How did it start you might ask?
  The story began when I was 16.

  She knew just how to manipulate
me & so did Tim.
This was also the age I lost my
virginity to him.

Lured toward the lust I felt inside.
Which was why I had so much PRIDE.
She dated me & some other guy.
All along I was just her backup plan.

Keep in mind, I was a 10th grader in High School.
Going out to parties, smoking a bunch of cigarettes & ****.
Nothing mattered. Which left me feeling more alone than I ever did.
Didn't get the privilege to walk down the aisle with the rest of my classmates.

Expelled.

How can God forgive a misfit such as me?
How undeserving I was. Rebellion.

Plenty of drugs & clubs - my personal
favorite was Pulse Night Club.
Who was I when I wasn't with women?

This was my life for 10 years.

Later on, I watched a spoken word video
called Jesus > Religion.
For a moment it clicked, or so I thought.
Evidently realizing I was a religious fraud.

Once upon a time, I was among the dead.
Now I am fully alive in Yeshua.
I may never forget, even if He already has.
As far as the East is from the West.

  Relentlessly pursuing me in my brokenness.
He has made me whole & new again.

I urge you to pick-up your cross.
The battle has already been won.

It's a vehement compassion,

The kind where you miss it,

You crave it.

You want it.

You need it,

A fire that awakens a fervid beast inside of you,

That weakens at the sight of you bare.

Your hands holding mine,

Caressing,

Lingering.

Your lips against mine,

Tender,

And fore bearing.

But your heart is elsewhere,

Your mind is elsewhere.

Your heart is stirring my insides,

Touching me,

Loving me,

Devouring me.

Your mind is thinking about where you want me,

Where you need me,

Where all of me is open to you.

To take.

And we are bound,

Though not bound by love,

That same night;

You broke me.

Two lines converged but
Before our strides lined up as we entered
I had made up my mind
Before our entrance
And he had made up his mind too
Though in this matter
He had no right

Were I a selfish woman
Or a woman at all
It would not have mattered how little unselfish kindness he was made of
For I would not have given way to his want
I would have known the value of the secret garden I possessed within
Of no value to anyone but myself
But of value to me like a splash of paint to a yet uncolored canvass

However I was not a woman
I was without firm identity
I was, most importantly, selfless.
And when a selfish wish
Is paired with a selfless heart
A black hole is formed
Which rips the self of one
Invisibly away.
And so when he asked
Though he had no right
I gave over my self
Which is to say autonomy
To the black hole
And as a woman now, I am incomplete

The nature of society hates
virginity.