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Bottles of alcohol squat on the counter, and cigarette butts
like yellow dead June bugs on the floor.
Bottles of shimmering reasons to not care about a hangover,
to leave prom early and rejoice in your parent’s absence.
Glistening necks, elegant glass nubs with no cap
tipped up into mouths screaming proud and hoarse,
We are STUPID! And CONTAGIOUS!
our ***** voices breaking under the radio sound
to a loud song whose generation no longer cares.
But we do, dumb boys and girls in a truck, rolling around town
like Haylee’s bottle of Jack Daniels in the trunk—
aimless, optimistic, and looking for reasons, so
buy a pack at the Chevron and let’s go smoke!
That’s enough, after all, isn’t it?
Reason enough to crack the windows, find a Carlyss backroad,
waste away midnight and half a tank of gas.
Still, as I drive on, a 90s rock station stimulating rotation of the spliff,
that smell puts my mind out of guitar solos and into placid hallways,
Smells Like a night in my dad’s apartment,
the stubbly couch with the nicotine blanket,
the Marlboro tone in the air, concrete crumbs and a lighter’s grating chrrt.
Divorce sounds like alcohol—
a word that burns, something sterilizing and for adults only.
But I don’t care, it’s my turn on the spliff,
and the backseat of my truck sounds more Alive
than the old horror movie rentals he would put on.
And why should I worry about what sobriety means
when we’ve been planning this night for months now?
All stocked up on Bacardi and Smirnoff Ice, Captain Morgan’s, Svedka, Mike’s Hard,
Swisher Sweets wrapped up in the **** bag—
We shoot our ***, soldiers eager to start the war,
that war against a domestic unknown enemy,
an enemy dangerous and subversive, like sober-minded aspirations.
And while Zack rolls the blunt, while Jack finds his Camel pack,
while you ask for a hit of Haylee’s cigarette,
I fill a glass with water, my intention to hydrate
exactly as genuine as my intention to forget about it.
 Apr 2019 Possum living
jj
I'm done living like this,
Depending on substances,
My last sweet bottle kiss,
Not everyone gets second chances.

Tired of disappointing my dad,
Wasting paycheck after paycheck,
Just to feeling anything but bad,
Finally turning around this shipwreck.

Only 8 days sober from alcohol,
74 days clean from harder drugs,
Sometimes it feels like i hit a wall,
But i'm reminded by those hugs.

Reminded why i stopped,
Why i don't need these anymore,
Life's like cherries topped,
I'm not your little *****.

The air smells cleaner,
The clouds aren’t as grey,
I used to be so much meaner,
Glad to be here another day.
i had a really big drug problem and sometimes i crave it but im stronger than this stronger than i know
 Apr 2019 Possum living
Savanna
Like a drug,
You seep out of my skin;
The withdrawal makes me feel dizzy,
Unable to stand or support myself.
My mind craves of nothing but you,
I hate being sober.
 Apr 2019 Possum living
Stygian
You made me feel nothing and everything.
You made me feel somber and peaceful.
You made me feel wanted and earned.
You made me feel patient and genuine.

You loved her with every gallon.
I waited for just an ounce.
You took me with revenge in your heart.
I took you with revenge in my body.

Hurt souls take the wheel.
We found love in a hopeless place.
Burdened by boundaries and secrets.
You managed to lie so well.



I just wanted to feel wanted..
 Apr 2019 Possum living
Angeline
Side piece
Homewrecker
Adulterer
The other woman
Permanent residence
In emotional purgatory
No home in commitment
His only sometimes
And sometimes never
But never always
Because his always
Belongs in the arms
Of someone else.
And I guess I'm satisfied
Being someone's someone else
Because he's not satisfied
With holding
Just one heart captive.
i'm confused.
 Apr 2019 Possum living
Zara
My lover and I, we’re super intimate.
I trust him and he trusts me.
I know the password to his phone,
Like I know his face in a crowded a room.

The intricate pattern of a square,
It’s lines firm and final.
The journey of my finger,
Across the coolness of the screen.

I dig my hand inside his coat pocket,
My fingers searching for the feeling that I know so well.
The feeling of cold metal, a chip in the corner,
And a crack in the glass.

I frown as instead my hand comes across a matte phone case,
And the crack in the glass that my finger searches for is instead a smooth screen.
My fingers wrap around the device, still warm from its use,
And my heart stammers as I see that it is not the run down htc that I am holding.

It’s a new phone.

A new and better phone is laying in my hand,
It’s screen blank but its venom lethal.
My fingers scurry to unlock my lover’s iPhone that he had never mentioned,
But there is no square pattern and I am instead faced with numbers that hold no sense.

Why did my lover need a new phone?
Was his old one broken?
Had he grown tired of the cracks or how it’s battery would drain in a matter of minutes?
Or was he simply attracted to a new, shiny phone with it’s bigger screen and fancy case?

Why hadn’t my lover told me about this new phone?
Did he not know the bounds to my love - I could love a different phone,
But I couldn’t love two.
Did he love two phones? Could he not decide which he preferred?
Was this phone a temporary fix or a replacement?

My shaky hands turn the screen of the phone which mocked me so cruelly black,
And I slipped the phone back into it’s hiding place.
My hands don’t then search for the old htc,
Maybe it’s because I might not find it, or maybe it’s because it didn’t matter if I did.
Just a poem I wrote about a person coming to the realisation that their partner is dishonest.
 Apr 2019 Possum living
Arisa
Sweetie,

I'm sorry that I keep staring at the other boys.
And keep thinking of the other girls,

But if I'm being honest,

If you ever left me
Love would be a forgotten feeling
That I never want to reclaim.

I may crave the skin of others,
But my beating heart is in your hands.
I feel sick.
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