It's going to be okay
It's okay to be scared
It's okay to be stressed
You will get through this
I understand that this is hard
And this is terrifying
But you will get through this
You are such a strong person
And everything you believe, think, and are is valid
You deserve to be the real and beautiful you
Things are gonna get hard at times
But things will work out in the end
It's going to be okay
You are an amazing person
And I am glad that you have survived every hardship and battle
And I am so grateful to be speaking to someone
Who is strong and true to themselves
So thank you
Everything is going to be okay
As long as you are willing to fight
And get through this long battle
Everything will be okay

Toast
Such a beautiful taste
So crunchy
So tasteless
Toast
Such a beautiful word
So bland
So bleh
Toast such a beautiful thing

You are my queen
Nobody else in this world could ever replace you
Yes, a princess may move into the throne
And claim her new title as queen
But she is only the replacement for the true beauty that holds my heart
You danced at the ball with such grace
You handled every affair with such elegance
You cared for every living thing with such ease
You were the definition of perfection
And somehow you noticed me
A lousy peasant
Who has two left feed and could only stumble and claim as dancing
Who can barely handle my own faults
Who can hardly love myself half the time
You noticed me
And you loved me
You will forever be my queen
Unreplaceabe, Beauty, & Mine

I sometimes wish I could buy happiness
Because sometimes I don't really have any
I wish I could go to the grocery store
And grab my milk, eggs, & happiness
But I can't
So I lay here cowering with the overbearing feelings of sadness and anxiety
And confusion laced in all of it
Because I have nothing to be sad about
Yet I am
Because I have nothing to be stressed about
Yet I am
I wish I could buy happiness
For moments like these
When I feel like I've lost myself
For moments like these
When I feel like I'll be stuck like this forever

Warning* This is not a poem, by any stretch of the means, if you don't want to read a story then skip over this.  If you are against any part of the LGBT+ community, skip over this!! If you would like to read this then keep on reading and thank you very much

