All my life I have kneeled down at your altar
Sacrificing my innocence and self worth
A lamb who's blood would gain me favor
"the Father, from whom are all things and for whom we exist"
Yes, I worshipped you like a God I was afraid of
Old Testament wrath brewed in our home
And I readied myself to **** what I loved
As Abraham would, as sheep do for their shepherds
For I knew my creator loved me, and called me love
"For he disciplines those he loves, and he punishes each one he accepts as his child. "
By the stripes inflicted upon me I would be freed
Of this shame and unworthiness you bestowed

But it turns out "Father" does not mean "God"
Sometimes it just means "alcoholic"
Sometimes discipline just means abuse
My faith is now placed in me, and the God that made us both.

Rolling dice in the garden of eden
Take chances so my heart will keep beatin
Got a bad hand but I'm still goin all in
Greed and avarice is my choice of sin

Gold chains are what I want  choking my throat
A sinking feeling on a sailing boat
Need gratification to stay afloat
Feelin sick I'm greener than my banknotes

Take risks play games with my life for a chance
My life interwoven with my finance
Paper and tokens have me entranced
Material things have me romanced

Things always there when I reach for em
Name your price and ill hit the atm
Ask for my soul and its no problem
Losin blood, sweat, and tears its no problem

Love can be bought
Friends can be bought
People can be bought
Rights can be bought

Money and chance is what I call god
I have lived life committing fraud
When life is so deeply flawed
You have to make your own god

Worship something in a sea of nothing
Statistic and chance the sweet nothing
Of something intangible feels so loving
Imaginary value and numbers my calling

‪I am no woman of god, but watching you fall sleep is a religious experience‬

I am no believer in the afterlife, but I’ll end this lifetime just to know you all over again in another

I am not of strong faith, but before you my entire soul kneels

I am no Greek goddess, but I will drink every last bit of you until you flow like ichor in my veins

‪And I am no temple, no mosque nor church, but call me your sanctuary and lay your prayers unto me‬

‪You know I am no holy woman, but with you, I never want to be one‬

you kissed the crevices of my body like I was something holy
no one's ever worshiped my scars like that
but you knelt down to them like they were sacred
I wanted to drown all of my skin in you

My mother she was one with palms pressed
                                                Asking for help..
Help to feed us,
Help to keep her afloat.

You listened, wait what was that?
                                     you didn't...
Na you played her, used her trust
in you like a torment, she looked to
the heavens and all you gave was hell..

Men were  less than what she saw,
but always too late.
            Married in your place
                                         of every prayer.
But you just kept knocking her down there.

Last time I went to church was
                    because there was free chocolate.
You see with me, my mother grasped  at
straws. She went from one form of you
to another like a ****** clinging to a new fix.

But you were just like before, same old ****,
                 different day...
I knew long before you weren't one to be trusted?
Why you ask? Because there where ones before you..
                      I read your book in the fantasy section.
This thing needed a
                    
                           Parental Guidance Sticker.

Some contorted morals, thrown in with what
                  can be only described as a  WFT's.
I knew that those at these places of worship
                   peddling there own version of this god..
Didn't believe there own words, so why the hell
would I be gullible enough to be a sheep in there world.

The last time I went to church,
                                         was for free chocolate.
                                    The last time she went was in a coffin..

I prayed that you find hope inside disaster

I prayed that if disaster struck
at least maybe you learn from the inevidable

I prayed for the power to protect you
I prayed to forgiven; I failed

I prayed that I would stop worshiping you as if you hailed from the sky

I prayed to those unknown deities
I prayed they would stop taunting me with you

I prayed that maybe I would stop making wishes for you
I prayed that I would not care as much about you

I prayed that angles would stop playing tricks
I prayed their soft tongues and laughing frames would stop placing their creations upon my path like golden gifts on display

but I am on my knees and sitting still
praying that I would stop worshiping you

(you are a blessing
that I've been condemned to)



amen