I'm tired and I can't figure out why.
it could be because i went 48 hours without closing my eyes.
but i still feel the same, just delirious, i still feel the same
i'm trying to shut my brain down,
it's all because i'm sick of the bags under my eyes
from feeling unalive.
i spent all day crying,
only to learn that these thoughts are always going to go unnoticed.

I need to evoke imagination
I need a little bit of inspiration
Do you run out of things to say?
Keep your thoughts louder
keep 'em louder than your mouth
Are you apart of who we we?
We chew up your patterns,
we spit 'em back out
Are you listening?
Do you need some time to rest?
every minute is spent
Watching hills crawl
and I stopped caring years ago
Even if it's forced, all I needed was to think

I could make you smile today.
Who do you truly have besides me and her, anyway?
But if you need to say goodbye, I'll be pulling your weight

we didn't want to you to OD
and have your mother crying
saying she'd do anything to have you back

all these nights i'm losing sleep
i wish it was all a dream
but white lines don't numb dark times
even the lightest mind gonna hang around the dark sometimes
and you fought hard for yours

all of a sudden everyone's mentioning your name,
each time it's said,
it hurts
it just shows me that my life will never be the same

knew you were drifting and you wouldn't live forever
but please let me know if it ever gets better
when you find a way out of your head,
cause i'd do anything for a way out of my head right now

I'll run through the streets, jumping in front of cars
I need a rush and a better way to feel
This is my own personal war.
I'm determined to win more than ever.

i've been to enough shows to know how people act
when I saw Three Days Grace, people seemed to
avoid each other at all costs
when I saw chevelle, the room was filled with nostalgia
however, I was far too young to understand
I just loved their music, and the way they arranged words
when I saw New Found Glory, I made a friend
People were goofy, fun to be around
when I saw Paramore, there was so many people
no one really cared to interact, but the one girl
who held my camera up for me because I'm not tall enough
when I saw of mice & men, with Bring Me The Horizon
everyone was so full of energy, and took care of each other
and in all these places, and being surrounded
by all these strangers
it all felt like family

I laughed at something alone last night
while I did not know my own emotions,
Happiness was found once again
So I can hope the numbness is over
To move on and cherish these moments
Every single one
and not let sadness get in the way
I'm happier now, and it feels so strange
Maybe it won't last,
but atleast it is in my grasp

I went to sleep and dreamt of a maze
At the end of it was promised to be everything I wanted
I thought it would be
Peace, optimism, and achieved goals
And it was.
Wrapped all into one boy

Let me explain something
I turned around and decided to make a home in the maze
Because I didn't deserve everything I wanted.

this was never really mine to keep
I’m greedy and ungrateful
I like the simple things like when he speaks
his words are flavorful
And I swallow them like cough syrup
He gets me so so high
that I feel like I might throw up.

I've got needles to stitch your wounds
But I'm only making a mess
I didn't mention that I'm no surgeon,
But you trusted me because youve known me for years.
I don't even know CPR but I need to know heart surgery
Because it's an emergency.
Well we will barely make it out alive.

nights like these the stars and fireflies look all the same
and my days become my dreams
well I learned where to go, but never where to stand
and I can't take a break from the world's weight leaning on me
because I am barely crawling through this life
but that's not the way this should be spent

No one would bother to read between the lines
I am and I was always be washed up
can't speak the way I never have
and I can only think to think less about my words
speaking with a heavy heart to throw away the sun

we learned what love is, but never how to feel it
and some people will never know

We spun in circles in the heavy air,
Intoxicated and praying for better days
We spun our circles, and left all we loved behind

maybe I'm over thinking this whole bit,
but when I texted you the other night,
letting you know you were one of my favorite people,
It seemed like you shrugged it off.

i don't know, maybe there's a lot of analyzation
i can't catch my breath to know or to think
you haven't been the same since then and
i thought we were just getting close

i mean, we confessed a lot and i felt attached
it's not like i didn't hate myself for feeling like i could lean on you
i'm not in love with you like i used to be
and we don't have the same views but
now i feel like i need you.
its not fair.

