Maybe you are the reason why things are still undecided...

I am at that moment.
I have either finished something amazing,
or begun something amazing.
Or wait... am I in the middle of something amazing?
Does anything truly ever end
or are we always adding to a continuous string of adventures.
Even when something has finished, we still talk about it.
We still relive those feelings and emotions trying to retrieve them again
or never again.
Each adventure is unique but it is all connected.
We connect them with other times we have had and other people we know.
Nothing is singular and nothing stands alone.
So when I say I am beginning my journey, I am really adding on to the past I already know and want to change.
I would not be on this path if I didn't know the other road.
So I will continue on and my story is going to be a great one.

I'm in love

with the air
flowing through my fingers
never to grab
never to let go

the feeling of freedom
accompanies me as my hand is outstretched
going 50 down I40
i never want this to end

I'm in love

with the way the music flows
from the radio
bass vibrating my bones
sound waves caress my face
they make me smile

like you used to.

My eyes are to the sky
Staring for life
Eyes are fixed
To affirm your love that’s rife
I want that thumbs up
That will assure my future
I need a renewed faith
For our love to permanently suture
It truly would be wonderful
If we both were slaked
Forever making each other’s hearts happy
And heal the parts that have ached
My time and love has been in vain before
Because of life’s unfair mirage
But if I get the thumbs up
You’ll get more than a corsage

Love* and Hate is what I feel
I love you as a friend
I hate you as a human
All else is ambivalent

I have told myself
To give up
Yet what is this?
A feeling that is welling up in my being

A voice
You* can save him, it says

But what if I cant?
What if it turns out just like before?
I cant take the same risk
And do the same mistakes

I'm terrified
The history is my greatest fear
For it made me feel excruciating pain

Now, I'm asking you
Are you willing to accept me
As the one to escort you
Towards the world I've come to know
That will surely somehow
Make you feel so free

Because I'm already so CONFUSED
You've been taking me inside an endless whirlpool

I don't know what I'm feeling anymore.

He loves me,
     so why can't I let myself love him too?
     What's holding me back?
And he says he loves me too,
     so why am I so wary of his love, and often
     left feeling unfulfilled and deserted?
I don't love me right now,
     and when I look in the mirror
     I don't recognize this person
     in front of me anymore.

My nights are filled with
     stolen kisses and
     drunken ***,
     yet I'm always left alone
     at the end of it.
And it's then, when I'm
     lonely and tearful
     that I question everything,
     most of all
                           myself.

It feels like chaos
Rolling through my veins
Torn between love and hate
Memories crash the senses

What to do now?
How do you live a life un-lived
How do you move on
not regret, not desire
Wishing for a do-over

Time passes looking for relief
Fleeting moments of memory loss
Life continues In motions of happiness

The pain, the loss, the desire and obsession
It's not about him
Missing a love that was a facade
So fooled and so amazing.