       Coming out is terrifying.  Figuring yourself out in the first place is absolutely scary, but then telling everyone what you've figured out is even scarier.  Here is my story.
      My story starts in the 4th grade.  I remember I would be at choir concerts and I would be in the audience watching with my family, and I would be staring at the girls.  Because they had such pretty dresses, and gorgeous makeup, and long flawless hair. And I would pay no attention to the boys, because the boys aren't pretty like the girls are, they aren't pretty at all to me.  Then suddenly I noticed that, and then I remembered all the girls in my class talking about how cute Johnnie is and I sort of connected that I thought Sally was a lot cuter than Johnnie or any other boy in my class was.  
      Then I remember going home and sitting in my room and being determined to figure this out, because this is weird.  I've never heard of a girl liking a girl! That happens?!?! If this is real then why haven't Mom or Dad said anything?  So I sat down in my room and I got a black, blue, and pink marker and a piece of paper.  On one side of the paper I drew a boy in blue and on the other I drew a girl in pink.  In the middle I put the word or.  But I didn't know which side to circle, so I folded up the paper and hid in between my closet door because it was open but you could put stuff in between the doors without anyone seeing it. In a month I found the paper again, and this time I knew which one I was attracted to.  So I grab my black marker and I circle the girl.  
      I don't really remember how much longer after the paper incident that this next event happened, but I know it was 4th-5th grade somewhere in there.  I had my best friend over, I think it was for a sleepover. We're gonna call her Ally. But I remember me and Ally were just hangin out in my room.  I look over at Ally and say 'Hey, Ally I gotta tell you something' and she's waiting for me to respond.  So I say 'I think I like girls.' That's all I say, nothing more.  Ally goes off repeating that it's wrong and that it's not right and that I have to like boys otherwise something is wrong with me, and is just going on and on when I just jump up and say 'JUST KIDDING, it was just a joke calm down'.  Then we just laugh it off and then she makes the comment 'if you did like girls i'd be okay with it, but i wouldn't be as close to you because i'm a girl too'. That really hurt me, which caused me to internalize all of my questioning thoughts and try my hardest to forget about them.
        Now it is middle school, during middle school I dated 3 boys.  We are going to call them Jona, Chris, and Lucas. I dated Jona for 15 months and our "relationship" was more like a friendship with fancier terms.  I'm buddies with Jona now so it's all good.  Chris didn't last long so that doesn't really matter.  Lucas!!!! I dated Lucas for 6 months and during this time I realized that I really was attracted to girls and I couldn't keep hiding it.  I realized this because Lucas was my first kiss and I was not into it AT ALL!!! I just wasn't, I tried i really did.  But I just was never much into the dude thing! Nothing against him at all, he's a really sweet guy and I'm really close friends with him now. But after I had my first kiss, I pretty much was like girls are real pretty and the dudes im just not into that.  So I sorta just slowly stopped talking to Lucas, and I ended breaking up with him.
       But I was scared of being judged for being completely lesbian, so i came out as a pansexual because i thought people would be more accepting.  So I came out to my sister first, I have 2 sisters and i came out to the one that is a year younger than me ,Izzy. Izzy was in the living room one night and i walked out there and i said 'Izzy, you'll love me no matter what, right?' she replied yes and just asked me what was wrong repeatedly.  Then I was like I was thinking and just needed some reminder.  Then she followed me to my room and harassed me for an explanation.  Then I came out and said 'Izzy, im pansexual.'  Then I explained what it was and the first thing she said was '***, NOW I HAVE A GBF!!!'.  I felt so much better after that and i was just so relieved.  After that i came out to my Mom, friends, and my other sister.        
After 3 months, I revealed to my mom that i was still confused because I leaned more towards females and that at that moment i was just using pan as a label but if it changed to not be surprised.
        Around a week after that I gained the courage to come out to my Dad.  I honestly don't know why I was so scared to come out to him, but I was and he was around the last one to learn.  So I walked into my parents room and was just talking to Dad, I had my mom stay in the room just to lessen my anxiety about all of this.  Then I brought up the topic of the LGBT+ community, dad and i talked about it for awhile.  Then i said 'dad, i mentioned gays because i like girls'.  then my dad went on a list of analogies but in the end he was okay with it.  Actually my dad was the most supportive about it right after i told him he was so okay with it and it made me so happy.  Although my dad was upset because i was scared to tell him.  After I came out to him, I pretty much just admitted to being a full blown lesbian, and it was all great and dandy and everyone was happy.
       Then it was time to go back to school, but this year was the year I started high school.  So I was a freshman who had just come out as a lesbian to all my friends and family over summer.  So not many people knew that I was gay.  But then I become friends with this girl, I really liked her.  I was at a friends party and she was invited and after that party I couldn't get her off my mind.  (I know this seems like it's going off track but it will connect soon) I figured out that we have a class together and we started talking.  
        At the party I mentioned the whole being gay thing and she was okay and very aware of it, and one day she went to my locker after school.  She had been doing that a lot and gave me hugs to say bye and stuff but i completely overlooked it because i don't know what flirting is. She was at my locker and i decided to put my big girl pants on and ask if she liked girls.  She responded with i'm pretty much cool with anything (pansexual). Then she asked me to the dance, I obviously said yes and wigged out when she walked away and immediately texted my best friend in florida (Ally).(Oh BTW I came out to her over summer over skype and she's completely chill with it now, we are still best friends and she doesn't mind at all) So we went to the dance and she asked me out.  I said yes, wigged out some more, and then danced some more with my friends while she talked to hers for a few minutes.  Fast forward to the few weeks after the dance.  We had been walking down the halls and hugging so everyone figured it out.
         That's where we are today.  I am still dating the girl, i've met her family and she has very nice parents.  All my friends know that I am lesbian, and they completely accept me.  My family knows, but when I say family I mean my household family.  My grandma and great-aunt know, but besides that no one else does but I don't really need them too so it's all good.  But I am so much happier than I have been in a long time.  Yes, relationships are so frickin stressful especially if it is one with the same *** and you've never had one of them before.  So if you are in your first relationship with a girl, take it slow.  But if anyone is in the mindset of coming out, first make sure that it is safe for you too before you do it.  If it's not safe you can't, be safe about it no matter what.  You'll be able to be open about it one day, but make sure you are in a safe environment.  But if it is, yes coming out is the most stressful time ever! But in the end it is the most rewarding thing, to be able to openly say I'm insert your label(s). It's an amazing feeling, yes you might lose some people on the way but if they won't accept you for the real you then don't even deserve you.  So my final thing it, you are an amazing human, and if you come out you are the strongest being and you have earned my utmost respect. If you haven't, you've earned my utmost respect because it's heart wrenching and I've been there, but you will be able to bloom one day my little flower.

