Crush are the sounds of my heart—
When you are tearing it apart.


Crush are the sounds of my tear—
When you are not being near.


Crush are the sounds of my voice—
When you said I am here just to fill the void.


How could you love me?
Is this just an act of kindness?
When someone who should love me
Only love me if I am being good enough for them?


Am I good enough for your love?
Am I worth your love, time, and kindness?

Darling I—


Who are you?
How could you love me?
Someone that broken beyond repair?


Can you see it now?
The despair I hold on to myself
Like the sound of someone crush the wildflower beneath their foot with hatred.


Crush

Oh, there she goes again, stopping by your heart
It's not long till you'll want another start
The pain resides within you, you try to get away
But how can you, when your soul is saying "stay"?

You know it's wrong, it'll end badly
But she's got you on a hook wrapped around so tightly

How do you remove someone from your life in vain
If every stone from your path shouts their name.
It's like a parasite, an illness without a cure
So you try and try again just to be sure

I can't compete with her, no I wouldn't dare
For your eyes draw a love that doesn't compare,
But if I did, would I be the winner in such fight?
Or would I be the villain, two crossed out words in this path that feels "just right"?

Do I let that invisible string intertwine my brains
And feel the pain linger as it flows through my veins?
No,
The door is halfway open, window's completely gone,
I try and try again but for the love of god I can't move on

Compared your acne to constellations in the sky
The sun and moon to the gleam inside your eyes
So during every sunset, every night
I was always mesmerized, just looking at the light

Every laughter, every game, every joke you'd make
I cherished it cause I felt like it'd be the last memory I get to take
Never really asked myself why
But in a way, I wanted you to be mine

The eyes, the hair, the love is out of sight
Yet they reach my mind in the middle of the nigh
You say you like me, but not in the way that I want you to
I keep on waiting and waiting, oh what else am I to do?

So here I end my poem, but with a lot more to say
My kindest regards, to the one that got away.

It's a feeling that I can never
put my finger on,
to seize its power with a name.
It's that slight rhythmic delay
in conversations on the phone,
the footfall of our voices
constantly just out of step.
Moments that are almost inconsequential,
but I keep picking at them
in my mind
like the loose skin of a hangnail.
Thumbing at the thoughts
in a way you tell yourself is harmless.
Just a bit more...
Only in an instant, it's all irrevocably undone.
It's that bitter stone of doubt in your chest
when there's a full stop instead of an "x".
You can't help circling back
to that seed planted in your mind
earlier than you can ever remember,
that it's you - fundamentally,
objectively, intrinsically.
Against your own better judgement,
it's so easy to sink into the ruminations
of inadequacy and psychological self-flagellation.
How many more times must you feel this way?
It's so familiar that you can almost detach.
That every time you feel that sparkle of
human connection, of being wanted for a moment,
it's already waiting for you.
You already know it's inevitable.

My world has turned grey,
My soul is crying,
My heart is irreparably broken,
I thought you could be my cure,
A ray of sunshine
To light up my days.
I am sorry.
I know I need to let go,
And someday I will be able to.
You were something
You are not anymore,
While I’m the same as always
Pretending the past is still present.
My words are flat,
A decomposed body,
I lost the right way,
If I ever found it in the first place.
How to recognize
When you go from a prodigy
To a wilted flower?
I had always been invisible,
But banal?
A curse, sent by my
Worst enemy,
This is the only solution.
I lost my flame,
My lighthouse,
I feel like I lost you,
But you didn’t lose me.
Please, come back.

ruffle my hair and maybe i will fall asleep
do not strangle me for calls i forgot to return
because i will always do that
i must
i'll write love poems when i wake
and like i once did before
remind you that your lap is clouds pillow
i mean i know
that you do not know
how to make me feel those slippery chaotic feelings i make you feel
but do not love me like i do, i might hate it, love me just how you do
don't shy though
do not hold back, grab me, ***** me
or lull me, whisper to me, stab me maybe
how is all and any of that hard
do you like me more when i am insufficient?
for i can light myself into silver flames to do better
but i am tired

so let me just sit for now
breathe,
but i am afraid to knowingly breathe
what if i suddenly don’t know
what if i only can knowingly breathe
and i forget to


i like the windows open but i like the curtains closed
i like the curtains lifting slightly in the wind
i like the little i see through them than when it's open
i'd rather watch the world out as the curtain lifts for a few seconds