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 Apr 2015 Vivian Proctor
David
In the middle of the night
I share this poem with you

What do you know
what do you see of me?

A few patches of black
carved in the white of a screen
a few sad words trying to soothe
what is left of me

I live secluded in an apartment
downtown of a half a million souls' city
founded by the Atlantic ocean

I live a cosy and quiet life
sometimes going out to feed myself
and breathe the lousy air of town

Me and my few friends gather once every week
to share a drink
to exchange meaningless thoughts
and useless ideas
around the fate of man
the hopeless prospect of our destiny

We are bachelors around forty
We were born wild and hard
offshoots of the oddest
long gone sycamores
rooted in the most infertile soils

We used to read powerful litterature
Nietzsche, Kafka, Broch,
Joyce, Balzac, Beckett,
Shakespeare, Goethe and Bernhard
to name a few

But none of them has ever helped us out
to find a heart to love
and a pristine soul to care for

All the books we read
have tormented us
with many questions and relentless issues

Now we sit still in our chairs
and watch the clouds go by
hoping for the next blue sky
hoping for the next feeling to come

And never do we ask when...
Take me as I am..
Why won't you just take me as I am?
I exhaled the broken glass as ash filled my eyes. My only resource now is to cry.
I am unseen , unsure of the bleak misinterpretation of how to love.
I am the girl in the dark corner grasping my face so you won't see my horrid unwantedness
Trapped in a hell of massive trash.
I am that trash.
Depression. It's not even depression.
It's a drowning.
I am drowning in the words of self loath.
Self hate. A strong separation of smiles that are fake.
Tease me.
My rugged attire makes me unpleased, unpleasant.
Just drastic.
The prowling of the night kills the rapid storms chasing the good I may see.
A teenage drama queen couldn't even express how depressed that line made me.
 Sep 2014 Vivian Proctor
Aiman
those nasty thoughts linger
in her head
sitting there alone in her room
on her bed
she wanted it to stop but it
kept on going
it's driving her mad, her mind
is insane

she's getting restless, her patience
grows weaker
she's a loner with no friends
or a foe
she needed to find a way to
let it out
and writing on her skin was
the only way she knew how

and so her beautiful skin became
her diary
all the marks of her misery
each lies an untold story
where she kept it secretly from
*everybody
 Sep 2014 Vivian Proctor
Kelsey
Done
 Sep 2014 Vivian Proctor
Kelsey
Dark shadows
Empty Mind.
I'll quiet the silence
for one last time.

My unsure smile,
is a loaded gun.
The twitch of a hand
will make me run.

Grasping for hope
and it always fails.
Endless imperfection,
my sorrow sails.

One more breath
and I'm on my way.
Beyond the sorrow,
beyond the pain.
pain
I missed you
as I slice into the empty interior
watching the wicked things pour out
I sit contemplative
wondering how I always find myself here
alone in the dark
with thoughts that are darker
I have so much to live for
so why is it I await my death so receptively
expectantly
there are days that I laugh
but now I can't remember what was funny
I know I've smiled before
but I can't remember how
so I just sit here
and leak my poison
all over the floor
You quiet little sufferer
Don't speak a word
Make not a peep
Never ask for help
Don't be a burden
Help me.
I am starving.
For so many, many things.
I am dying.
For absolutely nothing.
if you look closely enough
you can watch the color slowly fade from my cheeks
if you care to listen
you can hear the soft tears falling from my eyes
if you like a horror show
you can stay tuned to this ****** up station
of misery and defeat
of destruction and mourning
 Sep 2014 Vivian Proctor
A
3:03 am
 Sep 2014 Vivian Proctor
A
Everything turned so dark,
So black

I began to turn my wrists red,
To see some color
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