Left and right,
And right again.
I sold my soul.
You're left tonight and
im thinking about turning around.
I know it makes no sense,
But my eyes are watering but I'm not
No way am I ever going to cry.
I told you.
Left and right, dare me to swerve on the interstate.

I can only finish
If I think about you
all the videos I used to watch,
Don’t make me feel the same way.
I’d rather think about going to your house
And feeling your fingers dance on my thighs
Until you’re practically tearing my clothes off  
Because now when I’m in bed with someone else
I close my eyes real tight and I can see the smug look on your face,
I see you grinning while I’m moaning, and you’re hitting every spot just right

It was short lived and that’s okay.
Maybe things are better off left that way.

I hope you never have to have tears roll down your face
While the walls close in
And there's a pain equal to a thousand tons your chest
And you don't even know why
Everything should be okay,
Because you're about to go on vacation, you finished high school, and you have money that you're about to move out with
Any normal person would feel like a million suns

But I don't

I am so so so **** lucky,
But I still can't sleep at night,
I have no energy and daytime haunts me.

I should be happy by now.

Where did you start and who are you now?
Looking in the mirror with a heavy heart.
You  believe you believe your importance never
never ran through someone's mind
but your vocal chords ring with the way you talk
and your throat rumbles with power when you speak
I want you to know me
and I want you to listen.
There's a place to start and there's a place to end,
it's not simple and the days seem like years sometimes
but it's always worth it in the end

but the struggle is that every thing is closed.

Let me confess myself on social media
I gotta explain how,
I make hints all the time on Twitter.
Shooting out tweets with song lyrics and
Saying how caught up with you I still I am...
Oh yeah, that conversation we had about half a year ago
About what could've been almost two years ago...
Im secretly trying to avoid going to deep in to this.
Facebook told me my soulmate name begins with a
Ready? "m"
I wanted to begin with you.
I'm beginning to think that all the relationship I've had
Don't work out because of you.
You're too big in my life.
But you've got a good thing going for you,
And that's all that matters

I have a war inside my head
And sometimes I lie in bed
And pretend to be dead

Sometimes I lay awake,
wishing the earth would quake
And then my belly aches

But I am not hungry
It’s just emotional sundry
my mind becomes so ugly.

so, hear it from me, I’m starving.
Hoping to feeling something.
On these nights my mind is startling.
Until the war is almost calming.

The blood shed keeps the vampires fed
And I’m sorry for this war inside my head
I’ve always appreciated the people who never fled
because I know they all dread this war inside my head

of everything I want to feel,
really, it's no big deal.
one more year, give me one more year
i'll try to get away
i don't want to look back
i don't want to think about it

I told her she’s just another body
she came too soon and I licked my lips
now she keeps hitting my line,
she’s addicted again.

we are on the same page, on opposite sides
Red and blue, our colors collide
the world is my dream,
with light between my inner thighs
your dreams are warm, swarmed with me

I realized the people in my dream are trying to speak to me
My own mind holds multiple conversations with itself in my sleep
and I can't stop thinking that dialogues are just a story to tell

Are we lying to ourselves and betraying ourselves when others speak?
Are we being honest and letting ourselves realize us when others speak?

And the stories told are just a round a set, like the spinning of our brains
and the violent subconscious forgot we even had blood,
When I sleep, my inspiration bleeds through my closed eyes,
and every time I blink, I can't help but think about how
I could keep my eyes open forever,
and never stop dreaming.

I got drunk alone with whiskey,
the back porch held me with tears I shed
I didn't want help, but after the clean skin
I had for 3 whole years, it's amazing how
a little piece of metal, with pounds of self pity
can lure you back to opening wounds

Oh no I'm getting too obsessive
He's not even "into me"
He's such a good guy,
I should try to talk to him everyday.
Okay. No. You're lucky you're friends.
This other boy likes this singer I like
It's enough to empty my mind,
Nails into the mattress ..
The way he keeeps digging his way back into my conscience,
he doesnt think about me like this.
I can choose another drink,
This boy in the Nike grey sweats at the gym,
He can help me forget that
this boy is everything I need.

Definitely shouldn't get caught up.

Happiness and pretending to be happy
Two different worlds
I have managed to pretend to be happy
to smile, laugh, search for ways to
make a fake expression seem real
lace together my words in an upbeat motion
and dance to the same tune over and over
I cannot tell if I am happy
or the emotion repeated so much
I do not know what to feel anymore
Except for when my hands touch the bottle
that brings me joy.

I’m calling it quits
I need a break from all the stressful smoke breaks
Nights spent breathing in air as heavy as Earth
with a heavy chest with the same thought looping
“why is most love unrequited?”

