maybe if i make myself useful,
you will feel the love i've had for you;
one that i've been keeping solely in my head.

i do not have the patience of a god,
yet i find myself waiting yet again.

i do not have the patience of a god,
but when you return with tears in your eyes,
my arms are open wide—
heart willing, though it aches again—
ready to hold you close once more.

i do not have the patience of a god, no,
but i do think i have the patience of a flower.

i do not think you notice,
too busy in your own mind.
for once, i was a blooming daisy,
so welcoming, so bright—
day after day. week after week.

i do not think you saw me,
for the lily petals that once were brilliant
had curled and wrinkled into an ugly shade of brown,
and the daffodil petals scatter on the ground,
leaving nothing but a twisted, wilted stem.

i do not think i have the patience of a god,
though i think i was given a heart like a god.  
for i still love you, painfully,
like thorns on a rose.

and though i may have a love like a god,
the rest of me is still
so stupidly human.

please don’t come back this time.

though if you do,
i will open my arms again.

And when the darkness comes
I'll remember this moment.
Where we held out our hearts
& filled them with faith-

hopeful,

To
    be
        free.

Light melts across the gilded field
sunbeams through holes in a cloud
silently across your face, rays yield
shadows cast off their shroud

A dewy kiss warms morning thoughts
of a lover's raw embrace
desires twisted up in knots
yearnings will unlace

Lay me down on a clover sea
and a honeysuckle bed
gentle breezes wash over me
flowing like water instead

Wet lips entwined with hunger
gives way to beating hearts
our fingertips do linger
panting breaths depart

So lay with me on this bed of gold
blowing kisses in my ear
a golden field for my love to hold
darling, let's stay right here

I’m sorry for looking
like a stormy night
when you saw me tonight

I know, I know you didn’t notice  
the trail of blood you left behind
after we stopped speaking

I admit, I’m half glad
that you let me fade
with all my yearnings

You still exist in my dreams,
and for years I couldn’t escape
your gaze even with my eyes closed

I know, I know I can never have you
Even if you gently twist me in
your arms, and forget to let go

The distance between us doesn’t
bruise my heart any longer,
I’m already out of sight

But I still secretly pray for
all this dark water, and the two
of us simply speaking again

Desperate, so agonisingly glutted with yearning,
Yearning to hear my voice and to know that it resounds,
So roundly that I am all at once myself, And so much myself that I remember my eyes,
My eyes that have long been forgotten in cruel glass.
Cruel, cruel glass! I have long been abandoned, and long been a veil,
But such a thin veil that always would wane,
It's falling slowly now, like a prophecy fulfilled,
Get ready to see, get ready to be seen.

I felt the light die in my womb
& I wanted him more than I wanted you

Bled out on my side of the bed
Whilst you laid down your languorous head

You turned to me once, crying out and said,
"Stop" and at once I did.