what a gentle beat.
a melody we created.
no one has ever played me like you do.

you may have every dance.

don't fall in love with me.
for i have a tendency to pen metaphors
of all the ways i'll
inevitably break your h e a r t.

the loneliness doesn't bother me quite as much
as being alone w i t h you does.

when i tell you that i'm going to love you,
i hope you never wonder or doubt that i will love a l l of y o u.

i will love you the most
when you're falling to pieces,
when you can't stand on your own two feet,
when you h a t e me.

because i'm not signing up to love you only at your best,
but especially at your w o r s t.

why should i wake?
only to make my bed.
cleanse my body.
eat without taste.
work myself to the bone.
be overlooked day in and day out.

grieving the loss of what was never there?
where are my answers?

no.
where is my will to live?

i stand with arms wide open, ready to welcome you home.

and there you are
running, running, running,

to the one that has no arms for you.

i don’t think the sadness ever goes away.
at least in my case, not for long.

right before a genuine smile
my sadness reappears with a camera
that blinds me with a flash.
“say cheese” it taunts me,
“yes, just like that.”
fake. a portrait.

and just like that once more i am engulfed
in a ravaged state of despair.

when i sit with my mother to spend a moment together
inside i die knowing that i her little girl
doesn’t want to be anymore.
but i just can’t do that to her.
despite the sadness and madness i don’t ever want to imagine her hurting because of me.

so you see this sadness that never goes away... is tearing me both ways...

so tell me where do i go from here?