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He lied
And I still believed him
He cheated
And I stayed with him
He called me things
And I let him
He hit me
And I accepted it
He forced me
And I kept quiet
He didn't love me
And I loved him the whole time
Sometimes I wish more of what I wrote was fiction.
Here it is; 4 am
And all that is
All that matters
Every thought
It's you
It's **solely you
Sometimes,  the end isn't so abrupt
Sometimes,  it just fades in
Sometimes, it's not over
Sometimes,  it is just anew
Growing up I always heard,
Over and over,
Again.
Never judge a book by it's cover.
Between you and me I always heard,
Over and over,
again.
Never leave my side.
So can you tell me why
You never you never read my
First chapter?
More than you think
If I were ever to chance upon, a real life Genie
and being ever so kind, he granted me wishes freely
I wouldn't waste any time, and ask him quite loudly
'Give me a Flying Carpet, and make the sky cloudy!'

Astride my bed with wings, I would swiftly reach the sky
and dive through the clouds like through butter a hot knife
feeling the wind in my hair, laughing with unbridled glee
as a soaring eagle feels in the air, light, and free

Next I'd become a Lion, to roar and roam the jungles deep
Growling and tearing into poachers, and savoring the meat
I would rule all the mighty creatures, as their rightful king
and all the forest's denizens would my praises sing

Soon after I would ask for a ship, and a crew of souls brave
I would visit all lands afar, upon my Master of waves
without a single glance behind and not a spot of bother
I would see and feel and taste all the world has to offer

From above I'd go beneath, diving as a blue whale
The murky depths of the oceans whistling past my tail
All the wondrous sea dwellers, and all the buried wonders
would become a part of my enchanting under sea tale

Last of all I'd ask the genie, to build with his hand
a nation built for all the poor orphans of every land
where they eat and drink and make much merriment
and also study, play, and sleep with gladness in them
Magic, as alluring as it is impossible
"Tell him how you feel"
"Just let him know"
If only all it required was
A mere confession
He knows I say
I tell him
I write him
"What did he say"
Of me
He said nothing
For I shall soon be
Out of his life

He deserves more than my
******* up existence anyway
I wish I was brave enough to give you some grand gesture
But I can barely use words without shaking
I am a fake

The real me hides in blankets
Behind books
Never meeting eyes
Doubts everything
Constant music playing
Clings on to hope until it burns
Wants to curl up in your lap to hide forever
Has dark brown eyes that cry every night

Reaches for the knife
The little bottles of smells
The bigger bottle of fiery taste
Puts food in her mouth and spits it right out
Doesn't drink all day to see how long till she faints

The real me is
Terrified of you but
Wants you all the same
(I wish I could just ask your thoughts feelings and doubts.
But I'd hate it if someone asked me.)
Never as good as the one who came before
Always compared
Live up to the expectations
You failure
Be more like the one that came before
Never enough
This, is one of the reasons I'm depressed, more going on than the words let on though.
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