; remember: the hero survives;
even his demise was merely a stepping stone toward his latest rebirth.

But spent and exhausted Nature withdraws lovers back into herself,
as if lacking the energy to recreate them.
Have you remembered Gaspara Stampa with sufficient focus—
how any abandoned girl might be inspired by her fierce example
and might ask herself, "How can I be like her?"

Shouldn't these ancient sufferings become fruitful for us?

Shouldn’t we free ourselves from the beloved,
quivering, as the arrow endures the bowstring's tension,
so that in the snap of release it soars beyond itself?
For there is nowhere else where we can remain.

Voices! Voices!

Listen, heart, as levitating saints once listened,
until the elevating call soared them heavenward;
and yet they continued kneeling, unaware, so complete was their concentration.

Not that you could endure God's voice—far from it!

But heed the wind’s voice and the ceaseless formless message of silence:
It murmurs now of the martyred young.

Whenever you attended a church in Naples or Rome,
didn't they come quietly to address you?
And didn’t an exalted inscription impress its mission upon you
recently, on the plaque in Santa Maria Formosa?
What they require of me is that I gently remove any appearance of injustice—
which at times slightly hinders their souls from advancing.

Of course, it is endlessly strange to no longer inhabit the earth;
to relinquish customs one barely had the time to acquire;
not to see in roses and other tokens a hopeful human future;
no longer to be oneself, cradled in infinitely caring hands;
to set aside even one's own name,
forgotten as easily as a child’s broken plaything.

How strange to no longer desire one's desires!
How strange to see meanings no longer cohere, drifting off into space.
Dying is difficult and requires retrieval before one can gradually decipher eternity.

The living all err in believing the too-sharp distinctions they create themselves.

Angels (men say) don't know whether they move among the living or the dead.
The eternal current merges all ages in its maelstrom
until the voices of both realms are drowned out in its thunderous roar.

In the end, the early-departed no longer need us:
they are weaned gently from earth's agonies and ecstasies,
as children outgrow their mothers’ *******.

But we, who need such immense mysteries,
and for whom grief is so often the source of our spirit's progress—
how can we exist without them?

Is the legend of the lament for Linos meaningless—
the daring first notes of the song pierce our apathy;
then, in the interlude, when the youth, lovely as a god, has suddenly departed forever,
we experience the emptiness of the Void for the first time—
that harmony which now enraptures and comforts and aids us?



Second Elegy
by Rainer Maria Rilke
loose translation/interpretation by Michael R. Burch

Every angel is terrifying. And yet, alas, I invoke you,
one of the soul’s lethal raptors, well aware of your nature.
As in the days of Tobias, when one of you, obscuring his radiance,
stood at the simple threshold, appearing ordinary rather than appalling
while the curious youth peered through the window.
But if the Archangel emerged today, perilous, from beyond the stars
and took even one step toward us, our hammering hearts
would pound us to death. What are you?

Who are you? Joyous from the beginning;
God’s early successes; Creation’s favorites;
creatures of the heights; pollen of the flowering godhead; cusps of pure light;
stately corridors; rising stairways; exalted thrones;
filling space with your pure essence; crests of rapture;
shields of ecstasy; storms of tumultuous emotions whipped into whirlwinds ...
until one, acting alone, recreates itself by mirroring the beauty of its own countenance.

While we, when deeply moved, evaporate;
we exhale ourselves and fade away, growing faint like smoldering embers;
we drift away like the scent of smoke.
And while someone might say: “You’re in my blood! You occupy this room!
You fill this entire springtime!” ... Still, what becomes of us?
We cannot be contained; we vanish whether inside or out.
And even the loveliest, who can retain them?

Resemblance ceaselessly rises, then is gone, like dew from dawn’s grasses.
And what is ours drifts away, like warmth from a steaming dish.
O smile, where are you bound?
O heavenward glance: are you a receding heat wave, a ripple of the heart?
Alas, but is this not what we are?
Does the cosmos we dissolve into savor us?
Do the angels reabsorb only the radiance they emitted themselves,
or sometimes, perhaps by oversight, traces of our being as well?
Are we included in their features, as obscure as the vague looks on the faces of pregnant women?
Do they notice us at all (how could they) as they reform themselves?

Lovers, if they only knew how, might mutter marvelous curses into the night air.
For it seems everything eludes us.
See: the trees really do exist; our houses stand solid and firm.
And yet we drift away, like weightless sighs.
And all creation conspires to remain silent about us: perhaps from shame, perhaps from inexpressible hope?