Mirrors seem to have an image of someone you don't want to look at,
You hate the way you can't control your sadness and anger
Trust me, I know it's not easy, for those skeletons still conquer sometime
Sparks of light are overlooked, and we only see our skin being a prison
Sometimes as the extra puzzle piece in the world that doesn't fit
An outcast can still win, so do what you want to make the world better
You do not have to project hate, but to think positive thoughts can help
It's such a struggle, but the sunlight will hit, and it will be the colder than ever,
But the noon will come and warmth will be felt
Even if night may fall again
Try to keep the sun, but if you fail, remember it always shows itself
Go on and be happy, and be who you want to be.

i wonder if i would have made it in this site,
if the "request to join" button was always there.
my form of poetry is different,
it's reassurance to have a community outlet
with the option of keeping anonymous.

i wonder what the administrators idea of a worthy poem is
and how they rate it to let people in

we live for the weekend
and all the days in between
I'm not alive just to survive,
We live for the night skies and
We live for the morning breaks.

Where I live, the cold doesn't always bring smiles.
Sweet summer sweat drains,
Then the leaves change to bright colors
Fighting the contrast against the dreary grey clouds

Where the leaves cover the ground, they turn the soil darker
The grass yellows, and cracks under your feet

And when it rains 60 inches of rain in your town a year,
Cold rain is exactly what you get instead of snow.

Oh and I get so weak with no sunlight

My friends all love the cold,
They embrace it.
My friends all love the darkness,
They'll share a drink with it.


But when the cold comes for me,
I try to hide underneath my coats
When the darkness comes for me,
I lose my sense of time and sleep

I get so weak

Here we go again with the days I don't eat at all
I'm starting to repeat my words over and over
except not in my sleep, 'cause I can't seem to shut my eyes
only when the stars and melatonin are in agreement,
but it doesn't matter because I'm having nightmares again
except my eyes are open and I'm not dreaming
my skin is actually red and bleeding
my hands are actually shaking
this is reality and it's terrifying

I think I'm repeating how I was a few years ago,
This time, I have people closer to me,
I have people at my work to find comfort in
I could probably let my mother know,
but I'd rather talk about my financial condition than my mental state

I never figured out what it meant to do
"soul searching"
I always found it just fine at 3 in the morning
because that's the only time everything poisons my mind
that's the only time i can feel anything
I just can't seem to feel truly alive anymore

I was driving through town and I rolled down my window,
you know the feeling when you're all alone,
your music is playing and all you can smell is gas and fast food
and you're tired of hearing the town?
You know the feeling when you're getting on the highway,
and the food smells fade,
and you turn down the volume of your music
all that you want to listen to is passing semi trucks
because you feel sick
and still there is no warm company
because you already gave your friend a lift back to their house,
but you're on the highway, and you're tired of everything?
and you know the feeling when you'd rather close your eyes
than drive because you don't want to breathe in anymore?
Because you don't feel like you belong, and the air is humid,
weighing you down, but you were so happy two minutes ago
even with the wind ruffling your hair up at 80 MPH,
you still don't feel alive?
and you still can't feel like all your friends do?

rib cages will engulf your heart
and shred it when it falls apart
until your lungs collapse
and you just can't sing anymore

Did you wake up today,
To lay in your bed
and wonder
'what must it feel like,
to be happy?'
everyone has their down days
but everyone, including me,
needs to hear
'get the **** over it'
every now and then

I don't care to talk about the problems that surround me
Rather watch 'em make a boulder split right down the middle
Crushing my entire future, to have aspirations bend
Bottle up what I feel, to hope everyone arounds me feels alright
Well, I don't feel alright, but I'm not going to complain
Keep moving forward, in hopes I made someone's day okay
This is all temporary, I hope
Because it's 5 PM, and my eyes are tired, my body is shaking
I fought the longest battle, and I'm ready to lose,
But I refuse to surrender

i was a child of a broken home,
but my parents were never broken up.
i am a child of untreated mental illness and severe alcoholism,
mom & dad riddled with the fear of growing up,
still blaming their parents for how they turned out.
& i saw the cycle repeated when my siblings grew unsuccessful
"it's not me, it's how my roots were planted twisted,
the death of a sister at a young age really makes a family fall apart.
it's not me, it's how my father didn't care. i just wanted
to be approved of.
i just wanted to be cared for,
but i am the way i am because my mother taught me to
be intoxicated instead of face my problems."

my siblings live in fear of becoming like my parents,
but they never take charge to alter the cycle

I grew with abuse to my mind and body,
and all i can do now is
heal myself and run far away

i am no longer my past,
the place i come from will have nothing to do
with who i become.

there's so much ignorance surrounding me.
these people are drowsy with hate
they're sleepwalking and they think they're awake.
the worse part is when i try to show them
their way isn't the only way,
the flames burn deeper.