I'm gonna be honest with you
I am absolutely terrified
About all of this
About this relationship, because you're the first girl I've ever dated and it's scary
About this whole dating a girl thing, because I have no idea of what to do
About the judgement, because it's scary right now with the way society is
And I'm gonna be honest
I want to take this as slow as possible
Just so we don't have to feel uncomfortable at any time
So we can slowly learn how this works
Because I'm barely ready for any of it
I'm definitely nowhere near ready for kissing, i'm just scared
I don't love you yet, and i'm not going to lie about it but I do like you a lot
But even if we take this slow, we are still going to be judged and ridiculed
And this is terrifying and dangerous
Because we don't know if we're safe
So I'm gonna be honest
I'm scared about this; about you & me, about new things, about all of this

I believe that the most beautiful things are hidden
And I don't mean that they are in plain sight and you're just overlooking them
I mean the gorgeous girl in the store who doesn't know how pretty she is
I mean the boy with the amazing eyes reading in the back of a book shop
I mean the best friends walking down the street holding hands and smiling
I mean the sisters going on their first date and coming home and telling every detail
I am talking about the beauty that doesn't know it's beautiful
The beautiful that we see everyday but we don't identify as beautiful
I think that's why I love this quote so very dearly
'i like it when you sleep, for you are so beautiful yet so unaware of it'
Because i take it as everything is beautiful
But sometimes we don't see it as beautiful
I believe that everything that contains beauty is hidden
And beauty is everywhere

When you're close to someone with anxiety
You being to notice and think about so many things
You notice when they grab your shirt and stand closer
You notice that their eyes are trying to focus on something constant
You notice that the coffee shop is not as busy as the food court
You notice that they're clinging onto their swear when it gets loud
You think about if they'll be okay at the mall on Saturday
You think that they should on Sunday instead because it's not as busy
You think about their date this weekend and if they'll be okay
Because their date doesn't know and can't precaution
When you're close to someone with anxiety
You do things to prevent stress and anxiety attacks
You tell them where you are gonna be for the next week
Because if they know where you are they can find you if they need you
You order food for them when you're out because they can't
You hold their hand in the grocery store because it's crowded and they're nervous
You don't invite them to busy events because you don't want to cause any of it
When you care about someone with anxiety
You notice the things that cause the stress and anxiousness
You think about how you can prevent the anxiety
You do things to make life easier for them
When you're close to someone with anxiety
You notice things & you think about things & you do things because you care
And if it means doing all of that,day and night, you'll do it

You know that feeling
The one with such excitement and exhilaration
Where your legs hurt because you've been standing there for hours
Where your so happy because you've been waiting for these few hours for months
Where your cheeks hurt because you've been smiling so much
Where you'd never think that a few people could make you so happy
Where you become attached and make life long friends because of them
Where you are surrounded by people just as excited as you
Where you don't care that you have to be up early tomorrow
That you aren't gonna get home till 2 in the morning
That you are gonna miss this, and wanna come back immediately
You know that feeling
Of being at a concert
Of being surrounded by people who love the same thing as you
Of looking up and seeing your role models singing to you
It's an amazing feeling and experience

The thing about people who write
They can communicate so much better about everything
They may not know how to say it out loud
But they can write it out and it will explain everything
The thing about people who write
They are always writing
About their thoughts, feelings, life
They could write the most beautiful piece of work about something as simple as math
They could write the perfect poem about your giggle
They could create a beautiful song about how you squeak when your get tickled
They could write a novel about a kiss on the cheek
They can write anything about something
If it means something to them, they can do it
And it can be a painting of flowers that creates a beautiful poem
The thing about people who write
They are constantly writing
In their head, they are creating beauty with words
The thing about people who write
They have a special gift
And it is the gift of magical words