I’m done tying myself to people
who push me around to see the pain in my eyes
But I still feel safe with them
and then all the bad thoughts become a blanket
So depression makes the softest bed
It’s easy to wake up and find myself paralyzed

I’m cleaning out the skeletons
They over flow my closet and their ghosts follow me
Everywhere I go I carry demons
If I speak my truth with an open heart,
Maybe I’ll find angels to replace the evil.

I’m going to let go
And forgive myself
And everyone who doesn’t deserve it.

I am starting with cleaning the ashes of those I’ve burned.

how does she feel when she is numb
she never gave a boy a second glance,
never cared enough about love,
but around him she feels invincible
she blushes at the slightest touch
and she feels so stupid, she feels
so confused, because she doesn't
understand and she doesn't
need to accept where
her emotions are
running

he told me i tasted like the sunrise,
my lips told a story of a new beginning.
but the last time i saw him
i felt as cold as the day we first met.
suddenly, my sunrise fell and
he told me i left a bitter taste in his mouth

He deserved to go down,
But
I didn't know how.
In history books or on me?
Because
I swear I knew what I wanted
Him around me, next to me, above me, under me, in
I wanted his good days and his bad ones and the days he didn't feel a thing
But me
I wanted to hear his past and accept it
I  didn't care if we were smoking my least favorite smokes
Maybe he's the only one I needed those night I couldn't sleep
Because with him, those nights feel weightless
If he's all that I have, then he's all I'll ever need

You created an illusion for yourself in which I refuse to sink my teeth into
Not ordinary, you are finding yourself just like the others.
Swim away and through the iceberg tipping, but never will you get far.
Breathe in, breathe out, and the air seems enough to suffocate you.
Your little spark, your potential
It seems to fade and fade.
You have your fairy tales, and there’s reality.
You realize there something more
Can’t sleep unless there’s something breathing in your room.
I hope you sleep well with the ghost of me
I hope you get through with the skeletons in your closet.

I think it’s happened again
you see, there’s a guy
Who has feelings i’d normally condemn.
whenever I see him he’s always broken and high

He’s a guy who refuses to rise above  
But he’s manipulated me into believing he’s found his twin flame
And he pulls the trigger with precise aim,
but he’s already in love.

Driving all night into red skies
We'll feel so alive when the sun comes up
And the morning air turns our blood so cold and warm
Settle at a hotel because we got another 800 miles to go
I just want to stay like this forever,
I never want to leave who I am because
We got it made, and the nights we stay awake
Wishing this would never end, we'll run out of gas
And we know it's all okay because we have each other
Seems it'll never end,
All over the east coast we'll throw our own parties
Breaking all the rules, we could stay this young forever
and own the store parking lots skating on buggies
Escaping to paradise to start all over again
Well, we know we got it made

It is not something that can be pulled at, or eaten away by a vulture. Not something that hope that shape and transform and turn into happiness. Listening to solutions over and over again, may bring your self destruction, but of course, who can actually help you? There is a thin line between all that you could feel and explore. The world is waiting for you to go and say hello, and stop hiding away. Because you have to know to ignore the negative, and highlight to the positive. Treat your self, lose weight to feel better about yourself, but take the healthy way. You need to learn to love yourself, because looking in the mirror and hurting the person who's staring back is not how you would treat everyone else, but I know it hurts when your bones are breaking under the pressure of living, but here's where the saddest part is, you absolutely have to be willing to be everything you wished, because you can't stay the way you are, right? It is a hardworking process, in the end, its worth it.

Push me away, pull me close.
It doesn't matter, cause the walls are made of fire,
and I just sorta figured we could go down in flames
Thinking about the things that I will never let happen
and maybe laugh a little, and cry a little
And regret that we ever let ourselves feel trapped

I'm going to tear my skin apart
And I'm going to spill my guts,
The world will know how vulnerable I am,
Then they'll break my bones,
Maybe they'll feed me to the coyotes
"What a shame!" "Such a loss!" They'll scream,
They'll yell about everything I could've conquered,
while they're pinning my flesh down,
for all my worse scars to go on display

Oh society, do me a favor, and **** the standards.

If I could beg you not to go,
Would you stay all night and day?
We could do things like we used to,
But we both know it won’t be the same.
Still here we are, holding on.
I don’t want you to end who you are when you have more than you think
A little escape, you’re not temporarily gone.

I can't erase the summer I spent,
Where I knew I'd be left behind.
My mind was up for rent,
memories stuck. played on rewind.

sometimes I'm reminded of how You did.
you apologized, anD you cried.
It doesn't compensate for the nights I laid
Face down in a pillow for days, no one on my side.

maybe I get it.
But I don't. All that it was I was ignored
And I think about when we sat in the parkinglot.
And I felt angry at you for crying.

