and maybe the child in me
just really needs a playmate
who's gonna surely say yes
whenever i ask them first,
hey, let's hang out, run and play.

what scares me the most
when i'm being alone is that
i tend to dig deep through
my darkest thoughts and start
to create chaos and develop wars
against myself.. am i worth it?

it all started with a single hi
three days, three nights
of unstoppable phone conversations
life lessons from three decades
of each other's existence
then, one midnight
you drive past the city lights
to meet me on the other side..

There's summer in the strands of my hair.
You convince yourself, you will never fall for me;
Autumn leaves dance around my legs,
You try to keep your stares away.
My lips are frost,
You always like how it tastes
Sweet as wine, bitter as scotch.
I am the thorns but not the roses in spring
And you are not the rainbow after the rain.

it was a bittersweet two months with you
i still think of you whenever i take the 5:30pm bus ride home
you and me seated side by side at the spot i always choose
it was never the grandest of dates
because we never went out and stare at each other
across coffee tables
but it was one of the cutest romantic meetups i could ever consider
you always hold my hand
you always wanted to hold my hand even if it's sometimes sweaty
we talked about how our day went
like how crazy it was at work
or how ******* tiring it was to go to work
you're always the one who's chatty
the last time i remembered, you have so many stuff you wanted to buy
i could never forget how you have a funny obsession with pens
or how you're so picky with comfort rooms
or why you sleep late during fridays
because you're either watching a movie or gaming
it was more of a get to know you, than a get to know me
you never got to know me
because if you did, you're not going to stop
knowing me is unstoppable, addictive
but you never tried
and that's what left me scarred.

Whispers from deep voices that seemingly deteriorate;
We chorused into the thunderous sound of that old cello.
Not a harmony we could ever create,
This is not what I intend, everything turned askew.

That old pendulum is swaying to its usual way,
A resemblance of our long gone grieves
It was an affair crammed with dismay.

But darling, you've got your demons now;
Down to the age of your throwbacks, stupefying you every now and then
And here I am, still that vigilant somehow.

The double six tragedy was indeed an epic.
Distance, silence, timing, all falling into an illusion,
And yes, that was your treacherous scheme, making me even more frantic
But life never stops there, in the end there would still be an affirmation.

Between the uncertainty of life
And the approach of death
Put strong faith and consistent prayers
To shield against
The unpredictable up and down motion
Of the angry earth
And, we have survived.

and that night
i knew i wanted
our hands
to be intertwined
but what i wanted the most
is for you to first grab mine
never drop it, hold it tight
when our bodies seemed to cut
the boundary in between
and cross the line
because it's a green
it's indeed a go
says the traffic lights.

I am not alone now every 2:15 a.m
You meet me somewhere in between the stars and heaven
We tell stories without hearing our own voices
Or tell stories without seeing the twists on our faces
Once, we've thought we're only fooling ourselves on April first
But the rest of the twenty-nine days proved it was never
Not lying, never fooling, only falling to infinity until forever.

i could listen to the sound of
your heart beating
like i never stopped listening
to the top track
of my spotify playlist
i created when
i think of how
my vanilla scented neck
mixed with the smell
of your waxed brushed hair.

If nothing
can take you
away from my
dreams
then,
I'd take myself
away from you
and from
those
kind of
dreams.

Sent my tear-stained shirt off to the laundry
Nothing else more to worry
Sleeves would be as bold as of an army
Collar's persnickety like the majesty
Cleansed and free from insanity
No traces of crumples and folds
From any of your memories.

you can meet me at twilight
and maybe we'll stay up
until midnight
watch the stars, the moon
and what's beyond
and tell stories we haven't told anyone

The city lights
will shout at me
forcing me to stay
but the stars
shall whisper
to my ear,
you are calling
out my name.

My uninvited guest has left me chest bombs.
He still lurks around the neighborhood
frightening us every now and then with no
known pattern unlike the whereabouts of a serial killer.

My uninvited guest knocks never from
the front door or the rear ones but tries to pound under
the floorboards shattering every home, stirring hopes.
He destroyed facades, detested our faith.

My uninvited guest has come once upon a time
turning the sunshine morning sight
into a shaking mourning scene. And up until now,
I still rush to the doorstep not to welcome him
but to run away, run for my life.

I hope I never met you
Never felt like this beautiful
Never have to lie to my parents where I went the other night
Never have to go home at 2 am
Singing all your favorite songs
While the road is so quiet
And it's just the two of us
Who remained talking

I was lost into
   a place I've never been
   where both the mighty and wicked
   hide their true guises
   taking two steps at a time
   trying to chase my soul.

You were as blurry
As the windshield
Of that passenger vehicle
I rode on just this noon
When I’m coming home
And I've waited for your text message
And I kept on looking at the screen
Hoping your name might appear
With you saying
You missed me so much
But it didn't happen
And it rained so heavy
The wiper’s dysfunctional
Causing the driver a hard time
Tracing down
The slippery road.

but nothing excites
me anymore except
for a starry night sky,
the moon and its phases,
a rainbow which i never
saw coming, the waves
of the sea, a blue sky,
and the sunset after
a long tiring day..

You don’t have to remind me of my scars
That I have already been seeing everyday
Even the faded ones which were too shy to resurface;

You don’t have to shoot the arrow unto my head
To rip it open just to tell me I have been wrong,
For 27 years, I have lived inside of it..
I have been familiar with every corner
I am used to seek comfort of;

I have been to its amusement park
Thrilled by its own roller coaster ride
Slightly mortified by the same horror booth
With entertainers disguised as ghosts
That weren’t as scary as what they portrayed to be;

I have gone to the forbidden garden
Filled with apple trees, harvested every ripen fruit
And tried to put them inside my mouth
Without chewing them
But the snakes ate me instead;

I have slept with one eye open at night
Gate keep my own thoughts when
One by one they start to wander
Through the woods without a guiding torch;

You don’t really have to tell me what to do next
We aren’t required to cross the finish line all at once
Nobody said this should be a race
The route I am taking might be sloppy, topsy-turvy
But I know I am moving at my own pace.

"do you see colors?" he asked;
"no, i can hear them," she replied.