Use your words
Write them down and make a statement
Speak them out and make people aware
Use your words because they are the most powerful thing you have
You can use them to make an impact
To voice your opinions
To let people know how you feel
Your words are the strongest thing you have
You can use them for good and bad
So let's use them for good and be the strength lacking in this world
Use your words and show the world how powerful you are

Do you ever have that moment when all you feel
is that overwhelming sense of loneliness?
and it happens at the most random of moments
10 minutes ago you were smiling and laughing with your friends
and now you're in your room near tears
that feeling of being so lonely
is absolutely horrible
it is emotionally draining
it is physically taking all of your energy
it is taking away everything that makes you happy
and it erases the barriers and the demons walk in
you just feel so weak and like no one notices
it is so horrible
you can be surrounded by everyone you love
and feel like there is no one there
you can be holding hands with the person you care for most
and feel like they wouldn't notice you being gone
sometimes it can happen in the middle of a class
or in the middle of the night
and you have no control over it
that's the worst part
you can't do anything about it

People say that history will always repeat itself
I don't really believe that that is always true
It's all up to you
You choose how the future will be
When things happen in the past
You can't hide
because then you're going to miss everything
Open your beautiful eyes
And take an adventure
Make friend with someone across the world
Be a groupie on your favorite bands tour
Buy that thing you've been eyeing for months
Make a random adventure
Because life will always stay the same if you let it
And if you leave like that history IS going to repeat itself
but if you hope and take risks
The future won't be the same
So open your eyes and take a leap

The thing about people with mental illnesses
whomever they be;
you, or a friend, or a loved one, or just someone you see at school
you can't save them
they have to want to save themselves
you can help them, and you can try so hard
but the only person that can save them is themselves
and i know that that piece of information can tear someone apart
because when people care about someone, they just want to help
and when they can't they just feel so helpless
but you can help
you can be there for them
and i know that sometimes that can be a little challenging
but you can be there for them;
all day, all night, and sometimes when they don't want you
you can help by sometimes doing things
sometimes you might have to call someone
because sometimes situations get bad
but you might have to go with your instinct
you can help them by being there
by picking them up when they fall
by sticking by there side through thick and thin
because if you stay with them they might learn they're not alone
and that might urge them to help themselves
you may not be able to save them
but you can be the thing that pushes them to help themselves
you just need to love them unconditionally
you just need to be there strength when they're weak
you just need to be there friend when they feel alone
you just need to there reminder that they are a warrior and they can win this war
that they can save them self
they are strong enough to do anything
and the thing with people with mental illnesses
the demons erase the knowledge of having strength
but you can be the teacher that shows them that they do
and they can use their strength and **** the demons

I'm done being shamed for being me
For not believing in god
For being a lesbian
For listening to the music that isn't popular
For being a female with short hair
For being curious
For being a feminist
For being myself
I'm not going to change myself to fit into your standards
I'm not going to change the way I think and learn
Because you think I ask too many questions and need to keep my nose outta things
I'm not going to change the way I believe
Because I cannot change that you will not make me
I'm not going to change the way I look because of you
Because I really enjoy the way I look
I'm not going to pretend to like what is popular and in trend
Because I don't want to have the exact same interests as everyone around me
I am not going to change myself because I'm happy with myself
Just because you are not confident in yourself, doesn't mean I can't be
I'm done trying to change to make everyone else happy
I'm not going to shamed for being me
I'm unique and no one change that

Sometimes you just have to believe in what you believe
No one else can make you believe any differently
It is all up to you
You get to believe in whatever god(s) or no god at all
You get to believe in finding true love one day
You get to believe in having a good life
You get to believe feminism if you wish
You get to believe in anything you want
If you can believe in it
No one else can make you feel any differently
Because it is all up to you
No one can change you
Or how you think
People try to force their beliefs onto everyone else
But the thing is everyone believes differently
Some people believe in some things and not in others
But all you need to know
Is that you can believe anything
It's all up to you
And no one can make you think any differently
You're unique
Everything about you is unique
And that makes you special