Lovers, gratified by each other, I ask to you consider:
You cling to each other, but where is your proof of a connection?
Sometimes my hands become aware of each other
and my time-worn, exhausted face takes shelter in them,
creating a slight sensation.
But because of that, can I still claim to be?

You, the ones who writhe with each other’s passions
until, overwhelmed, someone begs: “No more!...”;
You who swell beneath each other’s hands like autumn grapes;
You, the one who dwindles as the other increases:
I ask you to consider ...
I know you touch each other so ardently because each caress preserves pure continuance,
like the promise of eternity, because the flesh touched does not disappear.
And yet, when you have survived the terror of initial intimacy,
the first lonely vigil at the window, the first walk together through the blossoming garden:
lovers, do you not still remain who you were before?
If you lift your lips to each other’s and unite, potion to potion,
still how strangely each drinker eludes the magic.

Weren’t you confounded by the cautious human gestures on Attic gravestones?
Weren’t love and farewell laid so lightly on shoulders they seemed composed of some ethereal substance unknown to us today?
Consider those hands, how weightlessly they rested, despite the powerful torsos.
The ancient masters knew: “We can only go so far, in touching each other. The gods can exert more force. But that is their affair.”
If only we, too, could discover such a pure, contained Eden for humanity,
our own fruitful strip of soil between river and rock.
For our hearts have always exceeded us, as our ancestors’ did.
And we can no longer trust our own eyes, when gazing at godlike bodies, our hearts find a greater repose.



Keywords/Tags: Rilke, elegy, elegies, angels, beauty, terror, terrifying, desire, vision, reality, heart, love, lovers, beloved, rose, saints, spirits, souls, ghosts, voices, torso, Apollo, Rodin, panther, autumn, beggar
Aislinn Miell Sep 2017
There is no certainty in cancer.
No simple cure. Easy way out.
Just time.
gnawing away the brain.
Leaving only regrets and memories.

No matter how young, happy, rich or healthy one may seem...
There is no certainty in cancer.

It is a faint word drifting in the air.
Infiltrating households. hospitals. Families.
But never us...
We are too strong.
Too busy.
We have too much life to live...

'its leukaemia’

The words soaks into me
Suffocating me in my own skin,
What has my life become?
A sunken abyss of darkness.
An empty vessel of meaningless time.

Now Its just me.
The room.
And my soundless mind.
Riah willis May 2016
I've felt the pain, I've held it in my hands.
I've wished it all away, I've prayed for life and death.
I've caressed the bruising, the bleeding, the burning inside.
Sometimes I wish for dying, other I'd give anything to feel alive.  
Breathing in becomes a chore, is there something wrong with not wanting to be in pain anymore?
Leukiemia. You are the monster under my bed. You're the evil voices that echo in my head. You're the scraped knee that just won't heal, the love I cannot feel.
You've torn me down. You've made me question my faith. But there's something you didn't know, you've also made me better. You've made me stronger. To feel the pain of a human being is a ******* honor! You try to destroy me, inside and out, one strike, two strike, I'm out. What you don't know leukemia, is I have no plans to let you win, you entered my body when I didn't want to let you in, but I'll fight until you're out, every day if I must. Remission isn't an option. It's a must.


Riah
I have cancer, but that's not what I want to talk about.
Nor do I want to talk about the cold bouncing in
  from the sliding glass door of the lobby. (The lst
   floor lights give off deceptive warmth.)

I don't want to talk about hospitals, or illness for
that matter because, truthfully, its become a game
  of things I'd rather not discuss.
   If you have an imagination, you get it.

I don't want to talk about the thirty day hospital intervals,
or the way my heart turns seeing my mother watch her son
  soldier through. I can be brave and not feel like talking.
   Because why talk when I have you here, next to me, smiling.
10:48 PM In my "nook" of the lobby with notebook and no tea!
Randy Johnson Jul 2015
When I saw you in your casket, it brought tears to my eyes.
You died two years ago today on the thirteenth day of July.
When the doctors said that your illness was terminal, I didn't want to believe that it was true.
But sadly, they were correct and two years ago today, we lost you.

From 1975 to 2010 you worked at Woodcraft, you worked with lumber.
People may think that I'm crazy because I believe that 13 is an unlucky number.
You died on the thirteenth year of the century and also on the thirteenth day of July.
You took Chemotherapy treatments for months and two years ago today, you died.
Dedicated to Charles F. Johnson (1947-2013) who died on July 13, 2013 at the age of 65.
Rose Flows Sep 2014
A huge kinda toothy smile...
A smile that fills her eyes with light
-a light that shines through everyone around her.
A smile that says,
"I live my life shamelessly
-unapologetically."