You knew you were ******.
You didn't know I was on the verge.

Someday you'll understand

and everyone began to taste the same
Glazed in alcohol, salted in legal drugs
I never tasted the sunshine again.
they gave me a needle to pick a bone
They gave me a needle to inject my medicine
And my dosage weighed heavily with invincibility.
I told them "no, I never want to feel like that again.
I'm trying to be real. No, I got who I need to get me through this,"
I said. "You want me dead"
And every kiss felt the same.
All their lips were chapped and tasted like
Worn out strawberry sweets.
I said, don't go easy on me, babe.
I love the crazy, it fuels me up
Told you go away, you're insane
He told me stick around, babe
And no one has bit me quite like you since.

I'm ready to get the **** out of this ****** town,
out of this house, but I'm so young
Can't make my own decisions,
because all I do is make so many ******* mistakes
and what's the point?
my future is all I have
**** the people here
**** my friends
**** money
**** the bills my parents pay
**** it all
I only want to be free

my feeling of control,
feeling like i was moving towards my goals
only lasted a year.
i think this is the reason i can't believe
i have a grasp

her auburn hair was messy,
And I figured it reflected who she was,
Bright but a mess,
And I was absolutely right.
she’s the type of girl that stays up all night,
Just to look at the moon and watch the sunrise
she believes there’s still more to learn,
more people to love.
and she never stops.
she never stops working, she never
Stops loving people,
Even when others deem them unworthy.
She spends her days saving lives,
Couldn’t bare to save her own.

And everyday she wakes up,
So full of love, but so scared to invest in anyone
She just wants her mind to stop racing.

Her clothes drape loosely on her body,
And her eyes don’t shed a tear anymore
she puts on her warpaint.

the type of people my father told me took up space and air
Is the exact people I grew to hang around.
They race in their cars and get in wrecks,
And to put it nicely, I've seen too many eyes  go          .                                  blank.
The things they said circles where they were going,
And that's a Friday night party because that's they life they live.
But now there's helicopters waiting at the church doors
Its midnight and everyone on the highway is awake.
Now there's ambulances
Now there's kids that'll probably never walk again, probably never breathe again.
All for what? An adrenaline rush?

In 1809,
I was having a divine time
Until suddenly a tragedy
Brought on my worst travesty.

every year on this day,
children come to my home to play
they giggle but run away pale faced
as if they had just seen-

I’m excited for the entertainment
Why brood in disappointment?
And after so many October 31sts,
I’ve gathered a crowd of children who were cursed

We stay here now forever
And all scare the new ones together
If you come to play
You may die and stay

when people move,
it's like watching them be controlled by an invisible thread
always so afraid that if they're a little too nice,
somethings going to snap.

so, everyone seems to have everything to loose
except for those who sleep without a bed
they shut their eyes in alley ways with a high price
those are the people who seem to move without a map

i'm just searching for someone who will show me
how to make the pain stop in my head
teach me the way to move to cut my string
it feels like control, and i need to be free

the people i love are dangerous
they're hand feeding my demons
dragging me back to my  old habits
i tear myself apart trying to crawl out

toxicity sprinkled with love
that you can't see unless you look in a mirror
the person i hate needs to learn love
but i just can't fall in love with myself

it's supposed to be that way
everything needs to feel hopeless
you have to break a few times
and absolutely need to feel terrible,
worse than you've ever felt,
before you can be strong.

it's a game called life
and it's supposed to be cold
and you have to search
before you can find your warmth

i do not have a platform.
if i did, i'd like to think i'd use it for good
my disruptive personality stops me.
so now i don't have a place to speak.
i am so tired of being told
i am too loud
i am so tired of being told
i am too much to be around

so i  am going to be even more of myself
and the people that know me,
will hear me clearer

i don’t really like to cry
but i think I’ve cried everyday
for the past two years.
i have climbed myself out of every hole i dug,
and life threw its punches, but i would swing harder

lately my mind and mouth feel like metal,
my chest feels heavy with the rise and falls
and my bones are weak
my muscles ache.

i am tired.
i wish it all could just stop.

You're in my brain
You're in my skin
You're in my blood
You're in my veins
You're in my writing,
And everything is for you.

If I don't take my sleeping pills
I stay up all night and you infest my thoughts
It feels like an obsession,
It's not even every night.
when I close my eyes I see your colors
Taking up my eyelids and I fall asleep
And in my dreams you're so much close,
And in your dreams you told me
We were closer than ever
I still want to know all the details

It feels like an obsession.
It feels like when I move,
I do it for you
And you'll move into me

Slow down,
I have to slow down

To answer your question,
I believe it would've worked
And I never got over it
I think you would be happier than you are now

Please keep me from thinking anymore.