I'm not lucky
To have people fall for me
And not reciprocate the notion
I don't like hurting others
It's not lucky to be pretty
Because when people whom you call friends
Start liking you
Because of looks or personality
What are you going to do
if you don't feel it too?
I'm not lucky to have people like me
Just because you like them
Does not make me lucky
I don't like them
And I could hurt them
But I don't want to lose a friendship
Because I'm "pretty" and "nice"
It doesn't make me lucky
If people like me
It doesn't make me lucky
If I'm pretty
It doesn't make me lucky
To have something that you don't

The black rose is the heartbreak from you
when you died you took me too
Slowly I have been fading
I don't know how I got to be in such a dark place

Music helped a lot with that
It made me smile, it brought me back
My singers became my leaders
They went through this too, but they got through
And with that, I found happiness

The bell is my favorite gift
It reminds me of the memories
And the could-have-beens
So the bell is your memorial

The black rose ripped me apart
with it's thorny fingers
My music brought me back
with it's moving melodies
The bell reminds me of you
with all the distant memoreis

I want to help people
I want to use my words
To reassure them that they're not alone
To let them know that someone is there
I want to use my words
To teach them that it's okay to admit you're not okay
To tell them that other people are like them
And that they understand
I want to use my words
To help people
To befriend people
To save people
I know that no one can save the world
But I would like to save a part of it
If I save one person with my words
I will have dome something I've always wanted to do
I will do what I have always planed to do
Because I want to help

There is so much more to this than you know
There is more to anorexia than starving
There is more to depression than sadness
There is more to anxiety than stress
There is more to bulimia than purging
There is more to bipolar disorder than mood changes
There is more to a mental illness than one thing
A mental illness effects every part of someones life
As well as everyone you love
It's an illness and it hurts
But a mental illness can never be cured
But you can help your loved one with it
But first you have to know what you're helping
Anorexia is a disorder characterized by a desire to lose weight by refusing to eat
Depression is a disorder characterized by persistently depressed mood or loss of interest in activities
Anxiety is a disorder characterized by feelings of worry, anxiety, or fear
Bulimia is a disorder marked by binging, followed by methods to avoid weight gain
Bipolar disorder is associated with episodes of mood swings ranging from depressive lows to manic highs
You need to know about this because people have this
And more awareness needs to be made
Because mental illness effects everyone

I know that you're the brighter side of everything
And I know it's not the end
I'm just slowly losing myself
I don't want to drag you to this hell
I still love you
But I'm falling apart
I can't stand to have you watch me from afar
So I'm gonna save you
And walk away
Because I would rather have you happy
Then sad and still with me
But I love you too much
For you to be stuck in this place
Maybe someday we'll reunite
And we'll work out in the end
But you're my pretty little flower
That I hope will never die

She noticed him the first day he walked into her room
She quickly realized that he was different
He was more quiet than most students
She saw him writing in that worn down notebook
So she began asking about his writing
Slowly he opened up
He wrote beautiful little stories
She learned they were his escape from reality
He had a horrible home life, and barely a future to cling to
In every story she saw his secret; that he had hope
So she stretched out her fingers
And reached for his hand
Because she knew that the boy had a talent
That could be the key to his future
When she saw him walk in and sit down
She saw a door to an adventure
Just waiting to be unlocked

Hi, I'm Hannah
I'm a depressed optimist who likes to write
Confused?
Maybe, it'll make sense after I explain it
I have depression and often times I am sad
I get quiet, awkward, and guarded
But at the same time I am very optimistic
I always think that things will always get better
So I describe myself as a depressed optimist
I've never met anyone else like that
I don't believe there are too many people like me
And because of that I write
And I publish it to the world for anyone
Who needs someone like me
I may not make a big impact
But maybe I will inspire someone
Or make friends with someone
Anyone who needs someone who they can relate to
But who they can also go to while searching for optimism
So...Hi, I'm Hannah
And I'm a depressed optimist who likes to write

