Feelings,
they can **** everything up.
Whether they're good or bad
if you cant control them,
they'll always be bad.
They'll find a way to make
someone look too weak, or
too vulnerable, or too strong.
In a world where we're not given
the space to be too anything.
Here, being balanced is key,
or so we're told.
And what that statement does
to someone like me who feels
everything so profoundly is:
it makes us numb.
Numb to sadness & numb to happiness.
It doesn't allow us to
feel anything to the full extent;
leading us to eventually become
emotionally unavailable.
Robots.
Heartless.
All because we've been taught
to look for balance
where balance doesn't exist.

Have you ever choked, while crying?
Well, I have, everyone has........ maybe
But what if it isn't the tears
choking you down to death
What if its actually your soul
resisting anymore hurting
Or, what if its actually the fear
The fear of vulnerability
The fear of ending up helpless
Yeah! that's my and maybe everyone's mightiest fear
But what if it's certain
that we all have to go through the worst times
And what if it's certain too
that we'll get better, one day
But what if it's not
What if nothing is certain
And you may have to go through the worst
before that "better" actually comes.

What if everything is just an illusion
and you are the illusionist
Illusionist of your own fears and what ifs.

Honestly, I'm feeling a little blue
At least I know my feelings were true.
But you sat there and made me choose between my morals and you.
And in the end you came out victorious,
while i'm the one feeling *******.
And though it's what I wanted from the beginning,
the saddest part is
I learned the real you ...

~
i am vulnerable,
stripped back to nothing;
i am a raw and open human nerve with
no way to keep out the world
oh its just how i feel
~

This is the face of god
Craven and loud, pay him his due.
He loves gold.
He smiles in silver. Shiny and metal.
Dig it up and serve it to him,
He put it there for you to find.
He does love hide and seek.
Taa – daa, surprise,
You owe him more money.

Poison reliquary to dammed Cardboard hearts
Seeing in black walk to the shade
Crimson hands cake an obsidian bible
But if you need me I’ll be there
The priest protests
Less fire more drowning
in water
Can you smell the **** of god?
Accept his unnatural communion.
Eat the paper skin
And drink the cheap corner shop wine
What a life. What a god.