Sometimes I think of long lace hemlines, following a trail of white petals

and tree branches arching to form a dome,

sunlight dappling the green leaves like stained glass in a cathedral

But that’s not what I dream of.

Instead, I dream of black nights that turn into dim mornings

where we crowd the couch

And you play your guitar while we sing, voices cracking

and when we look at each other with blood-shot eyes,

we can’t help but laugh.

I dream of rain slapping our skin when we run, arm in arm, for cover,

my jeans are soaked, I shake from the cold, but your hands are warm

I dream of alarms ringing in the apartment, smoke billowing from the pan,

Because I burned the eggs again, the steam and smell of soap and grease

when I scrub the pan and make toast instead–

and you insist you don’t care—

but I make up for it with coffee later.

I dream of long trips, arms out the window and arguing over who’s going to drive

or who gets the radio station this time

because I’m tired of your folksy rock and you really,

really don’t want to listen to Beyonce

but we both do it anyway.

If I dream of a white dress, it has stains from the coffee we shared.

If I dream of petals, they’ve been drenched by rain and torn and trampled by our dancing.

Don’t tell me what I dream of isn’t beautiful because it’s messy and flawed.

For a thing of joy is a thing of beauty forever.

That this world is full of sparkles and magic if you’d only look up
It’s not all bar charts and logic and predictable outcomes
Sometimes, things, don’t go how we thought they would
And sometimes it’s true they go even better
I know it’s crazy talk
You think it’s logical that I won’t find a love that will want to marry me
And that it’s even more illogical to think they’d want to sing Joshua Radin’s  “One and Only” with me
And even more ludicrous still to think I’d be able to learn and play the Ukulele during it
And I’m here to tell you
It is logical to think that maybe I’ll fall in love with a girl who loves me back
That she might want to sing with me at a wedding of ours
And that I can learn an instrument
Law of big numbers says so

Roman candles aren’t always lit on the Fourth of July
Sometimes it’s New Year’s Eve
Sometimes it’s the tingle in your spine when a kid jumps off a swing at the peak of their pendulum
Sometimes it’s gunpowder and colored sparks
But other times it’s hormones and spring and eyelashes
I know the world is safer when we do cost benefit analyses of our Friday night options
I know if we all acted like insurance adjusters that we’d never get hurt
Did you know if you go outside right now and look up, you won’t see the Milky Way

I am Aladdin, I have a carpet, and I know where the magic is
I know how to cast levitation spells
Have you ever turned a rock over just to see the bugs run
Ever kissed a stranger just to see if maybe that love at first sight thing was real
I dare you to take a left when you always turn right and see what the world brings you
Maybe you’ll run out of gas, sure, maybe
But maybe you’ll find a bench
Or an old woman who needs help across the street
Or the best photo opportunity you’ve ever seen

Shirk a responsibility for me will ya and play tag with a firefly
There are waterfalls worth chasing
Love is one of them
Laughter is another
Fear can be sometimes
Friendship is always one

Magic is everywhere
It’s on Wednesday night meetings of old strangers at the pub
It’s the first time you hold their hand
It’s a falling star, just the one you saw, in the whole sky
That you never would’ve seen if you stayed home
Go find it
Open your heart to the world
Close your eyes if it helps you see
Magic is logical
If magic wasn’t everywhere we wouldn’t have poems
Or songs
Or Disney
Or a hotel made entirely of ice in some far away country
It’s not so hard to find if you look for it

I’ve got one
A simple one
No risk
No cost
Can’t hurt anything
Won’t miss nothing
Go outside tomorrow
Right during sunset
Don’t worry about the sun or the horizon
Leave your cell phone at home
I know, the horror
Find a stop light
Look at it
Keep looking at it
Stare
Just a little longer
Look for it
The magic
It’s as quick as a flicker
You’ll know it when you see it
Here’s a hint: it starts with a spark
It’s over in a moment so don’t look away
After that it’ll just go back to a stop light you’ll never think twice about
But for a moment it will have been the best stop light in the world
Better than all those fancy New York City stop lights
Pretentious *******
Because you were under it
Because you watched it come alive
Or maybe just because you wanted it to be

