Her smile brings his dark skies sunshine
Her eyes pull the tides back to the shoreline
Like the sea to the moon, he kept gravitating
He thinks of her her not me but her

He smiles that secret smile and I know he’s smitten
Blame it on the love bug, he said; he’s been bitten
Would’ve been a fairy tale happy ending
If I was her her can I be her

Her warm embrace thaws his stone cold heart
I’d know, coz he and I are same from the start
As I stay trapped in our past, she changed him for the better
She’s his salvation, and he loves her her her

I hoped and prayed that I be worthy
Of his mind and heart, not his folly
But a garden **** like me can never make him happy
If I was him, I won’t look at another

I’d choose her her always her

Sleepless, congested, thoughts a blur
Now through the haze I see a maze–
Wandering paths that tease
but never lead to you.
Are these imaginations of your love
just a fevered dream,
conjured by my weakened mind
to feed this ravenous lust
ever aflame for your heart?
Even as I’m slipping on the edge of sleep
my heart and mind plunge deep
Into the aching longing felt for you.
Then the questions:
Do you despise or fear me?
Are you indifferent or disgusted
learning my desire?
Why do you hide yourself from me?
Perhaps my intensity drives you away?
Could it yet be that somewhere deep deep down
inside the smallest darkest pocket of your heart
you’ve tucked away and buried
a pulsing breathing love still felt for me?
Undying…yes, I think this might be the truth
that frightens you
hiding in the depths of this dizzying maze
eluding my desire,
eluding discovery
blocking me from knowing
whether that crushed love
Remains.

Oh life,
Are you listening?
Let me answer—
Please, let me answer.

Answer my last because,
Not as a hero,
But—
As a puppet with broken strings,
Hanging with wings in a void,
Filled with joy
Of lost flings.

Are you listening?

I feel you every night,
With you in me—
But nowhere near.
Without you, I vanish,
A shadow faded here.

Let the ages of ages get angry,
That’s not what matters.
Only what matters…
Is you.
Only and only you.

Oh life,
You are listening, na?

A storm hit me—
Changed me,
Made me,
Broke me,
Gave me everything…
So it could take everything from me.

But still,
Every night I pray to be with you—
Live with you,
Laugh with you,
Cry with you,
Grow with you,
And live one dream with you.

This is because…
It’s hard to hold the one you crave,
The one your heart would
Die to save.

Oh life—
Am I right?

I built a garden in my chest
with things you never said—
planted hopes in rows of maybes,
where your silence softly spread.

I watered it with almosts,
trimmed the silence like vines,
taught the leaves to chase the light
you never said was mine.

But nothing real grew—
just a heart dressed up as soil,
soft enough to cradle you,
but never meant to spoil.

You were the seed that never stayed,
the wind that kissed, then flew.
And I — the ground where you once rested,
but never rooted you.

The trees still hold your spirit,
drifting on the river,
floating on the wind.
This world is still ours.

This world of rocky streams,
and muddy hills,
and dirt paths with fallen leaves,
still belongs to us both,
and that hurts more than anything else.

My friends giggled and said,
"She's falling in love,"
and I'd laugh along,
but now I know the truth.

This is not falling.
This is being pushed off a bridge,
down, down, down into a chasm,
that smells and looks and feels like you,
aches of you-
and knowing that you don't want me like this.

Not as a classmate,
not as an acquaintance,
not as a friend,
not as a lover-
Not even as a person.

I think that hurts most of all.

autumn tears...
  falling for you
    all over again

we’re just friends
 in the present tense
        making amends
     like cracks filled
          with silence

tears of yesterday
    still
      water my lawn
  i’ve been banking on a love
    that never matured
          just an emotion
            on loan

tell me—
  do you rest your hand
    under your chin
         like I did
             when you’re alone?

sharp edges
    on my mind
           but it feels
             pointless to forget you

to accept you
  is to accept
            not having you at all

the drink of your love
            I could never finish—
              you were
                too tall

too much
  too deep
     too far

you poured yourself
    out for me
  and I drank
    greedy

we kissed
  like language
    like memory

and I felt the shiver
        escape your pores

so why
    can’t I
          escape your love?