zoie marie lynn

zoie marie lynn Aug 2018

i can't breathe

you're touching me under the stars with hands that venture too far while the moon smiles at us showing every row of pointy perfect teeth
you're touching me and

i can't breathe

you're holding me in a way too tight hold and way too strong arms wrapped around a place i'm supposed to call home with termites eating away underneath
you're holding me and

i can't breathe

you're kissing me with lips of nicotine and breath like fire embers and words of forever and tongue that's sloppy and serene
you're kissing me and

i can't breathe

you're following me in between buildings that shouldn't be this close together and its another dead end another dead end another dead end, why does the sidewalk get to leave?
you're following me and

i can't breathe

you're whispering to me because this is what lovers do, you scream this is what lovers do but i don't want to love you and my lungs ache for you to let me be
you're whispering to me and

i can't breathe

you're laying next to me snoring very loudly so that the neighbors can't hear the sheets suffocate me and i'm dying i'm crying i'm dying
you're laying next to me and

i can't breathe

you’re saying you love me and you’re pulling me so tightly into that lovely body built from forever's and never’s and i’m screaming in your perfect little ears over and over because didn’t you hear me?

i said i can’t breathe

i don't love you but my mouth says it anyway

#pain #love #lust #abuse #moon #you #her #him #kiss #deadly

zoie marie lynn Aug 2018

before i fall for you

i’ve never fallen in love before
but i’m telling you
if i did,
my bones would screech and creak and crack to build you a home that doesn’t fight back
and
i would shower you with love until you drowned because i don’t know how to love unless it becomes too much someway or somehow
and
you would become all that i breathe and need and see and the very sound of your name would be enough to cause another relapse
because i’ll get addicted too soon and too fast and you’ll think it’s great
at first
until i’m publicly on my knees aching for your velvet kisses back
and
i've never cared for someone this way before
but i'm telling you
if i did,
my lungs would collapse and inflate again and again because you will be the only thing i'll ever breathe in
and
the people in my life would never amount to you, and maybe that's a little messed up but i wrote it
felt it
bled it, so it must be true
because i don't know how to let someone in unless i push every other person out and you'll love my attention
at first
until
you're throwing glass plates at my following figure
until
you're yelling regrets and things i should've considered
until
you hate me
because you don't want to be the only one
even if i want you to be.
i’ve danced with the devil because he has the prettiest eyes i’ve ever seen in my life
but i didn’t love him
i’ve kissed the hands of god because he smells like my childhood home and i liked that a lot
but i didn’t love him
i’ve cut open my skin for my first girlfriend because she promised to stay and that drove me insane
but i didn’t love her
and i’m telling you
if i did
i would write a poem convincing her that i didn’t
because i’ve never loved in a way that doesn’t became some form of a burden.
and i don’t love you
yet
but i am going to scrub my words into your naked body and i am going to promise that there’s nobody
but you
and you are going to love every second of it
because you’ve given in to destruction and seduction and you already understand everything about pain
you already know there’s everything to lose and i’m the only thing you’d gain
but that’s okay
because you’ve never fallen in love before.

i've been beaten and bruised but nothing hurts more than you

#hurt #pain #love #lost #praise #her #him #you #home

zoie marie lynn Aug 2018

master plans & ink on skin

i hope no one can see the taste of your tongue on my lips
drenched in my skin
admitting where i've been
i hope no one notices your perfume that i wave like a white flag
"its complicated," i tell them
because i cannot fall for you again.
but i want to,
god i want to,
i want to showcase each tattoo you've left on my heart
no matter how big
no matter how small
but your galaxies are not mine to get lost in
your promises not mine to believe in
your words not mine to soak in
but i want them to be.
i hope no one can smell the ink that coats my body after spending short moments in alleys
doing things that lovers are supposed to do
even though i am not the arms you're falling asleep to
i hope no one can hear my heart race as i realize
this is not your first time breaking me this way
nor your last
and i know i should pull away
and i know i shouldn't melt this way
and i know that before falling for you, there's probably things i should do
to prevent the outcome, you know
but i don't
i dig my hands into your hair
into your skin
my lips into your lips
and i die and cry and die
i know this is suicide
so what's my master plan?
hoping no one can sense me falling for you again.

you never realize how much you love someone until you watch them love someone else.

