Why do I always want to photograph
The flowers when they aren't in bloom
Why do I always crave the Suns heat
When all that's out is the moon

The same goes for you
When you are here it's like I barely care
But if you're there
I need you here with me

And why is it that when I'm far from you
You are close to me
And when I finally am next to you
Your mind is overseas

With some man you met
When you were away from me
I just want us to lock eyes
And feel our heartbeats rise

I want to be endlessly entangled with you
But that can never be
If you are close when I'm far
And I'm no where near when you're here

So maybe if we break our fingers
We won't have to feel the passion in our hands embrace
And maybe if we stop sleeping with hope in our hearts
We won't wake to miss the taste

The taste of what we were
And what we want to be
But what we will never be
Is who we were

For myself, I cannot speak
Only its words seep through clenched teeth
I can feel it,
Crawling its way towards my lungs
Choking me from within
I'm left screaming in the darkness
And this demon does not listen
Alone; caged in my own mind
Forced to watch
As it slowly destroys my life
Separating my corporal form
From the only world I've ever known,
"It's easier this way,
to make your body my new home"
I've become a vessel for the devil
While my soul sits, tormented day and night
There will be no rescue mission,
All hope is lost to me
**I have become the monstrosity

i spent four years of talk therapy and pills and guidance trips and hurting myself  to learn happiness is a choice and maybe i spent too much time being sad to realize the world around me; you hurt me so i hurt myself and the scars have faded but you have not; i’ve been scared to tell the majority of my friends about my problems because i’m afraid they’ll leave and see me as just another burden; i’m finally starting to feel okay and maybe the earth isn’t as scary as i made it out to be; sometimes i wake up and the sun shines on my fragile body and i’m happy to be alive; though sometimes i get really bad and i feel so alone and i forget all the coping devices i have learned; i know i’m going to be okay; i have so many supportive people in my life; i’m not completely okay again but maybe i will be soon; i cant get bad again i cant get bad again i wont get bad again i cant i ******* can’t;

your words,
they have the power
to rattle around in my head.
but your silence,
that has far more power.
the power to rip apart my ribcage.
extract energy from my body.
force waterfalls from my eyes.
and spill worries from my mind.
i'd prefer your harsh words
over your unspoken words.

Make that empty heart red
Don't leave it sad and grey
It takes one click you know
To make the rest of my day

Loneliness is pages splayed across the bed
It is clutching the empty space beside me
Writhing in agony, knowing very well
You're not there

Loneliness is having my blood run cold,
My feet solidly planted to the ground
Every time I hear the unfamiliar ring
Of my (prosaic) name

Loneliness is basking in the sweet but transient
Moments of companionship, when your supple
Lips brush mine (and sparks flit down my back)
Knowing they will soon be relics

Loneliness is donning heavy, splotched clothes
Sodden from last night's tears and broken memories
It is having your mind plagued with yesterday
*Loneliness decays your today