There are ways of coping with depression
Some people go with medicine
Others go with hobbies or distractions
Then there are the few that try things that might help, like candles or food
I go with the hobbies and distractions route
When I get sad, I will write a poem
When I get lonely, I will skype a friend
When I am frozen, I will listen to music
And I know sometimes I should accept the fact I get depressed
And I should go to a therapist and that I will always have this
But I would rather find personal tricks
To help cope with this
Than take medicine to make me happy
Nothing against people who do, thats your own opinion
I personally just want to have my own ways of coping
Whether it be music or friends or books
That works for me
That is my way of coping with depression

It's not the same.  Skyping and calling and texting will never be the same.  Actually being able to see her, is 10x better.  Because then we can go to the mall together.  Then I can hug her.  Then we get to celebrate holidays together.  Being together and being apart are completely different.   And if I could, I would have her here with me or I would be there.  I would choose to be with her in a heartbeat.  Because I love her.  Thats my best friend.  I don't want to lose her. If I did I don't know what I would do.  And when she's her or I'm there, everything is perfect.  It's just another summer and us spending every day together.  It's just another sleepover.  It's a normal weekend.  Then she's gone and I can't just text her and ask her to come over.  Because it's not the same.  Distance doesn't destroy friendships.  But it does hurt.  I can't hang out with her at lunch eating the ****** cafeteria food.  I can't just walk over to her house.  Because its never the same. I can't see her without weeks of planning in advance.  I can't go trick or treating with her, cause we're hundreds of miles apart.  I can't gossip about the people at school with her, because I don't know the people at her school.  I can't just hang out with her anymore.  Because it's not the same, and theres so many poems out there that will tell you everything will be the same you'll just find other ways of doing stuff like that.  It's completely different.  And skyping and texting are never the same as watching a movie together and talking by the pool.  Yes, that really helps.  But its not the same

It's starting to get cold again
Everything is starting to stay still
Everything is going to stay the same
But it can't get cold yet
Not yet anyway
I don't want to be sad for too long
I can't do this anymore
I want to be happy again!
Why can't I be happy again?
Summer, please come back
Maybe when you're here I'll smile again
Why won't you come back
I need to be happy before it snows
Stop snowing!
I don't want to be sad anymore!

The walls are getting rebuilt
I can see it bright and clear
I see it getting built
Every brick getting added
For every brick theres an emotion or person
Every time it's added, the more anxiety is added
The tears are starting to fall
I know I'm going to drown if I don't sop
please stop....please stop

I saw the way she looked at you
When you were talking to him
She was watched you
Not in the creapy way
More like she was admiring you
Admiring you in the most loving way possible
But you didn't even notice her
Because you were devoted to that conversation
When she was devoted to the way your lips moved when you spoke
The way your eyes stay focused on whom you spoke to
The way your arms swayed at your side
She noticed that
And she adored every single detail about you
Because you are everything she wants
And you are everything she could ever need
Because she loves you
She loves everything about you
You just didn't see it
Because it can only be seen by the eyes of others
While yours are blind to her affection for you

The devil would know your name better than I would
He learned it on the night you betrayed me
You ignored my screams of no
You ignored the tears streaming down my face
You betrayed me the day you hurt me
That was the same day he learned your name too
He knows what you did
And he's gonna punish you for it
He saw you offer me a drink and slip somethin' in it
Then drag me up the stairs to the bedroom on the right
At that moment he wrote your name on the list
Now he's waiting for you
Because he knows what you did to me that night
In the darkness you hurt me
And now I am forever scarred
Now he's waiting
To punish you for the deed you did
On the night you betrayed me

No one noticed when the girls skinny jeans got baggy
No one noticed when she started shiveing when it was 80 degrees
No one noticed when the girl who was usually very loud became very quiet
No one noticed when her typical t-shirt turned into sweaters everyday
No one noticed her
Because no one notices the outcast
Especially when she's anorexic and depressed
Until she speaks out
Then they noticed her favorite jeans are 3 sizes too big
Then they noticed the goosebups covering her arms and legs
Then they notice how her head is always stuck in a book
Then they noticed the scratches covering her left arm
Because they wouldn't even know something was wrong
Unless she told them
Because nobody notices the girl with the tears on her textbook
Nobody notices the girl that's sad

