Everyone's drunk around me.
I had a few drinks but I'm not so happy.
Faces seem to be spinning. I'm tripping why the **** did i come to this party.
Drunk bodies surround me.
I thought this would help but in my heart I'm still so lonely.
Wishing someone could wake me or tell me some cute **** to keep me going.
I still think about the pistol under my bed.
I tell myself not to go home, you know you'll end up dead.
With that being said I figured I'd drive.
Designated for myself. I figured my life is worthless so why not give me a purpose and crash this ****.
If that don't work. I'll blast my ****
No one tells you why they need you until they physically can't have you and i need to hear someone cry for me as they just heard i took my life from them.
I mean tears real tears and to ask God and my body why.
I need to hear them beg for me so i feel some type of worth.
I'm twenty years old but my heart feels 16.
My body feels 60.
My mind has knowledge as if I'm 300.
And for some reason people don't get an overactive mind opens chambers which you can't escape and the fate you have can be in which you place a pistol with one round in the chamber and end everything.
I wanted to sum up every addition problem you ever thought was too complex to prove that someone has enough time to understand how beautiful your heart and mind can be.
I watched you at what you say is your most unpleasant time and couldn't believe how completely captivating it is to see you be you.
In no way do i ever try to step over the line. But if you asked me to skip jump or run I'd probably trip into you.
My eyes are forever weary but your smile energizes more than my pupils to expand and my mind to explain to my heart what it's like to have wings.
I once took a breath of you home and my mom questioned exactly why my smile smelled like heavens kiss. I knew why but could never express it.
I hope to one day feel how amazing your lips will sting against my mess of a body.
To interlock our fingers in a tangle while walking through life as one.
I was made to be that half of you that completely annoys your soul. And yet you keep wanting more.
I was tempted to pick up piece from broken people not realizing I was leaving a trail behind.
I would build someone up and not realize i was crashing down.
The thing of it is everyone saw my pieces. No one dared to tell me. Everyone watched me crumble. I stayed humble but my pieces were trailing. I was failing. And i had no idea why.
I became helpless hopeless. Completely out of wack. Till the only pieces left crashed in a flash all that was left of me was the trail of my pieces in a path.
Everyone who i was helping couldn't help me. There three pieces were more important than my 27 here i am wondering why the **** did I even hurt my knees when they just pass with a smile.
And I'm here praying for a better tomorrow.
I learned my lesson the hardest way possible.
You destroyed me and I apologized.
I was sorry. More so than you.
You loaded the gun cocked it back and pulled the trigger. I couldn't help but say sorry for the fact that my blood splattered on you.
Even though it was the slightest stain while i was bleeding out again it was me at blame.
I never really understood that. Why was i so guilty as people rushed and tried to stitch together every **** i gave. I bled out. Still I'm sorry rang through my body because I caused you to shoot me. I caused the stress. I'm the **** up I'm the mess.
My friends tell me it wasn't me it was you. They rearranged everything into the truth yet i heard you crying through phone as i lay almost dead. My heart started beating and you said "why do you make me act this way?"
I dread. I dread the fact that never does my fault or my bad dripped from your lips but the blame. The blame was on me. That was that.
You destroyed me.. And I apologized.
For some reason i want to call you at 2am talking about how great we could be.
No really just you and me
But when you text back in the morning
I'll hit with that waste your time 2016
Because you ****** up when you left me in 2015
All i really want is security a heart with a ******* waiting to hit seniority
Maybe just enough love to get my lazy *** up turn up the volume on the tv
Since the remote disappeared in a different galaxy.
I could never really try to complicate things.
Because 2+2= truth i think or something more
I want those stupid texts that make you laugh and snort when your out with your friends
They look at you like an idiot but only you know what it says
To feel happy about that heartbreak in 2010 because her i am holding your hand
In our family portrait everything seems so perfect
Little do you know behind the smiles are the cracks leading to ruins.
We want the grow up but don't show up just fist fights and a bunch of broken glass an aching past
Got momma in the kitchen tears flooding down her face cause she might catch a case and couldn't afford enough to put a great amount of food on our plates
Her two teens think they're so keen on the roof with a blunt and a guy that lies all he wants is a piece of *** all they need is the fast cash
While baby girls playing with her dolls
The world stalls for her
Til someone picks a fight dishes fly pretty ******* ungrateful
Oh **** someone pulls out a knife
I mean who could blame them
I could blame them
The old ball in the room being a freak not listening to meek but trying to speak greek what a geek got everyone up tight
Little did they know that geek spent weeks trying to plead momma not to leave
That little geek bleeds a razor blade leaving streaks
I mean no one speaks
In that family portrait we look pretty happy look pretty normal let's go back to that
Back to when daddy actually knew us
Broken promises mentally ******* ***** us
We tried to go to church but the preacher barely even knew us talking about our struggle
I think momma just gave up 2 ******* jobs and she raised us
Some strangers would praise us
Well behaved for a single mother that would've blazed us if we cut up til the attitudes kicked in
**** this **** i hate this *****
My mother is a queen but they changed up
Hold up wait grabbing babies ears so they don't believe in this love
I swear i never seen so many cop lights
Hands cuffed up
I'm sorry momma
But momma is brave til about two am your not strong till you see your momma break.
That geek tried to stay well behaved but the money started flowing when the **** game made him think
I mean **** extra cash for the rent and some new j's
Everyone believed this house was so great til they stepped inside the overdose became so fake
Let's take a part that family portrait where everyone looked so great see the truth in the eyes and all that pain
Revised words said yet truth speaking through the veins
Web of lies tangled in a dishearted brain
Like a maze
Slip up, trip up, you fall down get up
Scars eat away at you
Like a feast
And like a freak you scream and hide
But on the outside you're fine so fine
Everything is okay as you say
Spinning another thread in your web of lies.