A smile that says,
"You can throw anything in my way, but you'll never beat down my
optimistic flare."

A smile that says,
"I appreciate all that I have
& do not dwell on what I don't."

It's that real, honest
kinda genuine smile
that does not conceal her problems...
It conquers them.
A smile that blames no one for its frowns.
A smile that makes us all smile
just thinking about it.
A smile that always stays with me
even now that its gone to a better place...
A more deserving home.
This is for my beautiful friend, Melissa.
Ophelia Aug 2014
My dear friend, I know it’s been some time now, but it seems just like yesterday,
when I held your trembling hand so tight.
You still cross my mind all the time and I smile, even though tears are burning my bloodshot eyes and my lips are starting to shake.
And my throat is sore from all the screaming and I can’t say a word anymore.
How come, I became so weak and minuscule?
I don’t know, but your departure broke me, my sad and lonely friend.
One moment you were there next to me, smiling, laughing, and your beautiful eyes sparkling filled with the beauty of innocence and youth.
The next one you were gone, behind grey dreary walls of hospital, pale, weak and with pain and suffering on that lovely face.
Oh my friend, I’d give it all just to see you again, feel you again or hear you again.
Instead I only have faded memories of you and me, and dusty framed pictures keeping our once existing smiles and jokes.
My weird crooked smile is still there, but after everything I’m not so sure about yours.
I’m so sorry I couldn’t change anything, that I couldn’t help you when you fell into the arms of that lurking demon, that cruel illness called leukemia.
I can not describe how bitter I am since that day.
My whole world came crumbling down, breaking walls that were not that high, crushing everything I have ever known.
My desperate screams and tears couldn’t change a thing; we could only hope that you will survive and that we will hear again that divine laughter of yours.
Oh my friend, you were only fifteen, you haven’t even tasted craziness and beauty of your young life. That is probably the thing that broke everyone; you were just a child, facing cold death.
Now when I think about it, I’m not really sure if you were just my friend.
There was something about you I never felt before. Of course I was too young and foolish but you can’t say that to this pure heart that’s pumping my blood.
It sang such cheerful melodies in your presence; it was pounding in a way, for me still unknown. Now my friend, I’m not sure anymore what have you been to me.
Less than a friend certainly not, but were you something more?
I believe that you were my first love, even though I never had a chance to kiss those galaxy lips and look deeply into those starry eyes, green but freckled with ocean blue.
But I will always remember you and things we did together, and every touch of your hand that made me melt inside. Our jokes and games and pranks we did to your twin brother. This tragedy would probably be less sad if I was the only one who lost you. You were a brother and a son and everyone loved you because of the positive energy you brought to life no matter where you were. Watching your life passing in a blink of an eye is terrifying. I’m sure that you deserve so much more my love, if I can call you that now. You were too good and I’m so sorry that you didn’t get your chance to fight and to see all the beauty of this world upon us. I think of you every day. And every time I wish you were here.
Call me crazy, lunatic or not able to let go, but I made a promise that day in the hospital. I promised you on your deathbed that I will live for you, that everything I do I’ll do it for myself but you too. You knew your ending will not be so happy, even if they did everything they could. I remember looking into your eyes and feeling sad, they were not sparkling and playfully looking at mine. Your eyes were absent, just like your soul, they looked grey and cold. With last atoms of your strength you whispered quietly, like you were telling a big secret. Oh I remember those words so clearly. Of course I’m not going to write them here, then our secret will be gone. But you said you loved me and told me to stay strong, that you’ll be watching me from the sky full of stars, whole day and whole night, or something along those lines. I still try to see you among the sun rays and twinkling stars, and even if I don’t see you I know you’re there. And your presence means so much to me. I’m so sorry I was never brave enough to tell you how I truly felt. I feel guilty, but hope you maybe knew something or felt something similar. After years and years, your brother told me that you really cared about me, that I was important to you. I do not care in which way, I’m just happy that you talked about me with him. And I’m so glad I met you, because you changed my whole world. You changed who I am. I just hope that one day I’ll find someone as pure as you, someone full of inside beauty and secret meanings behind his words, with eyes just like yours, with no evil in them. I hope for better days, when I’ll stop missing you, but I’m not so sure that is possible. I will always miss you my friend, crush or lover, I will always keep looking for you my missing puzzle piece. I will love you forever. Your death can't change anything I ever felt towards you, I will always keep memories of you in my heart and my head. So goodbye my lovely friend.
I wrote this fo my best friend and a crush. He died in 2008 from leukemia. I miss him so much and I'm so sorry that I couldn't write anything better.I will always miss you.

— The End —