I'm tired.
of trying to encourage love instead.
it's beginning to feel like the blind leading the blind,
and i'm so **** tired.

what if everyone leaves you?
no one loves you,
wait why do you care?
you're you're own person.
but what if you end up all alone,
again.
you love these people,
and they make the emptiness go away.
your life is a series of different addictions.
to people. to foods. that one song.
drugs. edge off the pain. the ******* stress,
you're not controlling anything,
everyone thinks you're a **** up,
be louder. no that's annoying.
calm down, now you're too aloof,
how do i make him notice me?
he's all i think about now
but it's onto the next one
and now im kinda empty

Consider consider consider reconsidering
Listen to every single word I say, don’t look at the facts
You’ll be under my wing, sweet little singer
Reverse reverse reverse reversing
Laughing at the television that infects brains with little bugs
Teaching your baby mind how to control your arms and legs
Walk this way, and believe these things are your relief
Talking to drugs, ask ‘em about the way they control the world
Taking over, we’re under over the years

My lips are to the paper.
I inhale and exhale tiny coughs.

For a moment, I'm a gypsy.
but I stand still.
I stop myself from moving from where I am
Because I'm happy,
My surroundings become stale.

I press the pen to the paper
I breathe in shaky breaths,
And wonder why
My head feels so loose.
I wonder how
I can act like I feel so alive,
And feel absolutely nothing.

I stop myself from thinking
By pressing my lips against a bottle sometimes
I need the sadness just to know I'm alive.

dont you wish you could do something right?
all you wanna do is have ***
with your friends
with strangers
remember when you used to have standards?
But now you just wanna feel something besides
the sadness weighing you down
that makes you feel like
showering in the morning is an accomplishment
bonus points if you actually wash your hair

how well can you be doing?
all you think about is killing yourself.
you think about it all the time
when you shower in the morning and when you go to sleep at night
you think about suicide when you're having *** and
wonder if anything will ever feel right.

And you tell everyone everything is ever great ever green.
how are you still breathing?

Speak to me like you're plotting everything,
Because to you, a few drinks might shed some skin
And if you stick some words to my skin,
you think charm will addict me to you,

please realize who is in control here,
because never ever will I have someone
deceive me as horribly as you're doing

You're the drug that I can't have enough off
The drug that it never seems to be enough time
And the comedown hurts so bad,
Like its the same as having a thousand knives
Yeah, yeah. I'll get through. I always do.
I only hope I can forget I ever met you.

Over shoulders, theres a bright light with words carved in black.
Under eyes, pen and paper scribble and dent the table
All surrounded by the ones who won't look back
questions coming from someone who was unable
To understand why someone would write in a place like this
maybe they feel united
but as for me, I only want my coffee

I am a radar, tasting the bitter words that slipped off your tongue
I want to explore every inch of you
We all have regrets, but baby, you play the instrument best.
I am arm, to be extended, and I will be entwined with you.
Really I wouldn't mind if you walked away
As long as I get a chance to see all of
Inside and out

I am a radar, tasting the bitter words that slipped off your tongue
I want to explore every inch of you
We all have regrets, but baby, you play the instrument best.
I am arm, to be extended, and I will be entwined with you.
Really I wouldn't mind if you walked away
As long as I get a chance to see all of
Inside and out

strawberry. we're red, we're orange.
a mixture of a flame, but its nothing important
she breaks me open,
it's not anything for love
now she has all the fire.
And I am colorless

how do i go anywhere
when i'm stuck
in the tide of the current
struggling in the deep end?
how do i go anywhere
when i'm addicted to
the pain the scratches at me
and drags me back in?

you're not broken, not corrupted
you're so pure,
never knew a noose
i may love you,
but i'm so broken and corrupted
i'm not so innocent
can't forget how to tie a noose
why won't you love me?

No one will notice the warning signs.
Tell them right to their face, it'll be ignored.
Is it really worth being lonely,
Even when so many people love you?
Is it really worth the breaking feeling in your stomach
And the led in your heels
With glass in your toe?
Is it honestly worth laying in bed and
Falling apart instead of falling asleep every night?
If you're like me
You see your safety differently.
You forget to eat or wear your seatbelt.
Some days it's best you don't drive at all.

No one will see the street signs that tell you
What's about to happen,
But in the end they'll be in tears when it's all lost.

