How can you stop
yourself from falling
when there's nothing
holding you back?

beautiful eyes, beautiful smile
beautiful heart, beautiful mind
beautiful name, beautiful self

those things i need them the most
those things i need to own them
for myself
and only for me

i’ve never said i love you
i’ve always been saying that i hate you
all because i don’t understand
my heart, my feelings

i pray to god every night
banging on his door
begging him on my knees
“i want to be his friend”

i’ve never heard from him
yet you come to build me up
and then tear me up
just as fast as escape velocity

i kept calm
because i somehow know
that we’ll be fine
i’ll be fine

but then i heard from him
he said with his punch against my stomach
his tight grip around my neck, choking the air out of me

“no, young lady.
you shall suffer more.
i will give you someone
someone you’ve never expected
to step on your bleeding injury.”

GIFT OF GOD,
do you know what i’ve been through?
do you know how it feels to be left behind without knowing the why?
do you know how it feels to see you pretending not to know me?
do you know how it feels to know that someone else has fallen for you?

do you know why on earth i keep on holding you?
embracing every memories that i have about us?
because life back then was simple
until you said your last goodbye.

do you know why there is this thing called pain?

because you keep on reaching out for something that you can’t reach

because you keep on thinking if maybe he did this because of that so you will always thing there still is probability

because you keep on letting the memory that you hold on to so tightly alone in your heart and mind playing all of those beautiful memories that ever happened

then, who creates pain?

you did.

You’re pretending not to know me
You’re saying you did that out of pity

I’ve got every single reason to hate you
But why can’t I?
I’ve tried a hundred thousand times to hate you
But at the end of the day, I’ll keep coming back to you

Why would you do such l
And then something inside me whispers
An almost-unheard voice
A voice from somewhere inside
“Because his ego is freaking high,” it whispers

You don't care about how my feeling is
You just want to hear whether your purpose's concealed

What is inside that heart I used to know?
What happened to your beautiful mind?
Why would you knife me?

My whole life,
I've been running,
I've been hiding,
I've been screaming,
Trying so hard to conceal my emotions

But with you by my side,
I can't do that anymore
All I can do is stop.

Why would you come to leave?
Why would you come to overturn everything that I've ever believed in?
Why would you come to forget?
Why would you come to eradicate?

How could you be such an **** to me?

And then I realize the answer:
Because I don't  m a t t e r .

There is this boy
The boy whom you're always telling your stories to
The boy who listens to you always
The boy whom you don't actually know

There is this boy
The boy who is my best friend's older brother
The boy who keeps telling her sister about what his best friend said
The boy who is actually the same person that you know

But you don't know that fact

Why?

Because you're too blinded
To see that boy running in circles
Just to make sure that you and him are okay

You don't like me, I get that
You don't wanna stand by me, I get that
You don't love me, I get that too
I totally get everything you're doing to me

But you're pretending not to know me,
there is where I lose my mind.