I am here to tell you I have been lying to your face
I know this may come as a shock to some people
But I have been
I show you the side of me
That is happy & giggly & goofy
But I never show you the other side of me
The side of me that gets depressed and cries alone in her room
I never show you this side of me because I love making others happy
Even when I'm not
And most days I'm not
Some days I just push the devilish voices to the back
Some days I just don't want to be here
Some days I plaster on a smile to by
Some days music and poetry are what keep me going
But I don't continue on for that
I do because the days I am happy are amazing
I do because I have amazing friends and family
I do because there is more than sadness
I'm sorry I've been lying
I was just tired of painting on lies

You asked me the question
"What's worse, the days or nights?"
And I sort of made up a response
But It's hard to explain it, without any thought
So I've thought on it
And I've realized an answer for it
There is no easy answer
Like the days are worse or the nights are worse
Because it's not like that
Some days are worse than some nights
Some nights are worse than some days
The only difference between them is what they feel like
During the day, it's an exhausting throb
It's an insomniac wanting to sleep, but not being allowed
It's a throbbing sadness, constantly there and pressing on my emotions
During the night, it's an empty lonliness
It's an empty emotion where you feeling everything and nothing
It's lonely because there is no one there
Nothing except the sadness
So the answer to your question,
Is it depends on what it feels like

When you see my scars
You think that if you say 'i'm sorry'
And help me
And that when I get better
They will disappear
But these scars won't disappear
And I don't want them to
Because they are my sign
That I have lived
That I am a warrior who has been in many battles
That I am a survivor from the devil's hands
They are my reminder
That I can go through hell and come back alive
So these scars may fade
But they will never disappear
And nor will I

He hid himself from the world
He would use women in the shadows of the moon
And then vanish at daylight
He did so, because he was scared
Of becoming attached
Of becoming bonded with a woman
And then he did
Maybe it had been accidental
But he had opened up to her
And now they're married and have kids
But he still is terrified
Because if he ever lost her
His world would tumble around him
And the ashes in the sky would remind him of his loss
Now everyday he lives in the emotions of joy and fear
Joyful for his wonderful life
And fearful of losing his one true love

I've slowly been losing you for awhile now
After you died, I could still here your voice in my head
Slowly it began to fade
The voice becoming weaker and weaker
Day by day it disappeared
Now your face is fading too
The only thing keeping it in place is the pictures I have left
And the memories that always bring back tears
It breaks my heart
Because you are my everything
And I can't lose you yet
Not yet
I still need to see your face to calm down
It's hard enough to not hear your soothing voice
But I need to picture your face in my mind
Otherwise I'm lost

Why do we romanticize suicide?
Because it's not something that should be romanticized
Because when you read poems
They make it sound like such a peaceful way to go
Just swallow a few pills, it'll be like falling asleep
Just slip down in the bath, just think.  It'll last for eternity
I mean it sounds so calming, right?
And that's not right
And it defenitley isn't helping
It isn't helping the kids who are suicidal&self-harming;&depressed;
When they get on the internet,
the place they use as an escape,
and that's what they see
It sure didn't help me
So why do we do that?
Why do we make it sound so heavenly?
Because it's not!
It's blood on the bathroom floor forming around your emotionless face
It's puking in the toilet because you swallowed the whole medicine cabinet
It's mascara steining your cheeks because you've been crying for hours
It's your mom pounding on the door screaming for you to unlock it
It's your little brother visiting you because your not allowed home yet
Now does it sound pretty?
No, because suicide is not pretty

I wonder if you felt them too
The mix of sparks and butterflies
When we danced
I could feel fireworks in my fingertips
And a butterfly dance in my stomach
And I hope that you felt them too
Because they were magical
And I want to feel them again
Hopefully, I will soon
And maybe we will become more than what we are
Because I've never gotten shivers from a hug
And I've never wanted to see a face as much as I like seeing yours
And I'm intrigued to find out what this is
And when we were dancing
They couldn't have been just me
So tell me you could feel them too