Does it scare you?
“what are you talking about?”
I'm talking about looking in the mirror
seeing old photographs
realizing the innocence is gone?
“I'm over it.”
You're never gonna be that same person again
If I were five, I'd never be drunk
rambling about things that constantly fill my mind
You wouldn't be sober, having to care for me
“None of it matters.”
Well, are you okay with going from a swing set
to taking every drug to feel like you can fly
like you did as a child?
Are you okay with outgrowing your favorite shirts
and realizing you were unplanned and you're parents
were too drunk to care about their one night stand?
“Just.. stop talking. Get some rest. You're gonna need it.”
I need to make sure I am okay,
but all of this between
seems like chapter one is only began

I break my words, lost my world
Twisted over the days and took baths too long
My selfishness overcame who I ever was,
and I could keep spiraling down into self pity
I thought "It doesn't matter, I shouldn't worry about me."
When I realized I should be the first to worry about me,
and I should worry about me first.
Everything has been so eye opening, but now I can't stop to
close my eyes and escape from the confusion and rage
I wish it all could just stop,
So I can relive the days
when I cared about the sunrise,
and my eyes were so much brighter

Another word thrown around.
You never know crazy until you watch
Someone you love fall off the deep end
Or when you go too.

Crazy.  Is so romanticized these days
But I can't claim the word.
It stings and pierces my skin.
I can't help but think back to those nights...

It's okay, it's all fun and games to them
And another laugh

it’s too easy to blank my state of mind
Instead of dealing with everything.

I'm here and I'm very much alive,
and so I'll strive,
but you know what else?
i'm gonna just live.

call me your strawberry tea
tell me I taste worst than carrot water
grow me, defend me
savour the way we keep getting softer

puncture the herbs
break the stems
wrap your words
sweep away any trace of the trim

break me, baby
feel my skin, warmer than your water
you're so *****,
and i'll pour a spring shower

If we live in a dream, then everything is all but a memory
Rewind time, and dance to our own beat
See the anger, go a little slower and feel the rhythm
Did the drugs help you at all?
You know how to smell and think the same way now
As soon as you let go, you will be exhausted
Redeem yourself with the alcohol,
There's way more to whiskey than you think
When you're crying on the back porch to someone you just met
Face it kid, you're never gonna make it
Destroy yourself is to destroy the ones around you
Please don't follow a path that will only bring you pain.

When I heard the words "You never know who your real friends are."
I thought that I was okay with the tight knit circle of people I'm with
Until the people that I stood tall with,
had knocked me down, taken me for granted,
like I was always going to be there
when I was on the ground, still ready to give them the world.

The night when I was laying in an idle car with tears in my eyes,
wanting to forget who I was,
wondering why I had always had to be second best,
I realized that the people I knew before had changed
Maybe complete monsters, ego centric human beings

and I've got a lot to be okay with when these realizations hit
Because now I know nothings going to be okay
especially not when I feel safe around someone

But now I'm only going to move on.

I rode in a car with a kid accused of ******
He was the driver, and he wanted to safely
Get me home.
I used to call him one of my best friends,
So maybe I was blind sided to think he never murdered that man.

I once stayed around a "drug dealer" for 3 days straight
He got arrested because he got caught
Cops considered him dangerous.
I always thought he was one of the nicest people I knew
Now he's bailed out and new and improved.
He talks all the time about how
Drugs will never affect him again

This girl I knew overdosed on pills.
She never saw the police,
But I heard her lips turned blue,
Her eyes turned dark,
And her skin lost color.

Ever since then she's been in therapy.
I think it's okay to not trust her
I think it's okay to not trust someone
That would blame you for their problems

I was all alone, and gasping for air
Reaching for something I knew was not there
Dark and quiet, all is well.
Nothing is wrong, shouldn't I feel okay?
Because I can cry, but it's so stupid,
So why waste my energy when I'm so tired,
my feet can't move forward
I know what I'm gonna have to face
It's the same every single day.
and I wish this on no one

Sorry I didn't text you back.
I was busy,
I know, it's no excuse,
But I was trying to catch my breath,
I was running through the streets
Jumping in creeks
At dead end roads

Sorry I didn't return your phone calls
I was preoccupied dancing with him
In the shadows of a sunset
With no music playing
We were just waiting for the stars
To shine brighter than our eyes

I never received your emails
There's no wifi at the edge of a cliff.
It just doesn't come with the thrill of an ocean breeze
In the middle of waters
We were busy jumping waves
And trying to live instead of just survive

and i starve for the right words to come and save me
to give my eyes light, and show my skin sun
it seems as if the windows stare back at me
when i watch the trees sway
calling me outside
to feel lonely around people who are
supposed to
love me