#love #pain #secret #secrets #ink #plan #her #him #you #me

zoie marie lynn Aug 2018

this is me.

hi my name is broken and
i once caught my father using all his teeth hands lip and tongue on a woman that was not his own
outside my bedroom window,
i spent the night trying to convince myself that
love is real love is real love is real
because after that i wasn’t ever really sure.

hi my name is survivor and
i was once a punching bag for my stepfathers anger and houses in the country will forever terrify me
all because of a random man and his prying fingers and his sticky gum,
and then there’s this third set of bones and dark flesh that made me so afraid of my own skin i had to tell myself
i am beautiful i am beautiful i am beautiful
because hate and death wasn’t my only option.

hi my name is butterfly and
i once broke every bone in my body falling so hard for a girl with the loveliest voice i’ve ever heard but she had other bodies underneath her
thick brown belt
she wouldn’t let herself feel all the things i felt,
i spent thanksgiving in a mental hospital chanting over and over
i am lovable i am lovable i am lovable
because without even trying, she had managed to convince me that i wasn’t.

hi my name is destroyer and
i chose water over blood because blood burned and drowned and buried me ten feet down all at the same time and i didn’t want to die because of them
anymore
i split in half all the walls and windows and doors to my home,
i needed to do and be what was best for me so i told myself again and again
i’m not alone i’m not alone i’m not alone
because all i felt was the aftermath of being the very thing that broke up my home.

hi my name is lover and
i tend to give too much of me way too quickly because i don't fall in love, i dive with feet facing the sky, head towards the concrete
and i wonder how i end up being so broken and incomplete
so i wound up all the glue and all the tape,
i muttered over and over in between each breath
fate isn't fake fate isn't fake fate isn't fake
because my heart always seemed to pound a few beats behind, a few beats too late.

hi my name is suicide and
i stepped in front of trains and bullets and knives and i hate yous and you’re nothings all looking for a father that
never really wanted me
he broke my throne, i cut more than just my hair, i no longer want to be here,
and i screamed at the top of my lungs because
it’s worth it it’s worth it it’s worth it
it just doesn’t feel like it anymore.

it's been such a long time, i don't feel the same.

#broken #father #cheater #cheat #survivor #abuse #beautiful #butterfly #her #love

zoie marie lynn Jul 2018

22w

you’ll tell me you love me
and then when you leave
i’ll pretend the whole time that i didn’t see it coming.

i wish i didn't let you leave

#gone #lost #pain #her #him #you #us #love #fake #pretend

zoie marie lynn Jul 2018

the only thing i can whisper to you is goodbye

loving you is more like a void inside my chest
and less like the sweet musings you have put to rest.
leaving you is more like a present i did not know i would like
and less like the tears i try to fight.

i did not know letting you go was going to be good for me
or that letting you in was going to be bad
in the moment, leaving you behind seemed like the worst thing to me
but like vines the idea grew on me
until you were no longer the one thing i believed i would always need.
kissing you was fatal
i did it too often
touching you was okay though
although my lungs still screamed caution.
i gave you up when i realized i was fully capable of doing so
i gave you up when i realized you would not even try to fight
for me for me for you for us for me
and probably the best thing i have ever done for myself
is let you go before you dragged me with you on your fairy ride to hell.

loving me is more like a void inside your chest
and less like the sweet musings i have put to rest.
leaving me is more like a present you did not know you would like
and less like the tears you try to fight.

i wish you could be replaced as easily as you replaced me

#movingon #left #leaving #him #her #poem #poetry #me #okay #you

zoie marie lynn May 2018

not sure if i should love you or f*ck you

and i don't even know if i want to kiss your lips or just your skin
because i'm
     falling
       falling
         falling
           falling
         falling
       falling
     falling
but i don't want to hit the ground again.
are you sure your arms can hold the weight of my love when it's wrapped in wet clothes?
and are you sure it's the best idea to take this where the wind goes?
i'm not yet sure if love is a real thing
it's just a
   beautiful
  fictional
deadly
play,
and you still kiss me like i'm sane
but i know it's all just another game
so don't be surprised if i refuse to participate.
and you're like a
         cynical
           patronizing
             inconsiderate
           impartial
         callous
song,
but your vicious words still gently drag me along.
and i'm not sure if you're really toxic
or it's just all in my head.
because
i love you
love you
ove you
ve you
e you
you
ou
u
or maybe i love when you're in my bed.

there's a difference between someone telling you they love you and them actually loving you
i haven't figured it out yet though

#love #lust #*** #pain #her #him #you #me #us #together