i miss the feeling
of being stuck
   on someone
   on something
   on anyone
   on anything.

i miss the ability
of feeling
    love
    hate
    anything that isn't emptiness.

i wonder,
how can i feel so trapped
here in this empty space

i wonder,
how can i be trapped
in nothingness

I just want to find my will to live.
Or maybe my will to leave.

I don't know anymore.

I know I should go.
I should stand up and leave this corner
Where I sit and do nothing but
Listen to the raindrops splattering down the roof
And feel my head throbbing with the need to rest.

How did I ever get so stuck?

Hopeful of life's graces
at the same time withered
and stuck at bay.
So I danced with the shadows;
played with cold snow.
Reached for the heavens
to rain patience into this tired heart.
For one sparkle, one smile or maybe one purpose;
but for now I go the mile.
Going on thinking
that maybe now isn't just the right time.
Though time was nothing but spiteful
always landing to something that isn't right.
out of desperation
of maybe's and might's
still hopeless and still lost
In the coldness of night.

We consume big and create little,
we like neat things instead of the mess.
Wake up in the middle of our lives to find
we only thought to buy more and pay less.

Attention to the price tag—Need
the hottest J's, the nicest bags.
Stupidly married to the common cents,  
we divorce from time and meaning spent.

With our friends and families, we are short.
Our support is digital. Our talk is report.
We don’t bother to calculate what they add;
high bandwidth and credit subtract the sad.

Truth is no longer requested offline;
we readily settle with others’ designs.
Two-Day shipping makes us smile,
for happiness we wait no while.

Energy,
Here it is not.
I struggle to
Keep my eyelids from touching,
And to focus on the information around me.
I am the old cat
Who can't remember
That it's in the process of being fed.
Read the same sentence again
And again.
I only feel awake when the
Moon and stars are high,
While the world around me buzzes
My eyes cross and blur.

I hate this depression ****.
I would always feel sad, fatigued, and unmotivated.
If I had a choice,
I would not choose this madness.

The want to die
Is more of a
Compulsion
Lack of
Motivation
Is telling me to go
To burn from the
Inside out
Like a marshmallow left to roast
This is no life for the
Morbid zombie
The lives in my soul
The need to stick
My head in the
Fiery pit of anger is
Overwhelming and I
Want to ravage the land
With drunken rage
And seductive eyes
And no I can't do this
I can't be sober
For too long
So I'll dive head first
In the ocean
And hope the current drags
Me out too deep to
Touch
Like me
I've lost touch