My emotions are pulling me different ways
When my monsters want to play, my lips want to explore
Endings are so ******* frayed, do you want to be me?
When you're in the sky, and your hands are on my waist
And it feels great, to be numb
No strings attached, you left me begging for more
I don't need you
I just need the numbness and the happiness

if I could forget the fact that I can't take control,
lower my expectations on where our conversations go
maybe things would be easier for me
I am, however, as hopeless as they come some nights

when i metaphorically jump off a skyscraper,
i guess i need to not only fall,
but i also need to fly.
and soar above these dead city lights
and forget who i am until i can crash again

Are you here?
You seem too far
covered in the sun shower.
You're lightning and
you're a flame that burns my days down,
and you brought me down when you could talk so smooth.
He said baby. I can't. Love. Another
I can't stop choosing crazy and numb. Sometimes it's like I'll only love him.
But he made it sound like a joke no
I'm not obsessed. It's mutual, and it know it is.
I forgot to mention I don't have this type of love
I was never falling apart but
I somehow still went through hell and back to stay together like
I was always on the verge of snapping
And it took all my strength
Some nights I'm weaker than others
I used to love my time alone
But now when I'm alone I think
What could I have done better?
Should I have talked it out?
I never shattered but
I guess I did, only when I was alone
But I was never lonely
I just couldn't stop thinking of the piled up mistakes
How much I missed you, but
I couldn't fall in love with all of it
Only you.
And to thank you for the hell you payed me

“we should sit in my car
behind this abandoned house
we should fill our lungs with smoke,
i can change your mind,
while your world is a blur,
the pressure between your hips
will be heavier than ever.
and when it’s all said and done,
I’ll make you promise to keep it a secrect.
and when it’s all said and done,
You’ll sympathize with that house,
And you’ll feel empty just like that house.
Your frames will bend and break,
And I don’t care how you’re getting home.
And I don’t care that your eyes are blinded with tears.
i just want you.
but you’ll feel heavy and empty all at once when I’m done with you. “

Remember the moment
You know exactly where you're going,
'Cause the next moment,
Before you know it, time is slowing
And it's frozen still,
And the window sill looks really nice, right?
You think twice about your life,
It probably happens at night,
Right?

Fight it,
Take the pain, ignite it,
Tie a noose around your mind
Loose enough to breathe fine and tie it
To a tree. Tell it, "You belong to me.
This ain't a noose, this is a leash.
And I have news for you: you must obey me."

I’ve never really felt like i was “home”
At night I’ve laid down a sleepy head
Full of wishes that I get through the night safe and sound
But every dream reminds me I’ve never been love in a way that didn’t bring me pain

I wake up these days to open arms and a shoulder to cry on
but the rhythm of his heart beat only is a reminder
Even though he lives in my heart rent free
I’ll never be able to make a home in his

Every time we’re tangle in the sheets I use my imagination.
Through his gasps escaping his lips,
I can make up that he says everything I’ve ever wanted to hear from him.
For a moment I can push away all the restlessness my soul endures

But the reminder crashes over me in waves when it’s over  
It swirls around my head and into words that spew out on to pages
Keeping me awake well past 3am
And I write about how I’ve never really been home.

I’ve only visited places I didn’t belong
Sat in crowded spots and and felt all alone
I’ve never found home
Not in a city, not in a person
And not in my very own vessel.

Nights like tonight remind me why I hate sleeping at "home"
I have a toxic relationship with my bed
Melatonin can't block out the noises of my childhood
I spent it watching my parents stumble and burn us
We were in sight but out of mind,
Nights like tonight make me wonder why
Do I rest my head on my pillow?
Making minimum wage is like being in an abusive relationship
"You can't leave
You'll never find anyone better
Are you happy with what you have?"
And home is never going to be where the heart is.
Can you understand me?

we spend a lot of time on twin size mattresses
our heads weigh unto the pillow,
and our thoughts are so heavy
we spend a lot of time breaking out of conventional ways

i hear you say you wanna be happy
but you rest your head on concrete floors
and my concerns are way too high
for someone who won't help them self

i wore myself out before sleeping in my car,
falling asleep not sure if i'd wake up
and praying i don't someday have to sell myself
just to make ends meet.

back then we were fighting to be self actualized
when we weren't sure where our next meal would come from
every day my brain battles me,
but i'm strong enough to someday win the war.

you spent too much time praying and not doing

you make me feel like you're all that I need when you text me drunk at 4 AM
and during the day you play with my head,
Sober and able, and
Why did you start drinking so much?
Did you finally realize that you can't talk about my body without the liquor shots?
And you have excuses if your girlfriend asks you
And you can never make a decision