Sure life can be a ***** sometimes
And thinking ahead can save a lot of turmoil
Oh but what’s a boat ride if the sailing is smooth
Certainly isn’t a story worth telling
And I want my life to be a story worth telling

That moment when I’m at the wedding I didn’t give up looking for
Where the flowers are my colors
The center pieces my dream come true
On a stool next to my wife on a stool singing a silly love song to our family
I won’t be thinking yeah, you’re right, it was illogical to keep looking for this
I’ll be twisting, turning, free wheeling
I’ll be surrounded with shimmers and sparkles
I’ll be Wingardium Leviosa-ing all over that dance floor
And the cost benefit analysis of looking harder for what I really wanted
Will look like my middle fingers doing the hustle in matching velour suits

Stop worrying about what might happen
Start dreaming about what might happen

Look out, beware,
Watch it, take care!
Don't enter that church, dumb *******!
You'll end up right little witches,
Depends if you get a dud,
Don't accept such crud,
It's not your accountability,
For so called men's inadequacies,
Make it his problem, not yours,
Weddings can lead to divorce,
So don't go in that church, dumb *******!
You'll end up right little witches!

Little blue lace,
I wore on my wedding day.
It represented my grandma
In every single way.

How she loved sowing
A little lace on everything.
I remember the lovely melodies
Her Singer could sing.

My wedding dress was naked
Without a little lace.
So my something old, new,
Borrowed and blue was represented with grace.

-ZvZ-

We've got the wedding bin blues,
Reception Centres should have been sued,
Plastic chicken and phony food,
"Why did you marry me?" we rued,
This is the first wives' club,
Half were in the pudding club,
The orange appliances survived,
Half the exes aren't alive!
Reception Centres should have been sued,
We've got the wedding bin blues!!!

Here comes the bride
Proud down the aisle;
If she knew what I know
She wouldn't smile.

Here comes the groom
Such a handsome gent;
But I know his secret
He's warped and he's bent.

(Refrain)
Fountains of beauty
Such a handsome pair;
I hope someone told them
To wash their ***** hair.

There stand the couple -
See them plight their troth
Shall I tell you something?
I've had them both.

There stands the priest,
Dressed like a swell;
He's nothing special:
I've ****** him as well.

(Refrain)
May blessings from Heaven
Downwards descend;
But don't let the best man
Catch you if you bend.

**(Final Chorus)
Here comes the bride
Legs open wide
She's no vestal ******
As I think I have implied.

The tradition of marriage,
Bourgeois blackmail and baggage,
Is it all a bargain for men?
Is this what white weddings meant?
All the love that is lost,
And what is the ultimate cost?
A divorce court pizza,
Magistrate smirks like Mona Lisa,
Four corners, one for each,
Dog gets the crust, if it can reach,
Cats get the anchovies,
Were white weddings for phonies?
When is the revolution?
Blancmange brides for pollution,
Bridesmaids-Little Bo Peeps on crack,
Does society cut us some slack?

We joined the bourgeoisie,
All ends in tears and hypocrisy.

Old Betsy is my shotgun and she's something that men end up dreading.
When my daughters get pregnant, Old Betsy is responsible for shotgun weddings.
When men impregnate my daughters, they try to run.
But Old Betsy stops them, she's one hell of a shotgun.
When one man tried to run, Old Betsy put holes in both of his **** cheeks.
He married my daughter and he couldn't sit down for about twelve weeks.
I give the men two choices, marry my daughters or be buried.
When I point Old Betsy at them, they choose to get married.
I make men do right by my daughters because I'm their Pa.
Because of Old Betsy's influence, I now have eight Sons-in-law.

In my dreams,
You look just like your mother.
Your curly locks bounce softly against the summer breeze,
And your face is flushed with hope.

In my dreams,
I see you in a sparkling white gown.
Your gentle arm around mine.
Tears flowing from our eyes.

In my dreams,
You bring meaning to a sad life.
Anger and desperation do not touch you.
Golden forever, golden for me.

In my dreams,
...you'll remain for eternity.
The countless whys and ifs
Do not do you justice.

I'm sorry-
Love, Daddy