It seems no matter what I do I cannot control my words
And the stories I have grown on my own are hesitant to be told
I feel a block is in my throat
And a numbness in my hands
And the only thing that grows is the frustration toward this blandness
Rigorous in searching this I've found myself no release
And I scream
I scream
I scream for me to find words that I believe
My anger reaves more than I think
I can't find a ******* break and no one can ******* see
Don't you find beauty in my unraveling?
In a mind swallowed by the sea?
Am I capturing the picture well enough for you to be a part of me
I hope you see
I hope you scream
And scream
And scream until you understand the feelings that I cannot help but be
I do not do this for amusement
I don't do it for you
I don't do it for praise
Or for you to find truth
I do it to avoid release in my youth
From a rope
Or a gun
Or a bus on the move
I DON'T DO THIS FOR AMUSEMENT
But boy is it fun
I DON'T DO THIS FOR YOU
But I want you around
I DON'T DO THIS FOR PRAISE
But I love the sound
I DON'T DO THIS FOR THE TRUTH
But it's something I've found
So I scream
And scream
And scream until I write these dreams down

i had to grow up knowing i'd always be asked where my father was or something to that degree and ive always dreaded the question "where is your father" because i have to say i dont know when i do because hes a ******* lowlife with nothing but beer to his name and yet i cant help but fantasize this perfect father son playing catch friendship but i know thats not possible because he doesnt give enough of a **** and when he rarely pulls his head out of his *** and tries to be a dad it renews my faith only for it to be crushed again when i'm looking at his red face after the 4,000th reassurance thats he's trying to stop but he's never going to try to be a dad and he never does anything but those fantasies of love always make me love him and its just ******* terrible

Self healing is amazing.
Sometime I rather dream forever and never wake up.
What matters to me is what I can not see.
Just like oxygen love is vital.
Seems too often love is idle.
I see myself adjust to ways or games I thought I'd never play.
In retrospect I was already liquified dope
Easy to follow, but then I knew sorrow
When I vent and repent it is usually rare
It is not a coincidence when our emotions bleed bare
Stay aware of the masks that we all tend to wear
I never experienced a nightmare
Who is scared of what the night shares?
Were all connected now spiritually and through the internet, so stay alert and never fumble to negative interceptions
Electric relaxation is a humble connection
Perception is a trip because I never seen my self
Crazy who I think I am I'm not to someone else
Serene, for the moments
Steady, on an orbit whirl
Self healing is amazing.
Ready for these foreign worlds.

I wish I liked nice guys, but I always fall for the ******.

my throat is dry,
my eyes are wet.
my heart is broken,
and my arms are ******.
my hands are shaking, in tune with my voice.
I cannot understand why I was the one who was chosen to be tortured in this life.
abuse, addiction, and abandonment
have all touched me somehow on my short time here on earth.
I wish to fly away and never look back,
this place is not home.
I never can feel comfortable, or calm.
I am constantly worried or in pain
and I am SICK of this current ******* LIFE I was so unmercifully given.
so **** the people who have hurt me,
I will show them how much stronger I am than they shall ever be.
I will finish this life , one way or another.
I will prove to people that even through the pain and darkness, there can and WILL be light!!!

Overdone rituals and the burden of traditions.
Peer pressure and annoying gossip prevailing above reason and reality.
The unwarranted compulsion of academic excellence, with no acceptable compromise!

Our rotten society and it's cruel, cruel judgment!
Living in a body, no, it's a cage--
Craving acceptance in isolation--

The cage became a cave
And eventually, the door shut.

It got so dark inside,
I could only see black...
I was sick of it!
Frustration rising to the point of retardedness!
Angry! So very ANGRY!
I wanted to defeat it,
This darkness on the inner side.
So bad, the ache for reprieve was getting worse!
So desperate!
For a way out...

Then, inspiration struck!
And a melody chimed its way in.
With the clock going tick tock
I imagined a chocolate block;
And I ate my way out!

*I've never bothered with their rules again.

I don't like any girl that could steal you away. Because she's there and I'm here.
She'll fall in love with you,
because how could she not.
First your skin should have ownership of (painting permanent pictures with needles)
and then the bits within.

every friday, i put on makeup
i think it looks good
with eye shadow and just the right amount of nail glitter
i can look like
golden royalty, an azure fairy, a lime snake-kid

but

every friday, i get a second train of thoughts
i think i look not-as-good
with a thinner face and less prevalent raven-feathers under my eyes
i could look better
**why don't i look better